Let go
Don't worry
Fix what you can **now.

My birthday was this month
I feel kind of old
I feel like I should be somewhere else
I guess
But literally nothing I can choose makes sense to me
But it makes no sense to choose nothing...
*There's really not much of anything

Rain water soaks me
You undress me
You dry my body with your lips
You hold my hips with just your finger tips
Your touch send shivers up and down my body
Your touch burns me
You look at me, "Are you ready?"
I look back, " Yes."
Our hips now connected
We both gasp and sigh
as our connected hips move together
The looks on our faces after we're done
The looks and sighs of pleasure
My head fits perfectly in the hallow between your neck and shoulder
*Our eyes flutter closed and what we did was repeated in our dreams

Because these hoes are worthless
It makes you all too perfect.

I somehow over complicate things in my head without even trying to.

I've been abused by poverty
And a mother whose lips have a velvet tongue of lies and unfulfilled promises.

Why do I still feel like dying?
Why do I feel so ready to push a knife through my heart, and happy to feel the pain of my life bleed away?
Is that strange?
I don't know if it is anymore
And that makes the choice even worse
~sigh~
If only for it was my time
I'd lie in a restful peaceful slumber
A slumber that would last forever
and makes this life seem beautiful far away and ugly right in front of me
That life is right now
Not in front of me
And I can only wait for it to end or to end it myself
for which I can't
Death has laughed at me many a time and I seek him everyday
When I'm alone and weary
I wish for his embrace and his cold death kisses touching my lips and helping me fade away from my misery and into blissful death
Everyday I wish for this but I never receive it no matter how hard I've tried to touch him
He's too far and too wise to let me touch him
Oh Death, how could I miss you? How could I crave you so deeply, when we have only brushed paths but never met or seen each other?

An infinite amount of space full of internal conflict.

I remember so many things
So many things that shouldn't even matter to me
*“My mind's memory is worse than my randomly saved screenshots.”

My mind is in-between
In-between hell and insanity
In-between heaven and solitude
My heart is in-between
In-between hoping and wanting
In-between sorrow and self punishment
My soul is in-between
In-between hell's cold fire and heaven's pure indifference
In-between my mind and my heart's in-betweens

I'm somebody's daughter
My lungs fill with water
I scream and I shout
Fled ideas of doubt
Hope is depleting
People misleading
And my life line is defeating the inevitable
Who the **** are you, Mr. Incredible?
Your ego is bigger than my dreams
You're suffocating me
You need to **** that thing
It's driving you insane
Pretty soon no one will want to hear your name
There's a skidmark on your ego, shame
You should be afraid
My words are of envy
I speak when you spit
I kick when you hit
Please back up off me, *****
You don't wanna be me
You don't wanna see me
I hope I see you bleeding
Red and blue are colors to see
I'm somebody's lover
My heart fills with clover
My mind fills with doubt
I scream and I shout

Baby, I'm not Angry anymore
I'm Disappointment

What are words without meaning?
What are emotions without feeling?
Why were we created?
I know there's a meaning
I know there's a reason (for there's a reason for each every season)
Was god just lonely and wanted blind praise and love?
I should create my own earth, my own world
But it would be better
I would explain everything instead of ordering for something with on reason or explanation
My own world where I'm leader (I'm not god, that's too heavy a burden)
and I make it equal and balanced

If not at my worst, you can't get my best.

The thought of even telling you makes every word possible to say escape me.

I hate opening my mouth sometimes,
*My words are stones...

There's always two mystery people in my house

Somebody and nobody

Somebody did it and nobody knows who

I wonder why
           You mystery people you
Live in my house everyday

I have visited it in my mind, but not in my body
Imagined nature and it's smells
*A doe and her fawn walking just as the noon sun was setting
I,
Sitting, watching, waiting, writing
The birds twitter the music of their language
The soul soothed by the beauty of nature
Everything in it calming and healing to the soul
They don't have unnecessary violence that man has
They instead
Live with a food chain that nature has agreed upon and bestowed upon them to keep its balance
And I,
Sitting, watching, waiting, writing
Am letting my soul rest and have the wind, the smells, and the music cleanse a corner of my dark soul
And bring drop of light in it

