depression depression depression

Stop it.

Leave.

I is me and
you are you.
Seperate from identity
yet your lies root to my core.
I can't help but listen as
gravity gradually seems heavier
and
heavier.

You can feed on me
that's fine.
Distort my reality
and take my smile.
But you will never take my hope.

The endless source behind the
Truth
Of my soul.
You'll never cease the
I in me.

So form each woe,
but forever is my soul.
Endureth this universe.

Go ahead.

Take me.

depression depression depression

Your words were erased
through a sandalwood bridge.

This tranquil overlap breezed
subtle sonnets
within the absence
of my
embrace.

You should get an Abortion.

It's for the best.

Your life is a wreck,
and you shouldn't want to
invite a child into your mess.
You're eighteen and homeless.
That's too young
to deal with all of this.
You can barely keep a hold
of yourself,
A kid would just make it worse.
It's time to just accept that.*

Those words were once meant for you, mom.
But, for some reason
you didn't listen.
You ignored their logic
and chose to battle through the pain.

You didn't give up.  
You fought on.
Got a car, a job, an apartment,
and a way out
of all the things that controlled you.

You didn't give up.
You knew you could be a better person,
and a worthy parent.
Because instead of being
constrained to your past
You used each mistake as a lesson
that slowly started to give you strentgh.

You didn't give up.
You believed in yourself
When no one else did,
and formed your own
path which,
inch by inch,
lead you farther from your fears
and closer to that moment
when you were able to sit
in the auditorium
and watch me graduate with the words
Thank you Jesus
ringing in the back of your head.
(I know they were)

You never gave up,
and look at us now, mom.
Look where we are.
It's a miracle.
We conquered all the odds
and ignored the logic.

Because you never gave up.

I want to be like you.
To face my trials
without any fear.
And when they tell me
to just give up.
To accept defeat.

I won't.

Because you didn't.

Is it me that knows
when You know
my thoughts,
or is it
I?

Is it me that goes
when You go
unbrought,
or is it
I?

Is it me that chose
when You chose
this plot,
or is it
I?

Is it me that shows
when You show
or not,
or is it
I?

Is it I You sowed
to be sown
in You,
or am I
just
me?

I always wanted to say
what I meant,
but my words formed
empty promises.

In a darkened light
through my blinded eyes.
You needed me to see you,
but i forgot how to.

You're heart broken,
too many times.

Goodbye.









                                                       ­                                               



              ­                                                                 ­                  *(i'm sorry)

I can stare at a tree a million times,
and see a familiar composition within each.
Roots,
Trunk,
Branches,
Leaves.
It's composition has no surprise
to my eyes because  
It's been the same
my whole life.
But if i look at it,
this one time.
Can i see a tree,
standing tall with branches
reaching out like desperate arms
to proceed past the canopy
in which it's elders have previously formed.
Can i see the bark,
tightly hugging its intricate insides
to protect like a fortified city
that expands and grows stronger
as each day passes by it's walls.
Can i see the leaves,
Dancing with the wind
with a beautiful alliance
to exchange it's touch
with a breath of oxygen to fill my lungs.
Can i see the fullness of life it bears,
As it only proceeds through the
construct of natural inspiration.
Perfect in all it does,
Because it only does
What it is meant to do.
May I live
As this tree i see.

I never really
understood
The beauty of Jesus's death,
Or the love He showed
as He bled
Until I heard my grandmother
Hopelessly
cry for forgiveness
Through a whisper,
on her deathbed.

He seeks so often
to cure his pain
with drugs and fake love.
But his nights
Just end the same
with crows and fake doves.  

He takes too long
to get out of bed
Because he went to sleep restless.
And his day starts
with an unceasing dread
Because he went to sleep helpless.

He brands himself
with each mistake
and watches his wounds become infected.
So that he can feel the pain
when it starts to rain.
and let each drop eat him like acid.

He agrees with the churches,
that he's too sinful to save.
To let go of himself and let Jesus amaze.
But his loneliness floods
his empty soul's cave
As he lets go of himself and says it's Jesus to blame.

He's a lost identity
searching for a seed
of hope to sprout through his deserted heart
And even though his own tears
will be the water to nurture,
At least he would grow strong enough to embrace a new start.

I was formed a son
within two graveyards.
A tombstone built from
damnation created
from the hands of anguish,
and a tombstone
created from hands
with two piercing holes in each.

I know this, i really do.
I believe this, i really do.  

But, solicit my feelings
to find a broken mirror
of questioned identity
within boundaries of
weakened hearts in
darkened paths.

Align my insanity
as a construct of loneliness.
Or that's what i want
to be thought of me.
Because in the back of my head,
i know it to be selfishness.

I know your light.
I can see it from miles away.
And I know it's good,
I know it's right.
But whenever i see it,
I just look the other way.

Oh God,

If you are the wind to my sails,
Am i taking a knife to them?
If you are the life behind my bones,
Do i seek it's purpose?

Or are my hands
Just digging my own grave.
Because anguish
Is my curse.

Oh savior,
Save me.

You were a slave
to the pre-established ambitions
of a heightless power.
Interrogated
due to your distinction.
Obliged
into your choices.
Now you sit.
Proud of your seat,
But not knowing
You can stand.

I break through the barriers
You set in my life
Look past the decisions
That took your future out of sight

You didn’t see the hope
That could’ve made your breath matter
You just took that needle
And watched your dreams shatter

I was always told
That your laugh was contagious
You’d light up that room
Like nobody else, they’d say this

I wish I could just see it
To see you at your best
Even when you hid the scars
Buried underneath your chest

I wish they didn’t judge you
I wish they just loved you
I wish they didn’t show you hatred
But told you,
you could make it

Because even a gloomy moon’s reflection
Can show the light
A man with no direction
Still has a reason to fight
A man with no good intentions
Can still choose what’s right
A man with no vision
Still has sight

You just had to look.
Look past the corruption
To understand that the
Idols led to nothing

The ****** that filled your veins
That caused you pain
That controlled your brain
That made you go insane
Was not an unbreakable chain

People tell me I shouldn’t
Think about my past
They say it’s only my future I should grasp
They say I can’t learn anything
From the life you lived
Cause the decisions you made
Have nothing to give

But dad,
I don’t listen
I think of you often
I try to understand
The purpose of your coffin
I try to understand
Why you wanted to be forgotten
I try to understand
Why you thought your life was rotten
Because that is far from the truth
You were just strapped to a bomb
You didn’t know how to diffuse

So you did teach me something
That no matter the mess
I will never give up on the people
Society defines helpless
Or turn my back
on someone who’s in distress
Because they’re lost
And they forget what it feels like to be blessed

And so I want to live
My life so I can prove
That no matter your situation
It can be renewed
And no matter the chains
They can be removed
Because the life we live
Is not a life to loose

Because even a gloomy moons reflection
Can show the light
A man with no direction
Still has a reason to fight
A man with no good intentions
Can still choose what’s right
A man with no vision
Still has sight.

                           You just have to look.

A feeling
so brittle
Like glass against a fist
Yet
So controlling
Like a fragile breeze
against an arrow's flight.
So intentional
that i cease to guess twice
And
As it collides with my senses
I observe, it,
to
entice me.
Oh such feelings.