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274 · Nov 2019
How to Feel
Hunter Green Nov 2019
It’s running and fighting.
Respectively.
Fighting the running to grasp some humility,
but fearing the loss of value in my true location,
my true state of being.
Do I fight just so I don’t become a disturbance,
My own mind dying, just so I don’t receive more rejection?
It is either protection or pride.
While still chasing that perfect child,
I listen to the lies that keep me from something that might actual help.
274 · Apr 2019
I Lose Every Poet
Hunter Green Apr 2019
Such a weak bridge,
I thought I had a strong connection,
How are you so quick to burn it down.
Won’t even talk it out,
Would rather sit in silence and doubt.

I don’t understand how the love and appreciation could be lost in a single drive,
Ready to kick me out and cry.
All my good character thrown out in a single thought,
I guess I was never really much to you,
I guess this bridge is something that can’t be built but bought.
Take your time, lose your friends,
You’re gonna have to grow up someday, or maybe not.
Hunter Green Sep 2018
You brought me to my lowest low,
You said, "I sent them so you wouldn’t go."
And I know you were looking for something,
I'm sorry I caved, and gave into your lusting.
I wish I could’ve been forever,
but you know now that life wasn't meant for us to be together.
269 · Oct 2018
The Politics of Reality
Hunter Green Oct 2018
How quickly can truth be changed?
Presumably fixed by fact,
Realistically loose in sway of speech.
How successful may our search be, for truth,
If society and popularity guide the masses' findings?
Our success will be lost in the denial of ignorant passionates.
Compassion, a straight line may be the fastest route to, but goodness isn’t just the destination,
It’s everything you cut through.
264 · Mar 2019
The Fear of Myself
Hunter Green Mar 2019
Does my motivation lead my potential?
Is my fulfillment in the hands of my dreams?
I know there’s hope in God,
But do I believe the ends don’t justify the means?

I also know I have to share, share what I have to give, or what I’ve been given.
If I keep the doors closed to the worlds of who I am,
I would be just as treacherous as the man who buried his talents.
There must be meaning behind,
Something so great.
Fantasy is beautiful and has its own power,
But my character and past are revealed in truth that won’t cower.
256 · Apr 2019
Adapting lies
Hunter Green Apr 2019
Oh here we go again, another scene another act,
I’ll fit in just fine but I know I don’t belong.
I’m grabbing my passions by the neck, beating them into who they need to be.

Everyone’s the same, we’re all actors in this play.
I never thought I could get away,
But I’m not trapped cause everyone’s the same.
248 · Oct 2019
Good Intentions
Hunter Green Oct 2019
Why do you tempt me.
Just when things might be getting good.
I don’t find it as unwelcoming as maybe I should,
but rules keep me from wasting unspoken promise.
Except my amiableness won’t draw lines harsh enough.
245 · Sep 2018
The One Girl
Hunter Green Sep 2018
I can’t stand it,
It’s like a constant pressure,
A destiny that may never measure up.
Why do I feel this,
Where does it come from?
Does my mind make it greater than it truly is for a reason?
Because that would be the greatest treason.
You run, you hide, you follow me, and hurt me.
Nothing but the end, if it even exists, can stop the burning.
240 · Jan 2020
Stories Like Your Eyes
Hunter Green Jan 2020
With what eyes did you call me over that night?
You wanted something from me or of me,
I don’t understand.
I wish I weren’t so moved by,
Spiritual stories and my sentimental high.
You see, emily called me before you did.
I saw you and wanted the mystery I made for myself.
You just happened to fall into my fantasy.
At least until you changed your mind...

Started stories,
Piling up,
Getting too heavy for my backpack.
This is why I write so much,
This is why I “cry” so much,
This is why photos will never lose my touch.
There is always more to write,
There are always more pages of white.

