I awoke
In a pool of nostalgia
Of a memory so far
Yet so clear

Of a memory from seven years ago
Such a tender kiss
On the cheek

Of two lovers

Not yet thirteen.

i am the ocean waves
crashing into your beaches
only to find everyone

and everything

but you...

July was in full bloom
I could see clearly from my room
the moon and the stars alive and well
The painting of the romantic night quickly fell

I walked to the window and sat
The streets were empty
The apartment even more
A night in the city’s belly

Buses, old and new, passed by
Men and women, of young and old,
stood still and are terribly ill-humoured
No jokes or stories were being told

A cigarette was lit in the room next door
If drink was at play, I was done for
She passed me a lighted one
Her gaze more dangerous than a gun

The streets became animated now
The cinema blurted out hundreds at once
I wondered what was on show?
She replied: probably another low

She brought out a bottle of whiskey
She said: once I leave, you’ll miss me
I said: is there a charge or a fee?
She said: you know it’s always free

She was right in that too:
I miss her alright.

someday I won't be bitter
someday I'll stop loving you
someday I'll no longer feel blue

but, for now
the calm orange light
breaking through
I can no longer fight
a feeling so true.

cruel is the month of July

you and I
we are trying
to make sense
of this old feeling

called love.

i feel inexplicable happiness when i am with you
once it is over, though, i feel utterly blue
i know, i know, it is very much true
'she feels nothing more than good friends with you'

but my foolish heart remains so
it keeps thinking that she is giving me hope,

what kind of hope shreds the man to his last piece?
what hope?

i wrote a poem for you today
it was written on the very back of your notebook.
i compared you to a beautiful spring in May
how even the most serene view you overtook

i wrote a poem for you today
i said 'i love you' in it
now i am in disarray

do with me as you deem to be fit

i won't change my words
'i love you'

oh, what terrible pain it is to behold
a love and hope you hold dearly,
to fall apart and crumble
to see that you are not the cafe she was looking for
to finally understand that you are a shirt one size below hers
that you are nothing more than a conversation machine
that you are a good friend
a friend
...

this morning I woke up in a cold sweat
I guess I dreamt of you again
the image of your brown eyes
will forever cause me pain

the image of your tender laughter
like a forever lost, loved daughter

it was really dark
the view outside passed me by
a mother crying over her son's death
a bird grieving for its lover's demise
a man feeling lonely after an ending
i didn't realize
the last one was my own reflection
i wanted to call...
who?
anyone
anyone who wants to answer
who would listen
but I'll just ramble on and on
about how you left me
and how you didn't even say a word
this view is killing me
when will I reach the ****** station?
and what will I do then?
what?
where will you be by then?
Paris?
London?


I don't know
about anything
anymore.
not even myself...

What I lack in me
You, like a tree
Provide always for me

Even though you're no longer with me...

those were the days
when love sprung from the hearts of children
when love seemed so innocent
now it's a mere field so barren

you called me from afar
I came to you, no more than a lover
our hands met with tenderness
goodness, we weren't even 13 yet then

then springtime arrived
we went out feeling much more alive
our lips embraced each other quietly
as quiet as the love that bounded us then

now we are both twenty-three
spring means nothing more than collapsing trees
the warmth now feels hotter than ever
and what we seek in love is nothing more than peace

but then again
when night reaches its height
sometimes I still seek for you.

you are now nineteen
look at your reflection on the mirror
how much have you matured
like a blooming sunflower

you are now nineteen
your hip's growing
your lips full
and now you get bored quick

now you are nineteen
your face calls me
ah, lady, I can't look away
in your face I am frozen

Gina,
now you're nineteen
happy birthday,
my unattainable queen

I cannot remember when the last time I was this in love
when the last time an image of a woman terrorize my heart so
when the last time my heart throb so deeply when near a woman
it all begs the question: am I prepared to let her go?

I cannot remember when the last time I was this anxious
whenever I hear your voice echoing in my lonely heart
whenever your head is rested upon these weary shoulder
it all begs the question: must I go back to the start?
must I admit of losing each time?

                   experience had taught me what it means to love
         to lose
                                                 to suffer in that very same love
                                                 to love
             to love
but still I lose to her, my Muse,
my
my all.

we walked together through that old wooden fence
then you asked, 'can we please, please dance?'
I said I was too tired to do anything
'how come you never ask me to dance now?' you asked

I said I didn't know
you looked away from my eyes
nearby a rivulet quietly flows
'now we are built on lies'

I agreed, but I said something else instead
'look, honey, you know I love you'
I was honestly lying
you were right to say what you have said

you looked beautiful today, darling
in that white, white dress of yours
kissing your father's cheek
and your mother's hand

nothing is left of us, darling
at the end none of us were trying
but today I saw you smile again
though you belong to another home now

though I had to say the hardest line in this little life of mine

congratulations on your wedding, Gina.
I'm happy for you
I'm happy...

I am a narrow stairwell
Waiting for the morning bells
To ring, for the early birds to sail
Watch all the cabs be hailed

Waiting for her to come
Will she come today?
Doubts, I have some
Should I kneel and pray?

But to whom?
Who would to listen to a narrow stairwell
Maybe God would
Will I look like a fool?

My claustrophobic natures will intervene
When was the last time I had a nice dream?
It's always the same, redundant scene
The scene is always the same and redundant one

I am a narrow stairwell
Waiting for the morning bells

Golden girl, how fair you look today
I'm in disarray
Am I drowning in your bay?
In the stillness I lay

How impossible!
Feeling so gullible
To where you are, I'd like to travel
I give no mind to the troubles

Darling dearest
My feelings are in earnest
Your beauty, dear God!
Like golden skies and other fantasies

I sat on a rock above the hills, gazing beyond what was visible
The thoughts of long lost past breathing incessantly in my chest
Thought they were dead, laying motionless amongst the rubble
Will I ever get my long yearned rest?

Of the glory I so long for during my youth
Of the lovers I had lost during my living years
Of the parents whom are now somewhere I cannot see
Tell me, dear ol' heart, are all those things gone for good?

No, I haven't gotten the glory I dreamt of
No, I haven't eloped with the girl I, in truth, love
My whole life has been but a disillusionment
A mere shadow of what it could've been

Ah, but here comes the daughter, so lovely and tender
And the wife ever so loving and ever so caring
No, I wouldn't have traded my 'shadow' of a life for anything
For what we eventually get at the end, that is the true glory.

My memories of you become a blur after a while
Of the times we walked home, side by side, mile after mile
Of the times we spent understanding each other's anatomy
Oh, darling, tell me... How is it like being free?

Will you sooner or later forget me?

Will you remember me at all?
      
              Darling,
Know
              that
                         your
        Voice
                          Echoes
When
                The sun
                                         Dies.

Longing desperately of the things left unsaid
Looking out the window, the one we used to stare at in bed
I see a phantom at the far end of the field, your whole person is red

Your lips, however, are black, dark as an abyss
Has it been that long since we last kissed?
And is it really your lips, your body, red as it is, that I miss?

The sun shines almost unwillingly, lethargically
Clouds moving in, as if they are climbing miserably
O Loved One, I can’t fathom this vision, this phantom of your body!

Jumbled up thoughts get entangled inside my head
Before I manage to call out your name, I find your phantom had disappeared
And so, once again I find myself twisted and all the power in me all fade

Oh, Loved One, where are you now?