Bella 2d
I wanted you home
for so, long-I wanted you home
and 6 years later you were ready
and it was too late
I asked you to come home before then
because I knew time would get away from us
and it did

you left and you didn't come back
and I went to the funeral
and I asked if *** was there
Through all those years of praying
because my prayers didn't do anything
and time ran out
and I was too late
or maybe you were too late--

it was all too late
and I went to your funeral
it was all too late

I woke up
I knew that it wasn't too late
but it also kind of was
you were still alive--

but not here.
This was to my Cousin, when he was in the army
*** creates
The colors are beautiful
I lost the hands of ***
Wearing my long blue skirt
My feelings become intense
I'm a young girl
with a round face
My eyes narrow at the corners when they smile
Smiles brought about by a girl and a boy
Passing through all his smiles
Having a smell of my childhood dresses
Similar to all paintings in my drawing book
of that river
Sharp mountain
and **** crows
''I love you, *** of jasmine flower''
No one knows the death of flowers
Just telling that flowers are beautiful forever
and time is the murderer
Wanting my mother's arms
Her ******* are beautiful
I smiled, knowing a pleasure
that will not be in my ****** relationship
The sky smells of death
Last night I dreamed that a flower was dead
I saw death  
Go out of my window
with white curtains
We are playing
Making songs and dancing
Humans didn't accept the dreams
''I love you so much, *** of jasmine flower''
Big
Round
and beautiful
Innocent and depressed
His eyes, are
His hands will be for whom?!
Both his eyes flew
One day, all the birds in the sky will grow up
and will have no hands anymore
Your hands have two jasmine flowers
and I will taste them till the end of my life
His eyes are beautiful
I will see the sunset in whose eyes?!
Sewing all the floral white dresses of women, tender
Devoting my eyes to my mother
Giving my heart to my sister
''How much I love your eyes''
Eglantine flower has the most beautiful smiles
The sun is young for me
The *** of jasmine flower is happy
A light has remained in my heart
with his leaving
I repeated it, endlessly
and keeping his soul in my heart
Now, he is a happy butterfly
has grown up
Fluttering, slowly
Sitting on all the flowers
It is happy and free
Children and rainbows always follow the butterflies
The death of each flower is not beautiful
''The *** of jasmine flower''
Oh, beautiful flower !
Still wearing your childhood golden earrings?!
Your playmates calling you
among scorching summer grass
Do you hear the innocence in children's smiles?!
The jasmine's hair is long and dark
Butterflies
dancing
and gone...

خداوند می آفریند
رنگ ها زیبایند
دست های خدا را گم کردم
دامن بلند آبی ام را پوشیده ام
عواطف من زیاد شده است
دختر جوانی هستم
با صورتی پهن
چشمانی که وقتی می خندد
گوشه هایش نازک می شوند
خنده هایی که یک دختر و پسر می سازند
از میان تمام خنده هایش می گذرم
بوی پیراهن کودکی هایم را می دهد
شکل تمام نقاشی های دفترم را دارد
با آن رود
کوهی تیز
و کلاغ های زشت
''دوستت دارم خدای گل یاسمن''
...کسی مرگ گل ها را نمی داند
فقط می گویند برای همیشه زیبایند
و زمان قاتل است
آغوش مادرم را می خواهم
سینه های او زیباست
می خندم
لذتی که در رابطه ی جنسی ام نخواهم برد
آسمان بوی مرگ می دهد
دیشب خواب دیدم که یک گل مرده
مرگ را دیدم
که از پنجره ی اتاقم
با پرده های سفید بیرون رفت
بازی می کنیم
آهنگ می نوازیم و می رقصیم
انسان ها رؤیاها را نپذیرفتند
''من خیلی تو را دوست دارم خدای گل یاسمن''
چشم های او
درشت
گرد
و زیباست
معصوم و افسرده است
دست های او مال چه کسی خواهند بود!؟
تمام چشم هایش پرواز کردند
روزی تمام پرنده های آسمان بزرگ خواهند شد
و دیگر دست نخواهند داشت
دست هایت دو گل یاس دارد
''خدای گل یاسمن''
و من تا آخرعمر آن ها را خواهم چشید
چشم های او زیباست
غروب را در چشمان چه کسی خواهم دید!؟
تمام لباس های سفید گل دار زنان را لطیف دوخته ام
چشم هایم را به مادرم هدیه کنید
قلبم را به خواهرم بدهید
''چه قدر چشم های تو را دوست دارم''
زیباترین خنده ها را گل نسترن دارد
آفتاب
برایم تازه است
خدای گل یاسمن شاد است
با رفتنش
نوری در قلبم ماند
که مدام تکرارش کردم
و روحش را در قلبم نگه داشته ام
او الآن پروانه ای شاد است
بزرگ شده
که آرام بال می زند
روی تمام گل ها می نشیند
آزاد و شاد است
بچه ها و رنگین کمان ها همیشه به دنبال پروانه ها می گردند
مرگ هر گل زیبا نیست
''خدای گل یاسمن''
! ای گل زیبا
گوشواره های طلایی کودکی هایت را هنوز داری!؟
همبازی هایت
از میان چمن های داغ تابستان
صدایت می زنند
معصومیت خنده های کودکانه را می شنوی!؟
موهای یاسمن بلند و سیاه است
پروانه ها
رقصیدند
و رفته اند
Bella 3d
I talk a lot about sanity
as if I have any to give
to stretch
as if I want any
But I haven't for a long time

