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Nameless Feb 2016
She keeps me
From keeping thoughts
In my head

She smothers out
My flames of chaos
Journal
Nameless May 2014
Like most things under pressure,
I also tend to crack.
Nameless Jan 2016
I'm not focusing on the fact of how much
work I have to get finished, by tomorrow.
Because if I DO I'll freak out.
I just focus on getting it done... Not how much.
Chemistry-----
Math----
S#!t...
I can't do it...
I'm smart.
I'm awesome.
I got this.
...
Probably
journal
Nameless Aug 2014
The way you address me
Is very important
You must think with care
But YOU,
You did not...
You should have know better
By now
But you're all too foul
Cause you,
still smell like death...
Isis you appall me
Nameless Apr 2017
Things I'm scared of-
Falling in love,
Falling out of love,
Being forgotten,
... the jack in the box man.

Scratch that last one.
But I'm still scared.
Since I got back from the hospital,
Everything scares me...
Love scares me.

I'm with someone; yes you steven.
And yes I'm scared.
You know how I can get so down
That I can't get back up.

But you are scared too.
That I'll leave you.
You're scared of me, that I'll hurt myself.
You are scared to know my past and my mind, cause maybe...
It'll be too much for you,
My problems will become your problems.
And you'll feel just as ****** as I do...
Nameless Apr 2017
People say we need religion;
We need "god".
To help us, to guide us, and to keep us safe.

Buy I believe life would be easier,
Without religion.
If people would just realize,
They don't need some grand figure to tell them to not be a ****.
You have more willpower than you know.

You can stop your bad ways or habits without "God".

Just don't stop.
But some people arnt strong enough-
They are weaker.

They lack the willpower to realize there is no "Grand plan"
If there is a "God", he left a long time ago.

You are free to make your own plan.

You are in control of your own life.
Nameless Jan 2016
Ever since I was little
I was taught NOT to trust people... they will hurt you.
They are Sick, Perverted, Homicidal, Suicidal;
From **** to A *******.

But now...
I'm scared of everyone
terrified
but I ignore it & act like a 'People' person.
Journal
Nameless Jan 2016
I know I'm different,
Believe me it's true...
I've been through
too much,
You-------
Journal
Nameless Jan 2016
When it comes for the weekend,
I'm happy to have a short break
from the hectic daily life of school.
...but
I'm grounded, stuck in my room.
Netflix, Youtube, and video games
help distract me...
...but
I feel really lonely.
so inexplicably lonely.
Journal
Nameless Jan 2016
Today is the day I end someones life.

For a span of 2 to 12 years,
will I feel guilt... through the span of those years?
Will I feel something when he gets out?

21...
I'll be around 21, when he gets out.

Not even the age he was,
when he put me in that awful position...

He ruined my life... kind of?
So isn't it fair that I ruin his?!?!?

If it is...
Why do I feel so guilty,
like i'm the monster.
F**K...

Stockholm's syndrome?
Journal
(Why do I feel sorry for him?)
Nameless Feb 2015
Behind your shadow,
I stand and fall.
It's a tough battle,
In which I feel so small.
My feelings toward you
you might think are dumb.
Sad, upset, confused,
angry, hurt, and numb.
When I needed a mom,
you were not there
to talk about boys
or to fix my hair.
Yes, you did call,
every once and a while,
but an ocean of tears
hides behind this smile.
Tormented, trapped, and torn,
my heart says I feel.
Seven years after I was born
my heart won't start to heal.
I see other girls
laugh with their moms,
I go dizzy with swirls,
and crash like a bomb.
The anger in me
rages in fright,
always staying angry,
I just think I might.
Time heals everything,
I don't think that's true,
I know something
time did not do.
Time has been flying.
For a long while
I've always been trying
to show a real smile.
One thing that hurts,
and I don't know why,
you moved far away,
and it makes me cry.
When I think about this,
to myself I lie,
I've gotten over you,
that I would not try.
You are a mother,
a mother of two,
me and my Sister.
We hardly know you.
Every night I think
of how my life could have been,
tears run down my face,
and my world starts to spin.
These past few years
have been really hard.
For the rest of my life
I'll be severely scarred.
It took me time to realize
what you did to me.
Tears in my eyes,
and you're clueless it seems.
I try to be brave,
it really hurts.
You could have stayed,
instead of making it worse.
I want you to know this,
it's sad but it's true,
you hurt your little girl,
and your other girl too!
You ruined me,
you made me cry,
you really hurt me,
and to laugh I try.
There is a hole in my heart
the doctors don't see.
I guess they don't know
what my mommy did to me.
If you want me back,
you have to prove
you can be a mom
to me and Brittanie, too!
When I screamed for you,
did you hear a sound?
I guess you didn't,
because you were never around.
I will tell you something
you cannot forget,
once you hurt your kids,
it will soon come to regret.
Nameless Sep 2014
I want to destroy you as bad as you destroy me

