"rewatch" poems
Normally after Thanksgiving I just rewatch the parade.
And try to talk my family into playing Christmas charades.
But I wanted to do some early holiday shopping.
And I decided to go do Black Friday and see what was popping.
My nephew said that he wanted the new video game.
I know it was of national fame but I forgot its name.
I said, Don’t worry I got you my nephew.
I will make sure to get a gift that would bless you.
I went to the Walmart and went to stand in line.
But I put on a hoodie because I was ashamed of the time.
Because it was the time of day where I would not be awake.
But I was here to buy presents and not tosteal- take.
So I said that Black Friday would not get the best of me.
And I hoped someone would not see and think less of me.
Because I would often look at Black Friday on TV and laugh.
Karma must of thought this was extra revenge for me to take this path.
The doors opened, and the rush was like a Mudder race.
And you should have seen the look all up in this brother’s face.
It was a mixture of glee, humor, and I was so terrified.
I was so happy that I made it in one piece here inside.
Mothers were fighting over teddies, but I went for the bigger trophy.
If they didn’t think I would fight for this game, they didn’t know me.
I finally reached the game, but someone snatched it before I could!
She didn’t look like she played or had kids who did in the neighborhood.
So it wasn’t even the excuse of I play this game because I have no knees.
I thought I could ask please could I get the game for nephew who has the diseases.
She put it in her cart, and this action really hurt my heart.
I wanted to get another game, but that would not be smart.
Because if my nephew didn’t like the game, I would be stuck.
But then something happened that told me I have good luck.
The game fell out of her cart and went to the floor too.
I looked around to make sure no one would judge me for what I would do.
I picked it up, because five-second rules did not apply to games.
I paid for it with money, and I left without any shame.
I knew it looked bad, but Black Friday takes away the soul.
I gave it to my cousin, and he said, Did you also get the controls?
I must of forgot in the rush, but I could order it online.
Because I’m sure if I get it in the store, someone would take what was mine.
So I had to return it, because it was also the wrong gaming system.
I vowed never to do Black Friday again, that’s not the lifestyle I’m trying to live in.
Nov 25, 2017
Nov 25, 2017 at 5:17 PM UTC
You’ll never sleep with me again,
So sometimes I retell your bedtime stories to other men.
You’ll never call me again,
So sometimes I repeat the same compliments to other men.
You’ll never spend time with me again,
So sometimes I rewatch our show with other men.
You’ll never love me again,
So sometimes I say it to several other men.
Apr 2, 2021
Apr 2, 2021 at 4:48 AM UTC
“Haha You’re going to have nobody in July”
Flash it back to last summer,
While people are out on beaches, getting tans,
And at camps reinventing themselves,
I’m sitting on the couch with Netflix open,
Watching my favorite show on rewatch
While wishing I could have someone to talk to
Texting just not doing it for me,
But none of my friends are free,
Their off living their lives out in the wild,
With people surrounding them, while being happy in the sun,
While I’m here in the dark, with the only light being my computer screen.
Maybe they were right, I really will have nobody in July,
No one to visit, no one to talk to
Even my sisters are leaving for college in June,
Options running out,
Once again I’m limited to the people on my phone,
The people who don’t want to talk to me,
And answer hours after I text, not caring enough to reply as fast as I do,
Leaving myself to scroll down, video after video,
Wishing that was me, laughing with someone in my room
Instead of being all on my own
Yeah, they were right I’ll have nobody in July,
Even more now that their gone,
One less option that I used to have,
Even though we rarely saw each other face to face,
We still talked at least once every week,
With that gone now, I just don’t know what I’ll do,
I don’t want it to come to scrolling endlessly on my phone,
Unable to read ten pages in one sitting,
Unfinished lyrics, and paragraphs left alone, just as I am
Motivation tossed away as soon as school rolls out,
Nothing left to do except sit on the couch,
Listen to music and wish that someone would text me,
Even though I know they won’t.
