over thinking about over thinking about over thinking about over thinking

cars pass by
they softly shake this old house
they softly shake my old thoughts

wheels against the street
they mimic the door **** turning
they mimic my fast moving mind

headlights brightly shining
they light up my pitch black room
they light up the silhouettes haunting me

horns blaring
they scare the dog into barking
they scare the self destructive whispers into screams

Broken breathing and deep regret,
All the thoughts running through your head.
As the night falls, the gentleman calls,
Prepares you for the new path ahead.

"It's nicer and quieter,
Not at all filled with dread."
He looks at your walls and leads you down halls,
Confident you'll finally leave your bed.

"It looks enticing," you say to yourself.
It makes you believe that you were a fool.
"It's not too late. It has to be fate."
Nervous and waiting, he hands you your tool.

"I'll say my farewells as I leave on this journey.
Goodbye all who were waiting for this day,
To those that I love, I'll be up above,
Don't worry, I've found my way."

I found her in the mirror five years ago
her damaged body unwanted
she was sad and tired

I found her in the mirror five minutes ago
her beautiful body extremely desired
but she was still sad and tired

How I long to see you
Open your mouth and tell me the truth
Please tell me you're being honest
Everything that you are is what I adore

is America really the land of the free?

are you healthy?
are you young?
are you rich?
are you heterosexual?
are you white?
are you male?

by answering "yes" to all of the above
you can call America the land of the free

the vast majority aren't free but we will still fight
we are the brave and this is our home

I know the color of your flesh but not the color of your desires

I wish all of my bad memories were like the leaves on the trees
after holding onto my weary branches
they fall and wither around me
until someone comes and takes them away

I've wasted such beautiful words and phrases
on the most toxic people
I tell myself it won't happen again
but the cycle will continue forever

you are the sun
I am nothing but a dwarf planet
I orbit around you and rely on you for warmth
you give me life

my anxieties keep me up
they tell me you might not like me as much as i like you
you unknowingly punched those worries in their ugly faces
you make it obvious to me
i love you too

this piece of plastic makes me feel better than you ever did

i feel like i'm unfit to live in this life
everything confuses me
nothing seems to be worth it
what's the point?

i do not exist for your pleasure
are you so entitled to think my goal is to please you?
clearly i don't know you
and you don't know me
i don't love you
i love her

did i just say that out loud?

something seems different
part of you has changed
i don't know what it is
but you don't react the same towards me
did i do something?
am i overreacting?

i want to be that interesting girl
i want to be proficient with words
is it so selfish to want to be admired?

why do i miss you?
its been less than two hours
you're only at work
but god do i miss you so much

she called me "baby"
she said I belong to her
nothing else matters
but the bliss she gives me

i don't want to be so ambitious
but you and i could be something so beautiful

we're not lovers
we're not friends
we've been mistaken for both
what side are you on?

he seemed like he wanted to stay on this ride
he made it an experiment
he didn't like rollercoasters

I'm still on this ride
You've gotten off a long time ago
Someone took your place
and they're actually enjoying this attraction with me

it's no doubt that we are truly one
when we love each other with our bodies

but even when we love by ourselves
we never split

blood is thicker than water*
scientifically, true
figuratively, a load of *******

you tasted like lemons,
although that's my favorite flavor,
the sourness should've been a warning

i feel congested
my heart is arrested
and i can't find my way down

I will forever be a
loser
loner
lover
The only change is a single letter

there's a devil on my shoulder
and an angel in my heart
they're both telling me to act on my feelings for you
but i'm too scared of rejection

how long will it take to be okay?
how much effort do i have to put in?
i'm at my limit

little do you know
you're the one that makes this smile show

poetry
isn't just words on paper
words are flowing
like paint from a brush
these words make you feel something

the hardest
part of
saying
goodbye is
the fact
that
sometimes
there's no
closure

rays of sunshine only last a second

the thoughts in my brain are like tiny trains
they keep going and going
no destination in mind
no destination needed

Express yourself!
Don't be afraid to show your true self!*

No matter how much I want to,
No matter how much I need to,
I can't.
I don't want to get beaten.
I don't want to get ridiculed.
I don't want to get kicked out of my own home.
I'm not comfortable in my own skin.

I still feel your presence after all these years.
It's your old self, the one I fell in love with.
You've changed, for better or for worse?
Just stop haunting me.

all you need is seven words here
another five fits right after
ending with seven just like the start

someone asked me if i was homeless yesterday
well, i have a place with four walls and a bed
but is that really a home?

the beginning
You dropped a seed.
I picked it up and gave it a home in myself.

the middle
It grew in my heart.
I cared so much for it,
Watered it,
As hard as it was, I even changed the soil surrounding it.
Blossomed into such a beautiful floret.

the end**
You left.
The sacred efflorescence shed its petals.
My soil wasn't enough for you.

don't drag me along on a ride you're not even on
you've gotten off this theme park attraction and i didn't even notice
i was too busy smiling from ear to ear
just tell me you don't love me anymore

When my depression ate at my soul, I was in a truly bad place.
I didn't have many physical friends.
The only ones that seemed to always care were in my head and fit in my shaking palms.

My judgement is clouded.
I can't tell right from wrong,
And you're to blame.

My habits have changed.
My friends call me insane,
And you're to blame.

My stomach constantly tickles.
My feet are walking toward you,
And you're to blame.

I'm ghosting my fingers on your spine.
Our lips are touching,
And you're to blame.

You have taken residence in my mind.
Rearranging the furniture,
You make yourself at home.
Put your feet up.
Get comfy.
You'll be here for a long time.