Emotions heavy on the mind of this warrior tonight.though he will try to sleep he will not rest tonight. The battle of yesterday on his mind. Recounting the actions recalling the slain, seeing his pain a tear from his dear lay on his shoulder in vain. For the warrior so strong by day had crumbled at night. All the feats he had obtained they all seemed to be in vain. While they lay there she whispered, why must you cry, why do you hurt, why do you never fall asleep is it I? Am I the reason you cry? Am I the reason you hurt? Can you not see that when you hurt it hurts me? The warrior looking up at what seemed to be the sky, looking right through her and her deep blue eyes. It is not you although your actions be in vain. The tears you stream like mine they to are the same. You cry for understanding while I cry because I know. You want to know why the tears run down my face it's because I fight. No one should be forced to take another mans life. I cry for the time I will not return home, for when this warrior will walk alone. Holding her he says this again. Now sleep my sweet, don't fret on the worries of my night. By daybreak everything will be alright. Just listen and trust me and the warrior bid her goodnight.

Don't ignore me
I know you're awake
Don't you see
For gods sake

I'm in love with you
Of which is new
To me in my life
So good to be my wife

For the rest of my life
I want you forever
In my life
We were meant for each other

Once more-I am condemned to t'is unmentionable solitude;
And so is my grief-my grief t'at hath been passionately seducing me-of late;
And neither clear dusks, nor vivid twilight, hath helped ease out my mind's servitude;
Even strokes of civil light-to whom I submitteth my visions; on whom I may rest my fate.

Ah, he who was once immortal-and still is,
His suffering is mine-and thus as reeking of malice,
He, who hath the tenderest of charms, and lips;
He, whom my heart abides by, and chooses to keep.

But his whereabouts hath been unknown, and a lie to my whole passage;
Still whenever I roamed yon outside region, he was nowhere within my sight;
He who hath been both sincerity and a malice in his own timeless age;
He who hath been indulged by my morns, and cooed to, by my night's impatient moonlight.

Ah, how canst he be but so unfair?
He left my poetry to myself, within t'is mistaken five-wheeled chair;
I am now anxious, strangely; about my own wealth of poetic torrents;
My mind feels humid, but itself hath been ferociously abused-like the mind of a fiend.

And to him my suffering is dear-for to its shrieks he showeth but contempt;
He laughs at it and locks it away in its misery-with not one drop of shame;
Ah, he is too impulsive to think of farther, and far too lame;
He is too wild-and darkly scented like night; but as well evil, and too slippery, to blame.

Thus I am but pain, and the whole world next to me is fear;
I knoweth I should drifteth away, but my ears, and insides-insisteth on staying here;
As if the crude, lying love were truthful-and easefully sitting near;
And couldst promise to cause me no more tears.

And thinking of thee sheds only more unwanted blood;
And t'is indeed, remains something I wanteth not;
For of which hath been spilled too much, and which hath torn away my heart;
For I shall not any more saint thee; and removeth thee from any further crafted story plot.

And so thou art not to be any farther painted;
For thou hath left any beauty abandoned, and too simperingly hesitated;
Thou made me feel betrayed, and teased my whole, productive solitudes;
Thou sent my glittering heart still; thou faltered my dignity-and more severely, more glorious youth.

Thou tampered with me like thou shalt doth an old proverb;
For thou detestest any poetry; and cursest any defining melodies, or verbs;
Thou tantalized my verses, but mercilessly flew and ran away;
Thou vanished my glimmering worlds; and harmed my cheery authorial days.

And thy accusations of me hath but been too vehement;
Like thou thyself owneth over me a verdurous tyranny;
Thou hath been too proud, whenst thou hath only but a grievous impediment;
And her, who was darkly born as a devil; and in whom there is neither desire, nor humanity.

And like her yesterday, thou art now too proud, and befalleth my private senses of humanity;
As she desired, thou hath now grown selfish, and tender not like before;
Sadly all t'is thou realiseth not, and instead taketh easily as mere profound felicity;
And thy passion hath likewise gone, 'till t'is saddened world ends, and existeth no more.

I am here all madness-madness t'at to its impertinent soul-is brilliant;
Brilliant to t'ose who are blind to feelings, just like his deaf soul perhaps is;
But madness, still I regard-as although infamy, deeply pleasant;
For it shall lead t'is ignored poetry to satisfaction, and widening secret bliss.

