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May 2014 · 2.7k
Stalagmite
Wednesday May 2014
Stalagmite
I have this creeping ache on the edges of my bones
like the way crystal forms,
slowly.

Like the way prehistoric bugs that live in caves die every day.

I think I forgot to close my eyes and woke up blind.

I live my days hoping to grow inwards until my bones
start the delicate tearing of my skin and
water fills my lungs.

I have longed for this to happen ever since i was 7 and
I heard drowning was the closest you can get to

euphoria.
#sadness #death #blind #drowning #lungs #caves
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May 2014 · 13.1k
Homeless
Wednesday May 2014
Homeless
They say home is wherever you lay your head at night
That must be true
because my former house has a lock on the door now;
a lock to keep me out.

I never realized this is how it is to be homeless,
the endless wandering of a place to rest at night
the endless cycle of hunger and
thirst and
protection

I walk out of work with not a place to be in the world
and if I’m being honest it should frighten me.

I am a wanderer.

I have no sense of direction,
no moral pull,
nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I have this endless feeling of discomfort and
an airy breeze where the good in my heart and soul should be.

I am a girl, not a very beautiful or talented one.

I belong to anyone who belongs to everyone.

Home is where I rest my head for a night.

Home is a backseat
Home is a smoke filled room at 2 am
Home is a parking garage
Home is a strangers bedroom

Home is a feeling rather than a location,
but those who have a lock and key and
a mortgage fee will never understand.
I am homeless, but I am free.
#freedom #teenager #food #walking #homeless #wandering #streets
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May 2014 · 4.7k
Satan
Wednesday May 2014
Satan
We cover illness with flowers
and flowers die

The inside of my mouth tastes like it is decaying
I hope I lose all of my teeth first

Maybe its just the scotch and *****
But there is a burning in my throat

Maybe it is Satan just making his way out
#devil #possession #decay #***** #satan #scotch
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May 2014 · 1.7k
Bloodbath, Part 2.
Wednesday May 2014
Bloodbath, Part 2.
I have sharpened my teeth ready to rip and tear
like soldiers and their swords

I am listening to the sound of the rain on the roof
while you fold your clothes to sad song about madness and memories and it is quiet in the house with the same kind of finality of
a lock clicking of
a door slamming of
a finished book

like a knife slicing through a teen on a Chicago city street at 1 am
no streetlights
no police
no gunshots

just this skin
this blood on asphalt
on sidewalk
on boy
on knife

just blood on the roof of this house like a warning
something wicked resides here do not come near
something that says dangerdangerdangerdanger

Never look back.
Never look here again,
there is something about you that keeps me coming back for more
like you are selling crack ******* on the street corners and
I am an addict panhandling

I know you will leave me when I am hopelessly in love
I know I will not be able to breathe without you.

Without the weight of your body and breath on mine
you will leave me peeled and gutted, spineless.
Every dream crushed like a body thrown from the 40th floor.

You will leave me like tsunamis leave islands,
like hurricanes leave cities,
like tornadoes leave houses

utterly destroyed from the core out,
and you?

You will leave like a bird from a nest.


Weightless.
Continue reading...
May 2014 · 1.4k
Bloodbath, Part 1.
Wednesday May 2014
Bloodbath, Part 1.
They say the grass isn’t greener on the other side
but it has been raining for 3 months straight and
it looks dew blessed to me

sometimes staring at you through windowpane hurts
like there is something in the way the glass glares
in this seemingly ever beating sun

one day you will leave me,
this I know already.
I am already preparing myself for the inevitable to happen.

Hurts my soul and sets my organs on a slow burning roast
acid washing my heart and
pinpricks in my jugular

I try to see you in the darkness
in the light
in the way your brow crunches when you think
in the scar on your dimple.

