My mind is falling apart
with the time it takes,
to put myself back together
another thing will break,
So it really doesn't matter.

A dogs day is over due
the dogs day is not so true
running around, all so new
falling down, all to blue
searching in the calming breeze
terrified so horribly.

don't tell me
what to do
you don't know me
the lives I've torn apart...
don't act nice to me
you don't know
what I'm capable of...
so don't get so close to me
i'm hostile toward you
cause i will bite.

Love is some
peoples favorite
four letter word
and the Topic
of a major poets mind
but
love can be
guilt,
happiness,
and dread,
it can make you feel powerful
but even worthless.
when you lose it,
its a feeling you cant describe
with mere words
let alone a get well card
And when you
love someone
REALLY love someone
with all of your being
and when that's lost
You feel the whole world
weighing down on you
maybe you find another
eventually
but you're scared
scared that you'll butcher it
and wind up some
Play-thing
that is tossed away
when they find
a shiny new toy
but I'm not her toy,
Maybe I was to Brooke,
But Brenna is different.
She has so much love
in her heart
she tries more than anything
just to hear my voice
she takes care of me
I don't feel like a pawn
Or a second choice
to her I come first
Her love is real
Not that Brooke's wasn't
But Brenna's doesn't
cause me pain
or panic attacks
She is a rush of everything
she makes me calm....

don't question me
because you think I have the answers
don't fear me
because I seem strange
don't assume you know me
because of what I choose to tell you.

Get thee behind me, Doubt
There are dreams I belong to, don’t touch me yet again
Your vice has me in this schizophrenic turmoil
Don’t play with me, please, I cant surrender
The serpent coil of your dark moves tighten
Excruciating loss of naïve hopes
Scattered like phantoms on a lifeless night
The fever of a beginning, already parched
I stand frozen tonight
Fingertips hush an unspoken lie
Scared, my arms around my future, I hug
Shivering from memories of a past gone wrong
I look his way,
Would she find her way around my madness?
Would she stay?...

Shouting is not a way to ease your pain
You'll drain strength out of your body in vain
And what would you gain when you go insane?

No one said you shouldn't air your view, or plight
But you needn't shout before it comes to light
I know it hurts, but try to tame it right

There's always a great gift for self-control
That is a truth we hardly want to know
But as you can see, we shall always be told

I hope you don't mind, please give me a smile
Just forget the wrongs, calm down for a while
You are so dear to keep a heart of bile

I'm struggling
to keep my eyes open
making this world
not feel real
losing my grip
on reality
questioning
why I wake up
every day
yearning for eternal slumber
... then I open my eyes
wondering if this is all
just a dream.

so this is where all the dreaming takes me
to a cold, empty reality
with sleep still in my eyes
shivering, confused, I must’ve overslept
now it’s time to wake up
one last yawn, then face the lies
I’m barefoot and the streets are rough
paved with broken glass
but that’s okay
’cause the land is flowing
with milk and honey
bread and butter
and justice
if you just keep on going ...

i.

Witness the greatest horror
of my life;
first person view
bears illusions
I have control.

My life
spins uncontrollably
each emotion swallowed
within vicious whirlpools of
my existence;
like a sinking ship.


ii.

My words are a bayonet,
tearing large infectious wounds
in the hearts of those,
that once loved me.

I am a sadist;
enjoying every solitary slice I rip
from them,
and
their screams,
serenade my ears.

it completes me.

iii.

My soul stares in trepidation
disfigured with every affliction,  
I inflict upon others.

these skeleton wrists and
scare-crow ankles are strapped
to the water board,
built by my uncontrollable anger.

Forced to watch my body's new host,
destroy the temple it has invaded.

You think I'm weird,
with the way I do my hair.
You think I'm strange,
as you see me change.

What do you see,
that makes you so uneasy.

The wrap around my chest,
or my short hair,
could it be my plaid boxers,
or is it the fact that I'm a girl?

Why?
For what reason, if there's on at all.
If you truly have fallen for me,
Show me... in any way you see fit.
Cause few have fallen for me,
While I've done nothing
to be loved
So strongly by another.
But if you have fallen for me...
Please, bring it to my attention,
And tell me.

