"somewhen" poems
somewhen
in the vast crumbling timeline of the universe
13-year-old me is wondering
whether i exist.
4 years is a long time,
after all,
maybe enough to choose the exit,
leave the stage,
throw away everything
she is currently trying to hold together.
but here i am,
after all,
so she must have made it;
trekked through the perilous path of the future,
which is just another word for the unknown
which is just another word for nothing,
for empty,
and made it here.
and here is not a field of green,
exactly,
but maybe an oasis in the desert.
i am proud of her, even if
it is not halfway done,
even if the road stretches dark and endless,
even if she has brought with her nothing
but fistfuls of doubt
all her stupid starving for reassurance—
*will i be here in 3 years?
in 5 years?
in 10?*—
like a haunting hold,
a ghost.
but we have still made it,
after all.
for me,
and my 13-year-old spectre,
the question is not
how do you see yourself in the future
or where do you think you will be by then
or even what do you want to be doing in ten
but merely
will i see myself.
will i see myself.
will i get there.
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 12:12 AM UTC
"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff." -The Doctor in "Blink (2007)"
"Remember that time we.."
Her voice calls to me from tomorrow.
From yesterday. From a flat in England
in 1969, all **** carpets and counterculture.
All go-go boots and ginger hair.
"Can't wait till we.."
Her voice calls to me from today.
From nowhen. From the bed
a few blocks down the road.
All apologies and heretos
and whyfors.
"Spoilers.."
She says with a smile
that cracked on her face
yesterday and ends
somewhen.
Dec 29, 2012
Dec 29, 2012 at 11:53 AM UTC
your camouflage is spotless, babe
i want to reveal your inner
it's difficult to find you, babe
you revealed my inner last night
we are apart from each other
although we're sharing the same dreams
green ideas, arrival's smile
real laughter and toxic strangers
how can i find you between 'em?
how will i know that it's you then?
in the middle of my middle
eight syllables, i count on you
you're my lady but you're hidden
among buildings, streets and people
between the glimpses of despair
somewhen, never, always somewhere
the rouge of your bloodstream enchants
my wishes, longing, desire
in the moment of the key-night
we'll stand before our door, baby
maybe i've found you already
maybe you are my wife, baby
maybe you are my wife, baby
maybe i've found you already
Jan 26, 2021
Jan 26, 2021 at 7:08 AM UTC
Push into my concave
Ripple off your hollow skull
Never met a fond slave
Lookin through a swallow hull
File down for plaster
Skinning clean your mended bone
Bringin down the rafters
Furnace of a heavy home
Call a little blow away to rock yourself to sleep
Soil over forty fay and sow just what you reap
**** the seed of prosper
Four entangled righteous ****
More than you could foster
Still, you might be over hill
Sonny won't you crawl away to somewhen I've not found
Crankin down the bank shaft cause its rollin rollin round
Caught another big one in a dental floss noose
Sell em to the butcher maybe he can get some use
Oct 28, 2016
Oct 28, 2016 at 12:43 AM UTC
You can really hurt yourself
If you hold your breath too long,
Headaches and dulled vision,
Part way to passing out with enough
Determination,
Add water and depth and a swift rise,
The bends as bubbles of gas
Form in unhelpful places,
Or swam too deep too far
And barely making the surface
That suddenly seems so far
From my feebly flapping limbs,
I guess we have all held
Our breath across the years,
Waiting on some thing or someone
To finally come good,
Or arrive or even just to be,
Somehow or somewhere or somewhen,
Breath suspended,
Life on hold just waiting with
Inextinguishable hope
Of something good,
And precious,
Worth waiting for,
Well I know I have,
And I know I have been the one,
The thing and or the circumstance
That has caused breath to be held,
And to my shame not always
Was I worth it,
But now - actually it is me with bursting lungs,
And the pain is near unbearable,
Perhaps time to let out that air with
A loud and pain filled gush,
To turn and start the swim
To shore
Some dreams are never meant
To be
Jan 25, 2024
Jan 25, 2024 at 6:08 PM UTC
FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKK
faded forlorn fractured fragmented
completely de-clinted
traded torn tossed to the trash
canceled check counterfeit cash
broken yet again
just another somewhen
except my fault this time
twas my non-rhyme
how do you go from happier
to happiest
to burst into the worst
have you ever felt the squeeze that crushes the heart of a star
been unable to breathe because of the death of all you are