But sometimes

Most of the time

I want you to destroy me

If it meant lying next you at night
Nameless Oct 2015
I read... Read till my mind is at ease.
To find proof of a terror greater than mine.
Fear the dark... Instead of the men knocking at the door,
always knocking.
Hide n' Seek, My mother and I would play... Every time
The men would knock.
Scream... At the sight of that mask, The mask your brother
would terrorize you with.
Instead of how mother acts as she drank...
And drank & drank, till she fell to the floor.
So I made a game of it...
'Quiet Lion', I whispered as I curled up next to my ill mother.
One day... My hunger got to me.
So, when the men knocked, I ran from my hiding place... & let them in.
Now the game was (Quiet Mouse Still Mouse),
Mother knew how I hated that game...
But I was FIVE & everything was a game.
I'd play house, When mother and I would switch places.
I never can remember us switching back----
Maybe, We're still playing...
If we are, She's really bad at Hide n' Seek.
Nameless May 2014
(Barbara Green)
A child so small
so vulnerable and weak
helpless, powerless
not allowed to speak.
Lying awake in bed
knowing he'll soon appear
Frightened and trapped
living a torturous nightmare.
Body is shaking
trembling with-in
preparing for
the terrible acts of sin.
Left all alone
with no-one in sight
The abused child cries silently
all through the night.

How does one heal
from such a horrible crime?
The scars, the damage
lasts a lifetime.
Emotionally I struggle
to make it through
Not knowing Why?
I feel and act the way I do.
The tragedy is over
but the turmoil is still there
I wonder, If my outbursts
is a way to see if anyone cares.
Please! God help me
I cry out
with so much anguish
fear and doubt.
Nameless Sep 2014
I thought
When I got someone new,
I would feel a sense of happiness...
Or anything really.

But NO,
I still have that empty feeling...
But now it's growing vast;
Eating away at my chest.

No longer feeling numb,
But a dull ache
...
From head to toe
The emptiness has grown.
Because,
When I'm with someone else; I feel nothing.
...I need you.
Nameless Oct 2015
I stare at the ground, no need for attention.
I don't want them to find me, to fixate on me.
So, I make myself small;
Just a smudge on a camera lens.
I won't make a sound.
Be something... not desired.
Don't show that you're scared.
Try and scare them, anything to shake them off!?
They have a tainted soul, all they do is hurt.
Their hands reach for me.
...Maybe if I wasn't so small, I could yell.
And someone would help me!?!?
But, They already forced their sin
down my throat & hands tight against my windpipe.
Why don't they fear me!?
My psychotic tendency's, nulled by my loss of consciousness.
I hope I never wake up,
to see their face.
(GROTESQUE)
No struggle.
They've tainted my body,
but not my soul.
I picture their death at my hands...
                                                          But I'm nothing but a dog with no bite.
Nameless Apr 2014
we're together again,
like many times before,
and I'm left wondering,
how I messed things up,
So I can keep you,
from no longer wanting me...
like before.
Nameless Apr 2014
Love is lost
but at what cost
to my fragile soul
with my mind withering away
why can't it all,
just be a game?
Nameless May 2014
a kiss from a barrel or a hug from a rope?, it doesn't matter, I've lost all hope. the sorrows inside me have taken over, you've borrowed my heart and ****** it over, but its my own fault for loving such a person, to care about such a person, to believe in such a person. but I wont let it happen again, there's nothing left to gain, its time to end you sadistic game. so... a kiss from a barrel or a hug from a rope?
Nameless May 2014
she has half of her head on my laptop,
move her ear just to type,
she's drooling on the key board...
she's a dog.
Nameless Apr 2014
I don't want to be alone.
i want to be needed,
to be depended on,
for someone to be there for me,
to make friends with my demons.
For them to hold me close,
and calm with the sound of their beating heart.
I need to feel like I belong,
like I'm normal...
  I just don't want to be alone, anymore.
Nameless Oct 2014
He looks to the playground;
seeing only a little boy,
alone on the swings.
He thinks to himself,
where could my daughter be?
The little boy
on the swing lifts his head,
looking back at the father.
The father just sitting there,
(WONDERING)
where his little girl is.