One day I will start a story I can finish.
One will illustrate the novels and write the sequels.
Best sellers are all I see ahead.
Hunter Green Dec 2019
Am I ready to restart?
Really ready to leave it all behind?
Just the people, or the places too?
If the memories hurt this bad,
Would reviving the pieces pain me even more?
I don’t know if I could stand,
Another rejection to send me sulking in reflection.
I hurt myself too much on my own.
Even after you apologized,
I was still lost on how to act alone.
You taught me to love creating past myself,
Now is there anyway to find that once again?
I feel bad for leaving what made me.
But then again, I hate who I am.
Life takes turns down roads that aren’t on the gps, and every single one is a one way street...
236 · Nov 2018
The Universe of my Mind
Hunter Green Nov 2018
I have been everywhere,
…felt so so many things.
I feel so alone in my mental strain,
My fight with this special kind of empty pain,
but the thing that hurts worst is the realization that I may not be as alone or unique as I once thought.
I may have learned of the meaning and vastness behind my cavernous thoughts but that doesn’t mean that this world isn’t a lonely war I’ve fought.
Maybe it will hurt less the more I talk to the ones that share this world.
Maybe I will find out how important this lost place is.
Maybe they will someday understand me, this wonderland,
Because I know no one else feels how my dream of home has been perfectly pearled.
233 · Dec 2019
Undercover Undercovers
Hunter Green Dec 2019
Something’s not right,
I can taste metal.
But that’s why I came here,
To inspect the darkness.
Because even in fear,
I’ll search for meaning.
The danger doesn’t bother me,
As long as I find my story.
Try to **** me,
Try to hurt me,
I’ll take it as a badge to wear.
Look at my intrigue,
I have something you don’t...
It’s all just character that’ll make me more unique.
Hunter Green Mar 2019
•I miss these moments,
I feel like they’re all in an arms reach,
But I’m never where I should be.
•The ever simple scenes,
Their beauty hurts worse than not knowing,
I just wish you could see,
•With you they make sense,
Because you and the beauty are one,
I try to cage what’s free,
•But you’re in my dreams,
And I’m deciding if I can trust,
Something made from my past,
•‘Cause that’s all I know.
Hunter Green Feb 2019
I miss where I'm supposed to be.
As the snow falls and all heaven is set free.
I can't ignore the draw inside,
Every photo and video, I know there's something missing here.
I inhale the beauty of the trees.
The smell stays and hides in my dreams.
I feel imprisoned in my mind,
All the thoughts that keep me from accepting what's near.
I know I have a center point up there.
Over and over I'm reminded of the flare.
It flashes most unexpectedly,
When I think I'm comfortable it blinds me with its fear.
223 · Nov 2018
Four
Hunter Green Nov 2018
Some things hurt with such intensity, and I don’t know why,

Sounds, smells, scenes.

It’s like I’ve been here before and experienced the most significant emotional event or worse, that it reminds me of a place I’ll never be again.

I can’t understand why they tug at my heart like they do, but I have to hold on to the pain, the sentiment; I can’t waste the emotion, I need to save it and use it, hold it and fuse it,
With some other part of my life.
Whether I intentionally make memories to fill a void made by one of these unknown bursts of feeling,
Or plan my future to head towards them and fulfill them...

I must do something,
To free myself from the thought,
That they may be nothing,
That my mind may be meaningless,
Even if it’s true,
I’d rather deceive myself,
And make it out of something that I drew.

Nothing can stop my mind’s emotion,
So I’ll just give it fuel to soak in.
I need a place to put them,
And burn until I’m deep in REM.
Dreams let my creativity thrive,
Because my waking self can’t give them all life.
I hold things you could never imagine,
Endless dreamscapes of comfort and strife.
Someday it will feel right,
The worst things that pain me will be greater in reality,
Someday it will all be in sight,
After years I will create more than I imagined in my ability.
222 · Sep 2018
A sweetly dimmed darkness
Hunter Green Sep 2018
Why is there a certain pleasure in melancholy?
How come when something feels lost, or maybe its me
I savor the moment, like I seek the attention of my emotions.
220 · Feb 2019
This Funeral Goes On
Hunter Green Feb 2019
I wanted it to work so bad...
And you wanted my last name.
It seemed like a perfect ended being set up for failure with me to blame.
Oh my god but you were sweet, so gentle and so thoughtful.
How could I hurt you and your rosy cheeks, now my life’s story feels like a plot hole.
I keep writhing in pain and fear of regret.
Your curly dark hair darkens what reflects.
When I look at my self,
I see what I did to you,
How I put hope in your crying eyes.
There was so much I wanted to do with you,
But I couldn’t go on, I couldn’t keep holding you and surrounding us in lies.
Your glistening blue eyes that pulled me in won’t lose their glow so fast.
You’ll be pulled in like the rest into the great wonders of my dreamscape mess.
I hate that I’m saying this again, but...

Please don’t hate me,
Please remember me.
I will remember you.
213 · Sep 2018
Ani
Hunter Green Sep 2018
Ani
I want to be there for you even when it doesn’t make sense.
You don’t own me anything,
I don’t need you.
But there’s something I find in you that’s true.
I used to be bothered by our less than parallel tracks.
You see I’m a perfectionist but it’s funny cause perfect is something we all lack.
So as I continue to give and readily receive from you, I will look away from your deaf choices,
I can’t speak sign with your hands.
But I won’t stop listening to your voice.
Maybe there’s just a certain beauty in friendship
Cause I can remember the crazy of a skinny dip,
I can still listen to your struggles, stresses, slips, and misses,
And I won’t have to carry the unpredictability of your life’s every twist and turn,
But instead remain in a certain tranquility and sit back watch and learn.
212 · Apr 2019
For Man
Hunter Green Apr 2019
We aren’t the same.
I always thought I knew your heart.
Maybe I still do,
But I know we come from different starts.
Your pain isn’t my pain,
Your memories aren’t mine.
Alone I feel lost in this world of ours.
The same notes, same seasons,
They will never reach me the same.
In a way I’m cut off from every single thing you make.
But your words are conceived in bringing us together,
So why can’t I be content even in things I can’t remember.
Singing songs in separate states.
204 · Nov 2019
Beauty May Be Twisted
Hunter Green Nov 2019
This medium of art is a vice in my heart,
The softness of the canvas, paints a potent addiction.
Emotions flow even below the eyes,
Somehow the smallest brushstrokes pull me in and wrap themselves around me.
Can I separate the profession from my own creation?
Or will this easel I approach, trap me wear I stand?
198 · Oct 2019
Brick by Silent Brick
Hunter Green Oct 2019
Look up at these walls.
Outside the city, but never really seen.
Lacking in uniform, a past of wars and conflict portrayed in every laid brick
History has shown that intruders have been let in.
Maybe disguised but overtime laying siege somehow.
Still poor leadership, or experience were the enemy,
Not just flaming arrows from the other side.