Maybe they were right, I really will have nobody in July,
No one to visit, no one to talk to
Even my sisters are leaving for college in June,
Options running out,
Once again I’m limited to the people on my phone,
The people who don’t want to talk to me,
And answer hours after I text, not caring enough to reply as fast as I do,
Leaving myself to scroll down, video after video,
Wishing that was me, laughing with someone in my room
Instead of being all on my own
Yeah, they were right I’ll have nobody in July,
All I have is myself,
And for once I need that to be enough
All I need is to get through the month,
The longest month in summer, when people are practically begging for school back,
Me more than most.
Back in those halls where I talk to someone daily,
Have more than just myself telling me to get work done,
A reason to wake up in the morning,
Instead of two in the afternoon,
While falling asleep at three,
Unable to rest when there's nothing to be tired from,
Expect the endless silence of the communication I wish I could have
Maybe they were right, I really will have nobody in July,
No one to visit, no one to talk to
Even my sisters are leaving for college in June,
Options running out,
Once again I’m limited to the people on my phone,
The people who don’t want to talk to me,
And answer hours after I text, not caring enough to reply as fast as I do,
Leaving myself to scroll down, video after video,
Wishing that was me, laughing with someone in my room
Instead of being all on my own
Yeah, they were right I’ll have nobody in July,
“That was a mean thing to say I’m sorry”
May 18, 2020
May 18, 2020 at 3:08 PM UTC
Am I the,
Artistic type?
The one who sees the world through a different lens
who turns sounds into colors
and sites in to Smells
into feeling
and two children running are not children running
they’re Happiness
Joy
their giggles turn into Yellow and Pastel Pink
turn to Sunshine
turn to Waking
turn to Serenity
Relaxing on the beach
where you can hear the baby blue and white waves
and see the soft calming sand slipping through your fingers and toes
turning to…
Maybe-- I am the,
Partying type.
Ragers
Dance Grinding
music Pounding
the same beat of our heads
of our bodies
flashing lights
the dark and the heat
Wild
Drinking Screaming
loving one another with our bodies
not caring who it is
because
our bodies don't care
if we are in sync
what is the difference
the same…
What if I'm the,
Frantic type?
the Busy type
Scrambling, Rushing
time is something I don't have Time for
running is my Past
if only I had Passed Time
noise flies by
not looking anywhere but straight
car horns, buildings, wind blowing
the sound of friction across my own skin and the skin of those like me.
that is my Familiarity
Air I do not Breathe
it flows through me.
it hits me and I consume it
I do not Break for it
I cannot Break for it
I…
How about,
the Silent One?
nose in a book,
hearing the voices in the background.
looking up occasionally, to see the others.
see their confusion.
their Hindsight is my Foresight,
I understand what will happen before it does.
because,
I've seen it before,
I can look ahead,
see the outcome,
slow down the world like it's a video in an editing software that I can stop.
Slow down.
Rewind.
Rewatch.
that I can…
Perhaps,
I am all of them.
Perhaps,
it doesn't matter.
I can turn the sounds rushing by me hitting my skin into color
I can separate time into partying and people watching
Both are possible.
life doesn't have to pass in one form,
it can be Technicolor
and Beautiful at the same time.
sound can pass into colors
and life can either Fly
or Pause-- and drag on.
Either way, it's okay--
because it's me.
Nov 20, 2017
Nov 20, 2017 at 1:16 PM UTC
If you knew the landing were made of swords,
Would you jump?
If you saw the bridge collapse, descending to the deep,
Would you follow?
If you had to rewatch your life at heavens gate,
Would you regret?
If you knew my touch were poison,
Would you accept it?
If you knew your actions had consequences,
Would you lie with him again?
Then why do you return to me,
And fall down on your knees
Begging for what I cannot give
If you knew I'd say the same,
Scream at you to leave,
Would you go back and treat me that way again?
Mar 25, 2017
Mar 25, 2017 at 5:54 PM UTC
if one day my skin started to rot
i'd spend the last hours of my life here.
i'd pace back and forth in this familiar
scene with all my wrong-doings on repeat
i'd rewind and rewatch the times i replied
with words i didn't mean and throwing fists i couldn't clench.
