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Nellie 55 Jul 30
I've been doing good but I still have karma dimming my light.
I pay some respects but still struggle with my life.
Been spending A lot of alone time reading and writing.
But for the sake of my securities I doze off in silence.
Mute my phone, turned off notifications.
I'll be doing okay
Nellie 55 Jul 28
I can't express how I'm feeling
But I'll play my role
Some luck behind these masks
some misfortunes with a act
I picked a role....
But the found knives flying behind me
Watch your backs, some smiles are sinister
Nellie 55 Jul 27
Swinging and singing to the moon
I began to think about life and wonder what I should do.
I'm no artist but I can see these images in my brain
A rough sketch I'm about to frame
I don't want to be caught capturing the same thing
I can talk to you all night, I've got nothing but time
These images gave me insomnia, a scribble here to fix some of  my flaws
I still manage to grip onto these chains for dear life
I swing and kick my legs up to the moonlight
Nellie 55 Jul 26
I don't get your intentions,
but I ignore your plead for forgiveness.
You gave me the tools to wreck my confidence.
I'll be waiting, but it's not your heart that's breaking.
Tears fall, but with these feelings.... I'm the one raking.
Bagging it all up and you're the one faking.
A cheater in the making.
What happened to us?
Where did your feeling go?
How long have you plotted this?
You left me dumbfounded
You broke my trust.
You gave up.
This isn't love.
Nellie 55 Jul 26
Feeling like I'm in for a rude surprise.
Disturbed with changes it doesn't feel right.
I'm afraid of the outcome.
Questions form in my head.
Will this be the best?
What if it hurts?
This is just the worst.
Can I stay safe forever?
I don't really know what to do, nor how to feel.
It took a life time to feel comfortable with where I'm at;
but changes demand me to change all of that.
Never have I ever been so distraught in my life.
A new chapter redirecting me and it doesn't feel right.
Nellie 55 Jul 26
I refused to be hurt again, but it was me who left my feelings open. The avoidance of conversations that are too deep.
A heart is expensive and I gave mine to you for free.
Couldn't believe you cheated on me.
A trillion apologies and false promises to gaze upon.
I gave you one apology that left you confused.
I told you I was sorry for staying behind and trusting you.
My biggest regret was me relearning the trust and faith I had in you.
I can't sleep, I'm too depressed to eat.
Hearing your voice made it difficult to breathe,
I don't understand how you did this to me.
I trusted you to go out and drink, then you chose to cheat
I gave you my world while yours was on fire.
But you turned out to be a liar.
Gave you advice,
but you used it to manipulate me.
Nellie 55 Jul 20
****, babes calling. I better answer because I don't feel like bawling. Of course they're mad at me. Why aren't we ever happy? Again with the questions about my past. I'm a ******* and this storm hit me too fast. **** I just want myself back. I use to be so strong, but now my strengths gone. My thoughts keep me silent. I give a opinion and they get violent. Gets worse after ***, I see you snapping your ex. I thought I was the best. I see that smile you used to give me after you text. I'm supposed to give it a rest? Why don't I feel the love anymore? I prioritize, you gave your priorities to a whole and then victimize. I still act surprised. I still can remember the good times we spent. But excuse the bad habits that cost too much for me to spend.  I ***** you and feel guilty. You **** me forcefully and I began to feel filthy.  But I'm needy. Sins with the pleasure, I wished we treated each other better. What's mine is yours and yours isn't mine. We fight, I lose. We make up, I'm still being used. Sick of the abuse. But to be honest...... physical pain heals the trauma don't. My tears would form for you and your friends to mock me. Does this make you happy? Then you wonder why I scream *******! With the amount of hurt you put "us" through. **** this I plan on leaving you. Id rather be homeless. It's my life, you don't own this. It's rough because it'll still be you I miss.
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