how do you continue when what you knew isn't true
if love is rendered irrelevant then whatever do you do
scenery never seen
barely even imagined
suddenly miracled me
actually ******* happened
but it abandoned me soon thereafter
never to whisper another chapter
shhhhh don't listen to this
shut up your only kiss
for 7 months fate was my favorite writer
destiny my best-friend editor
then suddenly they were evil censors
love unlucked me faster
than I could even begin to breathe
luck unloved me farther
than even I could ever believe
my fingertips still feel Yur breast
my lingering lips tasting Yur heartbeat
I still feel Yur body pressed to my chest
Yur embrace keeping me safe in my sleep
now all around me
nothings surround me
i am the epitome of empty
cobwebbed memory
a soul's stifled breath
destined for dusty death
how do you exist in the happy happy joy joy world outside
when everything that matters has been crushed inside
how do you explain how everything is worthless
when you've never been worth less
Mar 26, 2014
Mar 26, 2014 at 11:29 PM UTC
...Because if somehow, somewhen,
magic pixie dust fell,
covering you from head to toe,
and you began rising up up up,
off to Neverland,
the first thing I'd grab onto,
is the ****
And you'd be saved.
We'd be happy forever and ever,
or until our love grows cold,
we stop:
sleeping together, kissing, hugging, touching,
and the signature curves all over
on divorce papers at a balding lawyer's office.
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 5:26 PM UTC
god created the sun
god created rain
rain and sun slept together
a rainbow evolved
every being has a double, somewhen
i'm half gipsy and jewish
bleedin' blueish
wise man told me lies about trueness
smell the fragrance of ghosts
relax, feel, love yourself
i will be praying for you
in rainbows
Dec 25, 2020
Dec 25, 2020 at 3:18 PM UTC
My first car was a Pontiac;
Winding down
County Road 577,
Hand atop wheel,
A boy and his machine,
Letting snow swoop by like
Hyperspace.
I miss those quiet rides.
But dreams dissolve, evolve,
And I’ve another tangent
Upon the tip of my
Tongue –
Something, somewhere,
Somewhen, fitting,
And prior another attempt at sleep.
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 9:02 AM UTC
i wake every ******* apocalypse morning
and can't face continuing the mourning
i can't believe Her Love could leave
it is surreal
& evil
She rescued me from a life
which was never quite right
and showed me sweet
rhymes with complete,
gave Her blue to my eyes,
let me Love the future as forever,
then decided not to believe,
decided to leave,
placed the dead in my eyes,
faced me towards starless skies.
(hold me again
hold me now
take me to the somewhen
when we are US somehow)
nothing i've ever said
has ever mattered.
if it had i wouldn't be dead,
i would not be gasping with a heart shattered,
unable to breathe thru the soul shred
with Her
HER
i never faked
i never lied
i never even would have tried.
She let me love being me
and i could never be
anything other than true
to the TRUE of YOU
She was the mirror on me,
She showed me the beauty of me,
and i believed what i'd never known before,
that i could not just swim skim
but dive deep along the miracle shore
but i missed the cracks,
ignored the lacks
of two issues i actually knew
which were the die to our do
my ******* fault we went faulty,
i didn't **** the wolves at the door
and ensure our fairy tale forevermore
(take me again
take me once more
into every part of You
Yur eyes
Yur heart
Yur thighs
Yur hurt
Yur sighs
Yur spirit
Yur why's
Yur Forever)
She broke me
and i know why
She destroyed me
and i understand why
just not how She could do it
not how She could **** US
not how She could say **** it
not how She could give up on US
but i will never wonder why i Love Her
will never blame Her
for this forever hurt
for the forever linger
of my dead heart
(lead me to Yur heart once more
this time Please Forever
leave me to horror nevermore
just hold me Please Forever)
oh Shannon
not left behind
Please Shannon
not left behind
remember all You said
don't leave me for dead
how *** You said i was awesome
if i was really just no-one
limp **** drunk
is my legacy
once Shannon left me
once upon whenever
i believed we were forever
but She thought different
& threw away clint
i want to live forever
if it's with Her
but if alone i'm begging You
make Yur **** shot quick & true
i will Love forever
but as US is now never
i can't continue
i CANNOT GOD **** CONTINUE
PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN
is all of me which remains
i am not the noe You knew
so make Yur **** shot quick & true
help....
please
Jun 30, 2014
Jun 30, 2014 at 11:56 PM UTC
Under a mocking Sun,
I may be The Only One.
