This ****’s been going on,
for far too long.
It took me talking to him,
to know something was wrong.

It started as a whisper,
so quiet and weak.
I could force it to silence,
without having to speak.

Then my mind and body,
started to waste.
He started to gorge,
and fell in love with the taste.

My slow decline,
was the foothold he needed,
and his tendrils grew,
where I didn’t know they were seeded.

His control grew bigger,
till it shadowed my mind,
and the whiskey fog I was in,
had simply turned me blind.

Then one day I was through,
enough was enough.
I was going to take control,
I had to be tough.

That was the first time,
that he spoke to me,
and that “no” was enough,
to finally make me see.

I tried and I tried,
again and again,
crying through his laughter,
trying to pour him out through a pen.

He was poison,
like a cancer you see.
He was killing us both,
but everyone just blamed me.

Then one day I realized,
I couldn’t get rid of that voice.
To do that meant death,
and that wasn’t a choice.

He’s a part of me,
but disconnected too.
A bystander to the hell,
that he’s putting me through.

Now every day is a struggle,
to quiet his voice.
Trying to convince myself,
that I do have a choice.

So he’s here to stay,
the monkey on my back.
The ominous stranger,
who calls himself, Jack.

Giddy with excitement,
she fumbles with her keys.
As the key slides home,
she grows weak in the knees.

She’s waited so long,
and it’s finally come.
She spent a small fortune,
and the thing weighs a ton.

She pushes in the package,
starting to sweat,
and suddenly realizes,
her ******* are wet.

She slides a finger inside her,
and lets out a moan,
trembling slightly,
all the way to the bone.

Gathering herself,
she locks the door tight,
and forces herself to calm down,
gathering all her might.

Getting down on her knees,
she opens the box,
brushing away the packing,
like styrofoam rocks.

When she sees his face,
she sits up *****.
He is so lifelike,
and anatomically correct.

Reaching into the box,
she caresses his face.
He’s so beautifully sculpted,
not a thing out of place.

Then she runs her hands,
down his chest to his groin,
caressing his ****,
feeling the warmth in her *****.

It’s bigger than expected,
as long as her forearm.
The biggest she’s had,
but this raises no alarm.

Taking her time,
she arranges him on the bed.
Even laying a pillow,
under his head.

Running fingers through his hair,
she begins to undress.
Doing it slowly,
cause slowly is best.

He’s more than a doll,
more than plastic parts.
He will never hurt her,
or break her heart.

She crawls on all fours,
in between his thighs,
running her fingers over him,
as she stares into his eyes.

Then she fills her mouth,
******* gently at first,
and then she fills her throat,
trying to quench her thirst.

She’s dripping now,
so exquisitely wet,
and moaning deeply,
like a good little pet.

The doll lays still,
as she mounts it slow.
She’s lost in her pleasure,
as something brushes her toe.

She opens her eyes,
as a hand grabs her throat,
and another her breast,
her vision starting to float.

She struggles for air,
and feels a ****** as it moves,
and a soft moan escapes it,
as the blackness consumes.

Bucking and fighting,
she claws at its face,
but it simply slides deeper,
and quickens its pace.

She stares down into eyes,
that are filled with life,
and features so sharp,
as to be carved by a knife.

It’s beauty is gone,
simply melted away,
seeming to flow freely,
as if made from soft clay.

As her vision fades,
it moves inside her,
whispering “my princess”,
in a soft little purr.

We shall speak of many things,
of life and love between.
We shall find the tiny spaces,
and explore each other's dreams.

You can lose yourself inside my mind,
growing lost among the sweet.
But do not fear, for you my dear,
need only follow your feet.

Take the path that I have made,
and meet me at the end.
For I'll be there, and there I'll share,
my hopes upon the wind.

There is no need for breadcrumbs,
just follow right along.
For at the end, is where we begin,
and it's right where you belong.

My eyes are glass,
my chest is so cold.
My body is wood,
I just do as I'm told.