I grab my backpack.
Smiling as I run to fathers car.
It takes him a moment to long,
to realize that little boy...
Was his daughter,
alone on the swings.
Nameless Apr 2015
The guilt I didn't know; was apparent.
Letting it be seen.
When I travel to the other plane of my existence;
it was a hellish nightmare.
(Don't let my memory fail me)
"Do I not wash in SIN,
though how small it be."
It makes a dread filled notion,
when I sleep.
If insomnia were not the curse, what is?
What is it,
that I so desperately need...
to put my broken mentality at ease.
Nameless May 2014
She is kind in heart,
but her soul seems dark.
{Yet when you prevail through the darkness}
In her mind you'll
notice
a bright,
shinning light.
And you will be overwhelmed,
with
a feeling of
Bliss.
Nameless Jan 2016
I find things...
little things.
So... so small.
it clings to my touch
and I'm on fire.
I bat it away,
and i'm cold.
but I can tell its cold too.
...all alone. scared.
then I notice how alone i am.
how scared...
but still i call it closer.
and i feel it again,
burning at my fingertips.
I feel it's fear,
it's remorse,
and guilt.
But still,
I beckon it closer.
Because,
I feel compelled
to protect it.
Even if it burns me,
and my embers fly.
And the wind takes whats left of me.
'til I am all alone,
scared,
and cold...
Again.
please tell me what you think about my poetry
Nameless Sep 2014
We, as poets

we fear the tangible

our fingers have lost the ability to

touch, to

feel

from

nights spent clutching our pens

from

unclenching our fists

from

peeling our

fingertips away from the ones we cannot afford to lose.

From pressing the familiar lines of our

palms together while looking

up past the cracked ceiling

up past the cloud that Darius calls

God

We, as poets, do not believe in a

heaven, for

Purgatory

is so sweet
Nameless Jul 2014
The people surround me.
I kick,
I scream,
When they try and grab a hold of me.
I punch,
I curse,
I bite.
...
They have no right,
To make me in there image.
...
Don't take off my cloths!
Let go of my binder!
Give me back my boxers!
I'm kicking and screaming with all my might.
...
They have no right,
To make me in there image.
...
Take these ******* off me now!
Get this boobie trap off of me!
Please, take this dress off me now!
...
crying
C-can I please have MY cloths back?
Nameless Sep 2014
The thunder screamed
And the stream flowed on silently
The rain thudded and flooded
And the water spilled
Out like the words
From my throat
Awhile ago
Before when I stopped trying
To explain why I'm here
And all alone
And in the indents
Of where the stream lays
Now just a vein
In the floor of the crashing river
Is where the bones lie
From the body of the one
Who died trying to see through the universe.
Nameless May 2014
She is gone again
but this time
she will not come back
I never wanted to remember
her like that
when I found her
my world stopped
the note told me
what she thought
that I no longer loved her
...but I didn't know it was love.
why haven't I cried?
Nameless May 2014
Brutality in truth