But either there is love or not love, shall I respect and be loyal to poetry;
Even though thou chooseth to follow her and forget our whole, significant glory;
I shall keepeth silent, and still be thankful for my taste-and untainted virginity;
I shall be proud of my true doings, and my equanimious love, for thee.

And my love shan't ever be bought at any price, nor even priceless syllable;
As well my triumphant words-for to them, aside from loyalty, nothing more is desirable;
For I believeth rewards are only for them who reserveth, and professeth, loyalty;
And for in every endurance there are charms, and even more agreeable, royalty.

And shalt never ever thou findeth my purity, and love, be tiresomely divided;
For my love is secure, and shall love its beloved all devotedly, and unaided;
My love, as reflected by poetry, is abundant, though sometimes childish-and even soundless;
But still terrific as rainbow, though more silent and tuneless; as one symbol of my loyalty, and truthfulness.

And accordingly, somehow, amongst thy invisibility-I senseth thee still, amongst yon verified air;
Of whose whims I am not afraid; of whose ill threats I was not once scared.
For t'is solitude, and its due poetry I hath undergone-hath deeply had my finest self purified;
For it hath been my friend-and indeed not thee; sadly not thee, for thou thyself hath chosen to be far, and left unspecified.

Like all of those beings, perhaps thou art the one also too silly;
For to love thou stayeth idle, and bothereth not to ever look at-for fear of purifying thy glory;
Thou art still one 'mongst 'em, who claimeth love is no higher than gold;
And thus deserving of me not-for as thou saith-love is trivial, and its seclusion canst be sold.

I was sitting in the den of our apartment with my LSAT study book and a steaming cup of Moroccan mint tea by my side. I had left work - sometimes too many hours of serving rich, inconsiderate people got the best of me and my middle-school self kicked into gear, faking a cough, sneeze, or whatever it took to get me out of that hell-hole. Luckily for me it was Labor Day weekend, so I was stationed at home waiting for Sam to get out of class, our bags packed by the door for a surprise weekend at the lake in celebration.

So when I heard the front door creak open around one fifteen in the afternoon, I was no doubt confused. Sam always came home around four or five, sometimes six at the absolute latest. At first, I panicked – grabbed my tea and nearly broke the mug when I dropped it, threw my LSAT book across the room, and scrambled to spread the rose petals that I was saving until the last minute out of fear of them wilting- “I’m so glad, I’m so happy,” someone burst out laughing. Strangely, that someone didn’t sound like Sam.

I tiptoed down the hallway as quietly as possible until I reached our bedroom door. I didn’t know how I should feel- scared, surprised, suspicious, shocked, maybe all of the above. I lifted my hand toward the door and with a flick of my wrist, pushed the door open until I could see two figures under a single white sheet in our bed. Our bed.

---------------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­-------------

I paced the streets of San Francisco aimlessly, waiting for Sam to call me, text me, anything to pacify the emotions arising within me that I had suppressed for so long. I left the apartment without her even noticing I had been there, she was obviously too busy with the mystery man to realize. I walked into the first neon-sign-bar I saw and inhaled the musty smell of smoke and sweat, familiar but not familiar at the same time, my own personal forbidden fruit.

I sat down at an old wooden table that had leather stretched across the top of it, metal bolts lining the edges to hold it down. I nodded to the bartender for a drink, “anything,” I said. Anything to take my mind somewhere else.

Looking around the decrepit bar and the people within it, I was immediately transported back to my early 20s. The sprawl of Chicago, the low-key streetlights, the hustle and bustle of a city in its prime, the late nights (or were they early nights?) that began it all, the first girl, losing my grip on reality, pawing the ground for traction and finding it coated in metaphorical baby oil instead, and finally, the move.

The waiter set my drink down on the table, donning a grin that was lacking a few teeth – like a puzzle with missing pieces that you try to solve, becoming frustrated with your own inability until you realize that it isn’t your fault. But everything is your fault. “Stop,” the waiter turned around as the word slipped out of my mouth. “Uh, sorry,” I manage, picking up my drink (a Waldorf?) and saluting him.

