It always seems to help
A kind of self...self-help
To diagnose this

It always seems better
Released from the fetters
Of my emotions

I can smile

You lied to me
Again

I knew you would
But then

I never thought
It would

Be something like
Like this

Now what do I
I do?

I decided
To move

To move on and
Forward

To forgive and
Forget

While the rest of you
Are trying to impress everyone
And live
On
The
Wild side
Some of us
Are just trying to have
A normal
Ordinary
Life

It's not as easy
As drugs
Or *****

It's not something
You pick
Or choose

It's not a thing
You can
Control

It blackens you
Like soot
Or coal

I wish it were
Simple
Easy

But it's not
Something you fix

I wish there was a manual
Telling me what to say
A speech to give to someone
To not push them away

I wish someone wanted me
The way I wanted them
Someone to fall in love with
My loneliness to stem

"You'll find someone" they tell me
But I don't want to wait
I want to find someone now
But no, I'll have to stay

The search is never over
I'll look for all my days
Who knows if I will find someone
To be my hope and stay?

It's easy for everyone
Else, they've all found they're love
A perfect match for perfect ones
A match made up above

They don't get to say that
I'll "find someone someday"
It's easy to look out on me
And with confidence say:

"You'll find your special someone
He's out there somewhere, dear"
I don't want him to be "out there"
•
•
•
•
I want him to be here.

No one should have to stay up
Stifling sobs
Because they don't feel worthy
Of someone's care

No one should ever feel guilty for
Loving someone
Or even showing interest in them

No one should ever have to feel
***** for brushing hands with
Their soul mate

No one should ever feel
Too ugly for society

No one should ever feel
Too vulnerable to express
Feelings they've had for
What seems like forever.

No family should ever
Make their child feel bad
For the style of music they like
Or books they read
Or clothes they wear
Or makeup they have

No girl should ever feel
Like no one could ever love her
Because of the way someone has told her
And convinced her
She is

No boy should ever be
Teased
And mocked
For feeling emotions stronger
Or deeper
Than others are capable of

The way he is treated
The way she is made out to be
The way they are made
To hate the sight of themselves
Should never have entered into human
Thought.
We are all beautiful
We are all lovely.

I wish someone would notice
What's wrong
I pray and pray but life just
Goes along
Why can't you hear my restless
Mournful song
Help me
Please
I'm drowning.

"You're not really alone"

But I feel alone
Don't try to fix it
By constantly trying to talk
Just listen
Help me find someone
Who makes me feel not alone.

All these people missing each other
And more often than not
They are separated by
A Distance they never wanted

I live for the moments.
Not the times or the days.
I live for the memories
When I'm swept away.

I live for sweet things
Hugs and kisses at night
For opening the door for me
And turning off the lights

I live for porchstep-kisses
And stars hung in the sky
I live for the wonderful things
The ones that get me by

I live for actions, not just people
I watch what they do
A deep head-thrown-back laugh
Little things get me through

I live for the soft things
A bird that flutters by
The jumping of a fish
The kiss of butterflies

I live for the love
And for the lovely things
I love the thought of fantasy
Of kings and of Queens

My heart beats for the good times
The times of happiness
Where all of my anxiety
Shrinks away like mist

I breathe for the gentle times
The rise and fall of a chest
For late-night sipping cocktails
Until there's nothing left

I live for pouring out emotions
I didn't think I had
And saying I'm upset when
I didn't know I was sad

I live for the moments
And the times of trust
When I know they'll last forever
Like friendship's loving rust.

I don’t understand
Why the most important thing
Is to be physically beautiful.

I don’t understand why it is required that
We do our best to impress
People we don’t even know
It’s all for show

So why do we go on
Dragging our feet
Smiling on the street
But crying inside

When the tears that streak
Our eyes
When we cry
Show the beauty we hide

We may be broken
We may be sad
But we are all beautiful
On the inside

We must walk in light
And not in darkness
Speak of truth
And not of night

Think of good intent
And not of evil
Love like God
And live like Christ

We must treat our friends
The same as we
Give to them
And not take back

Jesus loves the weak
And the burdened
Holds them close
And ne'r let's go

Lord

Give me strength to
Love the wounded
Care for them
As you did me

Show them how you
Brought me-wanderer
Down to kneel
Before the king

Give me peace like
Bright blue rivers
Let me pass
it to my own

Give me lungs to
Sing your praises
You are I AM to
Make it known

If there was a world
Where I lived without you
Had other friends
That would be something new

If there was a world
Where you didn't exist
Would I have a reason
A way to persist?

