im never right.
i cant have an opinion.
im just a stupid kid.
no one hears
anything i have to say.

i am the future generation.
start listening.

i haven't checked on this site in a while
how is everyone?
what have i missed?

i almost forgot about this small community
of beautiful people

you left me

don't you dare get after me
because i'm doing what i please
with whom i please

i am not yours anymore
don't act like i am

especially

after you gave me up

you have no empathy
yet you claim to have my best interests in mind

you go through my things
yet you claim to trust me

you call me a disappointment
yet you tell everyone how proud you are of my achievements

you micromanage every move
yet you tell me i have a choice

it really makes me wonder
if im really the liar

i miss you

angel boy

it brings me such pain to see love poems written to someone who didn't love me.
the words i poured out over this boy who would cheat on me, and pick at my emotions.
it makes me almost uncomfortable.
i want to go back to comfort my past self.
i want to wrap my arms around her and tell her its okay, and that he isn't the one.

but,
the universe has its ways.
through a cheating liar, i met someone new.
hes quiet and sweet, with a warm smile and dark eyes.
he cares, he is kind.
he understands and shares my dreams and interests.
he is supportive and loving.
i just hope i don't have to look back on him with anger and regret.

things are looking up
things are getting brighter
things are getting warmer

hope is not only an idea
it is active
it is optimistic
it is stunning
it is eyeopening
it is life changing

self improvement starts small
baby steps every day
self love isn't self centered
self care isn't selfish
self image isn't vain

my heart has been opened
my mind has been cleared
i am starting to understand
happiness is beautiful
and it is real for everyone

and you have me strung up again
wrapped around me like a snake
whispering lies in my ears

"you cant leave me"
                                "I'll hurt myself"
"you're the only one i can talk to"
                                                     "i'm alone and everyone wants me dead"

i have to leave
i have to get out

i must maintain myself
i must maintain composure

for your attitude is toxic
contagious
i can feel myself spiraling

i've got to spread my own wings and drift to safety
i'm done trying to wrench yours open to save you
especially when you have them so firmly shut

detached
so detached

everything in my life seems detached.
my own dad fakes a father daughter relationship for the good of the show so people don't ask questions. out in public hes a saint. at home hes a monster. at home he yells and breaks things and points out everything i'm doing wrong.

my ex boyfriend and first love, who i dated for a year is trying to talk to me again and part of me wants to let him but i honestly don't know what to do. we've been apart for 5 months and i've tried to move on with other people and be with other people and i've looked around and had a few little crushes but as soon as they show me attention back my stomach feels like physically sick. is that normal? i don't even know. i'm just scared no one will ever make me feel the same, and if hes the only one that makes me feel as happy as i was, do i really want to spend time with him? we broke up because he started hitting on my best friend, and then as soon as we broke up, my "best friend" stopped talking to me and spread a bunch of rumors. i want us to happen again but honestly i don't know what to do and i'm just a little worried. what if he hurts me again? then what?

school ***** and i've stopped caring because its so close to the end of the year and i feel like i should care more but i physically cannot. like i need to care because of finals but i have no motivation and i just get ****** into snapchat and then boom 3 hours gone. plus i need a job and if i don't get certified for life guarding i have no job. certification is next week but what if i cant do it? i've been on swim team since i was 7. i'm strong. it should be fine. but like, my anxiety is a beast and tells me i cannot do this thing.

because of all this stress i havent been sleeping, and ive eaten two meals in the last three days. but its okay. everything is going to be fine eventually. its just not right now and that *****.

im so beyond done with you

so why do you keep bothering me

im so much happier with someone else

does it bother you?

god i hope so

i'm sorry i am not enough

you don't even have to say it

you even deny it

we both know you're lying

i'm not trying to be a disappointment

everything i do is to make you see me as something better

i'm doing my best

cant you see that

i'm tearing myself limb from limb to please you

you should love me as i am

after all

you raised me

he was here last night
in my bed
his chest rising and falling against my back

our heartbeats in sync
skin warm

it felt so wrong

he isnt you

he is no one

you say you've told me everything
but i can see it in your eyes
i know you too well
your face splits
into a sheepish smile
you sit down once more
and tell me your stories

i will love you
for longer then i should

we both agreed
this was for the best

we are stuck in quicksand
trying to hold each other up
the most you lift the other
the more you sink

one day
we will be in a better place
and we will stand strong
we will stand together

clothes thrown into a heap
sitting on the bag to drag the zipper around
that midnight excitement
like a child on christmas
phone ringing
friends asking if they need this and that

wednesday night

the adventure begins

it hurts me so much
to know you hurt so much
it rips my sanity apart to know the inside of your head
is a battle ground
with you in the middle
my soul shrinks into a corner
my heart is gripped
in cold
sharp claws
i cant sleep
i cant focus on anything else but you
i know you're sleeping
happy to escape into unconsciousness

please be okay
we're going to make it

im going to call you in the morning

i write lots of poems
                          most mediocre
whatever is inside my head
                                    flows through my fingers
into the keyboard
                      i spill my thoughts into the world
for others to see
                its amazing really
and beautiful
              to experience everyone
                        
                               ­            through their poetry

as depression left
anxiety moved in

its almost as if my brain
is renting itself out to various diseases

one is evicted
another pays its way in

starting to think maybe this wasn't meant to be

as much as it hurts me

a hard truth to swallow

the idea of you leaving makes me feel hollow

i long for the sun
warming me to my bones
smiling
freckles
tan lines
cool water
windows down
music too loud
late nights
soft breeze
late sunsets
early sunrises
no more of this chill
i cannot seem to shake from my soul

hp isnt letting me post and ive just about live laugh lost my marbles

from what i understand,
some of you are sad
very sad.
some are mad,
broken,
beaten down by life
who wields a baseball bat
with nails sticking out at funny angles

from your sorrow comes beauty
the words you write
so moving

you're all too talented to quit.

so stick around

you never know when things might get better

please save yourself for another day

i sit here
in the dark
frigid
isolated
trembling
muscles tight and achy
from the constant shiver
the unrest in my body
the unease in my mind
the chill
that grips my bones

the inside of my head is either swirling
swirling with sharp
dark thoughts that pick at my soul
like vultures

or its empty
like a wasteland
covered in skeletons

i honestly don't know which is better at this point.
i just want to make it out alive.
i want to escape myself

i thought she was beautiful
every tiny detail was wonderful

maybe a bit too beautiful
and maybe i noticed a bit too much

it seems i am losing people

left
                                                           and
                                                                                                                   right

i just looked back on a poem i wrote october 2019 about how i thought a girl was "too pretty"

well ive come to realize i am a raging bisexual, so yeah! character development.

the good weeks and the bad ones
they flow like a current
sometimes your temper is choppy
drowning me
beating me
against rocks and sand

other times it is gentle
and pulls me lovingly out to sea
i think i can trust the waters
i feel safe

and soon after
i am thrown against the cliffs
again

how much longer
till i am dragged below the surface
by a fierce whirlpool
sunk against the bottom
breath gone
eyes blurry
never to be seen again

i had no idea this would happen and now i'm staring at the wall in a stupor unable to comprehend anything going through my brain because i shouldn't care but i do and i know you need someone but you wont let me help so i'm just confused and i'm so lost and so sorry