i love you to the core of my being, so thoroughly that every cell comprising me aches to be near you.

i can imagine us together so well. i can see every little piece of our future together. the things we will do, the things we will say, the places we will go. everything. i can see it so vividly like i'm just watching a movie play in front of me. and it makes me fall even deeper in love. i just hope the universe doesn't tear us apart.

i know the distance ***** but just remember that we lay under the same stars. place your hand over your heart and remember i'm right there.

you have me. until every last star in the galaxy dies. you have me.

you make me feel seen.

~ july 8, 2018 ~
i just need to focus on all the good things. not my past. that's a bad thing. too many bad things. no more bad things. only positive. i just hope the universe is finally on my side.

i saw your name today. and when i thought of you, the fire in my chest grew and i could feel the warmth spreading throughout my body. i am so in love with you.

"i'm a mess, but i'm the mess that you wanted."

don't worry. i will always be there to comfort you.

i am so afraid of losing you
that it's making me sick

you make me happy just by being yourself.

we were always made for each other. we were always meant to be.

your soul is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

i sat in front of the mirror, naked. it's time to love myself. i looked at every inch of my body and picked something out that was great about that spot. i slowly rubbed lotion in circles all over my face and love radiated from my fingertips. i thought of all the compliments people gave me: soft skin, nice eyebrows, beautiful eyes, soft hair that always smells good. i told myself, "no one else is just like you. you are unique. no one else has those amber eyes just like yours. no one else has your soft skin. no one else has that scar under your bottom lip. no one has that tiny hole at the top of your left ear that was there since you were born. no one has the small chip in your front tooth. and you know you've always loved your face. stop listening to those demons. remember all the times you looked in the mirror and smiled at yourself because you felt beautiful." next, i rubbed lotion in circles all over the rest of my body and love radiated from my fingertips. i told myself, "no one else is just like you. you are unique. no one has that beauty mark you love where your right shoulder meets your neck. remember that beauty marks are just angel kisses and that an angel placed two on your skin where your heart is to make it soft and full of love. no one has that birthmark on the right side of your right breast. no one has that birthmark right above your belly button and a little to the right. no one has those same stretchmarks on your *******. it just means you're growing. no one has that trail of beauty marks on your left upper arm that you like to call a constellation. no one has your hands, your favorite part of your body because you just like the way hands look. no one has those same battle scars. they show that you have survived your hardest moments. don't regret them." so i kissed them instead. i kissed that one scar i hate many times, then looked myself in the eyes and said, "i forgive you." i moved down. "no one has those same stretchmarks on your hips. it just means you're growing. no one has those same scars on your thighs. no one has those same bruised knees. no one has the same anything as you." remember when we were younger; we used to look at ourselves in the mirror and we loved ourselves so much, we kissed the mirror to kiss ourselves. well, i'll do the same right now. i looked myself in the eyes and said, "you are beautiful. you are loved. you are lovely. you are exactly the way you're supposed to be. don't let anyone ever change anything about you. i love you. i love you. i love you."

making you smile is one of my favorites things to do these days and every time i make that happen, my heart smiles back at you

tonight i will go to sleep smiling, dreaming of you.

all i know is i'm in love. you feel more like home than any house i've been in ever has. every time i think of you, a safe feeling washes over me and i can imagine us being together for the rest of our lives.

i will always wait for you. i do not want anyone else.

you are the one i was meant to find.

i will always love the color yellow now. that is the color i was painting my bedroom wall when we started dreaming of being something more. it was when i first knew you wanted me. when i first knew you wanted some kind of future with me. the first time you made my heart race. the moment i knew i was going to fall in love with you and there was nothing i could do about it. the first time i felt a connection. the moment i knew we were going to be something more.

when we met, i was nothing. but your love made me into something.

you are exactly the type of person i've always wanted

I used to think I could control the weather
What I felt inside always matched what was happening outside
When I was happy, the sun shined bright and the warmth wrapped around everything in it's path
When I was sad, it was cold and it rained.
But it's more than just that.
When something was tearing me apart, it rained harder.
When I wanted to scream and cry and not be alive, it rained so hard, it flooded everything
Lightning shot through the sky and the thunder shook the ground
I'm sorry in advance for the storms I may feel
I can't help it
I didn't ask for this superpower
It was just given to me
And I try to keep it all inside
to keep the sun shining
But sometimes I just break
And I'm sorry in advance for all the damages that may take place
I didn't ask for this superpower

this is one of those days i feel way too much. and right now, my heart is overflowing with love for you.

you're my other half. my soulmate. my one and only. the love of my life. my everything. i hope you know i'm going to love you for the rest of my life.

i'm so deeply and completely and truly and madly in love with you.

am i happy? no.
will i soon be happy? no.
just the way it is

i think of you every waking moment.

you are the heaven i would go to hell for.

i sleep constantly
i'm usually so tired
i am right now, but

i know if i sleep
i will dream of losing you
and please forgive me

but i don't want to
wake up crying again and
feeling my world end

just look at me now
someone afraid of sleeping
something i once loved

i don't want to ache
and wake up crying your name
because i need rest

i would rather die
than to keep dreaming of that
it hurts way too much

so i stay up and
try to remind myself that
you are here to stay

all i want is for my hands to hold you.

i want to say i love you
but that would be wrong, wouldn't it?

i want to know every single inch of you.

the sadness stays away when i am with you.

i think we have the kind of love others dream about.

sometimes the universe gives you little gifts. signs that point you to the one for you. and you don't even recognize them until the universe brings you together and you look back and see the countless messages the universe was giving you. baby, all the signs pointed to you.

you pulled me out of the darkness and for that, i will always be thankful.

your eyes are lights guiding me through the dark.

darling, you are so special and you mean so much to me. so much, i have written 100 little love notes to you. and still, i'll write more just to show you how special you are.