I tell myself you do not love me like I love you,
regardless of if that is true.
#love #leave #rain #ace #burning #acidpain
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May 2014 · 2.1k
Efloresce
Wednesday May 2014
Efloresce
I miss you like one would miss bruised knees
(From all our time on the floor)

I miss you like I miss the bottom of the cement pool
(Even though that's where my friends are)

I miss you like I miss razors raking my skin
(But my arms still beg for more)

I miss you like I miss the party scene
(Still think of it from time to time, though)

I miss you like flowers miss winters frost
(Cold and biting, never giving in)

I miss you like I miss hands around my neck
(I think I'd still say I love you, yet)
#love #regret #hate #flowers #winter #party #missing
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May 2014 · 2.4k
Death in a Bathtub
Wednesday May 2014
Death in a Bathtub
Summer raining on the Eastern seaboard
I liked you better before November, personally

There are metal shards floating in this bathwater
Their own tiny islands of pain
A mirror in shards face up on the floor
Guess that is just another 7 years of bad luck

Pennies are dropping into the bathtub
Copper going plink plink plink
Tiny rivulets running their paths

That's just the sound of my lifeline going down the drain, again
Smells like metal and tastes like pain
Red river gushing from my veins

Locked door trying to staunch the flow of secrets
Head swimming to the tile floor
clink clink clink

Scars these days open so easily
Like the Raven said, Nevermore
#cutting #death #blood #selfharm #scars
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May 2014 · 2.0k
Definition of Red
Wednesday May 2014
Definition of Red
Liz Taylor once said:

"Pour yourself a drink,
put on some lipstick and
pull yourself together."

I stopped believing in the positive power of alcohol
when I saw the struggle in my
70 year old great uncles bloodshot eyes
the time I caught him at 2 am
reaching for the whiskey in the top shelf of the cabinet

I apply lipstick every day
all crimson scarlet blood pooling on my breath
all dripping cherry popsicle
all lip stains on your neck and pillowcase
all red on red on red

I can't ever seem able to pull myself back together
Like stitches coming undone on a wound
Like egg shells cracking on hardwood floor
I stopped trying after 3 years of puzzle pieces
These days I make sure I never fall together so I never fall apart
#sadness #death #red #family #apart #lipstick #puzzle #alcoholism
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Apr 2014 · 2.0k
She (Chokehold)
Wednesday Apr 2014
She (Chokehold)
She stopped breaking laws when she
started breaking hearts

Bottled tears in the vial around her neck
She lays in bed like a spider in their web

They say curiosity killed the cat but in this story
Curiosity killed you

And you love kissing her because she is not like the others
She does not pull away out of shame

She kisses hard like brick on brick on window pane
no face aflame

And you love ******* her because she does not hide away
Begs you more more more

She stopped breaking laws when she
Started breaking hearts
#love #*** #she #brokenheart #more #**** #spider #laws
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Apr 2014 · 3.9k
White Horse
Wednesday Apr 2014
White Horse
The truth of it is-

he's not going to fix you

she's not going to make you forget
the way your father would hit you

He is not going to make your collarbones sprout roses
He will not make you forget how to need

The truth of it is-

She is not a savior
She is not able to fight off the demons in your dreams

He will not make you forget the way your mother left
The bloodstains in the bathtub will still be there

The truth of it is-
This is your life
This is not a movie

No one is going to swoop in and save you

You will have to grow your own wings if you want to fly away
#hope #white #prison #horse
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Apr 2014 · 2.5k
Heartburn
Wednesday Apr 2014
Heartburn
I hope you choke on the names of our would be children
when it happens to cross into your thoughts
the few nights you don't sink into bed ****** out of your mind

I hope you ***** down the hallway thinking of me
I hope you never make it to the bathroom on time
I hope your stomach acid burns like a ripcord up your trachea

You told me no one had good ***** like I did
And he said it, too
Every last time I cheated on you

Just remember you betrayed me first
Told me to **** someone to put equality back into the universe

It's sad to say I did it out of spite
I could have been loyal

Instead we let each other become driftwood
burning blue and green
and floated away without a fight
#heartbreak #relationship #cheating #ocean #loyal #heartburn
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Apr 2014 · 7.9k
Bed
Wednesday Apr 2014
Bed
We were the mystery
We were the shaking of heads
We were the whispers in the bathroom at 11 am

We were the smoke in the hallways

We were the leaves catching on air currents
like "I don't care how or why but I'm going somewhere"

We were balled up bills in the crook of
someone's sweaty Xanax palm

We were the lamps at night burning
We were the lasers on the ceiling
We were the lines of chemicals waiting on the counter

We were nothing good
nothing but mud and regrets on our feet

The teachers shook their heads
wondered to themselves how we ever got to sleep
#drugs #sleep #bed #*** #us #regrets
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Apr 2014 · 2.4k
The Holy Trinity
Wednesday Apr 2014
The Holy Trinity
There should be three crosses on the side of the highway
three bite size graves all in a row
three rotting skeletons collecting dust