I used to be real,
with a heart and a soul.
I used to have friends,
now I do as i'm told.

My body won't move,
unless strings are pulled.
I can no longer speak,
I just do as I'm told.

My head is now empty,
it's harder to think.
I did have a name,
now I do as I'm told.

There are others like me,
on the shelves growing mold.
I see them around me,
and they do what they're told.

My master is coming,
and I hope she picks me.
But I hear her say no,
so I do as I'm told.

What happened to life,
all my dreams and my goals?
I no longer remember,
I just do as I'm told..

Internal scars,
infected with guilt.
A world on it's side,
a forty-five degree tilt.

One day I am fine,
and the next not so much.
It's a bipolar horror,
of memories and such.

I swear I just saw you,
but my mind's playing tricks.
It's like burning a candle,
to the end, with no wick.

I could swear I was crazy,
but my mind tells me no.
So we argue out loud,
a new ultimate low.

Please fix me i'm broken,
wait, stop. I'm ok.
It's the **** that I deal with,
on a regular day.

Now this purple gorilla,
is making me mad.
Did I say that out loud?
Ignore that, my bad.

Oh well, just forget it,
let's try to move on.
Oh yeah your not here,
I forgot you were gone.

Snap back to reality,
who's this guy I don't know?
He says he's my therapist,
times up I should go.

I stood in the rubble,
and felt the heat from the flames.
Searching for taillights,
but the glow never came.

Our life slowly burned,
that we built as a team,
and a nightmare slowly grew,
where there’d once been a dream.

I didn’t know what to do,
once I knew you were through.
So I just watched the carnage,
and lost my mind too.

I didn’t understand,
but I think now I do.
You was the broken vase,
and I was only the glue.

I thought without me,
you would just fall apart.
I never considered,
you lied from the start.

I never fixed you,
like I thought all along.
Your sheer will held the pieces,
and that illusion was strong.

You went through the motions,
but not out of hate.
I know that came later,
but maybe it was fate.

Now that my heads clear,
I can finally see.
I can see the spiral,
that was once you and me.

I believed we were fine,
because I simply had to.
I think deep down inside,
I always knew.

Now that I’m clean,
I can’t lie to myself.
I can put aside pride,
and look up at that shelf.

The shelf built of lies,
that kept me alive,
as I slowly killed myself,
and drowned on the inside.

I can see now,
that it’s flimsy and frail.
The joints are all rotten,
and the paint has grown pale.

All that’s left to do,
is to tear it all down.
I think one hit will do it,
and crash it to the ground.

I’ll do it tomorrow,
if tomorrow should come.
At least I know the truth,
and you know what you’ve done.

I stopped falling today,
and I’m finally free.
I reached the bottom,
where it’s too dark to see.

Panic and fear,
no longer have hold.
The anxiety’s gone,
all that’s left is the cold.

Now I can focus,
on the climb that’s ahead.
But for now I’m content,
that I’m alive and not dead.

The pain that I held,
deep inside me so long,
is finally receding,
as I accept all my wrongs.

No more tears or shame,
they can’t reach me anymore.
No more hateful thoughts,
waking up on the floor.

Now I know I can do this,
I just need find my feet.
But for now I’ll just lay here,
where hell and bottom meet.

Down in the willows,
among the thickets and thorns.
I try to move silent,
but my spirit’s forlorn.

Each move I make,
draws blood from my skin,
or my feet grow entangled,
as the sadness sets in.

The whispering branches,
lightly brush my face,
narrowing my vision,
as I pray for some space.

I try to remember,
how I became lost,
but the memories disappear,
with each breath of frost.

The willows are singing,
beckoning me.
They tell me to come home,
and they will set me free.

So I keep moving,
without looking around.
I stare at my feet,
as the float across the ground.

Then I realize,
that the thorns are all gone.
The ground’s become clear,
with each note of their song.