my lips are on guard

protecting intuitively both

the soft and the hard



Behind silver bars

the hoops cold and round

I find liberty here

beyond unmoving sound



Caged freedom is red

my lips need to seek

the piercings remind me--

think and if need be, speak
(J.B.)
Nameless Apr 2014
She bites
not hard
just enough
to leave a mark
showing
that I belong
to only her
and when
they start to fade
she'll bite again
never once
breaking skin.
Nameless Jul 2014
They flirt and grab my shirt
No, I don't slap there hands away
I prefer a simpler method
Straight from there *****
Leaving them crying in pain.
I'll kneel down beside them
And whisper in there ear...
"Now we're both girls... I prefer it that way"
Nameless May 2014
You do not know me,
so you think I am strong.
You do not know me,
so it won't take very long.
Because you see
like most things
under pressure,
I also tend to break.
Nameless Mar 2016
"The people around me,
They don't know yet.
they don't know..."
That you're the only one...
"Only one---- only one--"
-Look AT US!!!
"I DO!!!"
WE ARE REAL
      I cover my face,
I've started rocking again.
... Something to sooth an infant,
so why not me?
Because 'we' are here
No...
Say it, where WE can hear you
"no... No... NO! NOOO, No---- no, no, no."

I feel my fathers hands on my shoulders
shaking me, awake.
Another nightmare, I hear.
He holds me in his arms,
drenched in fear and sweat.
They've gone...
Left me alone,
soon dad will too...
Even for a short time---
Just long enough for me
to catch
a glimpse
of *'Her'*
Nameless Apr 2015
I am one of many
Small branches of a broken tree
Always looking to the ones above
For guidance, strength and security.
One little branch trying
To keep the others from breaking away
Who will fall?
And who will stay?
Now I stand alone
Looking at the earth through the rain
And I see the broken branches I knew
Scattered about me in pain.
There are those who have taken an axe
To the root of our very foundation
And who have passed this destruction
Down to every new generation.
If I could take that axe
I would toss it deep into the sea
Never to return again
To harm the generations that follow me.
I am one of many
But alone I will go
And plant the new seeds
Where a beautiful tree will grow.
Nameless Oct 2014
I rise against,
the forces inside me.
They tug and pull,
trying to hide me.
But,
what is there to fear?
I don't want
anyone there!
'Cause you see,
I don't REALLY care.
Nameless Jun 2014
I can’t tell you why,

Is it when I cry?

To follow in the hate,

When they discriminate,

To the shadows I wonder,

To the crash of thunder,

I hide in fear of what they think,

It’s wrong,

The love,

The hate,

The endless debates,

Over the smallest things,

I can’t quite compare,

To the upper class,

They laugh,

I hide,

They smile,

I cry,

They punch,

They sneer,

To all that is worthless,

And I’m here to take it all,

The hits,

The bruises the leave,

The scrapes they create,

Never can compare,

To the fear the leave,

Unaware inside of me.
Nameless May 2014
Oh, please come play with me
outside in the summer
breeze.
We could climb a tree
and act like
we're three.
Please, come play with me.
We could catch
butterflies
or
dance in the rain.
What else is there to gain
from being here
with
me
...
Nameless May 2014
Don't be shocked with what I say
I'm the same as you
Yet, still you're afraid
with every word
you take a step back
ready to run
if I show a sign,
sigh -Oh this could be fun!
Nameless Apr 2014
I close my eyes once again,
I'll be laying soundly,
in the gypsy field,
with the sun on my skin,
and the smell of the crisp air,
the feel of grass on my bare feet...
but a loud noise brings me back to reality.
Nameless May 2014
Walking through the rain,
I try to forget the pain.
I try to ignore the sting in my eyes,
because I know, a strong girl never cries.
I begin to run, run from my fears.
But I am followed by my ever present tears.
I want to leave these familiar places,
leave behind all of these frequent faces.
But where will I go?
What will I do?
All I know is I have to get far away from you.
But something keeps me here,
crying one last tear.
Nameless Apr 2014
Nosy little red head,
don't be a snitch.
Nosy little red head,
acting like a *****.
Stay in your own ****,
or I'll treat you like a kid.
I wanted to slit your throught,
when I heard you read my note.
Not for nosy red head,
so hold your tounge or you'll wish you were dead.
Nameless May 2014
I was a dare devil,
I always raised the level,
I got bruises and scars,
But that didn't stop me from going bizarre

