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Antonio Dec 2015
Sold my soul to an old folks home.
Comforting, surrender to the norm.
Uneventful life, void of purpose.
Melting ***, a varnished surface.
Synthetic reason to go on.
Walk a line until its gone.
Follow your dreams, live for something. Fight for something
Antonio Dec 2015
Pull my sleeve as I descend, to my cave my holy den.
Comfort me and make me see there's so much more that I can be. 
impetuous brain, inevitably insane.
When i die what will remain.
A hollow shell an empty name , A calling, unavailing to all days.
Take these bricks  tie them suit
The extra weight will help me lose

Watch as I'm pulled to my abyss
The hollow feel of deaths first kiss.
The final breath of life you'll live.
gone with a gasp it goes so quick.
It's over now... i really quit
Antonio Dec 2015
Sometimes i wish i could forget you. but i know, that's not what i want. I think really deep down, i wish for bliss, i wish for ignorance. A child like mind, closed up and tied, containing only good thoughts of you. I wish to be blind to the world surrounding.
A straightforward life, but i'm scared of the truth. For all i really want, is me and you.
Antonio Dec 2015
Threw my last dime in a wishing well, now i sit and watch.
Standing in the water, yelling, shouting loud.
Screaming, but its muffled, i sit and hope you hear.
Me yelling at you, across the street, please just know I'm here.
Screaming but it wont come out
Antonio Dec 2015
These marks on my arms, are not scars, but indents from your hair.
Rest your head ill comfort you like warmth in summer air.
Gone in the wind, a blissful haze, a loving gaze from better days.
When they return, come fill your place.
Bring me burdens, bring your pain.
Return you to our hopeful chase.
Aspirations
Antonio Dec 2015
Make my body, a host for your pain.
sell myself to keep me sane.
Take your burdens, come weigh me down.
If your happy, I'll gladly drown.

Look up through the surface, my eyes meet your face.
You are sporting a smile, a frown once replaced.

Content in this lake is where I shall lay.
as long as you smile, I'll happily stay.
Shouting from behind a glass wall, I want to save you.
Antonio Dec 2015
Time, is gone, it never comes back, flies right past and knocks you on your ***, as you recover it flies by again, a vicious cycle that never ends. Falling and falling until we are dead.
What is life, its pretty pointless
Antonio Dec 2015
Look at this cloud,
and how it hangs high.
How it hangs high diluting my mind.
So dark and so thick, making me sick.
Blocking out vision, while subtracting purpose.
Under the surface, i really am nervous.
When will i die?
Where will we go?
Our path is pre mapped.
Like prints in the snow.
Following where, each must go.
If you come with me, im sure that you'll see
All these great things i know we can be
Your destiny is predetermined. Playing some game until the end.
Antonio Dec 2015
Spin on past, and knock me down. On the ground, is where ill bare my face. My true self without this mask.  Walking past dying trees, snow falling gently on my face. Look at me then, and you shall see, there is really nothing more to me. A hollow shell, numb from his past, an empty vessel, who will just pass.
All ill leave behind in this world is a name i didn't even choose
Antonio Dec 2015
The thought of work hurts my mind.
wish I could stay cooped up inside. Wait out this pain,
Like a Train.
Who's rails would bring us close.
So far, yet so close. So true yet so distant.
Antonio Dec 2015
ATTENTION ATTENTION

give me it all

Without your love, I surely will fall.

Plaster my heart on this yellow brick wall

Crush me, remind me I  really am small

A worthless being created by lust

A child of no one, living in dust
Some of us, created from love, others created from lust.

I fear I'm the latter.
Antonio Dec 2015
Revisit the spots, the ones where we'd talk. Just you and me. Look over the hill, and see the city. Converse about our plans, and how'd they never change. As I sit here, I notice how they did. That optimism died in me, lived on in you. We drifted away, like past days, washed away. Really all I can say...
Is
I miss you dre.
I've felt really distant from the closest people lately. I must be awful.
Antonio Dec 2015
A racing mind, a focused gaze.
Tarnished thoughts, a filthy haze.
Pick me up and dust me off, leave me on the floor.
For i cant look at your eyes anymore.
They make me weak, take my speech.
Remind me of who i used to be.
An optimist, a crazy dreamer.
Not this non believer.
Growth.. take my life, if it resets my age.
Antonio Dec 2015
His thoughts echoed in his mind, like screaming in a cave.

"I love you"

He looks at her with a gentle gaze, in hopes to ease her pain.

What she returned, was a hollow stare that showed how much she hurts.

Her poor plagued mind, she wears it like a curse.

Screaming and shouting but nothing comes out, for this poor boy, rarely opens his mouth.