if there's sanity left,
Then where do all of the beautiful people go
The Beautiful World
if I'm normal then what is the joy in staring at a sky for hours
or person
or a hand

looking into every ***** and crevice
for fun
to find the beauty
to find the similarities
the differences
The uniqueness

What’s the point
Of being normal
Bella 3d
To a cousin who was always more than a cousin
who was a sister
and a mother
and a friend

who was right next door
one wall over
For half my life

I don't know how to write about people I love
I care so much that I can't get the words right
But for you,
I want to try.

You were always there
I could always lean on you
And you are the most important to me
Which is a statement I’ll stick by

I missed you when you left
When dad didn’t drive you to school anymore
When you didn’t pick me up from school anymore
When you didn’t live here anymore
It was a sad day

And I was happy for you
You had to grow up too
Just like I did

But when you didn’t come around anymore
It was sad
And lonely

And it kind of stayed that way
Where you became a magician
Disappearing for months at a time
But it doesn’t feel right
To talk about you in metaphors
So…
Will you come back
Will you visit more

You didn’t come over for my birthday this year.

It’s ok
All is forgiven
if you come back
Bella 3d
I don't like saying goodbye

I don't mean-that I don't like saying goodbye-because saying goodbye-means forever

I mean, I doing like saying goodbye-to someone I going to see in the morning,
To someone I'm going to text in an hour
Or call in 20 minutes

Because maybe 20 minutes will be forever
when you're alone
when you're empty-handed
and have no hope
Bella 3d
I didn't tell him to stop
I just told him I was going to be late
I didn't mind what he was doing
and some of it was nice
but I figured, I don't want to lie to him
I don't want to fake it
but I don't want to ignore what should be happening right now
so I said I had to leave
and he understood
or he thought he did
he thought I was late
I wasn't.

I just can't do that anymore
it doesn't work
it's not his fault
it's
It's from a while ago
from someone else
and I don't tell anyone
I don't know how to
it's not dinner table conversation
It's not even therapy conversation at my age
Because, I'm my age
Because at my age that shouldn't be a problem
that should be a blessing
at least that's what my parents would say
"maybe then you won't try to do it anymore"

well that's not how it works
I so desperately want it back that I'll do anything for it
it's brought on me boyfriends that I didn't care about
people I thought--
“you might work”
“you might be able to fix this”

the more people I let try the more I understand
So since b and c and d and e... couldn't do it
I know that it's not the person
and since b and d and g couldn't do it
it's not the attraction
and since c and e couldn't do
It- it's not the experience
And because that f and h couldn't do it
it's not the talent

Here's the thing though
I know the issue
I know what it is
I don't know why I can't let go of that issue,
but it doesn't work
Bella 3d
I'm sorry, I didn't notice
but you seemed so happy when...
maybe you just didn't cry when I was around
and maybe that was a good thing

and your hand seems so soft when...
maybe they were just soft when they touched my skin
maybe the sound of your depression didn't make its way through the phone clear enough
like, your voice didn't tremble enough-
your eyes were never watery enough-
the scabs were never visible enough--

maybe that's why you didn't much like me touching your hips
hindsight is 20-20

after 6 months, I should have known
you knew I would have noticed
I questioned every scratch on your arms
so you didn't put them on your arms
and-- I didn't notice
your hips were hidden cove that I never had quite enough time to explore.
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