I have a need and desire
Fulfilled in quiet afternoons
As I gaze into your eyes
I see a universe reflected back
I am yours in this moment
My body sings under your hands
Delicious hardness
Exquisitely probing the depths of my abyss
Rocking me gently towards my utopia
I want this instant to last forever
Hovering in agonising limbo
On the edge of ecstasy
A storm of sexuality
Exploding between my thighs as I take you
Deeper
Harder
Until there is no sense left in the world
Just this moment ......

Then it is gone
And
I return to my day

(C) Pixievic

I am single - again
And a girl who has needs
So boys I beg you
To follow my lead
I have a mouth
That likes to be kissed
Softy and gently
It's not to be missed
Don't stick your tongue in
Like a pneumatic drill
Or **** on my face
Like a puppy on pills
My lips have nerves
That give me pleasure & pain
They like to be savoured
Not tugged on in vain
And my ******* ... Please don't pummel
It doesn't do much
They react much better
To a sweeter touch
Nor do my *******
Respond to twisting
I am not a radio
This will not make me sing!
A gentle squeeze
Or a kiss or a tickle
Will get you much further
I'm not being fickle
And boys.... I beg you
Now this is the worst ....
My ****** won't bite you
(Forgive my outburst!)
You might like to touch it
Caress it or play
I'm happy to guide you
If you lose your way
It's not just a place
For your **** to settle
Treat it with love and
You'll open my petal
Now, I'm not hard to please
But it's time this was said
And these aren't just my needs
To keep me in bed
For us single lasses
Who you want to impress
We don't care about income
Or the way that you dress
We want some attention
That shows that you care
There is no manual
Of this I'm aware
We're each of us different
But we'll tell you just ask
We'll show you the way
And keep you on task
It's about mutual pleasure
Believe me it works
And if you follow this guide
There'll be more perks
So boys please remember
If you promise me bliss
Be strong - be gentle
And start with a kiss!

(C) Pixievic 2016

As the minutes tick by
Languidly
Seconds taking hours
To reach their goal
I ask myself
Is he here?!

Standing alone in a sea full of faces
Seeking
People turning from my
Penetrating gaze
And I ask myself
Is he here?!

Eyes closing, inwardly searching
Breathing
Thwarting the **** of noise
Head against the wall
And I tell myself
He   is   here!

The countdown begins

Ten, nine, eight
Eyes open

Seven, six, five
Mind uncloaked

Four, three, two
Red wine smile plastered on

One ....
Go!

A quick prayer
No!

I do not care
He   is   not   here

Raising glasses, toasting in
The New Year
With new hopes and dreams
Untrodden - unbroken
I ask myself
Am I here?

The universe opens its arms
Embracing
Asking for wishes
Promising fulfilment,
And I ask myself
Am I here?

The old year is gone - mine to
Forget
I kiss it farewell
With no regret
And I tell myself
I      am     here!

And here               And here

                 Forever

                               Here


(C) Pixievic 2016

Now I don't look exactly normal
In fact I often look bizarre
I'm used to second glances
Being stared at from afar
And when I go out shopping
It is often quite the case
That store detectives & the like
Think I'm going to rob the place
So ......
While on a birthday shopping trip
In a rather fancy store
I am not surprised by the looks I get
As I walk in through the door
I can feel the condescension
From the girls behind the counter
But I'm not phased, not put out
It won't make me flounder!
I smile politely and carry on
Chatting on my phone
Browsing overpriced attire
Happy on my own
I flick through the rails
Of designers I don't know
When an overly made up young girl
Appears at my elbow .....
'Excuse me ....' she whispered
And
My heart begins to sink
Because
I have a preconceived idea
Of what it is that she might think .....
'There are two ladies over there
Standing at the desk
They believe they know you
Could it be that you're an actress?!'
I start to laugh .... 'Well no'
I reply 'but I do play in a band
Perhaps that's where they've seen me
We're quite often in demand!'
She scuttled off on sky high heels
To tell them I play bongos
She shakes her head as she returns
'It's your voice they think they know.....'
'Oh....' I say 'well I have been known
To spout some spoken word
In pubs and cafes locally
Could that be what they've heard?'
So then to gather their attention
She gestures kinda wildly
They all come trotting over
I was amused (to put it mildly!)
'Yes, yes that's it' one lady said
'I've seen you at the 'Hatstand'
Can we get your autograph?'
She ****** a pen into my hand
And just like that I'm famous
And the girls who until that point
Had thought I was not worthy
To frequent their little joint
Fell over themselves backwards
To offer me the world
Complimentary coffee and
Champagne was soon unfurled
They flitted all around me
Caught up in what they thought
Was a star in their presence
My respect they now sought ......
It was my 'Pretty Woman' moment
When their bias was exposed
If I were a different person
I could have stayed there til they closed
But although to have been recognised
Had made me feel delighted
Their attitude beforehand
Had left me feeling slighted
So I left - with words of thanks
For their false display
Of kindness towards me
And went on about my day .....
Now I know we all make judgments
Upon people that we meet
But it really isn't fair, as we don't know
What lies beneath
That strange looking person
In a torn and muddy dress
Because
In reality you could be looking at
An almost famous poetess!!