I look all around me,
at the meadow of tall grass,
and realize I’ve come home,
and I’m free at last.

No more pain inside,
no more worries or fear.
No more disappointment,
from the ones I hold dear.

I run my hands through the grass,
finally finding some peace,
and lay down among friends,
whose heartbeats have ceased.

I didn’t think of you today.
That’s a lie that I often tell myself, naively thinking that I can fool myself.

I only thought of you a little today.
A pill of non-truth that is only slightly easier to swallow because it’s grounded in deception and not outright lies.

I can’t stop thinking about you today.
The absolute truth.  Whoever said the truth shall set you free was obviously not talking about the lies we tell ourselves, because this truth captures me and torments me to no end.

You destroyed every part of me, and still I light up at your text.  Still I wonder, and wonder, and wonder.  Creating scenarios inside my head that can never be reality.  Creating scenarios where I’m not broken, and you’re happy, and the world didn’t burn.

I didn’t think of you today.  

Not yet.

They say time can heal,
even the most grievous wounds.
But I find that misleading,
metaphorical *******, don’t you?

Because the implication of this,
at least when it’s been spoken to me,
is that you just need to wait,
and then one day you’re pain free.

The implication’s much scarier,
when you contemplate,
because time’s stealing your memories,
and erasing the slate.

Time doesn’t heal all,
because some wounds are to deep.
Some are filled up with poison,
that continuously seep.

The in-between,
when you’re cut and then well.
Can be absolutely,
unbearable hell.

What if there’s no closure,
and the wound opens again?
How does time heal that?
Tell me that, my friend.

So, please forgive me,
but I’ll keep my memories.
They may fester, or scar,
they may cause insanity.

Because the simple truth is,
that memories are all that there is,
and I’d rather go insane,
than forget one I’d miss.

So ya, I’m ok,
but not really, ya know.
Because the poison runs deep,
and my wounds fester slow.

The colors are vibrant,
but the shapes are all wrong.
Reality’s bending,
and time has grown long.

One second is twenty,
or perhaps it’s reversed.
Is this real or fake?
I can’t tell which is worse.

Maybe this is Hell,
without the pretense.
Maybe Hell’s just repeating,
what doesn’t make sense.

That would explain,
why each day is the same.
Why nothing has changed,
except more growing shame.

Hello officer, yes,
I want to report a crime.
Someone’s driving my body,
and I don’t have much time.

Then the phone is a book,
and reality shifts.
I suddenly can’t remember,
but my uneasiness lifts.

Oh well, it’s a dream,
just a farce I guess.
But each time I wake up,
I seem to come back less.

I forget to remember,
not to forget.
Wait, what was I saying?
I can’t remember just yet.

Dream and reality,
are now one in the same.
I guess when you can’t tell the difference,
you’ve truly gone insane.

Today I woke up,
so it’s going pretty well.
Tomorrow might be different,
if it is then farewell.
The next day?
Well, that would be a blessing,
and I’ve learned that to count that,
would be obsessing.
Obsessing?
Counting days like a health bar,
poison is draining it,
and Mario took the star.

Is today the day,
the day that this all ends?
Is this the day of reckoning,
where I atone for all these sins?

Was that last drink the one,
the one that tipped the scale?
Finally killing my heart,
and turning my skin pale.

Was yesterday the last day,
that I will see my son?
The last day that I’ll hold him,
our final day of fun.

Has circumstance defined me,
or has this been all free will?
Slowly killing myself,
whiskey breath finally still.

So many things I want to know,
that I was to afraid to ask.
Crying crimson tears,
behind a happy ******* mask.

Today I think I’ve done it.
I think I finally went too far.
I finally reached my limit,
thrown out of sorrows bar.

Maybe if there is tomorrow,
I can try to stand again,
or maybe I’ll go further,
and just try to reach the end.

This insanity has cleansed me,
and washed away my skin.
Fear has drove me forward,
running backwards towards begin.