Or very close to that.
Yes, here I am again,
Back on this theme.
For all I know is that
I feel and think right now.
As for others,
I can but surmise
From what I see and hear.
Yet who provides this World
In which I live:
A many splendoured Universe?
Human builders built these streets:
Residences flanked by cars.
But Someone must be Dreaming all this
And it can’t be little me.
They talk of Big Bang and Evolution,
Like is some form of Revolution.
But Who provided that First Spark,
Light created out of The Dark?
Who is Responsible
For tiny particles
Winking in and out
Of Existence?
My own Id gives me splendid dreams,
But these are nothing
Compared to what springs forth
From some Super Id
Out there somewhere
Or somewhen.
Evolution takes its course,
Following a formula
That transcends
Space and Time.
Many call The Author “God”
Of course,
And why not?
We each have our God,
Defined however we will.
Our Sun has been a “God”,
And maybe still is to some.
Whatever we believe in,
There are Powers around,
Way above our heads.
Whoever or whatever they are
We can but Hope
That they smile upon us
And keep us safe.
Paul Butters
© PB 3\12\2018.
Dec 3, 2018
Dec 3, 2018 at 9:46 AM UTC
three husbands
three wifes
don't try to find 'em as
they will have found you
long before nighttime
somewhen in-between-time
yeah baby i know it's fighttime
but don't try to opppose your
destiny as you've been watched
by satellites / surveillance cams /
your friends and your aunts
they're not against you
yet none of 'em is gonna thank you
for nothin' you feel me?
believe it or don't: by the end of the
year YOU gonna say: thank you
welcome to the
you-place
Nov 30, 2019
Nov 30, 2019 at 11:50 AM UTC
A hole is not a whole
I have a hole
I’d prefer a whole to fill my hole
and make my sole soul
Whole
Feb 12, 2010
Feb 12, 2010 at 11:01 PM UTC
If all things happen for a reason,
if someone omnipotent has a plan,
would loving you might mean
that somewhen, somehow,
my fate will find yours
and will forever be intertwined?
That maybe the reason why
I still fall for you every day,
why I see stars dancing in your eyes,
why my heart calms with your voice,
is because someday you will too
and feel the same way that I do.
Or maybe that's all that it is ㅡ
to show me how wonderful it's like
to love someone endlessly,
unselfishly and unconditionally
even if that someone can never be
the one destined for me.
Jan 4, 2017
Jan 4, 2017 at 8:18 PM UTC
What if the aliens are us
Or we are them
And we were somewhen forced to forget all that
What if humankind is not from here
If we are not original from here
What if we are from a different place, a planet we have once destroyed
And then we came to Earth
And now we're destroying it as well
'Cause that's just how the humanoid aliens are
And sometime soon in future, we will leave this place
We will settle somewhere else, thinking that's where we belong
And we'll destroy that planet too
Feb 17, 2016
Feb 17, 2016 at 5:21 AM UTC
Just why in the world can't I write a poem?
Couple of words can pull this crap
But none of a piece seems to come out
Why? Just why can't I think of a term
This gets me frustrated as this rant goes on
And to think of it, this **** is already bad as it sounds
Truly peevish as the name suggests
Oh why did I let this **** happen?
It seems to me that the words already left
Somewhen I don't even remember
While I'm too busy making much of this trash.
Sep 9, 2016
Sep 9, 2016 at 9:32 AM UTC
Moments, like the words we string together,
gathered so we have somewhen we belong.
May 7, 2017
May 7, 2017 at 6:17 PM UTC
Ever had the most rad?
The holy ghost of glad?
I had seven months of spastically happy,
miles of miracles more than ever been in me!
I was lifted beyond unknown heights,
kiss-gifted to upon cloud-shown sights!
**** my sweetest taurus
tore US
and i was tossed aside
cast back across cliff-side
on the catapult
of my-fault
Stranded,
broken before i landed,
and after,
all that's left is shatter...