Daddy's little girl;
Wearing puffy bloomers, frilly skirts, and pretty silk blouses.
What a PRETTY girl, daddy's little girl was.
...
Daddy starts to notice
As his little girl gets older,
She is changing in ways
He doesn't wish to see.
...
Daddy's little girl;
Wearing plaid boxers, skinny jeans, and a breast binder.
Daddy doesn't like this girl,
He wants HIS little girl.
...
Daddy doesn't confront the girl,
Only yells hurtful things.
"You are NOT a boy!"
"Quit wearing BOY clothes!"
"If I see you wearing THAT one more time..."
...
I stay silent,
as a single tear rolls down my face.
"God made you a GIRL!"
...
Father is delusional, and there is no God.

When I feel this way
I try and think
I'm not sure what about
I just completely zone out
Lost in deep thought
...but I can't seem to remember any of it.

Fifteen's neither child nor adult,
In between charade and innocence,
Fending off the forces that would shape
Too soon an unremarkable result.
Even if one were oneself to ape
Essences to which the heart assents,
No draft could be approved without revolt.

An endless game of Hide n' Seek.
Don't you see,
My hiding place !?
It's not hard to find.
So, Why do you not hasten to me.
YOU MUST BE HIDDEN TOO!

Come with me,
For we must stick together.
As we all fear the cold, smothering belly of loneliness.
We shall confide in each other's pursuit for a common love.

When will this game end?
Before long...
For we now dread each other's company,
And long to be found.

The 'Game' turns into emotional torture.
We lost track of the ever burning sun.
Our memories become fabric
And
Our words cut out the shapes we need to keep warm.
Yet, The bitter cold is so ever tempting.

As our bodies together, like a great fire...
I realize-----
Only TWO were playing this 'Game'.

Follow The Leader,
I play.
... Lost as a dog.
Wandering,
through a dense fog.
*
A girl without a voice,
born to follow...
not to rejoice.-------------------------------------------
-------------­--------------------------
But now,
He tags along.
And before long, you see...
what he sees.
Following the leader,
as he plays.---------------------------------------------
-------------­---------------------------
Only two,
and one behind.
Only when I realize,
I wasn't born to lead.
...Do I see, that he;

Is following me.

It's just a small cut,
It's just a harmless scar.
You don't know what goes through my mind,
When I'm alone in the dark.
It's just a deadly thought,
I'm just a forgotten memory,
Deep in my eyes,
My demons are all you can see.
It's just another night,
It's just my one last try,
If you're not here,
Might as well say goodbye.

I'm forced
To wear a mask,
The mask I've wished
To throw away.
Now is back soon me,
What a wretched thing
This mask can be...
It's repulsive,
When I wear it;
Unnatural,
It agitates me
To a point
Where I'll go mad.
{PLEASE TAKE THIS MASK OFF OF ME... please}

As I sit in my corner and think about your lies,
I have nothing else to do but break down and cry.
You knew it would end,
You knew it would die,
You knew one day we’d have to say goodbye.
You told me you loved me,
You told me you cared
But the rage inside had slowly flared.
The moments we shared replay in my head
Along with all the sweet lies you said.
You thought it was a game
You thought you’d win
But in the end you felt nothing within.
Deep down inside there was a big empty space
That I now realize you couldn’t replace.
Something about you helped me see
That without love I’m finally free.
Free from pain,
Free from lies,
Free from having tear filled eyes.
Without your love I finally see
All the horrid things you’ve come to be.

its funny that you think I have a heart <3
but the fact is I don't
it was torn from me
when I was just a little girl
in fact I don't remember it ever being there.

I hate myself for being so rude
I hate myself for watching them ****
I hate myself for crying alone in the dark
I hate myself that i did not made any one to notice my bark
I hate myself for my frantic work
I hate myself for being called defected, outdated, and ****
I hate myself for distracting the attention
I hate myself for always getting detention
I hate myself for not smiling in my life ever
I hate myself for being so dumb and useless forever.
I hate myself for the manner-less things that I've done
I hate myself because I'm loved by none
I hate myself for losing myself in reading mysteries
I hate myself for not having my name in the book of histories
I hate myself for always over thinking on everything
I hate myself for refraining my thinking
I hate myself for living life stridently
I hate myself for living only in my nightmares particularly
I hate myself for the nobbling
I hate myself for my killing
I hate myself for all the pain that I've caused you dad
I hate myself as your 'daughter' was the poison of the home
I hate myself for everything
I hate myself as I let the stressful wail to sing.