When I was young I made a suicide pact
with my two best friends

I woke up on my bedroom floor
stars crossing in front of my eyes
empty bottle of pills still in my hand

At their funerals I kept my mouth closed
Because there are things their mothers needn't know

That should have been a sign
I was meant to forever walk this world alone
#suicide #funeral #trinity #pact
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Apr 2014 · 2.0k
Bad Disease
Wednesday Apr 2014
Bad Disease
Have you ever loved someone with

bird bones
paper thin skin
irises like pooling blood on a tile floor

Have you ever loved someone who
wears their heart on their sleeve in the way of a tattoo

Have you ever loved someone like

you wish their arms had heavy locks so that
you could keep them wrapped around you
until you grew tired of their embrace

Have you ever loved someone like
dripping IV bags
ICU at 2 am

Ever loved someone like
laying on the carpet in pain
watch the shadows on their face change
see the door open and close
these days the sunlight always looks the same

Ever loved someone like
dark circles under their eyes

Ever loved someone like
you wish to wear them like a necklace
have them ******* in a locket

Ever loved someone like
I would take a bullet for you
#love #illness #sick #bullet
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Apr 2014 · 8.2k
Self Indulgence vs. Self Starvation
Wednesday Apr 2014
Self Indulgence vs. Self Starvation
We are the girls who walk around with little bird bones,
rib cages ready to snap when we spread our wings and
fly away

and for my next act,
I shall disappear little by little until I am ash.

I’m not eating for four days or until
I can feel the ***** that is my stomach start to shrink

I used to refuse food for weeks
it amazes me how self-indulgent I have become

I am ready to eat spoonfuls of air
spin my hair into a models top knot and
know that water is a privilege not a right

a million screaming girls saying
“but im not hungry”
while a tiger flays their insides open at night

Kate Moss said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
and I suppose she is correct
What happens when you learn the tongue is a muscle not to be used

What happens when sustenance is no longer needed
When the mind decides
the very thing that keeps the body alive is a punishment

What happens when you refuse a necessity of being human
#food #eatingdisorder #anorexia #skinny #starvation #indulgence #model
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Apr 2014 · 2.6k
Comfort
Wednesday Apr 2014
Comfort
there is a certain comfort in the shape of his soft lips,
in the way his bones crack while we lay together,
in the way his eyes radiate

there's this poison that has settled into my baby bones,
splattering fat bruises on my pale skin

there is a certain comfort in the ringing in my skull,
like the long lost school bell of my younger days,
the days of Easter eggs and milky ways

there's this beautiful boy in my arms,
one who smells like rain and laughs like lightning
#rain #beauty #lightning #comfot
Continue reading...
Apr 2014 · 1.6k
Social Media
Wednesday Apr 2014
Social Media
I copy ****** expressions I see in the movies

I fancy myself a very good liar but who isn’t these days

you make promises from the bottom of your heart
but it makes me wonder just how deep that is

I try to dig
but all I hear is the echoing of sweet words off this tunnel

You tell me to cut people out of my life and I do
I peel them off like a second skin and leave them bruised

I tell you please don't talk to her
On paper it appears you don't
But you jump to defense every time I quietly say her name

I saw you liked her pictures on my news feed
Even though you unfriended her a week ago

You say you let her go

It appears you are letting her in
Continue reading...
Apr 2014 · 1.1k
Hangman
Wednesday Apr 2014
Hangman
I once sat on a blood stained pedestal
praying to a god made out of porcelain and water

I once saw through my enemies and
crushed their spirits under my black combat boots

I lie in the face of police
I lie in the face of my mother

I wear these scars like a noose
#lies #scars #excuses
Continue reading...
Apr 2014 · 17.3k
Anorexic Dream
Wednesday Apr 2014
Anorexic Dream
I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.
#hope #eatingdisorder #anorexia #eat
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Apr 2014 · 1.8k
Transfusion
Wednesday Apr 2014
Transfusion
What happens if you love so much
you give them everything

right down to the skin off of your back and
your organs and bones

If you ever leave me the plan will be to
drink until the pain is over

But I'm not sure even a never ending hangover
can rid my thoughts of you

Already I feel pieces and memories of you
becoming imprinted into my brain like Braille