But this young man would give his life to see her smile through,
this thick dark cloud that follows both, around her tiny room.
Thoughts... And some more thoughts and then it ends.
Antonio Dec 2015
It amazes me your gentle hands could create such pain.
My heart of scars, shaped in your name.
A shallow act.
As low as dirt.
Has bent and twisted, had it's way. 
Changed me, made me stronger today. For a scar is not a mark, sported by the weak. But a guideline of who to be.
A story. Who will it be? Who am I? Who do you see?
Antonio Dec 2015
I would pretend not to care, because it kept you right here.
But now i know, that action is sad. Wearing a mask of ignorance, that blinds all i see. Deafen myself to the world around me. A shattered up heart, ripping apart, with every trail of light that passes the mark. Rip off the mask and now i can see, just how toxic the world, and you, are to me.
Mask your feeling, she doesn't care

Hide all your wounds, pretend your not there.
Antonio Dec 2015
Under his bed collecting dust.
An old toy, no one to trust.
Take this chord, around my neck. Pray to God that they forget.
Start to slip, then feel a hand.
Pull me from this dusty den.  
Untie the rope and looks at me.
Runs away, what did he see?
A tale from years past, darker times. They're coming back
Antonio Dec 2015
The less you have
The more you get
The more you have
The less you get

Cycles of want

GREED

Never ending

NEED
Happy holidays
Spend all your ******* money
Antonio Dec 2015
I looked in the mirror, I was greeted with your face in place of mine.
Who have i become, accustomed to feel numb. For i am happy now, knowing your regrets. Do i find joy, in whats eating you alive?
That cant be, that is not me. Suffice to say, my knuckles are bloodied and the mirror is not intact.
well ****.... gotta buy a mirror now.
Antonio Dec 2015
When i do die, i hope its at the right time, for if i am to die early my soul will wander endlessly.

A search for knowledge much after the grave.

While my physical self rots away.
I'm terrified of death, but not death itself
Oak
Antonio Dec 2015
Oak
If i were to hurt, someone so near and so dear, to my heart. I wouldn't know where to start. The shame i would carry would weigh on my brain, an imprint of you, creating deep pain. For one stupid act, so quick, just seconds. Could have killed us that night. But if i survived, when you were both gone, i could not go on. How could I?
I got in a car accident driving like an idiot last night, i could have killed two of my closest friends. It makes me think.
Antonio Dec 2015
I took a familiar drive today.
I hoped to see your face.
I treated you like gold.
While you were tarnished and frayed.
Gave you all i had, you took it all away.
You robbed me of joy, took away trust.
Now a lingering fear sits inside my gut.
Always there it never leaves.

I wonder why, so late at night.
Someone would do such a thing.
As cold as ice, dark like hell.
You grabbed my heart and cut it out.
Replaced my joy with fear.
I fear this one, this perfect piece, will lose interest
Antonio Dec 2015
Help me, can somebody please.
These thoughts that linger in my brain,
They never seem to go away.
Like clouds of smoke in clean, blue air.
They pollute all that is there.
Be it joy, or even pain.
Create a haze, a thick black paste.
That coats my heart, like a plague.
Antonio Dec 2015
She looked at him,
and with one swift word, denounced him of purpose.
" Im hurt" she whispered, as he backed away
He dropped to his knees and started to pray.
Begging her please to forgive what he'd done.
She rubbed her finger over a bump now attached.
A marking a man can never take back.
Tools hit their wives.
Antonio Dec 2015
He's back.

Watches from my bedside until  i rise.
As i do he whispers clear.
Asking why I'm still here.
Tie my laces, see a noose.
Look to you, whom i know ill lose.
Draining me, an emotional ploy
To him my life is just a toy.
Pulling, bending, break, and twist.
Waiting for the day I give in.
His control, an iron grip.
Im beginning to fear, he'll soon win.
He visits me like a ghost, and follows me. Constantly over my shoulder. He never leaves
Antonio Dec 2015
I think it's time I up and leave. Packed my bags, collected pay. Time to push to a new day. A brand new place is all I seek. A different view is what I need. Find my self and start a new.

I'll sure miss you.
My last resort, I'll wait a month.
Antonio Dec 2015
Nothing I answer, as she sighs and looks away, but if i were to say what is really on my mind, you probably would not see me again.

It all comes at once, it never stops, my mind is like the station, my feelings the trains.

                                               Rush hour is infinite
A hive for my feelings, a burden for my brain. Wishing somehow i could just take it away.
Antonio Dec 2015
I find comfort in being sarcastic, for it tricks my brain, and my feelings towards you. Like a black tarp, sarcasm covers my heart, and lets nothing sting. But that is not true. For this tarp is torn, my heart is sore, and I cant lie, to feel less blue.
Lie to myself, every minute of everyday, to mask pain, that i wish, didn't exist at all.
Antonio Dec 2015
Half asleep in my room.
Flood my mind with thoughts of you,
spring awake, begin to shake.