When will this stop?
That’s a question I control.
I can finally end the pain,
and all it cost’s my soul.

So I’ll blow away the fear,
with my final breath,
and try to live with that decision,
of this simple selfish death.

“You can do this”,
I whisper to myself.
“The past is done,
so put it on the shelf”.

I’ve told myself this,
so many times.
I’ve wrote reams of content,
full of self hate in rhymes.

I would go along,
slowly gaining confidence,
then came the back slide,
and the heartfelt recompense.

Over and over,
never ending it seemed.
Until I thought of an end,
where I could be redeemed.

I wanted to end it,
the pain and the sorrow.
I really didn’t care,
if there was no more tomorrow.

Thinking back now,
I’ve finally realized.
That the hope of an end,
was a bag full of lies.

My pain would end,
by ending my life,
but others pain would grow,
so I had a double edged knife.

That’s when I realized,
I was holding the blade.
No matter how I moved it,
new cuts would be made.

I have to carry this knife,
until the end of all things,
but I can carry it by the hilt,
and end this suffering.

It’s there,
and still sharp,
but it’s at arms length,
away from my heart.

I can keep control,
I know I have to,
and at this moment,
it’s all I can do.

The day you bring me home,
I’ll be delicate, and small.
I’ll need you day and night,
to keep me safe if I should call.

Next you’ll chase me everywhere,
as I begin to crawl,
and when I take that first step,
I know you’ll catch me if I fall.

You will read to me, and dance with me,
and make me giggle with delight.
Always there to hold me,
when I get scared at night.

It will break your heart,
when I can do things on my own,
and some days you’ll feel like crying,
when you see how much I’ve grown.

It will happen in a flash,
at least that’s how it seems.
One day I’m turning two,
and the next it’s seventeen.

An eternity, a lifetime,
that’s only seconds long.
Full of a million memories,
from diapers to the prom.

So enjoy me every day,
and hold me while you can.
Cover me with kisses,
and always hold my hand.

Push me on the swing,
and be silly as can be.
Teach me how to laugh,
and always let me be me.

Our memories are treasure,
that we’ll bury along the way.
So let’s gather a fortune,
that we can both dig up one day.

Choking and gasping,
and fighting for air.
I'm drowning in sorrow,
but to weak to care.

I fall to my knees,
and I start to dry-heave.
These tears stream my cheeks,
making it hard to see.

I fall on all fours,
and I roll to my side.
This pain is unreal,
tearing apart my insides.

I welcome the pain,
as my life starts to fade.
A life not worth saving,
to many mistakes have been made.

A debt now collected,
there is no blinding light.
It's becoming so hot,
and there's fire in sight.

I don't think I deserve this,
but then again who would?
A life full of regrets,
doing what I thought I should.

The pain it cuts through me,
but I find I can stand,
and a tall hooded figure,
takes me by the hand.

I look over my shoulder,
and see myself on the ground.
These tears burn my face,
but I don't make a sound.

He leads me away,
through the fire and flames.
The fire doesn't burn me,
but it hurts all the same.

I think back to that day,
and the deal that I made.
One day seemed so short,
for the price to be paid.

But then I think back,
to your beautiful smile.
Your pretty blue eyes,
and it all seems worthwhile.

You were mine once again,
if only for a day,
and it was worth every second,
no matter what price I pay.

So I’ll burn for eternity,
for this ultimate sin,
and if given the choice,
I would do it again...

Wish I could get a little undrunk
So I could uncall you
At 5 in the morning, I would unfuck you

Honestly, this party's over
Everyone here should've gone home
But I'm afraid of being sober
'Cause the first thing I do when I'm alone
I start touching myself to the photos
That you used to send me
I should've deleted, but kept it a secret
Is that crazy to do?