I think I would be scared if it didn't feel like
the world is right when I am with you
#love #always #forever
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Apr 2014 · 2.3k
Museum
Wednesday Apr 2014
Museum
I self identify as the mud caked on your shoes
after you stepped in an unavoidable puddle

I self identify as the coffee that burns the back of your throat
every morning around 5 am

which was always right before you went to sleep
and it never failed to make me laugh

I self identify as everything that reminds me of you

I am a museum to your thoughts
your dreams keep me up at night
I can tell when you are cold when you are 37 miles away

I know you just lit your sixth cigarette of the day
I'm sorry you led me astray
#cigarette #museum
Continue reading...
Apr 2014 · 3.2k
Lucifer
Wednesday Apr 2014
Lucifer
You told me I was a pan of hot water and
sometimes it hurt to touch me
but you never thought to turn the temperature down

you just left me boiling

its april 7th and you are still a joke
but somehow you are the only one laughing anymore

I once told you I saw fire in your eyes
and you said it was just the reflection of the
ever burning in mine

I've only now realized that was nothing but a lie

The devil is not red or pointed with hooves
The devil is of flesh
He arrives as the very thing you want most

His name is Lucifer
And he is tall and handsome

He keeps you blind to the raging hellfire
He does not mention you are floating on the river Styx

When he finally pulls the curtain and
gives you back your corneas and irises
You are like Persephone-

you've already eaten seven pomegranate seeds
#hell #devil #burning
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Apr 2014 · 1.7k
Helen Condon Lemieux, 101
Wednesday Apr 2014
Helen Condon Lemieux, 101
Born into a house of red hair
soulless people and
beer

my great grandmother is 101 and four months
and she has contracted Alzheimer’s
which means she sees those who have died before her
like her husband
two of her sisters and
four of her nine children

Her sister died just yesterday at 100 and 17 days sleeping in her bed

I was named after dead relatives

Moira for a cousin who died at 20,
before I was ever even born,
a cousin who sang like a bird
and could have been a mermaid
a beauty with straight white teeth and blonde hair
who found death after struggling with anorexia

Katherine for my great aunt who I never met
but my mother told me of her wearing sunglasses and
her sleek black car and
silky hair always tied back in red ribbons and
how she would sneak cookies to the children
holding her legs in the kitchen

I was born into an Irish house
I was born to people who have slaved their life away to make it

My great grandmother was born in Ireland in 1912
and came to America with her family when she was 10

my great grandfather was a French Canadian born in Quebec
who I was told was gentle and quiet
who smoked when he was happy or sad
and worked on houses and cars and a large family

I was born into the legacy
I was born with their blood in my veins
#family #pride #irish
Continue reading...
Apr 2014 · 5.8k
Diamonds
Wednesday Apr 2014
Diamonds
You are so beautiful you make my eyes burn
like you are a ray of sunshine-

but I love you more under the moon

we both are marked by craters
deep blue and black under our skin

I traced your veins with my fingers
and I just want to swim in them

I don’t know how many more times
I can write about the curl of your lips
and the way your hair turns at the edges
and about your legs

and chest
oh god your chest

and your collarbones
and the tattoo on your bicep
and the freckle in your eyes
and the dark burnt edge of it all

I don’t know how many more poems I can write
about how I want to love you forever
how I want to take care of you

how much your illness does not
define you as a person of value

oh god I ******* love you
#love #forever #diamonds
Continue reading...
Apr 2014 · 1.5k
Heart Shaped Bruises
Wednesday Apr 2014
Heart Shaped Bruises
I thought I was in love with an angry boy

my mother always told me never to allow someone
into your heart who talks about how quickly his fists can move

never love someone who strikes
then listens

I know girls who will take a backhand
if it is followed by a kiss

But the second time you tried to put your hands on me
I moved and let your body slam onto the table

I am worth more than bruises
and your claiming of an endless love

haven't you ever heard
Actions are worth more than words?
To Alex S.
I was not yours to try and abuse. Not then, not ever.
I was 14 and you were 17.

