I’m lost in the echoes of closed lips
The words right on the cusp
But are never allowed to breath
For it would be too painful

In a forest of lies
I search for my home
The place of safety and comfort
That has been lost long ago,
Or may have been imagined

The tall walls of enclosure
And surrounding views of grey
Now ring in my mind as suffocating-
There is no joy in serving a sentence
When no crime has been committed

Here I sit on a Tuesday afternoon
Alone in an empty shell
Searching for my roots where this began
But I find nothing of interest
And say my farewell
So I can keep searching for a place to call *home

I can see it in the way you look at me
And sense it in the way
You try to comfort me
The longing that you hold
And words left untold

I know your body from
Being compelled, caught up in a moment
I know your lips from
Alcohol taking over the the blood in our veins
And still I see the negative, caught up with strains

Your feelings pressuring me
Questioning my own idea
Of why I find warmth in solitude
And struggle accepting the idea of something new
If it was with anyone, it would be you

I let you give it all up
Leaving it to die-
Leaving you thinking it was all you
With thoughts of you clouding my dreams
You were always unsure where you stood
When the truth is you were always too good

Maybe there is a reason
That I remember the curve of your smile
And the sound of your laugh

Or the way my hands traced
Over your face
To just know your skin
To feel the laughter lines
I had created

You knew how to warm me with
your body
And your heart
Still I'm remaining cold
With my guard fiercely in place

There are barriers between us
Preventing the words
That are ready to bleed from my veins
Or anything to break through
That might save this

Those three words you spoke
Set off the smoke

That put our flame out
As my mind filled with doubt

Bringing out chapter to an end

I guess you're still a *friend

I keep my walls swarmed with photos
Of faces I no longer see
And places I no longer go
The things I loved I now grow to hate
As always I realised too late

There's such an irony in seeking happiness
From what is now distant memories
And I've been torn away into a loop
Into the isolation of being alone
Who I've become now is still not known

I find humour in the worst times
In the sudden realisation that the best times
Of my few years has passed
And I feel myself fading away
When I can't keep the thoughts at bay

I've been waiting for someone to say
Anything to show that they know me
And I end up alone here again when
Even in a desperate attempt to feel
There is nothing that feels real

I guess it should be clear
Through tired eyes
And hesitant words
The changes in me
I wish I was blind to see

Leaving behind
A string of lovers
Never to last
Never to actually
Love

A heart of stone
And a conscience to match
With no hint of a crack
Or change
In the waves

I stand alone
In isolation
The most simplistic
And safe

And lonely

I am being held back
Gripped by crooked hands
Dragged back into
The dark place
The part of my mind
The part I can't heal

I am being forced back there
To the cell
I have tried to escape
I had stuck to all rules
Yet falsely accused
And imprisoned

It lives in me
It is under my skin
Burning into my soul
Burying into my clothes
Clawing up to
My mind
Poisoning my thoughts

I am never going to escape
Maybe it is best to stay
Accept the lure and
Hint of comfort it brings
To protect the ones
That sacrifice so much
For a lost cause

It is an obscure thing
To see this as so transparent
Something so mesmerising
Accentuating it's beauty
Not to even catch a glimpse of an eye

It is said that good things take time
And I have discovered something
That has never quite left
Just burrowed beneath the surface
Never to fade or to die

It is true I have had distractions
That have drifted me off course
Leading me only to dead ends
And the mistakes that followed
Yet I've found myself a new way

I am a traveler
A drifter in seek of adventure
And the promise of new beginnings
Now I see something different
A place I could stay

I am a soldier
Going in for the ****
Bringing rage and destruction
As I bypass the three limp bodies
In the path towards you

I found you
After our short time apart
So I can trap you in my cage
And strip you of all the
Strength you knew

You are the enemy
With insanely radical customs
Talk of bringing love and safety
To something so dangerous
To a complete mess

You found me
After our time apart
So you can draw out the light for me
A contrast to the war in my mind
That couldn't get you to care for me less

We were a bud
Awaiting the growth
Of something beautiful

You forgot that
To grow
You need sustenance
And care

And so we died

Before we even
Had the chance
To truly begin

I was a disappointment, you were a waste of time.

She was the unfinished puzzle
She was the guitar with broken strings
She was the meadow stripped of green
She was the crooked table of support
She was the inner voice of reason

She was the dream forgotten leaving a shadow of frustration
She was the rush of a fresh storm promising heavy rain
She was the ever-changing bricks in a decaying building
She was the wrecking ball extinguishing it from existence

She was the heaven-sent false prophet
She was the flower ripped from its stem
She was the blank pages of a neglected book
She was the dust covering all abandoned objects
She was the frustration in desire

She was the locked door
She was the vacant room
She was the thought with no voice
She was not love

In the over-crowded buildings
Rife is passive creatures
That attend purely through duty
There is distraction, mischief
And never-ending procrastination

A sea of faces swarm the room
With waves of cliques crashing through
Around this vastly crowded place
My eyes are drawn to one single thing
Not that of noise or familiarity
But to *you

I've never been one for romance
For so long that's been my stance
With attempts to avoid what caught my eye
Which we both find now to be a lie

I've shared with you my favourite place
Where we can both come when we need space
I now prefer it everlastingly more
Even the comforting silence cannot bore

Spontaneous moments call for plans
While I hope this won't get out of my hands
Since I crave to know I'm in control
Your "Forever" isn't quite my goal

I hope you can't tell that I'm afraid
Of falling back into that same place
Lusting for change, to re-build what was made
For the time being just give me space

So many glistening drops still fall
When my mind is left to wonder
I'll try to keep busy to make it stall
Until it strikes me at night like thunder

For as long as I think back this is me
With restless attempts to get away
While trying to stray so no one can flee
Since I wont allow someone to see, for them to stay
Since I wont say *"it'll be okay"

My name
It slides from the tongue with ease
So simplistic and overused
Will I ever hear you say it again?
You haven't known me in too long

My eyes
The emerald green orbs
That glisten in the light
Are they still beautiful?
You haven't seen me in too long

My hair*
Those long dark strands that flow
With your insistence of moving it out of the way
Do you still want to see my face?
You haven't answered me in too long

Your name
It seems so contradictory
To the half smile on your face
I wonder if you still feel yourself
I haven't known you in too long

Your eyes
The dull beads that sit steady
Trying to avoid the worried gaze
Only to look right through me anyway
I haven't seen you in too long

Your hair
Short with an angelic glisten
Just the way you hate it
Your curls have been taken away
Like the many other parts of you
I haven't recognized you in too long

**You haven't recognized me in too long

You were watching me pass by
With a longing gaze kept at bay
One which captured my eye
Which to begin seemed to be innocent
You were falling for me

You were talking about a forest
which you had to take me to see
So lively and fierce with
Such beauty and simplicity
You were holding my hand

You were lying in my bed again
keeping me as close to you
As you physically could
And I let my doubts go
You were overwhelmed as I kissed you

You were holding me so tight
As the tension was building
And our hands were gliding
As our clothes met the floor
You were waiting for this

I was a different 'me' one day
And that girl speaking to you
was not the one from before
And you couldn't fix it
I was gone for too long

You are so far away
As I have broken you down
Like I told you I would
And I've ruined this for good
You are so far above me