So I squeeze out the lime on the ice of My drink
And the juice hits the cuts on my fingers
It still doesn't burn as much as the thought of you

Wish I could get a little undrunk so I could uncall you
At 5 in the morning, I would unfuck you
But some things you can't undo
I wish I could unkiss the room full of strangers
So I could unspite you, unlose my temper
But somethings you can't undo
And one of them's you

I'm afraid to turn the lights on
I don't want to face this rebound
Is it weird if I come over?
I want to, but I know that she's around

So I'm touching myself to the photos
That you used to send me
I should have deleted, but kept it a secret
Is that crazy to do?

Oh, I'm hungry and wasted and my hands are shaking
I shouldn't be cooking but spilling hot water
It still doesn't burn as much as the thought of you

Wish I could get a little undrunk so I could uncall you
At 5 in the morning, I would unfuck you
But some things you can't undo
I wish I could unkiss the room full of strangers
So I could unspite you, unlose my temper
But somethings you can't undo
And one of them's you

Got through every emotion
Right now I'm sad, I'm broken
But the bottles in the floor
I'm to buzzed to clean them up
Wish I could get a little undrunk
So I could, I could unlove you

Wish I could get a little undrunk so I could uncall you
At 5 in the morning, I would unfuck you
But some things you can't undo
I wish I could unkiss the room full of strangers
So I could unspite you, unlose my temper
But somethings you can't undo
And one of them's

You
You, you
Wish I could unlove you
You, you, you
Wish I could uncall you
You, you, you
Wish I could unfuck you
You
Wish I could unlove you

Unmasque! Unmasque!
I think Poe said it best.
The masks are hiding us,
only showing our best.

What if, let’s say,
I was to take this mask off?
Would you scream, I wonder,
or would you simply scoff?

Underneath this mask,
is another you see.
So how many layers until,
you get down to me?

I think at the base,
that person’s ceased to be.
I’ve suffocated him slowly,
masking insanity.

I’ve welded the doors shut,
and hid away inside.
Praying that the Red Death,
would simply let me abide.

But now the party’s over,
Unmasque! Unmasque!
The insanity has grown feelers,
through these layers of mask.

One by one they’ve fallen,
and been swept aside.
Revealing the damage,
I tried so hard to hide.

Now the air has grown thin,
through this last mask I wear.
I can feel it pulling away,
and starting to tear.

Forgive me please,
I knew not what I done.
At least I’ll be at peace,
with my true face in the sun.

Untethered,
that’s the best way to describe it.
That feeling of floating,
and sinking too.

The world seeming unreal,
like the colors are wrong.
Simulated reality,
where the nights are too long.

Going through the motions,
and not caring at all.
An outsider,
who’s on the outside, of outside.

Catching yourself,
staring off into space,
wondering if someone noticed,
realizing no one’s there to see.

Those days,
you forget to remember,
are somehow worse,
than the days you remember to forget.

That horrifying realization,
when even your brain doesn’t care.
When it simply says “whatever”,
like you’re giving up on you.

These days don’t last,
they never do,
but they are terrifying,
when it’s only you.

You don’t want anyone to worry,
don’t want them to see,
the pain, the fear, the nothing,
that you sometimes become.

If someone could just take that rope,
and tie it down tight.
Bring the colors back,
and chase away the night.

Someone to ask,
if you’re really ok.
Someone you could trust,
to say “no, not today”.

Someone you could look at,
and simply let go and break.
Someone who wanted to give,
instead of just take.

Someone who knew,
and wouldn’t tell you to stand,
but would simply lay with you,
and tether you back to land.

So, “no, not today”,
but maybe tomorrow.
Today I am floating,
and there’s only the sorrow.

I pull out a stool,
and I throw down a ten.
"A single shot whiskey,
and a single shot gin."

I drink them both down,
and cringe at the taste.
Out comes another ten,
and there's plenty to waste.

"Lets stick with the whiskey,
in a double shot glass."
It may take a while,
but the memories should pass.

I open my throat,
and invite the slow burn.
I sit down my glass,
as the room starts to turn.