If there was a place
Where you didn't survive
Or lived somewhere else
Or you weren't alive

If there was a plane
Where you, my treasure
We're taken from me
With all of life's pleasure

I can't say I'd know
Whatever to do
Because, dearest friend
I can't live without you

So do keep on well
And try to survive
I can't live without you
So keep by my side

Wind whips through my hair
Sending it like a cat of nine tails
Across my face

I smile on

A foam of gray spreads its wings above me
So different from the blue of yesterday

Bleak brown figures reach
Their bare arms towards me
Begging for the coverings they have shed

I glance down, and rise up
A shiny black surface smiles at me
How odd that the chariots that ride it
Are so rusty
And unadorned
Unlike the solid ground
I once rode on
Gray and ugly, but ridden by shiny, beautiful things
Almost as if to say that the most beautiful
Things are found at the lowest point

Sky above me
Trees around me
Ground beneath me
Blood inside

Take me to a summer where
Glory will in my eyes shine

I finally gave him
All that I said I would.

If I could write a poem
From the notes of a song
A song near
And dear
To
My beating heart

And plucked out by
My heart strings,

I would write a novel

But alas
They are just notes
And these - majestic words.

You, God, are holy
My foes are lowly
Your arms they comfort
And stay with me

My heart is heavy
My face downcast and
My emotions get
Away from me

But praise to you who made the stars
They will shine out your name
This battle is not ours
And you love me still the same
So praise your name

You, Christ, are lofty
Though my heart pains me
I trust in you, ***
You loved me first

Heartbeats-they weaken
The sun will sink and
The dark will set in
But you remain

But praise to you who made the stars
They will shine out your name
This battle is not ours
And you love me still the same
So praise your name
We praise your name

You lift me up above
And down below
To show your love
So we can know

Your garments torn up
You drank from hell's cup
To lift us all up
To show us love

But praise to you who made the stars
They will shine out your name
This battle is not ours
And you love me still the same
So praise your name

I don't know what I believe
Just that my heart screams out "no more"

Am I the villain here today
Or victim with my tears unsure

Though I don't know where I play part
I have been weeping from the start

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me

Please help me now, I feel I drown,
I'm lost within the sea

It all just keeps getting
Worse
And
Worse
Because the people who said
They'd never leave me
Think I'm weird for being so sad.

I poison all the happy people with
My sadness

I'm sorry I'm not as pretty as her
I'm sorry I'm not as funny as her
I'm sorry I'm not as "cool" as her
I'm sorry I don't laugh as nice as her
Trust me. I live with her every day.
I know how perfect she is.

But I'm a human, too.
I still feel things as deeply
If not deeper
Than she does

Life is sad
Life is depressing
Life is slow
Life is angry
Life is rough
Life is...too much.

So breathe deep
Sing loudly
Dance any way you want
Have long emotional conversations
Listen to music
Take long showers
And never
Ever
Feel unloved.

In 2 days
I will either
Lose you forever
Or see you
Every week.
Please
Please
Please

He's The One
He's always there for me
Had a not-so-little crush on him
In 3rd grade

And I love him far as telescopes can see
I'm the only one who'll love him
'Till my last breath.

But then there's her
Who'll leave him
When the sun comes up

But he holds her tighter
He loves her more
All these emotions
Swirling 'round
Make my heart sore
He pulls her closer
They push me away
And oh my heart
How I long for him to say
"If you're willing still
Please have me
Do you love me?"

A few years pass
And he still holds her near
And my heartbeat still gets fast
When he walks toward me

I still love him far as telescopes can see
But she's got him in her grip
And won't let go

But then there's me
Standing in the background
Wishing he
Would hold me just as close

But he holds her tighter
He loves her more
All these emotions
Swirling 'round
Put me at war
He pulls her closer
They push me away
And oh, my mind
And heart and soul
Just scream and say
"Please leave her
I still want you
Do you love me?"

I'd found my  love
I'd found The One
I'd found my sweetheart
But there he was
He stole my heart
And now it's beating

He held her tighter.
He loved her more
All the emotions
Love, hate, anger
I'm at war.
He pulled her closer
They pushed me away
But now he's come
And says
"I've got something to say:
If you're willing still
Please have me
Could you love me?"

I'd love to tell you
That when you
Light up
My phone's screen

I smile

And smile.

That when
You message me first
It makes me feel so special
Like you want to speak to me

That hugging you
When we see each other
Makes my heart flutter

That loving you
Is so much more
Than just a longing

Because I think you are The One

But I can't.