I would jump and skate,
But it wasn't my fate,
I have to find something else to do,
Before I don't have clue
© Sasha Morales
Nameless May 2014
Dark girl so filled with strife
Dark Dark girl she'll take your life
Dark girl stay for a while
Dark Dark girl she makes me smile
Dark girl she shows no fear
Dark Dark girl is always near
Dark girl wont see her cry
Dark Dark girl just wants to die

But Dark girl lives in the dark
so you don't see her painful mark

Dark Dark girl may never know
just how much the light can show
Nameless May 2014
Day by day the beauty of darkness
all around multiplies and blooms
into a flower of treasure by which I fill
my trove at the time when I hate to see
the day light and love to pass my time
under spell of bitter rapture and swim
with delight when, without sound I weep
in ecstasy I recall your cold face when I see
emptiness engulfs me and nothing I get to fill my void
but this lovely darkness and your shrug silently to ruminate.
Nameless May 2014
what do I do now
can you see
I've lost my way
when I chose
the path less traveled by
now I see,
into the darkness I travel,
then I realize I like it better there.
Nameless May 2014
Dear Razor Blade,
I'm coping.
I'm moving on.
I'm learning.

I'm changing and adapting to fit in with the emotions swirling around me. Patience is needed so often I had to drill it into my brain. I try to find other methods of dealing with this deep emotion other than letting it bleed from my wounded skin. I can try to find a way to stitch my butchered heart besides coming to you.
I'm coping.

I want to throw you away, but I don't think I'm quite there yet. Steps get farther away and I look towards something else. Something better. I want a smile that doesn't come from you sweet kisses, so I go to a happier place. One day I won't come back again.
I'm moving on.

I'm slowly realizing that this life has something to offer other than just tears. I have a smile that is fake at first, but it soon fades into a real one. I look at you and have different thoughts. I don't need you to make my life tolerable.
I'm learning.
Nameless May 2014
Days of endless struggle
More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear ‘normal’
In some sort of way.

It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn’t be here now
If guilt would leave me be

I know there’s been many
Who’ve had it worse than I
But that doesn’t always mean
That I wouldn’t say good-bye

People say I have a lot going for me
I’m sorry, but I just can’t see
I can’t see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but inside of me.

Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency
I’m nothing if I’m not up or down
I’m nothing if just ‘me.’

Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I’m made of lead.

Wanting to be excited
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It’s hard to focus on the poor.

Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It’s hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.

I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can’t do anything right.
This is how I’ve felt my whole dang life
It didn’t just start last night.

No confidence, no self-esteem
Everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to ‘sit tight.’

Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.
What a great combination...
Nameless May 2014
Just like a ghost
I drift through the days
Trying for reason
Thinking of ways.

Nothing changes
No matter how many pills I take
Give me numbness
And happiness I will fake

You don't pay attention
You don't even look
You don't glance
I'm an open book.

If you listened
You'd see who I really am
You'd know my pain
But turned away you stand

Eating disorders
And cutting deep
Everything is over
Nothing to keep

So when I die
You can have the guilt
Pay the price
Of the coffin you built

I'm done with tears
And everything more
This is the end
Of an open door.
Nameless Jun 2014
It seems like a big deal
...
At first
even to me.
But then I met
the girl who changed
...EVERYTHING...

The way I walk
The way I talk
(And)
how I do my hair
she doesn't even mind
when I wear boys underwear
...
Even though she's there
and not over here
I still love her
as if she was
in my arms
holding tight
in a
warm embrace
Cause her love
has a wonderful
sweetened
taste
<3
(~Caity~)
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