I sat and listened
wondering if it was
the music,
the lyrics,
or you giving it to me,
that made it my favourite.
I can't recite a line or note,
so maybe that's my answer.

I sat and wondered
everyday
wondered why
why me
why this life
answers?
none.
I only had myself,
and all I did was wonder.

Sometimes,
when you look close enough,
you can find tears in the eyes of your heroes.

Right when we get close you're ripped away.
The tears I have can't show the hurt in my heart,
They aren't enough.
The pain I feel will never be exposed for others to see,
They wouldn't know what to do with it.
Trouble is,
Neither do I.

I see the stars in your eyes and I forget,
That this is what darkness looks like.

The tears that fall on these blank pages will remain
unseen
unheard
and unjustified.
I'll only know of the pain that brought them about,
and the source of their infidelity to my heart.
Only in thought are we not alone,
but only in sharing our thoughts can we cure our sickness.
I'm weak,
all I want to do is shut down,
People are counting on me,
People are counting on me.
So I speak.

I'm just a cloud in a dark sky and
The only stars I see are in your eyes
The more I stare,
The darker I become.
I said I didn't want to lose myself but,
I feel like getting lost in you would be worth while.

I looked up at the night sky
Every single star exploded at once
A storm of dust surrounded me.
I couldn't move,
I couldn't scream,
All I could do was stand there in silence staring,
Wondering if it would ever end.

Your eyes are about as sharp as the knife I always imagined piercing myself with.
So look away,
Unless you want my blood to be on your hands.

You were the closest that I had gotten to loving someone else,
And I pushed you away.
How I wish you would have pushed back,
And how I wish you would have stayed.

I sat in fear of rejection,
Wanting you to pull me close.
We both knew we were wrong,
But for once,
I wanted wrong to be right.

Everybody needs to run around,
But I'm stuck on third,
And all I want to do is run home.
So I fill my days with mindless games hoping I can forget how I felt,
But saying goodbye was the worst I've cried and all I want to be is back in your arms.

I love you how I'll leave you,
With all of my heart.
I have nothing left to give,
So they remain strangers.
My heart always belonged to you,
I'm not sure why I tried selling myself to anyone else.

It was summer,
I was eighteen.
The lake was new to me,
Everything was new to me.

Excitement dressed my face in soft pink and sweat,
I jumped in with my eyes closed,
Held my knees tight,
The water hit my toes,
It was cold,
A cold I hadn’t felt before
And not until I was met
With a warm towel
Did I feel safe.

My lips were blue and
My knees shook,
I sat in a ball on the dock,
Looked to the moon
And the stars seemed to cradle my thoughts,
I was safe.

I know one day,
The urge to jump will set in,
But for the amount of time it took
For the pink in my cheeks to resurface,
I think for now,
I will sit with my towel,
Thoughts in the stars,
Waving to each passenger swimming by,
Wishing them well.

How many voices are behind yours?
Who speaks for you,
Who are you speaking for?
Who are you if not you,
And only others who have invaded your mind and left fingerprints on your heart?
I'm looking for someone I once knew.
I miss you,
Come back home.

I'm smiling everyday,
There's a twinkle in my eye,
At least to the outside world,
I look fine.
No one sees
What happens when I close my eyes
Except for me
So I don't sleep
And I hope my bloodshot eyes
Don't give it away
And I hope they don't notice,
The muscles in my face start to tremble.
On the outside,
I hope I look fine.

Sometimes
tragedy
can be a kind of
twisted beauty
making us crave pain.
Don’t let that take away
from the beauty you can find
in good fortune.

You'll find a girl
much simpler than I,
much softer to touch,
much sweeter to smell,
but I don't know
I will find a boy
fiercer to love,
or nicer to look at.
When I look at you,
my world stops,
my heart opens,
and there is no place
I'd rather be.
I know you'll be able to find another,
but I'm just hoping,
that maybe,
you'll choose me.

I found it today in the birds and the trees,
In the ocean breeze,
I found it in the smile from a stranger,
In the lick of the dog,
In the hands held by couples walking by,
In the blink of the eye.
I found what I thought was lost,
I found love,
Or it found me.
Whichever the case,
It isn't gone,
It's just hiding in all the places we forget to look.

If I reach out,
hold my hand,
and don't let go.

A picture is worth a thousand words.
What I find most impressive,
is how with one sentence,
you can paint a thousand different pictures,
in a thousand different minds.

You shield yourself with silver and gold,
I see right through.
What I'm seeing,
is empty space.
Have fun being chased.
Running is entertaining for a while,
until you run out of breath.

My unmade bed reminds me of my unmade head before you left and now all I see are stars and reasons why I can instead of why I can't and what love truly means and why when I fell asleep last night I was happy to wake up and I noticed the beauty in my breathing and how I want to laugh forever. I stretched and felt the cold tile on my toes and it tickled and I wanted to dance to music I hadn't heard before strings and drums and guitars and maybe I could learn the guitar and I could play music for someone else that didn't end in tears from locked up fears instead that just ended in a long melody that never truly ended and just played in the background reminding you to smile. I saw colours I hadn't seen before blues reds bright whites luminescent lights shining so bright I had to blink one two three times to not see spots but I had my eyes open and for the first time I wasn't tired and I wanted to keep them open for as long as I could soaking in everything I couldn't see until now. The world looked so clear outside, I felt for the first time like I was real and someone somewhere could reach out and touch me. If this is life I get it now I get why writers write why birds fly and why bunnies hop and dogs bark and why the sun rises and the moon talks and why clouds look like the most comfortable space in the entire universe. I get why you had to break my heart. I was already broken my whole life before you, and only now I feel complete, after being shattered.