Because then you'd know.

There
Is so much negativity
In this place
That I
I can barely breathe.

And crushing
Crushing my spirit
When I want to make it better
Only hurts the healing.

I love you more
Than day is long
But what I feel
It seems so wrong

Because you love
One of my friends
And still this pain
Will never end

Instead I have
To sit here and
Just feel my heart
Break and bend

I wish that I
Could hate you, sir
But for this love
There is no cure

Yes, only time
Can mend this thing
So linger I
To hope clinging

Am I the only one
Who loves
When I'm in a car
And it's pouring
Down rain
And you go under a bridge
And everything
Just for a moment is peaceful
And quiet?

I wish it happened more often.
But then it wouldn't be so special.

You can't draw misery
Like you can draw a house
You can't draw pain
Like you can draw a mouse.

You can't draw hurt
Like you can draw rain
You can't draw crazy
Like you can draw sane.

You can't draw tears
And you can't draw sorrow
But if you need a model,
Here's a heart that you can borrow.

You can't draw scars
Like you can draw perfection
*** unlike flawless,
"Ugly's an infection."

The thing about love
Is it heals every hurt
And sometimes it gets better
Even when it feels worse

The thing about love
Is there's someone to share
All of your hopes,
Your hurts and your cares.

The thing about love
Is if it's true, it lasts
It pulls you back together
Like an arm in a cast.

Whole again
Broken again
Lost?
Found?

Smile again
Frown again
Lies?
Truth?

Laugh again
Cry again
Hurt?
Help?

So many
Different
Feelings
I can't
Remember
Which is good
And which is bad.

All I know is
The bad always comes back.


I can't wait for the good to return.

I just do not get
How you can insult others
And when I tell you
How much it absolutely
Hurts all of our hearts
I am the one in the wrong.

When I can't sleep
And the darkness won't close in
Hovering ever close
But never touching me

I close my eyes
And think of my fondest memories of you.
Only then am I able
To **** the black into the recesses
Of my mind
And finally
Rest
Peacefully

God made me loving
So I would love everyone

God made me broken
So I could make sure I never break someone else

God made me hurt
So I could heal others

God made me anxious
So I could learn to trust

God made me motherly
For those who don't have one

God made me uncoordinated
So I would know that balance
Is not always physical

God made me compassionate
So I would know his love for us

God made me faithful
So I would know what it's like to be betrayed

God made me insecure
So I could tell others that no one is perfect

God made me human
Flawed
Broken
Anxious
And uncoordinated that I am

So He could prove to me
That He is stronger than my ups
And
Downs.

How many times
Have I sat here

How many times
Has the wind whipped my hair around my face

How many times
Has the night engulfed me
In its dark arms

How many times
Had this sidewalk been my #1 place to pray
Pray that maybe next time it will work out

How many times
Have my tears wet this pavement

How many times
Have my worries swept away the dirt
On your surface

How many times
Will I sit here again

How many times
Will the hurt trickle into the cracks
On this cement

How many times
Will the rain cover the tears I've wept
Like I did again tonight

How much more pain
How many silent comfort sessions
*Can I take?

I was broken
I was crushed
I was hurt
I was rushed
You came up
Took my fright
Brought me back
To the light
You would never
Put me down
But when smashed
In the ground
You loved me more
Than I thought you could
Didn't leave
You just stood
Stood with me
Through it all
Helping me
To stand tall
You loved me
Through my tears
Can't repay you
Even with years
Thank you, dear
For loving me
How you helped
You cannot see
I know somehow
I'll find I way
All you've done
To repay

I'm tired

Tired of being used
Tired of listening
To relationship problems
That don't involve me

Tired of being ignored
Tired of caring
Tired of giving more than I take
Tired of losing

Tired of everything
From too much
To too little
From craziness
To boredom

Tired of being misunderstood
Tired of crying
Please
Please just leave me alone.

People don't understand
That even as a joke
Just the way I am
Clouds my heart with tears

Every picture I see
Are pictures of failure
Even being me
I'm failing there, too

I'm just so tired of it
Feeling not good enough
It burrows a pit
Deep in my stomach

Wish I could see myself
As more than just nothing
Throwing my heart on a shelf
Along with all my other fears.

There's always going to be people
Who you meet
Who you love
And who leave you.

But then, there's those people
Who you meet
And their ok.
But then, something just...
Clicks.
And you find yourself wondering if
Somehow your soul strings are intertwined
Because there's just not enough ways
To love them.