My weaknesses are many
My mind is my strength and weakness
My every breath has me thinking, reeling
At the facts of life
My weakness is depression and oddly, it's my strength
It taught me how cruel life is
Even in its time of beauty there's something ugly behind it, and you see it eventually
My weakness is my mind because, it tricked me into thinking I'm ok, that I'm fine and dandy
Then when my focus slips, when it's quiet, or when I'm alone it torments me with imaginary images that never seem to go away and I fall deeper into darkness, into abyss and it makes me think it's home, it makes me think it's what I deserve
Alone
In a hollow shell of a home
And the funny thing is, is that it's making me learn to accept it

I wish I could drink my pain away(alcohol)
I wish I could inhale the happiness by smoking this plant (marijuana)
I wish I had a bottle of pills to **** all my pain(painkillers)
I wish I could let you rock my world till it's insane(Amazing *** ~)
I wish I knew who to blame
I keep wishing for the same thing
I thought if I wished and hoped hard enough the pain could just go away(I tried I tried to make it go away)
But honestly everyone should be wishing for a reason for me to stay

Spring
            Mother dresses herself
    Fall
  Mother starts to reveal herself
*Winter
       Mother is naked, and maybe puts on a white robe
               Summer
   Mother is showing off her hot ***

Sunlight kisses
Petals bleeding hue
These are my thoughts
I can never be without you
My train keeps on rolling
But it has no definite track
There's no destination that I ever knew of
With the parts it lacks
It's not safe to board
It's not safe to move an inch, for fear of it breaking down
It's okay to laugh
I'm a sad clown
I can take the pain
I've had it all my life
I just have to stay sane
And try not to lash out from strife
Maybe baby
I'll sing a lyric
Maybe baby
I'll sing you to sleep
Is there anything else you want
Is there anything else you need
Just tell me
Whisper it heavily and sweetly
You can take me
You can tame me
Believe me, I'll enjoy it ever so slowly
You can take every inch of my body between your teeth
You can invade every aspect of my mind
You can steal my heart when the door is open
You can devour every part of me
I really want you to

I will never be enough
*When I'm never enough for myself

Never again will I say it
Never again will I put myself in bars and chains
Never will I ever let others disappoint me
Never will I completely trust again
*And I just lied to myself again

If I were just a number you wouldn't love me
I'd be just another future dead body
I know you'll break some day
I've been waiting for it, still am,
And I'm hoping it doesn't hurt like a mortal wound
It probably will, but that's okay
I'm hoping that it'll **** me
I'll just get the cynder blocks, the rope, and visit the bridge overlooking the lake
My heart will beat fast with the last breath I take
I'm hoping that you'll **** me
You're the only one I wouldn't mind murdering me

Push me down till my knees bleed
Bend me over till my back breaks
Crush me till my bones turn to dust
Wait till dawn to release me over the mountain's breath of anguish
You got your wish, you tortured me to death
Are you happy now with your decision?
Of course you aren't
You're already onto your next victim

My mind turns down the heat
The cold hugs my heart harder
My mind is in defeat
My heart, slowly becomes a larder
My mind is in retreat
While my heart is a prisoner and every issue and obstacle a warder
My mind is stuck on repeat
But I can only garder for so long, and hold this mask of farder alone

Nobody said the person you love had to be seemingly perfect.

Not an inch of this world is safe
I couldn't imagine living in this beautiful ill ridden place.

You're too needy,
I am too
I'm just ******* the life on of you
*None has a clue

Nonexistent you
You make me want to see the next day
You make me love every minute of life
You make my heart feel lighter
You remind me how dark I am
You make me want to open up to love and life

Just like you're nonexistent, these feelings are too

Suicide isn't the question
Nor is it the answer
The world is **** near emptied of hope
Who are you to say what's normal?

She's gone,
but my heart's still beating
Must not have been a big throng
Cause my mind is deceiving
I have my wrongs
But my life does have meaning
With this kush I blow this ****
With this stone I keep my hone
Make this session long
I can take just being alone
But hey, I know my imperfections.
And hey! I know your sick confessions!

And here's a confession of mine,
I could never have loved you either way.

Just love isn't enough to make things work.

So many reasons why, not enough time

I've got nothing to make me feel better.