I'd reload the entire decade i spent absent
and remind all my friends that i needed them here.
i'd throw myself deeper to stress the recoil
i subjected myself to
and rerun the episodes where i spun around in circles trying to grip the reins on my affliction.
i'll never be able to reconcile the seconds. the days. the years i spent crawling inside of my body looking for a warm place to nest.
in fact i think i'm still searching.
if my skin is starting to decay, the rest of my body will soon.
but i can't stop pacing and the tapes keep playing
for me to reminisce on my remorse.
and all i can think about is how badly i want a redo.
Mar 4, 2024
Mar 4, 2024 at 8:34 PM UTC
I wish I could record
Every word you spoke to me
Every glance you took at me
And rewatch it over and over
Just to feel the
butterflies in my stomach
The redness in my cheeks
The smile on my face that wouldn’t leave
I wanted to replay you
Over and over
I wanted to write a 12 page essay
On the way your hands moved when you spoke
And how you would brush your body
Up against mine
Even though you knew
You weren’t suppose to.
I want to meet you for the first time
A million times
I want to watch you
For the rest of my days
And pray to god this feeling never
Goes away.
May 24, 2022
May 24, 2022 at 4:17 PM UTC
listen to chopin and mahler
eat instant noodles
stitch your feelings away on an old pair of jeans
wear sunglasses
appreciate the fact that people like donatella versace have spent their lives creating clothes for people like me and you
rewatch the tigger movie
bake a whole cake and eat it yourself or go on the street and feed strangers
tell the girl on the bus purple definitely is her color
change your hairstyle
draw or scratch your anger away
call a distant friend
ask your little sister what her day was like
walk around your neighbourhood at 12 am and make up stories about what people are doing
embrace chocolate as your lord and savior
remind yourself you no longer look like you did in 6th grade
be grateful you have what you have and be grateful you don't have it as bad as some do
remember that every time you thought you couldn't go on, you did
understand that you don't need anybody to approve you
never forget that you have about 25 billion white blood cells in your body who are protecting you with their lives
be happy for that couple you saw in the park
pet any animal you see, animals are breathing antidepresants
get more sleep
don't say "it could be worse", this brings bad luck; but be glad it's not, after all
Jun 23, 2014
Jun 23, 2014 at 3:13 PM UTC
I'm fine when I grab that bottle
I'm fine when I isolate
I'm fine when i think of the old us
I'm fine when I see him at work
I'm fine when I catch old pics
I'm fine when I cry everytime I'm alone
I'm fine when I write down with tears drowning my journal
I'm fine when i think about slitting my thighs
I'm fine when we have a conversation
I'm fine when we argue in pity
I'm fine when i dont sleep
I'm fine when i don't eat
I'm fine when I reach out
I'm fine when i regret reaching out
I'm fine when I wake up knowing she's in a better place
I'm fine when I watch youtube
I'm fine when I put on raising hope
I'm fine when i rewatch everything
I'm fine.
Jan 27, 2020
Jan 27, 2020 at 11:08 AM UTC
I look upon the remnants of possible lovers and romantic interests like an architect looks upon blueprints. The ones that got away, the rejected and ignored, the ones I was too distant to carry on. Like all things we long for the unseen, the unfinished grasps us like hot wax and sticks to the skin. I find my desperate mind digging through old facebook messages like a survivor returning to the rubble. Why do I flee to dead cities? Return to a room without a roof when a downpour abates me. Like all things in life I find myself stuck on the incomplete, unable to focus on my work, finish my art or grow beyond the child I seem desperate to hold onto. My failed loves are another marionette without an arm, another unfinished chapter I can write and rewrite the end to without setting down. I look upon a stage of light hearted chemistry, a back and forth laid bare in texts, like the out of date actor who’s part was replaced I’ll rewatch it unable to change.
Open space is fearful, the blank page leaves me shaken, an empty canvas is a sight I cannot bare. Like open waters I fear I’ll drown before I make it to dry land, so afraid of swimming I will burrow my feet into well trodden sand and shelter under trees long since dead. I will wither away on my island of bones, looking through half finished love affairs and messages that have lost all meaning. If I can just tread my feet in the waters below I can finally set this island ablaze. Burn away the rotten skin that ails me so and watch the credits role on my final goodbye. But the water thickens like concrete ahead and the waves form a wall in my wake. I’m not ready to take the step, to let unfinished words be nothing more. When I’m finally ready to bury the page, I will wade through the waters to shore.
