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May 2020 · 283
countdown
aj kamari May 2020
3 untrue words.
2 fading loves.
1 shattered heart.
this will pass.
May 2020 · 121
where
aj kamari May 2020
I never know
where I fit inside your mind,

or if I'm even in there at all...

that to me
is an even scarier reality I think.
May 2020 · 430
yet
aj kamari May 2020
yet
you liked my body,
yet rejected my mind.

I craved conversation,
yet you desired touch.

I shared my thoughts,
yet you shared unsolicited provoking pictures.

you wanted secret hookups at midnight,
yet denied picnics at noon.

and yet, I still thought you were different.
Jan 2020 · 204
i'm fine.
aj kamari Jan 2020
yes, the sadness hurts

     but it's better

than being

     numb.
Jan 2020 · 310
will you..?
aj kamari Jan 2020
will your heart belong to me..
or shall I always long for it?

will fate push us together-
as some predestined prophecy-
or will it repulse us far apart-
as some gruesome curse from nature?

will you leave like a blade caught in the wind,
or will you stay planted like a root in my love?

will you look me in the eye and say those three words-
holding me close so I hear your heart and smell your hair-
or will you turn and hide your beautiful eyes from mine?

will you stay for me..
or will you leave for you..?
I don't think I could fathom the feeling of being left once again.
Dec 2019 · 342
resistance and gravity
aj kamari Dec 2019
i want to let go
to jump into the void
and catch my wings on an updrift of wind
to feel the freedom of longing
but the resistance and gravity
of the thought of you is both holding me back
and pulling me down.
the thought of you restricts me from
going,
leaving,
starting my life how it's suppose to be,
becomes hope is demolition to a soul of love.
notice how i said the thought of you.
it isn't you,
but my mind's imagination of what could be.
the gravity of knowing i will never be enough for you
pulls me down and weighs on my heart.
i know it will shatter and i know i won't recover..
but it's a high that only your drug can give me.
and honestly, i'd face this overdose
over withdraw anyday.
not my best work but i'm sleep deprived and missing my ex. i'm sure we can all understand and relate in some sort of way.
May 2019 · 369
another victim
aj kamari May 2019
the light in your eyes
is drawn away but the darkness of conversion
to someone you don’t want to be
society pulls and strains
until the light is ripped in two
and disintegrated
and the dust
is blown into oblivion
making the darkness a monster of their own imagination
you are filled to the brim with their ideas
of beauty and normality and acceptance
squandering any chance of revival
and forced to live among the social rocks
another victim of their rage and discontentment.
sorry it’s been a while ya’ll i’ve been super busy but enjoy :)
Jan 2019 · 1.8k
individualism falls
aj kamari Jan 2019
built to be torn
grown and then chopped,
we are.
set up in a mainstream world
blindly unaware that acceptance
is just an illusion with false hype
of great importance.
with conformists scared of 'insanity'
and shunning as the cure for all fear,
individualism falls.
society mindlessly pushes difference
off a black and white cliff
to decompose in a sea of acidic hate.
just for being content with our oddities,
we are shut down like the ignorant.
oh, how unfortunate we are
to be cursed with a brain.
Jan 2019 · 422
kiss the needle
aj kamari Jan 2019
we can love if you will kiss the needle
just a little bit bigger-
your image isn’t your most beckoning quality
just a little bit thinner-
we can sleep if you will follow
just a little less brain-
don’t stand loud love, it isn’t becoming
just a little more tame//
stand straight but think alike
don’t stray or wander from the path ahead
walk in unison and stay uptight
basically, loveables are brain dead.
you don’t belong here.
people always tell us who to be and who not to. to stay thin and keep our pretty mouths shut. we are to be superficial followers and we aren’t born for this world.
Nov 2018 · 295
paint your words
aj kamari Nov 2018
paint your words in the sky
oh darling
don’t let them shut you out
cry out all your thoughts
and scream your insanity
for they can’t understand until they hear