I fear the dark
yet i live within it
struggling to find my way
with the scene of life long decay
do they know
that i can not see
do they plot against me
mentally abused
It's always been used
it shall make me loose control
wanting a way out
but none shall prevail
to this never ending hell.

Her stare pierces through me
like a gun shot
wounded
startled
scared
not sure of her plots
wanting to read her thoughts
but a void keeps me out
or is it a struggle to keep sane
her soul won't stay in vain
lost
cold
frightened
to be scares in the rain
to fall down to an awaiting train
as it comes
the screech but of not the train
but of the wounded
like a deer staring into head lights
started
frozen
dead
the train goes on
like it felt nothing
yet the deer felt it all
agony
relentless pain
and it was all in vain.

Hi. I'm human.

I make a lot of mistakes.

I'm hard-headed.

Assumptious.

Emotional.

Human.

I say things I don't mean,

And I mean things that I don't say.

I'm very curious., yet I fear the unknown.

I display all of my vices and conceal all of my virtues.

I get in my own way.

I'm human.

I am very unique, yet completely ordinary.

I lose interest in things quickly,

Yet stick with others 'til the end.

I'm loyal, yet promiscuous.

I want it all, but I'm happy where I am.

I'm quick to love amd slow to hate.

Well... Most of the time.

I am shoot first and ask questions later.

Well... sometimes.

I believe that there is a being greater than I.

And, no, I don't mean Beyonce.

I believe that science s a way to explain religion.

I believe in magic.

I'm Human.

I'm a bit sociopathic,,,

A bit crazed...

A bit depressed...

...but still lovable.

I'm very lonely,

but prideful and independent.

I'm desperate for love and need a good hug.

I'm human.

I'm stressed about the small things and

Lax about the big.

I set goals I never work towards,

And pass up opportunities that were thrown at me.

I stand up for what I believe-

Even if it's just in my imagination.

I want to fit in.

I want to stand out.

I'm a walking contradiction.

I'm human.

I have been stripped of my innocence and ****** into the real world.

I am given questions that I cannot answer.

I am given choices that aren't mine to decide.

I work through the hard times,

And pray for rain.

I have little faith in myself, though I would support my kin to the end.

I detest the atrocities of life,

And then add to their fuel.

But, I'm human.

I submerge myself in material things so that I don't have to face the terror that is our Earth.

Not the Earth of nature,

But the Earth of OUR creation.

I do stupid things, and ignorantly stand by them.

I do smart things, and stupidly apologize for them.

I have attitude-

PLENTY of it-

But maybe not the right type.

I'm human.

I defy the laws I have created.

I live to die.

Sunrise to Sunset.

I am NOT infinite.,,

,,,

,,,

,, ,And that scares me.

Because i'm human,

I am not limitless.

I push my own boundaries,

And orance on the border of sanity.

And

I

Love

It.

I'm human.

So my lies come easy but my truths are hard.

I'm scared of the dark,

Since it screams the truth.

I embrace thelight and oush the unwanted into it's shadows.

I want life to be eventful,

but I don't ever wanna lesve my bed.

I laugh.

I cry.

And panic.

And rejoice.

Bacause I am human.

100% ****-sapien.

And this. Is. Me,

I'm odd,
in many ways...
I'll talk to myself when no one is around.
I blare my music, while walking down the street; dancing, singing, head banging like no ones watching.
I make friends with the stray cats in my neighborhood.
I like dressing like a boy, and being with my friends.
I love to draw, write, and take photo's.
But my favorite thing to do is lay awake in the Gypsy field, with out a care in the world.

I am who I am
But I am not you
We may look alike
But I am not you
I will only ever be me
Which is a complicated thing
I see through my eyes
And not through yours
It's plain to see
But I'm blind you see
I am who I am
But I am not you
Who am I

If I could paint the world again
I'd draw your hand in mine.
And never would I forget, my friend
The ways we shared our time.