I pull out a twenty,
and the bartender frowns.
Looking up and thinking twice,
before saying "slow down".

"One more double and a beer,
and i'll put it on cruise."
She pours them both slowly,
not the least bit amused.

"Your cruise doesn't work,
and we both know that's true."
I flash a fake smile,
just like I always do.

I find a small table,
in the back by itself.
I'm becoming a fixture,
like an old dusty shelf.

Memories of you,
and our little girl start to blur.
and my eyes start to water,
as my speech starts to slur.

The scars on my hands,
they drive me insane.
A constant reminder,
I couldn't save you from pain.

So i'll drink another double,
to erase my memory.
Of our little girls smile,
and our perfect family.

I don't want to forget you,
and it kills me to try.
But I still blame myself,
for the night you both died.

Twisted sheet metal,
is all that I see.
And I squeeze my eyes shut,
as these tears stream my cheeks.

What do you do,
when your mind kills your heart?
When your greatest memories,
are what's tearing it apart.

You are the loves of my life,
and my closest dear friends.
And I will love you forever,
until I see you again...

Validation.
The name of the game.
If you know what I mean,
then you feel the same.

If not, I’ll explain,
so pull up a chair.
Allow me to enlighten,
listen if you dare.

I wake up in the morning,
first thing, check my phone.
Next it’s the apps, and the emails,
constantly refreshing them alone.

Validate me,
show me I exist.
Not a word, or a quip,
or a single call missed.

Validate me,
show me my worth.
Show me I’m a human,
on this isolated earth.

Please validate me,
or am I even here?
****, chase away those thoughts,
and scare off those fears.

Validate me. Please.
Perhaps I’m a ghost.
Or maybe I’m invisible,
or maybe, I’m dead.

Help me.

I woke up today,
and forgot you weren't there.
I ran my hand over your pillow,
and then laid there and stared.

I finally sat up,
and wiped away tears.
Listening to the silence,
of two lonely years.

No children laughing,
or the running of feet.
No "daddy you're up",
no "good morning my sweet".

The only sound is the avalanche,
happening in my head,
of memories so clear,
and of things that you said.

"I never loved you",
is still by far the worst,
and I hear it every morning,
before my head fills to burst.

"Time will heal all",
I shakily say,
and clutch at my sanity,
and prepare for the day.

"I only stayed because I was pregnant",
as I put on my shoes.
As I reach for my keys,
"I didn't want to be a single mom of two".

I put my keys down,
and sit down in my chair.
Listening to the voices,
and whispering, "it just isn't fair".

"I never loved you",
hits me again like a glove.
Seven long years,
you couldn't find one thing to love?

I walk to the cabinet,
and pour me a drink.
I have to have something,
that will help me not think.

My chest is on fire,
but the voices fade away.
I whisper "time will heal all",
but nothing's healing today.

Perhaps tomorrow,
I'll remember you're gone.
And the voices will be silent,
and I can move on.

I told you I loved you,
every day.
I tried my best to show you,
In every way.

In the beginning,
we could do no wrong.
Was it rose-tinted glasses,
that we wore all along?

I don't think it was,
at least for me.
You were so **** perfect,
as perfect as could be.

We were there for each other,
at every turn.
Through the triumphs, and defeats,
we were willing to learn.

So what happened to us?
Where did it go wrong?
I refuse to believe,
that you faked it so long.

Because there was laughter,
and sweet kisses between.
You'd want me to hold you,
when you wanted to scream.

When did you decide,
to shy away from my touch?
When did you stop smiling,
and laughing and such?

When did we stop,
saying sorry for things?
When was the first time,
that you took off your ring?

When did you first look,
and loathe me for me?
When did you and I,
unbecome We?

I felt the shift,
the coldness that came,
but you wouldn't talk to me,
so I started to blame.

Seven years was a lifetime,
gone in a flash.
Now there's so many questions,
that never got asked.

I made my mistakes,
dear Lord, so much.
I was stubborn and moody,
and sometimes out of touch.