Disgusting.
#abuse
Continue reading...
Apr 2014 · 1.5k
701 North Street
Wednesday Apr 2014
701 North Street
I’ve got these worn clotheslines
and street wires humming across my brain

in cold winters chill you told me I was eloquent
but I still cannot seem to remember your name

I stopped smoking to make room for you in my lungs
You didn't find that suitable enough so you left

We are the same person if your bed
has held more people in it than your heart

I see this warmth of a summer day
but I can never know the touch of it on my skin

I wonder what it feels like to be kissed by the sky
Probably kind of like kissing

**you
#love #sadness #kissing #summertime
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 2.5k
Missed Connections (Up In Smoke)
Wednesday Mar 2014
Missed Connections (Up In Smoke)
You asked me by chance in a momentary passing
if I happened to have a lighter

I patted my pockets desperately
for the red one that is usually hidden

I saw you were already turning to leave
and knowing I was losing time

I promptly lit myself on fire just to see
your statuesque form inhale in front of me a bit longer

I watched you walk away into the gray fog
I've never seen you since that day

But I have ever since found myself burning
Literally singed with desire
#burning #missed #connections
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 2.4k
Echo
Wednesday Mar 2014
Echo
I know a girl who would **** herself for a dare

I know a girl who has words tattooed on her body like a scroll;
a rite of passage

she found herself face to face with a sleek and solid gun

I know a girl who could make you eat your heart out
on a gold lined platter

I know a girl who laughs in the face of danger
and the fact that a jail sentence is supposed to scare her

a lot of the time she talks in third person
and she skips a few nights of sleep
because once she heard that sleep is for the weak
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 1.4k
The Act of Festering
Wednesday Mar 2014
The Act of Festering
I was 7 when I learned the art of touch
but that doesn’t make me ******’s sister

I was 14 when I thought I figured out *** and love
were one in the same

so tell me why everywhere you touched me
I began to turn black like a the band of a fake ring on a child’s finger

I began to turn a colour I could not wash off
with soap and water

the darker I became the more you began to
smell of rotting meat left out in the sun

you were festering and the holes in your heart
burned through to your skin

sometimes in my sleep
I still smell you waiting in the darkness

and sometimes in the shower
I still find deep marks I cannot ever seem to get rid of

Everyone in this life might mistake the look in your eyes as love
But I will never be so easily fooled again
#fester
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 1.6k
Skin Thrills
Wednesday Mar 2014
Skin Thrills
I learned more about you in a Tattoo shop than I should have

I was talking to an artist named Adam
when he mentioned a goblin shark
and how even in 2014
we have only researched 1% of the bottom of the ocean

and until then I would have never compared you to a sea floor
but it seems that is just what you are : undiscoverable

deep
dark
dangerous
#dangerous
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 8.5k
April 26 (Fuck You)
Wednesday Mar 2014
April 26 (*******)
Forever beautiful until I saw you in raw sunlight
and realized you didn't shine anymore
you told me you would always love me
and ever since then I can’t believe anyone

I hate April now
it’s one of my least favorite months
and I blame you for that

One of the last times I saw you in your
beautiful tall pale freckled naked frame
you were inside of me and
you looked somewhere at my chest and
said you loved me

But you could not look into my eyes

And about ten minutes later when I was
resting my hipbones on yours
I started to cry

And instead of holding me close
and drying my eyes
you pushed me off
pulled on your pants
and left

and that was when I realized you are a
fox with a stone cold heart
incapable of caring for anyone

Much less loving them
#**** #you
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 2.5k
Pompeii
Wednesday Mar 2014
Pompeii
Moth wings fluttering against my cheekbones
you are warmth
you are light

I am standing at the edge of this ocean
watching the galaxy pool around me

I do not care if it is a halo or horns
you have hiding out beneath your hat

It does not matter to me if you have shoulder blades
where your wings should be

We can press our bones together for all of eternity
We can be an archeological discovery

Love buried in ash
You are forever all I will need
#bones #pompeii
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 803
Warning: Toxic
Wednesday Mar 2014
Warning: Toxic
Past:
I was never warned of the unnecessary evil that
was and is you

I was never told that I needed to heed the red collar
and let you not engulf me
like a house aflame in the country

I escaped to the forest like a refugee
and even now my heart is still locked in a tree

Present:
Your name sounds like it melts in my mouth
A freshly cut lawn of green grass

When will you realize I love you
when will you realize I ******* know you
And I still adore you

And how I sit in bed and write poetry
straight through to the morning
but even the sound of birds chirping outside my window
will not deter me