I'd pour my ink on time and space
I'd never blink and never trace

A single star would light the sky
It'd always shine and never die.

And next I think I will provide
Another moon, to change the tide

But be warned and beware.
For I do not know,
The power I share
Is the power I hold.

And if I bring you back alive
Would everything turn out just fine?

Or would my stars turn into dust?
Is this my love or a dying lust?

And see the moons, they'll start to fade
I guess it's time to end charades.

So now I guess I'll say good bye
And wait for christ to fetch me.
But while I live, you know I'll cry
And die untill I reach thee. - See more at: http://allpoetry.com/poem/11645228-Id-Pour-My-Ink-by-L.C#sthash.Dm69z3LG.dpuf

Yes, I certainly do
And she's on this site too
Talking with her
Seems so grand
Only if we could meet
Hand in hand
She is not yet aware
Of my feelings for her
I care for the fact, she needs to know
But I'll just stare at the screen
Waiting for a reply...
And at night I'll say goodbye.

I have one too many personalities,
I don't know which one is really me,
So if I'm nice at first, and then I'm mean,
You just met Sally, and then met Steve.

Yes it's strange, But don't be alarmed,
Steve and Sally cause no harm,
Neither does Sarah, or Sammy, or Stu,
But Darwin and Devin and David sure do.

Be cautious around us,
The villains I named,
You won't know who's who,
We all look the same.

Half of us would hug you,
And falsely reminisce,
But half of us will **** you,
So in this cell we sit.

“My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains”
my mind as I sit in my overgrown grassy field.
I lie back, and look at the last rays of sunlight,
glimmer across the green leaves of the trees,
that creep up behind me in their sneaky ways.
My head is throbbing as silent tears slip down,
unseen by anyone other than the stars in dark,
my pale cheeks, and my messy, knotted hair.
I curl up in a ball on my side in the blackening night.
I hold my arms tightly around myself, desperately,
trying to keep from completely falling apart.
My choked sobs echo in the woods that reach,
comfortingly, out to me. I am tempted to go;
to climb into my favorite tree, settle in my place,
and just lie there forever-until unconsciousness
becomes my lonely eternity. Animals, insects,
and bugs are dead silent while I cry myself to sleep,
in the soft, caring grass, and my final wish,
before I go under, is that it hadn’t been him;
it hadn’t been me, and that everything would
be back to normal, and it was nothing but,
a sad, frightening, horrible, impossible dream.

He came into my life
when I was just a little girl
I was happy and young
And then he changed my world

One night I was in bed
And he came to say goodnight
except he took a little longer
before he turned out the light

He really hurt me that night
And I didn't know what to do
I thought it happened to most
well every little boy and girl

I lay in bed that night
Hurting inside and out
tears streaming down my face
I tried hard not to shout out

I put that tragic night
to the back of my head
playing games at school
there was nothing to be said

A year had passed along
and then it happened again
My mum was out at work
it was him and me again

I was sat next to him
just watching the TV
when he pulled me close to him
and again molested me

I thought it only happened once
When I had done something bad
but now I knew I was wrong
I felt alone and sad

And 8 years on I got
the courage to tell someone
the police got involved and stuff
I was hated by my mum

she kicked me out that day
and stuck right by his side
saying I was attention seeking
and that it was all lies

so in the end it got too much
and I told the police I lied
everything went back to normal
I swear I wish I'd died

everything was going well
until he sent me those texts
saying he would **** himself
it was all my fault instead

so I went back to the police
and told them it all again
he's moved out for now
its investigating time again

but my mum still hates me
and thinks its all a lie
I feel so alone right now
I wish I would just die

I've told a couple of friends
but its hard for them you see
to put up with something as stupid
as a teenager like me

all I do is mope and cry
because no-one understands
what I feel inside each day
please someone take my hand

I cut myself sometimes
When the pain gets too much
I hate him for what he did
and where he used to touch

I often think I'll run away
or step into the road
my future seems so black and dim
I'm only 17 years old

And if the case is dropped
he will come back home again
and I'll be back to where I began
In a world of sadness and pain

I hope someone hears my cry
and says they understand
I just don't know what to do anymore
I'm scared and on my own

So you see I'm stuck forever
I just want to scream and shout
But there's something you have to know
That for me, there's no way out

I have a fear,
the fear of darkness.
But, i learned long ago;
when I was little.
How to drive the darkness away,
with nothing but a little light.