My biggest mistake,
was thinking love was enough.
That if we loved each other,
we could get through so much.

So my final question,
to you would be.
When did you decide,
to stop loving me?

Whisper, whisper,
I can’t hear a sound.
Shiver, shiver,
it’s so cold on the ground.

Pick me up,
while letting me fall.
Make sense of my words,
I’m done, that’s all.

“Do you think you’re funny?”,
she asked with a frown.
Now I know that I’m funny,
but I’m not saying that now.

The slight hesitation,
is all that she needs.
“This is not a ******* joke”,
a statement loaded with irony.

I fight back the smile,
still not saying a word.
She crosses her arms,
and it’s all so absurd.

I finally start giggling,
when I meet her eyes,
and the pain from her slap,
is a shocking surprise.

The utter silence is thick,
and I’m lost for words,
I try to say something,
but my mouth ******* hurts.

I know it’s one of those moments,
where all could be lost,
so I compose myself,
and prepare for the cost.

I look her in the eyes,
so she knows she’s lost the fight,
and grab the last slice of pizza,
and take a huge bite.

How could you leave me so unexpected?
I was waiting, I was waiting
For you but you just left me
I needed you, I needed you
Yo, I don't know what it's like to be addicted to *****
But I do know what it's like to be a witness it kills
You told me you love me, I'm thinking this isn't real
I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah
Welcome to the bottom of hell
They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell
You say you proud of me, but you don't know me that well
Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell
Into my pillowcases, you say you coming to get me
Then call me a minute later just to tell me you not, I'm humiliated
I'm in a room with a parent that I don't barely know
Some lady in the corner watching us, while she taking notes
I don't get it dad, don't you want to watch your baby boy grow?
I guess that ***** is more important, all you have to say is no
But you won't do it will you? You gon' keep drinking 'til the ***** kills you
I know you gone but I can still feel you
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me here?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Oh, Hey
I got this picture in my room and it kills me
But I don't need a picture of my dad, I need the real thing
Now a relationship is something we won't ever have
Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had?
You shoulda been there when I graduated
Told me you love me and congratulations
Instead you left me at the window waiting
Where you at dad? I was too young to understand where you at huh?
Yeah, I know that alcohol  got you held captive
I can see it in your eyes, its got your mind captured
Some say it's fun to get the high but I am not laughing
What you don't realise and what you not grasping
That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand
I ain't gon' say that I forgive you cause it hasn't happened
I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes
If you really cared for me, then where you at then?
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Hey
Our last conversation, you and I sat in the living room
Playing our video games, you started slurring and I broke down in front of you
You started crying, telling me this isn't you
Couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune
You Drank that ***** for the last time, didn't you?
It took you from me once, guess It came back to finish you
Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult
Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you
It took everything inside of me to not scream at your funeral
Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful
I wish you were here dad but every time I picture you
All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you
They found you on the floor, I could tell that you felt hollow
Gave everything you had plus your life to those jack bottles
You gave everything you had plus your life to them jack bottles
Don't know if you hear me or not, but if you still watching why
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Hey

I’ve forgotten a time,
when pain used to hurt.
A time when it didn’t encompass,
my every day and thought.

I’ve forgotten the feeling,
of what hope was like.
Taking for granted the times,
when I just assumed everything would be ok.

I’ve forgotten how to act,
relying on reacting to things instead.
Realizing my defenses are already up,
they are simply just shattered and broken.

I’ve forgotten what happiness feels like,
what living in a moment is.
Every day has just become a struggle,
a fight to make it to the next, and the next.

Pain used to be my measurement,
how I would remember moments.
Now the pain is constant,
and the days are all one.

Love...is a memory,
one I can’t quite trust.
I think I had it once,
but perhaps it was just a lessening of pain.

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll remember,
if tomorrow should come.
Or perhaps the pain will end,
and I will have to decide which is worse.