(C) Pixievic

Once
I never knew you existed
You were not part of my world
And life was simple

Like a tornado of sensuality
You tore through my existence
Leaving a devastating
Desire in your wake

Your kiss was everything I imagined
And now .......

Nothing is simple

(C) Pixievic

I don't know what to say other than ......

I wish
I could hold you tight
And that you'd hold me
In a cocoon of togetherness, spun of the strongest thread
Only to break as beauty forces itself out into the world
It's metamorphosis delicate, fragile
Exquisite in its simplicity

I wish
I could kiss you .......

(C) Pixievic

I        
am      
Emerging


departing
from
the desert
of this
scattered
life of living
just
existing in
this world


I        
am      
Emerging


from the
shrouding of
want and
longing
that's lived
like a canker on
the landscape
of my mind


**I          
am        
Emerging


from the downpour
of emotion
from all the things
that I have
missed
through a
lifetime
full of pain


I            
am          
Emerging

into my new beginning

Beautifully Mindful

(C) Pixievic 2016

Surrounded in a moment
Drinking whiskey in a bar
The world reflected in a mirror
Observing from a far
There's no knowledge of the future
No guilt from the past
Just this single moment
Suspended - then gone so fast
Sad songs on the radio
Faces full of pain
The shrouding of the sky
Brings a threat of rain
Surrender to this moment
And forget about the blame
Live this life completely
As things never stay the same

(C) Pixievic

I lie here lost
in the
memory of you .....

Mind racing
Body bracing
Blood pumping
Heart thumping
******* throbbing
Fingers probing
Legs shaking
Arms aching
to hold you
as
I ..........
ahhh h h h h h

And the                                  
Boom Chica Wow Wow
Plays on .....

(C) Pixievic

Give life your hand
You'll be surprised where it takes you
Enjoy where you land
Push on and breakthrough
Trust in your soul
It's guidance will thrill you
Follow the wormhole
To experiences new
The universe waits
For those who will take it
Go find a playmate
And cradle their spirit
Kiss under the stars
And smile in the rain
Create your own memoirs
Own all your pain
Grab life with both hands
Embrace all it gives you
Obey it's commands
And twist with the corkscrew
Give life your hand
And love where it takes you
Enter the dreamland
And to yourself be true

(C) Pixievic 2016

For Ben

My heart breaks for you
My baby boy
Your world has fallen down
My soul cries out for you my love
I can't kiss away your frown
It's been an uphill struggle
But you are not to blame
I understand your life now
Will never be the same
One day I hope that you will see
That all of this is best
Until you do, it will be hard
It's one of life's cruel tests
You'll always be my baby boy
That will never change
My love for you grows stronger
Though dad & I are estranged
You do not need to choose
One of us to love the most
We will always love you
Remember that foremost
I wish it could be different
That we could have made it work
That your life did not have changes
That you had not been hurt
Please be kind to yourself my love
Do not let this be
The unmaking of your excellence
That I could not bare to see
I will always be here for you
I'll always be your mum
Forever loving you my love
In all the years to come

(C) Pixievic 2016

An encouragement from across the sea
Inspires my mind creatively

(C) Pixievic 2016

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And forget the creep
But I end up in a heap
And all I do is weep

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And forget the creep
But I end up in a heap
And all I do is seep

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And forget the creep
But I end up in a heap
And all I do is ......
Keep
          going
  circles      round
          ­   in

(C) Pixievic 2016

You're my contradiction
Inconsistency ablaze in every thought
Fighting for control against my need for  your touch
My desire for your body
Whilst inside my head
The truth creeps like a soft footed Panther
Around the jungle of my mind
I'm
      f
        a
           l  l
                i
                 n
                    g

I don't know where I will land

I know what this is
You said you loved me .....

But I don't believe you

(C) Pixievic

I sit in my comfy chair of denial - over thinking

(C) Pixievic 2016

Honestly it's ******* killing me
Oh God! I want you to take me
Right here -  right
Now!  - every time I think of
You
Fantasy becomes my
Obsession
Reality dissolves - lost in the
Yearning for just
One ......... Kiss ......... I'm simply ......
U*tterly

***** For You!!*

(C) Pixievic

My head is saying walk away
My heart is saying stay, stay!

