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I've tried to diet, my belly can't hide it. Low key despised it. I would like my motivation back. Bring happier me back. Drinking to avoid a comeback. All I can eat, but I can't hardly see my feet. Not even the slightest peek. Just another drink. I'll just fight another insecurity. That a new part of me. In fact, my doubts became a part of the family. Sharing a room with depression. Anxiety attacks for my counseling session. All I can think about is some medicine. Shots with a fresh bottle and my minds open. A handful dose. Pill me drinks with no jokes. I'll do a **** it diet, blood shot again with no way to hide it. Mentally laughing out loud. Trapped in my head with no safer way out. No such thing of a happier side of me. Is this a demand from Anxiety? I'm downing this dose until I feel empty. Just a pill another shot till I feel hollow, over dose and pray for a hangover tomorrow. Then grab me a blade to borrow. Then for once this belly will be truly empty. Don't try to baby me. I don't need sympathy. **** a diet, I've tried it, let's just wear baggy clothes to hide it. Doesn't help I'm a ghost to dating. Confidence fading, a bunch of ******* body shaming. Then I feel like I'm crushing my lungs to puke it up. All this empty puke had me feeling so rough. Every ounce counts I swear I'm tough. Tears forming, but a fresh bottle with pills pouring. Now losing this weight off my chest isn't so boring. A pill shot, had my gut rot, but my security was left without a thought. Just the bottled emotion  I bought. At this point I'll full send like this dose would go out of stock.  I've tried to diet, over weight and can't hide it. I guess it's a failed attempt but I'll still try it. Really despised it. I'm just lonely. That last meal controlled me. Sometimes I treat it like it's my only. Don't hold that against me. Anxiety attacks for a counseling session. Sharing my room with depression. My weight the center of attention. Doubts joined the family. That insecurity took control of me.That's my belly I can't hide it. No judgments as my diet. How about you try it!
One more chance after another
There's no way I'm a bother
Not a glance of each other
Heart open
But broken
Feelings spoken
False hoping
Feels like I just went through this
Always ended with a blank kiss
Life dimmer
A fallen angel because I'm a sinner
Just a beginner
Never found my winner
A bottle for some sleep
A case to get motivation to eat
Now some shots to feel at ease
Can't get out of my head I need peace
I've tried a diet
Insecurity has no refunds and I keep buying it
Nellie 55 May 1
We're all good people here
Laughing and dancing with a beer
We shout and cheer
Having a good time here
I might be a DD
But I'm pretty happy
We watch our own
Even though I'm to stay home
Would rather bring people safely home because that choice is my own
Stay safe everyone
We all just wanted that company
Worth bringing you home safely
Nellie 55 Apr 25
Me
I'm a worry about me
I'm okay with company
But just me and only me
That's the way it should always be
Let's see what I find and that brings comfort
Put in the work
That makes me genuinely happy
Nellie 55 Apr 24
Super swipe to dislike
Can't find the real nor the Mrs. Right.
I can't believe this is my big rant
But I'm expected to be perfect but I just can't
What a joke from tinder
Can't find my winner
Many have added, non have committed
Now I am just mentally exhausted
I'd give it my best, a waste of a effort I'm a give it a rest
Oh sure I'm not a catfish
I rolled in a real one but I got dissed
Must of used a filter
I think this is a fake quitter
**** tinder
I'll make another account later and ***** about not finding my winner
Plenty of fish in the sea
But the trick is waiting for them to take the bait from me
But I'm a swipe of a dislike
False hope finding that Mrs. Right
Held up my end always for me to end up chilling at the club
Still on the search for some sort of love
End up dancing my shots with the homies
I guess love doesn't want to know me
**** a tinder
This battles lost but I'll be that winner
Nellie 55 Apr 17
Struck by depression
No need for anyone's ranting session
Sharing too much, why is it all so tough
I find it difficult to keep my mouth shut
Hard to say no, easier to say yes
That's how it'll be for now on I guess
I wouldn't mind if someone called me
But I wouldn't be motivated to do much talking
But I'll have my head above the clouds and keep walking
A struck, now I feel stuck
I froze, but everybody knows
Time to let my inner silence scream
Got struck by depression
They diagnosed pills as medicine
But that didn't stop the temptations to slit my veins open
I appreciate the attempt of a professional to reach out there
But do they actually care?
Ever just live? Not putting a effort, but just treating it like routine?
Feel so stuck but some how completing everything
The amount of that cost
The depression lingering with the success I've lost
But I am now searching for the motivation
Nellie 55 Apr 15
Secret faces, far too many places. A star dimming, dead star lights and now I'm sinning. I felt like this was just a beginning. My flaws are winning.As a reality checks, I failed to check in. But I've checked out and saw another passed due bill and that's when I felt the regrets. 2020 and so on....with a mask for safety. But I've warn one all along but I'm not making it anywhere safely. A fake smile, a harsh laugh, but with a tear drop silently escaping my face. Another mask upon sanity and false faith. With promises I didn't make, now I need a break. But who'll actually tells its okay?
Feels like a long life but **** happens in moments. Battle cry but still fighting off my opponents. A secret face to tell me a tale, but catching myself before I fail. A strong storm with aggressive hale. I can't trust myself again. With the secrets drowning my head, sinking the ship without a plank to walk. Promises dead, but a new life trying to swim to the top. Secret face, out of my place, need an a amazing grace, trying to keep pace, but my hearts speeding but it's not a race, finish first or last doesn't matter just give the last call a trace. Sorry sincerely my flaws, but I really can not win them all.
Battles for life, but a war brings the history. That's what brought the best and the worst of me.
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