I need you to know I ******* love you
I love you I love you I love you

You said I'm "the one"
But I can't let my mind run away with my heart

I'm not trying to let myself unravel like a ball of string
I still need to be okay when the inevitable comes

Future:
I know you will leave me
eventually
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 1.8k
Colostomy Bag
Wednesday Mar 2014
Colostomy Bag
Sometimes I keep my eyes open when we kiss
and you say it’s odd

I'm just trying to memorize the way the back of your eyelids look
until I can see deep shades of pink and blue in my sleep

A week ago you ate in front of me for the first time
And just yesterday you showed me the open hole in your stomach

It was only a picture of course
I have yet to see you fully unclothed and that is okay

I told the sadness I loved it again tonight
but it didn’t say it back this time
#crohns
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 687
Rest In Peace (Obituary)
Wednesday Mar 2014
Rest In Peace (Obituary)
I never meant to make you bleed
I never meant to haunt you

I just wanted to float on air
and mix with water

but since dying
I’ve learned I’m more like oil

I have no use for locks anymore
so I threw away all of my keys

I tried to kiss you in your sleep
but there was too much smoke in the way

I cleaned up the blood trail from your bedroom
to the bathroom down the hall

I’ve learned a lot in a death but it seems
I am forever missing you
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 1.7k
Royalty vs. Dignity
Wednesday Mar 2014
Royalty vs. Dignity
I pledge allegiance to my dad for giving me issues
I would have never known had he never left
I pledge allegiance to myself

I am more self-obsessed than I would care for anyone to ever know

I dress in all black so my relative’s burn
and roll over in their graves

I always spoke out of turn in my classes
and it’s hard for me to admit my mistakes
I have a knack for creating a new face,
I do it practically every day

I probably know your name even if we haven’t met
I occasionally draw attention to myself
just so I can feel justified and attractive

I pledge allegiance to the flag

I quite like this freedom but to be honest
I’d rather have the power
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 918
I Love You, I Do
Wednesday Mar 2014
I Love You, I Do
Ill feed you honey off of a teaspoon in the morning
And I’ll cover up all the reflective surfaces and
hold you in the bathtub till about 2 pm

I’ll rub shampoo through your black hair until the water turns cold

We will read poetry under that big shady tree down the road
and chase each other in the maze at the library
but I’ll always let you catch me

You’ll eat out of my hands like a broken baby animal
on the back porch wrapped in an afghan
the colour of your eyes on a rainy day

We will turn on the lamps at night and count our freckles
while we are wrapped in the sheets

And if you still hate yourself after that
We will wash rinse and repeat
until you can look into the mirror and

see what I see
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 712
Forever Yours
Wednesday Mar 2014
Forever Yours
I’m looking at you in the passenger seat
like maybe someday you can be my home

ill crawl up next to you under sheets
and we can keep each other warm
and listen to the sound of our quick beating hearts

I can see us on a porch in our late 20’s
in a nice place like Boston or Maine
but it doesn’t really matter to me
as long as we’re together

the scent of your skin is like a seatbelt
the soft caress of your hands on the small of my back
is a reminder that

I am yours

I couldn’t imagine a future without you
I see us holding hands in a park
licking ice-cream cones

I see you in the morning waking up next to me
hair disheveled with sleepy eyes

I see us in picture frames along our staircase
I see us drinking wine in bed at night

I think about kissing you every day of my life  
I see you in my dreams darling

and you feel like home
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 1.1k
The Lost Boys in Neverland
Wednesday Mar 2014
The Lost Boys in Neverland
When I was in second grade a boy punched me
and I punched him back
until his nose bled on mulch

and ever since then I don’t chase boys
and I do not care for blonde hair anymore

when I was in second grade I would make
homes for fairies in the dirt using
moss and leaves and dandelion stems

when I was in second grade I had a house I could rattle around in
I could sulk like an angry ghost in a house built in 1867

I would wander around in the forest with two boys
I convinced them we should break into old houses
and our neighbors sheds

We created a world of green and vine and stumps
For Christmas one year we decorated a tree

We were the little ones who never wanted to go home
We called ourselves Peter Pan
Because we were never growing up