My head is saying what will be will be
My heart is saying please, love me

My head is saying all this will pass
My heart is saying I'm made of glass

My head is saying I don't need you
My heart is saying but I want you

My head is saying Vic get a grip!
My heart is saying

Watch out you'll slip
And fall into his arms
As soon as he turns on his charms
And drags you back into this hell
Where you'll be
Completely
Under his spell...

My head is saying Walk Away!
But still I stay
And pray
That perhaps
You'll change

One day......

(C) Pixievic 2016

A Lover Should ......
Enchant
Your soul
Mesmerise
Your mind
While bewitching
Your body
Fitting together
Like the proverbial glove
Treasure
Your dreams
Share
Your sorrows
See eternity
Hidden in your eyes
Leap
Into the unknown
Be brave
And true
Honour
Their own heart
Love
Themselves too
Fascinate
Captivate
Elevate
Take your breath away
Lie spellbound in your arms
Cherish your value
A Lover Should
Only ....
Love
You .....

(C) Pixievic

There are some very well meaning ladies
Who hang out by my local shops
Their aim in life is to rescue
They chatter away nonstop
Clutching their Bibles tightly
Their gaze is quite unnerving
They stop me fairly regularly
I clearly look like I need saving
For religion I have no objection
But choose myself not to live
My life caught up in this practice
So I approach feeling pensive
Eyes cast down as so to avoid
These women in twin sets and pearls
I skirt round the edge of their circle
My body beginning to curl
But alas I was too slow
And squarely in my path
Stood a force to be reckoned with
I thought her brave to risk my wrath
She said ..."Take God into your heart
he'll keep you out of strife
I know that he can help you
find what you want from life?!"
"Well Thank you very much "
I said with a smile not unkind
"But I already know
I just need to unwind
From life I want a bass line
Throbbing in its sound
And a **** load of tequila
To get my evening off the ground
And perhaps a line or two
Of something to uplift
My mood and my spirit
(I think you get my drift!)
But mostly what I'm after is
A bit of bump & grind
And now I'm going shopping
I hope that you don't mind"
And so I stepped around her
Continued calmly on my way
I left her to explain
Exactly what it was I'd had to say
A few days later I returned
They were there again
I was not alone this time
With me, my son Ben
I held my head up high
Walked swiftly to the door
Surely they'd not stop me
After what I'd said before
I was wrong - but it wasn't me
That they had in their sights
With such an dreadful mother  
They thought they'd show my boy the light
The same one as before
Got down upon her knees
Put her face in his face
And as I began to seethe
She took his hand in her hand
So I could not run
"Do you believe in Jesus?
Do you love him son?"
He looked at her then looked at me
Then proved that he was mine
"I love Minecraft" he said sweetly
"But mummy just loves wine!"
Now
If you choose to live your life
With God as your Saviour
I think that's great - but
Please do me a favour
Don't force feed your opinion
While I go about my day
Or I'll feel compelled to give you mine
And you might not like what I've got to say!!

(C) Pixievic


https://soundcloud.com/vicki-ayers/divine-negativity-written

The ocean
Endless
Sprawling
Wide
In it
Plenty
Live
And die
Waves
Curling
Crash
And swirl
Tossing
Driftwood
In a whirl
Green
Blue
White
And black
Colours
Blending
Changing
Track
Living
Breathing
Swelling
Growing
Without
An end
Always
Knowing
The ocean
Endless
Sprawling
Wide
Its secrets
Hidden
Deep inside

(C) Pixievic 2016

Everyone has baggage
A suitcase from the past
It's how we choose to deal with it
That decides if it will last
Me - I have a steamer trunk
Bursting at the seams
Full of bits & pieces
Broken hearts & shattered dreams
Stuffed full of self objection
Self criticism & blame
Cloaked in dust & cobwebs
You can barely see my name
But now I shall unpack it
From the attic of my mind
Pull it out into the light
From the place it's been consigned
The lock is old and rusted
Battered from the sea
From the ashes of emotions
But I have a brand new key
And so I delve into its depths
Retrieving from the embers
Fragments of my past - that
It hurts me to remember
Old books, cassettes & letters
Hankies soaked with tears
The crumbs of old injustice
The mammoth bones of fear
I lay them out around me
And soak up all the pain
Seeing them with new eyes
Before I shut the lid again
Lurking in the darkness
Hidden underneath the rope
That I put there once to end it
Is a polished gem of hope
I grab it with both hands
Clasp it tight against my breast
This tiny piece of energy
Undetected in the chest
I shall put it in my pocket
And stroke it when I'm down
When my world closes in on me
It will soothe away my frown
Because now I own my baggage
It's no longer in the past
I have hope, self love & guidance
And this is set to last
Be un afraid my friends
Of those suitcases of old
That weigh you down, drag you along
Sheathed in grime & mould
Unpack them & rejoice my friends
Find the hope submerged inside
And love yourselves, like others do
And do it - with a sense of pride