yes you’re different
but truly beautiful you are
and bright filled with drive and passion
so paint your words
as you would a picture
and let your mind speak the chaos.
you are all beautiful.
Nov 2018 · 267
THEY.
aj kamari Nov 2018
THEY make you feel special-
and then leave as if you were nothing more than a bag of trash.
THEY tear you down without even knowing it-
slowly chipping away the pieces most prized to you.
THEY sink you to the bottom-
and only then do they leave so you’re left drowning;
watching them float back up;
wondering how they manage to be completely fine after wrecking your life.
THEY lie and steal-
parts of your heart and carry it with them as trophies of all the people they’ve hurt.
THEY make empty promises-
they seem solid, but in reality are nothing more than hot air.
THEY are the **** of the earth-
and they reel you, offering you the world knowing that’s exactly what they’re going to strip from you...
Oct 2018 · 1.4k
run away
aj kamari Oct 2018
i want to get away from
everyone
and go into solitude.
i don’t want to run away
for only seeing other places.
i want to run away from all the
sadness and despair that seems to follow me
on every corner i turn.
i want to run away in more ways than
entering other physical cities.
i want to run away from my train of thought
and from my though processes alike.
i want to stop feeling
like i’m always the one that cares more;
the one who has everything to lose.
i want to stand out of body while
watching life collapse
instead of being thrown in the middle
like an intuition
to the destruction of all things orderly
while others scorn what they don’t comprehend.
for once,
i’d like to get away-
from the emotional,
mental,
physical,
trials and stop being guilty
of expecting the impossible.
Aug 2018 · 1.7k
she doesn't know you.
aj kamari Aug 2018
it's hard to imagine that you're not here with me.
it's even harder to imagine
that you're with her..
does she know you?
i don't mean your favorite color
or your middle name-
i mean does she really know you?
does she know
how you hate pizza sauce?
or how the restaurants
never get your simple hamburger order correct?
does she know
how you still listen to your dad's music or
does she laugh at your style?
does she
put up with your sudden mood swings when you don't remember your medicine?
when she reads your poems,
does she admire your amazing vocabulary?  
i hope she knows how lucky she is.
when you see rain,
do you think of us dancing in it?
do you think of me
when you see roses
or remember how you used to call me nicknames
only we understood?
do you think of me at all..?
a part of me doubts it.
Jul 2018 · 5.0k
distance on the couch
aj kamari Jul 2018
i can leave you alone.
i won't text you
or call you.
i'll sit as far away as i can from you.
i will no longer tell others
of how you're mine.
but the distance cannot stop my brain
from recalling memories.
all the distance on the couch.,
cannot stop my eyes from wandering to your messy hair or piercing green eyes.
it won't guard me from remembering your voice
or how in love with you i am.
a love as powerful as mine
cannot be damaged by such a measly tool
as the distance you want.
Jul 2018 · 4.1k
gut feeling
aj kamari Jul 2018
life full of meaning
when your name enters my mind.
screen of black lit up with your simple calling,
a token of your thinking of me.
smile spreads across
and stomach becomes uneasy...
i want to shout;
shout it to the world
this gut feeling.
it whispers to me:
"you love him.
you're in love with him.
tell him. tell him and he's yours."
only i can't say anything.
it's simply not my place to.
one of the hardest thing is loving someone you can't be with...
Jul 2018 · 1.3k
amulet
aj kamari Jul 2018
claiming i was yours wasn't the biggest lie
you told me,
giving me false security and sense of hope
i was an amulet for your anger
an amulet for your pride
left on the ground
all broken down
with scars on my side
Jul 2018 · 1.7k
silent killer
aj kamari Jul 2018
he has no clue
that he's killing her
he has no clue
how much he means to her
he has no clue
that she would die for him,
live for him,
or **** for him
he has no clue
that she loves him
and it's killing her
in every single way

— The End —