That was all before I moved
And the last day with them they crowned me Queen

I would climb on the roof at night
and feel the warmth of the sun still lingering there
and that was back when I was scared of what was in my closet

but since then I’ve befriended it
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 912
Cancer In Maine
Wednesday Mar 2014
Cancer In Maine
We were on the jetty eating orange popsicles
and staring out at the glittering afternoon sea
I was eight years old the first time you ever uttered the word

cancer

it wasn’t a just a sickness anymore
it was definite
it was terminal
something permanent

I was eight years old the last time I held your hand
as we walked back to the car

I haven’t been back to Maine since
or on a jetty even though I’ve always loved them

I was eight when I went to church and prayed for you the entire service
little knobby knees kneeled on the velvet

I was eight when you died

I was eight when I told god to go **** himself
and ever since then I’ve had a hard time with belief

I’ve had a hard time being in a church without feeling angry
I was eight when you were buried
and it still feels like it happened just yesterday
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 849
To Be A "Lady"
Wednesday Mar 2014
To Be A "Lady"
I am not pink lace and bony knees
I am not please and thank you
I am now and because I said so

I am ripped jeans and skinned knees
I am not a thin wafer
I am a loud tongue

my body has never once been a temple
I am a volcano erupting at random intervals
I burn everything I touch

some are born with a silver spoon in their mouth
I was born with a hunger
for something I have yet to taste

I have never been meek
A proper lady
A lamb

I am harsh worded
I speak like a grater
I leave bruises and burns

I am a sinkhole
And if you're not careful
I will swallow you up
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 762
Never Looking Back
Wednesday Mar 2014
Never Looking Back
I was born “I'll give you something to cry about”
I was born in a barn
I was born halfway up a mountain trail

I was born “you don’t need anyone”
I was born in a nest of bees
I was born on the back of a horse

I was born “I’m only showing you once so listen up”
I was born thigh high in a stream
I was born cutting wood with an axe

I was born “here’s how you **** a chicken’
I was born in a cranberry bog
I was born of land

I was born "show them what you're made of"
I was born in thorns
I was born with blackberry juice staining my lips

I was born “there’s no reason to be scared of the dark”
I was born boots laced jacket on
I was born running

I was born “as a girl you’ll have to try twice as hard”
I was born ready
I was born walking out the front door
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 1.2k
Bleach
Wednesday Mar 2014
Bleach
Why am I the happiest with
your hands around my neck

You have sharp teeth
and you leave indentions in my skin

I want to let you know that its okay
to want to crawl out of your skin

You awake with cracked bones
I chipped my jaw on your frozen over shoulder

I saw you digging in the backyard
Another hole to hide your growing secrets

I wonder when you will stop watering words
And start digging them up by the roots
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 1.1k
Alex Barnes Forte (Highscore)
Wednesday Mar 2014
Alex Barnes Forte (Highscore)
You told me the first time you ever met me
you knew you had to have me
I wonder when you realized I wasn’t some limited edition video game
that you could turn on and then leave for later

I guess never because all you ever did was play me

I fell in love with the sound of your name on my tongue
like a shiny copper penny dropping on hardwood floor

a l e x
al-EX-and-eR
ALEX

I fell in love with your 6’2 frame and the way
I could have sipped wine from your collarbones if I had desired to

Your favorite drink was strawberry *****
and I have to admit after drinking a whole bottle
in the shower with you one night
I’m a little partial to it now too

We started dating October 12, 2012
and our clothes fell off eight days later in your waterbed,
three days short of my sixteenth birthday

and that was the same day I met your mother
who hugged me and told me how beautiful I was

I wonder how long you wanted to return me
to get at least half of a refund

I’m not really sorry you never got your money and time back
You were never a game to me
I never pressed pause on you
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 918
Chicken Pox (Mortician)
Wednesday Mar 2014
Chicken Pox (Mortician)
When a boy tells you that you are the only one and
It feels like the inside of a morgue to kiss him
Do not ignore the taste of dust and formaldehyde

Do you want to catch a movie
he asks in a voice like chocolate milk
Or maybe you'll catch chicken pox instead

You don’t really see the difference anymore
Either way you get these marks along your skin
that burst and glow like tiny fireworks

When a boy who carries a knife in his back pocket
and who has no scars on his fingers
tells you there is something special in you

do not believe him
do not stop and ask why
do not look back

He will not be able to tell you anything besides
how beautiful you are
He will not mention the depth in your mind