(C) Pixievic 2016

There you are ......
A lump
A lump of the kind that strikes fear in the breast of every woman
Hiding
Growing inside me
Like an embryonic cancer
Or a cyst
Or a symptom of age
Whatever you are
You're here .....
And I wish you weren't
I go about my mindless life
Left waiting to discover if I'm just
Old
Infected
or
Dying .....

(C) Pixievic

The witching hour
Dripping like silken velvet through
Hushed silence
Broken only by summer winds ......
Inside the recess of my restless mind
Thoughts bubble
Churning gentle ideas
Into frenzied cognition
My demons rising
Feasting on anxiety ......
Behind the lidded curtains of my eyes
I see your face
Soothing the fear
I can feel your hands upon me
Untangling the tension
In your eyes
I see
Love
The blower of dreams
Leaping into the unknown

I am who I am
Because I met you

Because I met you
I have changed
For the better

(C) Pixievic 2016

Tears of rage sting my eyes
       The anger burns inside
              I am used up, spent
                     I have nothing left
                          So I retreat behind my disguise

                                                (C) Pixievic 2016

A year ago  -  today

You told me we should never have got married.....

That you didn't love me

Anymore


My heart        


     F        R                  T             R               D
                     A       C         U                E


Into a thousand tiny pieces      
Which lodged themselves in my mouth
Rendering me unable speak
My dumbfounded mind
Raced to catch up to the words you uttered with such carelessness


One year on

Like petals looping through the winds of time
Waving at the door of Hades
Pursuing the light of redemption down a snaking tunnel
My heart has returned to its rightful place
Still bruised
But whole again
I am happy in my oneness
Not lonely    
                    Just
Alone
                       ­       Being
                                                  Me

Meanwhile.­.......

You're in a 'relationship' with someone who is still married......

But not to you

Happy Valentine's Day!

(C) Pixievic 2016

Hand in hand
Soul with soul
We stand together
To behold
The magic hour
The Lady of Light
The longest day
And shortest night
We'll sing a song
That heals the earth
While the Lord of Fire
Begins his rebirth
As they settle
Upon their thrones
In circles
We'll dance around the stones
In ancient ritual
Druids chant
Maidens kiss
Faeries dance
This Summer Solstice
Has begun....
Love each other
Be as one
Bring peace & hope
Back to this land
Stand together
Hand in hand

(C) Pixievic

Happiness is in the smile
That lights up your face
Happiness is watching you play
Happiness is your whispered
I love you mum
Happiness is lazy Sunday's
Happiness is you
Happiness is us
Happiness is a red double decker bus
Happiness is hugs
Happiness is free
But mostly
Happiness    
Is bacon sandwiches
(cut into triangles!)

Following breadcrumbs of hope down a zig zag path
Through the Forest of Destiny
Glimmers of wishful sunlight
Transform the ominous foliage
Painting castles in the sky
My fairytale writing its own chapters                                        
With every twist and turn
Watchful for Wolves
Who threaten to devour my optimism and **** my passion
Evil Queens who show me ripples of ugliness in a mirror
Held too close my face
Searching for the Prince who's kiss will
Awaken me from the nightmare and
Hold my hand as we walk forward
Towards Utopia
Everlasting in this fiction
I'm clinging onto aspirations of a better life
Dreaming in technicolor of
Another new beginning
Sailing in a pea - green boat through the perfect storm of these emotions
With a one way ticket through this looking glass

It's time to write

A Happy Ending!

(C) Pixievic

I'm delectably drowning in
Jazz.......
Fingers skimming in elegant beauty over ivory keys
Perfection hovering in discord as
Horns reverberate in
An avalanche of sound rumbling through the valley of my soul
Delicate guitars swinging to a beat
Each note a sensation as it sings with delicious vibrato
Drums dancing though time and space
Titillating trails of rhythm evaporating as brush kisses skin
And there
Finally .....
Cool
Dignified
The master of my pleasure
An upright bass .......
Bringing it home in a
Sumptuous aural ******......

(C) Pixievic