Crying daily,
well,
more sobbing uncontrollably,
spirit crying as it's dying
the essence of yur being
screaming as it's bleeding...
what is there but weeping and sleeping?
Flowers for the ones you've known,
the dead given new life grown.
Except it ***** even more than ever before,
cuz yur heart is being ****** upon Death's shore.
And my present somewhen
is i shall never shine again.
My rare laughter
is a terrorist to me,
a foreigner ex-family.
Anything non-shatter
is an unwelcome stranger
nonsense cult danger...
i keep going thru the motions,
despite nooooooo!!! emotions...
having empty echo conversations,
exerting energy in wasted creations...
trying to care
why'ing to share
butt nah
i got nothing there...
other than a why the **** would i care,
and a barren sigh soul-struck stare...
Almost all smiles are fake forced and painful,
ain't that the definition of fuckin' wonderful?!
**** oh woe is me,
i s'posed to be oh so happy...
Oh yes sir Cap'n,
that's gonna fuckin' happen...
except i ain't got no mend
and this ain't got no end
other than forever....
Apr 18, 2014
Apr 18, 2014 at 5:29 AM UTC
you say you have a "thing for wings"
do you think of yours, generous angel?
I think you must be, lights shines in you so bright
Unimaginable, undefined supercluster of you
your love spirals out like glowing nebulas,
building mass of starstorm, dustcloud life
you are the same makeup as a star
and I see you shine so bright.
I cannot imagine a universe without such beauty as to fly
with wings as bright and full of life as our milkyway
and with a universe so inclined to beauty and wonder
it is no wonder you exist
you had to, somewhere, somewhen stars shine in city skies
not willing to be dimmed, only to add more light.
to yours and theirs, when my science can only
understand you on a smaller scale.
I'd have to create more to understand you,
but I think I'll be okay in awe alone
because you are a wonder, and I'd just like to watch your rays
Apr 30, 2014
Apr 30, 2014 at 11:40 AM UTC
Restless/awake they live
in separation.
On his night stand there is a ring.
Thick and black and full of a promise.
Next to him, as he moves in his fitful sleep
there is only an empty half of the bed.
In dreams she's there
(all freckled kisses and soft hair.)
next to him.
Miles away she turns the ring on her finger.
Small and gold and half of a whole.
She smiles at the dark night sky,
knowing that somewhen he went to sleep
without her.
She knows he'll toss and turn
(his smoker's mouth like an urn)
and reach for her.
Love/longing they know
in isolation.
Mar 2, 2013
Mar 2, 2013 at 2:01 AM UTC
There was somewhen love
Only to adjust with evil
Turning life into something hard and round
Trying to escape the bowl
Only to taste a glimpse around
Before you just fall apart and down
Feb 6, 2020
Feb 6, 2020 at 4:57 AM UTC
What she said to me sitting at that bar
sipping God's own overpriced whiskey
was the truest thing any one has ever
managed to tell me about myself.
And the drive up to town after
the ribbon of freeway stretching
on into forever and the radio full
of Bukowski's guts blaring with
her feet on my dashboard.
That room with wine colored
walls and a taste reminiscent
of some novel I know I've
read somewhere, somewhen.
Tiny bed I'm constantly trying
to not fall out of sweetly
forcing me closer to her
in the early morning grey.
Something unspoken and
something unseen but somehow
un-needing to be clarified
for once living on feeling
only what there is now.
Nov 24, 2014
Nov 24, 2014 at 10:50 PM UTC
under the sky,
somewhere placing
one foot past the other
like i am now,
contact (roses eclipse)
under the stars,
somewhen breathing
a particle of air
i once brushed,
alive (are we now)
under all time,
somewho you,
the not less of life
closing distance
float (opening existence)
and under Imagine,
somehow us
through all mazes
say hello find
what is (never) lost.
Mar 26, 2013
Mar 26, 2013 at 6:11 AM UTC
bliss being sorry
sorry is the word.
being in you made me see,
someone somehere
somewhen somewhere clarity,
my being in humility
in your eyes.
somenow, i stand tall
I see me, finally.
Sorry being me
Dec 24, 2015
Dec 24, 2015 at 7:31 PM UTC