Jun 22, 2018
Jun 22, 2018 at 5:53 PM UTC
I'll wait in patience,
Until I see your face,
Until the next time I see you smile.
But I won't rush it
The way I feel.
I love the anticipation,
The way you give me things
To think about.
I'll learn to live through the ache,
I'll learn self-control,
And learn to hold still
Until the next time I see you.
The best stories are told
In pieces.
Not that there's anything wrong
With instant gratification,
Nonetheless,
Waiting allows that time between us
To linger and to grow.
So that the next time I see your face,
I am fully there,
Appreciative of that moment
A kiss that waits in the dark,
Waiting for the light of your lips.
Knowing that a week apart,
This kiss only grows,
Stretched thin, built in
Anticipation.
But I won't rush it.
Every episode is like this,
My favorite show.
If I were to watch all of you now,
Then there wouldn't be anything left.
So I choose to be patient,
My attention solely focused
On you.
Love moves slow,
Although some moments
Move fast.
There is always time to rewatch
And to think
But only after we've taken our time
And lived to do so.
I'll wait patiently
Until the next time I see your face
Feb 18, 2025
Feb 18, 2025 at 7:44 PM UTC
Things are getting bad again
It was a long time coming
I try to escape it
But I’m tired of running
Things are getting bad again
How can I outlive this ghost?
How do I know it’s not me?
They say there are things
Lurking in the deep you can’t see
And there are some things we must be
Befriend the ghost
Things are getting bad again
We came down this road
Potholes, sinkholes, dead ends
Rerun and rewatch the episode
Things are getting bad again
Just a matter of time
Like I said before
Like they forewarn
Flirting with It so obscure
I am running out of time
Then in the nick,
I make it out — barely alive
Things are getting bad again
Mar 23, 2019
Mar 23, 2019 at 3:42 AM UTC
she was jest one knotch too weird wired for regular folk
her
smile was sorta crooked,
'til she grinned,
then
the whole ****** room lit up like
Christmas Eve and New York New Year on TV
she was thereafter ever after I vanished
in the undamming of the flow,
past the weir on Tenant's Creek.
We walked in the moonlight,
to a famous cavern
where,
Dreamtime, dust stirred in the cave...
hear the sea?
way yonder, hear the ocean?
Sh, touch the dust, ashes of the past,
roll in the dust.
choke
cough choke joke joke
you pass
you pass heko heko finiinish wink.
Morning
Wood pecker rythmn in a hummingbird realm,
one two three for five six seb
seberal cebral lesions appear, pop-outa-gno-where
evil imaginations in your hear, dear reader,
go binge all Purge movies,
then rewatch five seasons of that sup-augmented
puppy show, where each episode is a win,
for the
favorite, in any any child's hierarchy of worth.
Paw
Patrol verses Oscars Oasis--
Get some goodoldfashion ethotical archeo-types
Etched in acid,
splashed in face of the diva asking ever who who who
is fairest of the fair?
not fair?
har har har, fair's fair, in Love 'n' War glory stories,
that end well, all's well.
That ends.
Next is no longer just
around the corner... this junction is some
past all that. Here is where
the rubber met
the road,
the one that leaked and changed reality
for me.
Aug 18, 2019
Aug 18, 2019 at 4:07 PM UTC
Days like today where I wake up and my astral eyes are not tired, I go outside. I spent most of my summer this year drowning in blankets, sleeping away what days I was not at work. The heat hurt my heart for it reminded me, every day of the summer I was happy. You know, though, I've been happier than that one, and I know I will again so I regret laying in bed when I could have realized that happiness is not a memory just as much as it is not a destination. It's not a cardinal direction, a left then right with an ending. I don't know what happiness is, honestly. I still spend a lot of my time sleeping, pretending to know what's going on and it bothers me. Deeply. Someday I expect my life to fall into place because I was taught that it will with time, but the strides that build the pathway there are all still shaky and I wonder if I can live a life without crutches someday or if I will still be using stilts to convince the world I'm okay. I have it under control. Today was one of those days where I breathed in air that smelled like my 14th year and normally the memories would surge into my veins and I would go insane trying to rewatch clips in my brain from the times I was laughing, in love. I am not watching my life through rose colored lenses anymore, though. I'm living it through green doors. I miss the conquest. I miss the adventure, control. I used to wake up early just to watch the sunrise and now I'm lucky if I see a sunset. All it took was an extra push and suddenly, for 6 months at least, I was someone else. I was floating in time and I could dictacte every feeling I experienced because I ******* tried to. I just need a redo. Today was that. I will try. I always forget that it was not one big mess with a beautiful ending that created the universe, but instead one big bang with millions of years of evolution, that which still included decay- to build what I stand on now. The Earth was not built in a day, nor was I the summer I'm convinced I was my happiest. So I know that it's one step at a time. And I'm ready.