I was wondering why
The other day
Why they were ten steps ahead when
Last I checked
We were heading down the same path
On the same train
We had seats beside each other
Didn't we?
That's when I realized
We were standing still.
I stared at you for a year,
And when I finally came to blink,
Everything had changed.

It would be nice
if our eyes
never ran dry,
I would have never
had to blink.

I look around and all I see are unhappy people living unhappy lives.

Maybe we write to create worlds where people don't let us down,
where we don't let ourselves down.
Maybe we write to create relationships that last,
To create courage and honesty.
Trust.
Real love,
what this world once had that is slipping away.
I want to catch these things before they fall,
I want to collect every single piece of what I think love is and
swallow them whole,
just to show the world it still exists.
We're not lost forever,
We might just be for now.

If you leave
dream of me,
I hope you always think of me.
I'm lost without you,
Don't you see?
I'm constantly reminded.

And if you don't
believe me,
And when you left you forgot me,
I hope you always dream of me,
In night terrors and lions.

Maybe,
we're all just imitating someone we saw once,
Trying to be all of the people we've decided we respect and admire.
Maybe,
None of us are truly unique to ourselves,
But rather a collection of our favourite minds,
Put together as best we can.

So forgive me if I falter,
I'm just trying to make you proud.
I'm just trying to make myself proud.
And sometimes,
Most of the time,
I'm not sure who that is.

The world does not belong to you,
Nor do I,
So get your eyes off my heart,
And your hand off my thigh.

Tell me you love me
then tell me you don't,
Play a game with me,
Hold my hand,
Break my heart.
Thing is,
You can do all
the ****** up ****
you want,
But I was the one
standing in the front,
Of all of the lines
that waited for you
to be done fooling around.
You picked the girl who
skipped the line.
Do you ever wonder,
If she's going to cheat
your heart like she does
the rest of the world?
I guess that's what
this life calls karma.

I put a piece of my heart away for a long time,
You know after a while,
You forget where you put something?
Until one day,
When you're not even looking,
You find it,
And you promise yourself you will never lose sight of it again.

The day you said you could have loved me,
I ran as fast as I could.
Today I ran out of breath,
And I'm alone.
I'm sorry.

You woke me from a deep slumber,
And I've been awake ever since.

If only heaven had a mailing address,
Maybe then I could send all the letters I've written to you,
Maybe then you could know how much I've been struggling living in reality,
When my thoughts of you seem so real.
I'm hoping that all of the things left unsaid,
Are sitting in the space between here and there,
Between where you are and where I am,
And you've read them all a million times over.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing,
But then I think there's nothing to be won.
My friends have lies in their eyes and stabs in their hearts from the ones they truly loved,
Who they thought loved them back.
Does anyone know what the word means anymore?

I heard the space in your voice,
I felt the void,
I put it there too.
Don't treat me like I'm brainless,
That's the one thing I kept when I gave you my heart.
Keep sleeping alone beside me,
I'll be gone in the morning.

I used to love you,
Before I knew you,
When I thought you were someone else.
Now I see you,
And I wish I kept my eyes closed.

I hope their lips
Aren't as soft
As mine were
When we first kissed.

You're the only thing I thought could make me feel better,
But here I am fine,
And where are you?

I'm lost between what I said and what I did.
The separation from my words and actions,
Lets me stay calm and in the body I live.
I don't feel at home here.

Where am I going?
Point it out on a map.
In this head of mine I am already in the clouds,
Counting stars,
One, two, three.

Until the world goes dark,
I will keep counting stars.
One, two, three.

We're still kids,
Don't you see?
I'm still sitting on the staircase,
Listening to you scream,
Waiting until it's safe to fall asleep.

My life has turned into moments on the staircase,
Heart tense,
Hands over my ears,
Biting back tears,
Wanting it to end.

You're a mess,
And I'm obsessed,
Just kiss me when you go.

your eyes met mine like,
closing time.
the lights came on,  
and I went home.

Maybe if you liked yourself a little less,
You could have liked me.

How are we supposed to know truth,
When all we spit are lies,
To ourselves the most,
Salivating until we become the ties,
That keep them together.

I wish I could reach out,
Grab what you call your honesty,
And choke it to death,
To teach you the meaning of friendship.

Here's your money back,
I'm sorry I can't give you your time,
I'm a shell of a girl,
but don't worry,
on the outside I'll be fine.

Goodbye has become a simple phrase,
One I share with one too many.

I'm anxiously waiting,
For someone who makes saying goodbye not so easy.
For someone who makes saying goodbye impossible.

I'm hoping that on the other side of a goodbye,
There may come a hello,
That doesn't end the same way all the others have.

I don't know what to do,
with the things life has given me.
Maybes,
Changes,
And too many "ifs".

I don't know if anybody will ever stay.

Where are you going,
And,
Can I come with you?

Instead of saying,
"I hope you don't forget me",
I hope that when you want to remember me,
You can.

I don't know
If I liked you
Or
If I was just lonely.

What I fear,
Is that I can't feel the difference.

My eyes are still wet from where you used to be,
I'm not sure they'll ever be dry.
The only way I think I could accept the fact you're gone,
Is if you come back.
So I beg of you,
In a dream,
Tell me that everything is going to be ok.

I woke up today not thinking about anything,
or that's how it felt at first.
I moved my hand,
and it was as though it belonged to someone else.
I looked at this foreign part of my body,
and closed my eyes.
My heart pounded inside of me,
I can't get out.