You left me so confused
I can only front that I'm okay
I'm doing fine
My mind is just killing me
Granted, I'm slowly emptying it out on this page
My hands can only move so fast
My mind can only thread my words together to last
But words can only do so much when it comes to understanding
I'm too grounded, and my eyes can only dream when they're wide open
My eyes feel so tired of opening
My heart hurts beating
I feel way more comfortable if not breathing
Why can't I just get my limbs moving?
I think she was right
And I was too

Because of us both
We're each other's poison
Leading anything with each other to be a toxic void
I don't know why I miss you
I don't know why you're so bent on being stuck in my mind
Cause you're in there almost every time
I'm losing it
Maybe I should cry on it to wash it away
Maybe I should pray for a cloudy day to cover it
Or maybe the sun to bleach the **** out of it
Maybe there's a cure
Oh, don't think I haven't gone searchin
I have, but I'm unsure of my destination
Like, how far along am I?
How much more to grow?
I'd really like to know
If I'll ever have someone who'll make me glow

I can only go by what your profile tells me
Doesn't really let me get to know thee
But you pretty
Someone I'd like with me
Look what your cuteness does to me!
Can't help but be hot and bothered by such a hottie
But I found out you were such a thottie
Especially with the ladies, ****** never got that naughty naughty
But I really like your body
Too bad you a thottie

Obsessions,
They either end or you do.
And sometimes it's called love.

I will help you not sit and listen.
I'll throw you out the party so you won't hear me ***** and moan**.

I read all of our old messages
They make a bitter smile come to my face
They make a bitter laugh come out my mouth
I am glad you at least told me the truth

However,
The truth you told me makes me feel worst
And for some reason it makes me smile

How does that make me smile?
It made me laugh too

I really must be as pitiful and as messed up as you said I was

And Ne'coe said it too

I still find it amusing

He had a girlfriend who was a harlot
And he was a church boy
She cheated on him loads of times
He knew it, but was blinded and deaf by his love for her

Mirruh,
I don't know much about you
Maybe that's one of the reasons why we weren't ever friends
Sometimes I catch myself regretting not being good enough for you
But you knew me well
You told me how you felt about me
It almost crushed my heart at the time
But I reread those messages and laugh at how I want to cry
How I want to make you feel what I felt that day
I'm still holding on to what was lost when it was never found
I sometimes catch myself being that same pitiful way
The way you told me I was
I hate myself even more now
I hate being this way
I keep holding on
I don't know how to let go
How do I let go what I still want?
I got one of the things I wanted
It was what I denied
That I was pitiful
And I am messed up
I got her and Ne'coe to admit it the hard way
I set myself up for it
I'm glad you said it
Cause now there's no way for me to deny it
Cause you admitted it too

One last time let me see you smile
One last time let me hear your voice and feel the warmth of your hug
One last time just one last time let me believe you'll never leave
That you actually love me
That you never meant to ever hurt me
One last time just look at me and don't say a thing
*Just one last time say goodbye and mean it

One moment
One day
You will look into the eyes of the one that's meant to be
And it will feel like in that moment that you know everything about the one
That one moment
That one day
Feels like it'll never happen
But when it does
*It will hit your heart hard and it will leave a gapping ache behind that will always be there forever

One more thing
Before the day ends
I must tell you what reigns in my heart and mind
But that one more thing never happens
I am too afraid that you'll leave once you know
I'm too afraid once I say it you won't want to know
One more thing never happens
It never escapes my mouth
It always stays trapped in my heart **everyday

Even if you're making someone else happy, you should still be happy yourself.

I'mma make this quick
I'mma make this clear
There's more reason for us not to talk
Take this information and adhere
I'mma take you *****
And ******* hard enough to hear
There's no reason to say a word
***** you came, everyone has ears
Don't you even ask,
This is a one time thing
As matter of fact
I take my ******* number back

One two three four on the floor
Open up the ******* door
If you don't you'll surely die
We'll mourn your death until death cries
When death weeps we'll be on our knees
We'll cry out and our voice will be full of glee

One two three four in the sky
Now open up and don't be shy
Now write your heart out till I bleed
You'll never hear my silent screams

One two three four five six seven
When the clock strikes one you'll surely be savage
Now don't be scared to show your scars
I have them too if you've looked in my eyes

One two three four on the floor
Open up the ******* door
If you don't you'll surely die
We'll mourn your death until death cries

One two three four I'm insane
Cause this song is stuck inside my brain
I made it up just today
And now I'm going mad cause I can't think
Lets hurry up and take a drink

Hmm hm hm hm hm hm hmmmmm
Hmm hm hm hm hm hm hmmmmm
Hmm hm hm hm hm hm hmmmmm....