Dec 27, 2016
Dec 27, 2016 at 6:04 PM UTC
If you were a book, I would never read another. Memorize every line ,recall no other covers
If you were a film , I would adore the sliver screen , get lost in the gleam, rewatch every scene
If you were poetry, I would lose myself in verse, study your form till my eyes hurt
But you are not a object,not something to possess
You are not a art form, there is nothing to perfect
You are not lines on a page, there is nothing to correct
I will try for you , none the less.
Apr 20, 2015
Apr 20, 2015 at 10:55 PM UTC
Sometimes I rewatch Anna's video
Over and over and over again.
And I replace Anna with you:
Having to say those heartbreaking words
With tears welled up and a dying voice.
I kind of die inside.
Jan 31, 2014
Jan 31, 2014 at 8:00 AM UTC
where do the bad people go if hell isn't real?
will they linger on in a never ending limbo,
walking never ending roads to never ending nothingness?
will they cease to exist,
dissipate into thin air?
would they think back on their lives,
the crimes they've committed?
would they try to seek forgiveness,
for every ounce, every drop of blood or sweat or tears they've shed for their own selfishness?
would they be sorry for what they did?
or would they remain prideful and allow the maggots to eat away at their flesh?
maybe they'll remain on earth
to watch others go on with their lives
maybe they'll watch their families,
how they go on with their daily business without them
maybe they'll watch the lives of the people they've wronged,
how they smile knowing they're gone
maybe they'll rewatch their lives,
from the day they were born to the day they died
over and over and over again
and maybe that's the hell
maybe hell was within them
and they were hell itself.
Dec 20, 2019
Dec 20, 2019 at 9:16 AM UTC
I am slowly, but surely growing.
Everyday I wake up, take my shower,
brush my teeth, and I grow.
I get dressed, drive to school,
Go to my first class, and I grow.
I take notes, I try my best to listen,
I write down my homework, and I grow.
I hug my friends, I see her in the hallway,
I laugh at a dumb joke, and I grow.
I eat sometimes, I hold my friends hand,
I feel at home in his embrace, and I grow.
And then I go back to my house, and I rewatch Pride and Prejudice,
And I FaceTime him every night, and I grow.
I am learning and growing more and more every day,
And sometimes I fall... But I'm learning how to pick myself back up again.
I think that's one of the most important things you can learn about growth.
Even the most beautiful flowers need to be cut, so that in the spring they can grow again.
May 3, 2015
May 3, 2015 at 3:23 PM UTC
Dear Dad,
I've been dying to tell you that I'm gay
tucked away in a box of my childhood toys
you'll find almonds, cashews, and unsalted peanuts
your first son and I are not alike
my favorite color blue, his green
synchronized like gears in a clock
I too am drenched in sweat
I have your oversized cotton t-shirt on
the one I wear to sleep
I rewatch the video I recorded of Gustavo and I
locked and intertwined
in a shape that's unsuited for your eyes
the same blood running through you
your father and his father
is the same blood that runs through me
resilient, strong and wild like an untamed horse
Hasan, our shared name, my signature
it's similar to yours
Mar 31, 2020
Mar 31, 2020 at 5:23 PM UTC
silver screens
of fish, full to
the gills with
cinematic portrayals.
rewatch this...
with tubular eyes~
Feb 2, 2019
Feb 2, 2019 at 1:47 AM UTC