I want to make a giant splash,

not just a couple ripples.

I'll leave people soaked and stunned

at what I have done, for the better of

our crazy world.



I want to create an ocean,

not a small puddle.

People will swim in my legacy,

and remember how I tried to be my best.

I will not be forgotten with time.

I want to be Niagra Falls,

not just a couple of raindrops.

People will stand in my glory,

and reach out a hand

just to feel all the good I try to do.



I want to be someone's sun,

not just another star.

I want to impact millions of lives

in the most positive way I can,

but wehen it comes to the people

that are nearest to my heart,

I want to shine brighter than anything

else in their world.

Even after I've passed away,

they'll still see and need me

for them to survive each day.

She is scared,
Of this big bad world.
But she will stay strong,
Because she's a fighter...
But like her heart, she will break.

I'm weak
because I let her take me
again and again
It makes me lie
she's turned me into a sinner
As I lie awake
at night
waiting for her
to once again
take me
no longer
needing
to say
the words
I Love You
because
only ones
who love
each other
can do what she does to me...

There is an cry ever once in a while that suddenly dies down. The tears have vanished away. The battle wasn’t over,their just wasn’t any fight left. There is no way you’re able to be richin gold in reality your nothing but dust waiting to be blown away.

The dark colored clouds block your eyesight. You wonder where did you go wrong. Your filled with so much despair you can’t find peace within yourself. Your useless, alll you’ve every wanted was someone to love. But in the end who loves you in reuturn? Who hears your cires when your abandond  and worthless to yourself?

The mystery doesn’t fade not does the pain crumbles. In the depth of solitude the most outrageous thoughts allign inyour head. Just the thought of a blade slicing through your skin, you begin to  feel whole. You cut deeper to endure this lifeless pain.

Thoose sleepless nights you prayed for help and shelter maybve even love with some type of appreciation. I’ll wish to be stricken blind then to see myself commit such a crime. I’m a prisoner of my own thoughts. Pacing back and forth wondering when it’ll stop.

What happen to a sudden grace , a personal place let alone to be treated as a shut out disgrace. There is no love. I dread having the memory of living once more,  to feel like thereis anything that can’t be done. Who’s crying out for you? Nobody cares enough to even scream your name.



Your nothing but dust waiting to be blown away but then your only human.

Every step I take makes me downfall. Every inch of air I breathe makes me disgusted to be here. I can’t bare captivity. I can’t seem to redeem myself from what was taking from my grasp. The opportunity awaits me to be free . So I’ll walk with me while still perserving my soul

The battle I’m facing has come to an end. This passion for death has suddenly descend. No more weeping sorrows of another one’s untruthfully borrows. No more escaping thoughts as though they intruded my pain and made them linger on further.

Who am I to hold on to the past these dried up tears and this red puffy face. Every one looking down at my misfourtune. Well look again im slowly risen and gaining my purpose. No more saying to myself that this was meant to happen.I’m made to be strong and live by faith.looking in the eyes of the ones that denied me, betrayed me, and mislead me.

My past shall not lead me nor misguide me into the wrong path. Nothing is more unbearable then fighting myself. I’m not alone anymore. I shall love once again and be treated as a human in the end.

I have found my purpose to succeed I am more than what you believe but I am only human you may accept me or be left over in my past in the dying end. I’m only human and no one is perfect.

I'm sorry world,
For the things I've done.
I'm sorry world,
For the pain I've caused...

I'm left alone at night,
In the dark I cry.
Thinking about the lies.
I've told to everyone,
Will I ever stop?

When it's leaving me distraught.
I can't think to blame,
'Cause it is no ones fault,
That I'm this way...

I can hear what you do because I have ears.
I can see what you whisper because I have eyes.
I can smell what you conceal because I have a nose.
I can taste what you offer because I have a tongue.
I can feel what you pretend because I have skin.

I have also a brain that tells me what is not what.
I have also a heart that loves that hates of it's own.

Why to explain if you are, who you are and how you are?
Look at me I don't explain yet you know who I am and how I am.