I have this fear, gently whispering in my ear.
Makes me wonder if your still there.
Don't move on I beg you please.
See your smile, fall to peace.
•huh I wish•
This mind is scared you'll find someone new. Someone better
Makes me blind
Antonio Dec 2015
Screaming in the dark, you pause and await response.

This is what we have become.
Antonio Dec 2015
These things I want to say, can't wait another day. But in my mind, I fear they'll stay. For I cannot risk, losing you today.
All these things that I should say. Put them off another day. Until the day you Walk away.
Antonio Dec 2015
Your constant search, are you not tired? Can't we just try. These little whisps of optimism will sure be my death, these little whisps of optimism, always come to an end. A screeching halt, a sudden turn. To the dark and for the worst.
Meh. Kinda liked the last line.
Antonio Dec 2015
My poems are sad, yet they make me glad, they bring me joy. I mock you and your actions and it makes me content, with how you left. Broken down, in my weakest state you sent me the pictures, revealed your true face. Blame myself, but truly it's you, wish for the best for the pair of you.
Closure for a wound that's been open for far too long. Peace

Enjoy the south Oshawa filth willow in pity where you belong.
Apparently I can be a ****...
Antonio Dec 2015
Constantly thinking, a worrisome dreamer.
Lost in my thoughts, wish they were clearer.
Not hazy, nor grey
but vibrant and true.
Wish that my thoughts resembled you.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing"
Antonio Dec 2015
Leave the world just for the night,
come with me,
let's go climb.
Through my window,
to the roof.
They say stars point out the truth.

Staring up, a clear night sky.
Leave the world below us behind.
For on this roof,
I can fly.
For on this roof
it's you and I.
Let's stargaze all night long.
Antonio Dec 2015
Pray one day my dreams come true.
The dreams include just me and you.
Happy running in the rain.
Happy running with no pain.
Unrealistic, projections of the mind,
are where i seem to spend my time.
Playing happy, worry free,
laughing, jumping you and me.

Fear my dreams will come alive.
A fear, that holds firm in my mind.
Me with you
And
You with me
Maybe we can never be
I had a dream in which i killed an old love with my fists, and another in which we kissed. Weird huh
Antonio Dec 2015
Few things bring joy,
into my dark life.
But one is you,
pulled away to soon.
What will I do
an eternal absence.
Until my head collapses
Antonio Dec 2015
Welcoming, and humbling, what do i see?

A lovely lady, who needs more than me.

Leave me in the morning, I'm all right, for I will be alone tonight.  

With my thoughts, in my room, used to think i needed you.

But was I right? time will reveal within it self.
Hell. An awkward hell

been writing a lot of music lately. Its comforting to laugh at myself.
Antonio Dec 2015
A pain inside so deep, so trapped. A mine of hurt left intact. It can't be seen, nor be touched. Just know that it is there.

Fear runs rapid through my mind, wakes me up so late at night. Roll to my side and see your face, and just like that I'm back asleep.

She left me torn, and out to die. She left me cold with doubt inside. But now you are here, fill her place. I long for your loving embrace. Comfort me, I am so small. Show me love, or nothing at all.
Whadda bish
Antonio Dec 2015
Like a warm summer haze

Like a loving embrace

Like a gaze that saves me, and brings me to grace

Like a tree in a car.

It never goes far.

But you hope it does.

With one dying wish, I long for a kiss, that tells me just who we are.
You are mysterious, and wonderful and everything glad, but you are dark and hurt and terribly sad.
Antonio Dec 2015
My long time friend, he has returned, laying pain, upon my heart. And on my chest, my head, my mind. He is back, this time worse, no one's here. Wish I wasn't.

This is my curse.

Ignore this, for it is not a poem. Just something to ease my mind.
Depression, it's always here, but it gets increasingly worse at times, in waves, of excruciating pain. I want to be dead, you say your here no matter what, but why do I feel it's the complete opposite.
Antonio Dec 2015
Hope you don't expect from me to much.

For we both know I'm too awkward to love

Push me down, the look in your eyes makes me want to die.

Too awkward to love,
Too nice to ask

Too awkward to love,
but i sure can hold your hand.
I love making fun of myself, especially when accompanied by joyful guitar.
Antonio Dec 2015
Lost in a valley of my mind.
A winding cavern so dark inside.
Need a light to show the way.
Need someone to come, but stay.
For if you leave the flame will die,
and i will stay, trapped inside.
Lost in my head, come find me, come save me.
Why
Antonio Dec 2015
Why
Why do I hurt so, why do I fear where you'll go.
I hope your true, for if your not I cannot bare the memories, stuck in my mind like a wood man's glue.
All I think about is you.
Talking on with no end, holding hands upon your bed.
I know not why, but I'm really depressed as of late.

— The End —