Researching the most recent battle, the scars still fresh in this expanding kingdom,
The enemy did not conquer,
But the kingdom surely did not win.

Warriors unfit for combat, never seeing blood or swords before,
But now the only line of defense for an unsteady people.
Having heard of war before, or even seen a nearby passing army, each man had an image of military and what they must do.
Full of misguided ideas, but not without trying.

Year after year the warriors grew more delusional than the last.
As well as a hunger for the glory of the past.
Over time, the walls were grandiosely constructed,
Assuming the worst, they made them impenetrable,
Strong enough to hold a Kingdom captive but safe from the outside world.
Building upon the history of painful loss.
As expectation of conflict grew,
Strategies were drawn and planned.

But there were no generals, no veterans to lead.
Everything was up to trial and error, as if a fight was a longed for pleasantry.
Seeking after any tension, pushing forces into every contested land.
Battle after battle experience was pillaged, but forces were lost and surely it did not contribute to the true knowledge of a war.
The possibility existed that meaningless battle further romanticized a full on conquest.

Soon the kingdom would come to realize, a reenforcing of the kingdom itself would prove to make better a future of warfare, or even the midst of a war would not bolster the army.
193 · Feb 2019
Reaching for you
Hunter Green Feb 2019
Burns me so bad, but I can’t stay away. Warmth and light are too great from this flame. I’ll take the pain with the hope, no matter how long the game.

Can’t take my eyes off this burning in the distance. Too afraid I’ll never find this light again, though I know it’s quite irrational and on a whim...

I have finally reached the burning fire, caught up to the smoke and pyre. All desire quenched in flame, will I survive the heat, or be brushed away?

I didn’t expect it to be so bright, surrounded by light, now I don’t know where to go, how do I hold it here, I don’t wanna leave, I’m scared to show.
191 · Nov 2019
Who will make me, me?
Hunter Green Nov 2019
I can let go of what you did,
I can forgive pretty quickly.
The problem is,
You changed the way I look at myself.
Now I have to forgive myself for being the way I am.
And that,
That, I am not so quick at doing.
Hunter Green Nov 2019
My biggest fear is someone just as willing who loves to cut the strings.
I could be careless all day long, without a single ounce of shame to hang.
Quick explosions, no lasting flames.
The forest would be safe, I’d have fun playing games.
166 · Mar 2020
Kenmore
Hunter Green Mar 2020
I can’t stand Kenmore.
Everything I’ve lost,
Not to be dramatic,
But more than a relationship or two was left there.
A place of romanticism,
A place where everything was nice and new.
I left a piece of me, I think a few of us did,
There.
That same McDonald’s on the corner,
A memory burned deep no matter the relevance.
Those camo vests we wore,
The inflatable house we hid out inside,
Countless rounds of ping pong,
A circle of friendship that hasn’t seen the light of day in half a decade.
Driving to Kenmore in the dark and rain,
It feels like life rubbing a sad scene in my face...
Just let me turn my face and fall asleep,
Cause I don’t want to feel false regret or pain no more.
164 · Jun 2020
Giving SSRIs a try
Hunter Green Jun 2020
Somedays I think it will make me feel better.
Other days I wake with- other days I stay awake until the sun hurts my eyes, and it no longer feels warm, just hot.
My heart feels missing.
My mind feels messy. *****.
Everything is too loud and I go again to drown it out.
But I scare easily, so I run away by going nowhere.
I hide until I see nothing.
And when I see nothing, I’m too afraid to see anything.
How can I find a door when the whole house is burning.
Maybe this new bottle will help me find the door.
141 · Nov 2019
Searching The Stagnation
Hunter Green Nov 2019
Back up, restart,
Right after the emotion blacks out.
What was once received?
That put the expectations so high.
Lack of interest,
Lack of action?
What was the driving blow?
Why did the heart feel a wound if the skin never broke?
Confusion and kindness, better friends than killing and curiosity.
It once was thought that it might be,
Thought for good reason.
It once was thought that light could be seen,
Through these eyes of green.
After blue finally turned to brown,
The heart might restart to bleed.
But it seems these thoughts have only given way,
To the weight of missed and mixed messages.
113 · Jan 2020
The Island Taquile
Hunter Green Jan 2020
The warmth of our voyage slowly dims with every passing storm.
The darkness grows in waves as the compass floats its own way.
The screens cover windows, filtering life with past and subtle dust.
Nothing said or heard is lost with the wind, and this cramped cabin only gains wit with its each and every passing lightless day.

— The End —