He will not sigh at the light casting shadows on the planes of your face
He will not talk about the slight curve of your spine
or the curl of your toes

When a boy who seems like paradise threatens to sweep you off your feet
chain yourself down do not be caught in a whirlwind
you were made for more than *this
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 962
Bambi
Wednesday Mar 2014
Bambi
I went to my last counseling appointment today
and when i stood up to leave
I felt as if I should shake her hand

but instead I walked out that door on tentative fawn legs
I stepped into the cold
and I felt like a stranger to myself

I bought coffee and a pack of cigarettes
and stood by the same ledge I always do
but it didn’t feel the same

I have her card in my front pocket for emergencies only
I feel as if I just stepped into harsh burning sunlight
I feel like there is winter air trapped in my lungs

I've come to the conclusion that
there’s nothing really wrong with me
but there’s nothing all that right either
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 864
Hit List
Wednesday Mar 2014
Hit List
1.You introduced me to your father as a “friend”
so I guess I should have
known from the start we were already reaching our end

2. You said you would pay me for *** after I didn’t respond to your calls
for 3 months but you couldn’t pay me
to be under you again

3. You once cut me with a steak knife on my leg
and put your mouth to the wound
until your lips ran red with my blood

4. You made me breakfast once
and served it with a shot of whiskey
I think you did it just to make sure I’d touch your **** again

5. You ****** me in your bed one morning
before driving me to school and giving me a cigarette
I don’t regret never calling you again

6. You made me feel like a live wire buzzing for a street lamp
You made me want to snort you like *******
I wish you hadn’t died I wish I could see you again

7. You made a mountain out of me
and I can never tell you just how happy I am
that I managed to wash you out to sea

8. You forced my head into your lap on a school trip
in a bus when I was 14
and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that

9. You made me *** in the library in front of the window
when I was a freshman and afterwards
you put your fingers in your mouth

10. You kissed me in the clover on the bank of a pond
and we put our feet into the water
I think we really could have been something good if we wanted to be
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 671
Dear Weston (Don't Mind Me)
Wednesday Mar 2014
Dear Weston (Don't Mind Me)
I sat across from you every
Monday Wednesday Friday
and I fantasized about us fighting every second of it

because the cheekbones in your face beg me to
indent them
like you are made of paper and glass

I am a matchstick house
glued together with bad intentions
lighted by your glance

and the bones in your knuckles caught me off guard every time
and how the skin stretched tightly like canvas on a frame

and all I wanted was your hand around my throat
and the other one making blood spurt from my nose

so maybe its best we never really spoke
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 764
Vicious
Wednesday Mar 2014
Vicious
I’m sorry I am all claws and
teeth and
sharp corners

I’m sorry for flaying your stomach open from the inside out
I’m sorry I am secretive and
quick tongued and
careless

I’m sorry I flinch
I’m sorry I run
I’m sorry I hide in plain sight

I’m sorry we ran out of band aids
I’m sorry you had to stitch yourself instead of save me

sorry I’m used and
vile and
dark

I’m sorry I wrote those horrible poems
I’m sorry I feel like a wet blanket
I’m sorry I snuffed your flame out

and never bothered to try and light it again

I’m sorry I’m the one you have to blame everything on

I'm sorry I make you cry in the dead of night

I'm sorry you can't sleep anymore

I'm sorry I can
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 812
Sex In A Black Hole
Wednesday Mar 2014
*** In A Black Hole
They say time stops in a black hole
but who is they and what do “they” really know

What I’ve learned here on earth is time stops when I am with you

in sheets or
the back of a car or
a living room or
darkness

Warm flesh melting
we are dripping
ticking

The way you tilt your head back with parted lips
and let something loose from the core of your stomach

and the way your eyelids flutter and roll
like you are a wave I am riding out perfectly

The way you tangle your fingers into my hair
and hold my hips in the palm of your hand like
this is it

writhing and uncomplicated

people speak of passion

I speak of lust and
want and
this is it

The way you bite into my neck like
you wish you could draw blood
but instead you bring marks to the surface that stay for days
leaving me with a scarlet harlot letter

and the weight of your hand on the back of my head
pushing you further into me
until my nose rests on your skin
and I can feel the tight tendons in your leg and
this is

it
Continue reading...
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