He looks confused but forces a smile nonetheless and walks toward another customer, a young woman with crescent moons of mascara underneath her eyes.  She’s a portrait of lost innocence with her yesterday’s curls coming undone and trembling fingers grasping her drink as though it were life support. Sam. Sam was the kind of innocent you had to admire from afar out of fear of corrupting it, but I was always one for unconventional living.

I looked down at my drink and sighed - to drink or not to drink, the burning question to my seething desire.  “**** it,” I knew there was no turning back the minute I raised the glass to my lips. The liquid ran down my throat like a fire, destroying the three years of sobriety I had accumulated with a single match that ignited the thought to drink even more.

She pushed you to this point. “I know she did,” when I realized I was talking out loud, I lowered my voice, “I know.” Are you going to let her get away with it? “Stop,” I threatened, even though I knew it was pointless. The whiskey flooded my veins and fueled the fire, the voices, the thoughts. You loved her because of her innocence, you know that. I knew that.

Her innocence is what drove me to her, you didn't find just anyone with that fleeting virtue that escapes too many of us too soon – I envied it, even. I hadn't had that innocence since I was young. It was taken from me by force and I grew up believing that free will was nonexistent. But it isn't. You can do whatever you want, it's okay. No. It isn't okay. It wasn't okay, even when I tried to convince myself that it was.

I slammed my drink back, letting the ice cubes collide with my teeth as I kept the last gulp in my mouth, allowing it to burn my cheeks and bring tears to my eyes. You wouldn't have started drinking if you didn't want an excuse. “I don't need an excuse,” I said, too loudly again. The portrait of lost innocence glanced over at me, forcing a smile and offering me false comfort.

She's the type you love. I know, I know she is. Now Sam is just like her – just like all of them. I found myself grimacing into the reflection of myself in the bottom of the empty glass. I raised my hand, but the bartender was already on his way after he noticed I was dry.

“Another Waldorf, sir?” He looked at me with his sunken green eyes, expectant.

“No, I'll just take two shots of *****,” I responded, smiling, “nothing else.” He smiled back at me, uneasy.

More? So you really did miss me. I'm ignoring it, I'm not going to listen. Yes you are. No, I won't. I refuse. Just wait, you'll see.

The bartender came back with my shots, one in each hand. I took one after the other and set a twenty-dollar bill on the table, “keep the change,” I said as I got up to leave. The young woman eyed me as I was walking out and I flashed her a quick smile - that was always how you drew them in.

I decided to skip the bus and walk home instead, hoping that the rhythmic beat of my steps would help to clear my mind. It didn't. When I walked in, I still felt the whiskey and heard the voices. I'm here to stay.

---------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­-------------------

“Saaaaaam?” I yelled, waiting for the click of her heels on the wooden floor.

“Hey babe, I'm in the bedroom.” Her voice was honey – sweet. Sickeningly sweet.

I walked toward the bedroom, “so how was your day?” I would be innocent for now. Come on, cut to the chase.

“It was good, I had a long day at work. I just want to relax. You didn't want to go out tonight, right?” She looked at me, her blue eyes glistening under the fluorescent light.

“No, I didn't. Actually, I wanted to ask you something,” I tried to sound as casual as possible. Yes, yes, come on.

“What is it, sweetie?” She moved toward me to reach for my hips. I flinched away. She knows.

“I- I know,” I stammered. “I know what you did earlier, with that guy,” I slurred my words together, partly from the alcohol and partly from the nauseating feeling in my mind. Yes.

“Oh,” that was all she had to say. Oh. A single syllable, the most effortless word in the English language – that was all I meant to her. Oh.

My blood set on fire and I released the floodgates, I didn't care anymore. “So who was he, hm?” I wasn't afraid anymore. You know what you have to do.

“Actually... it was Dominica,” I heard the words come out of her mouth but they didn't seem to match up. I must have heard her wrong.

“It was... a girl?” I tripped over my words out of disbelief. She must have accidentally said the wrong name, maybe she had been drinking, too.

“Yeah, you got a problem with that?” She had the audacity to ask me if I had a problem with her cheating on me. I had nothing left to say at this point, I was void of any feeling. Jacob, listen to me.

“Well give her my ******* regards,” I had reached my boiling point. She looked at me, her ocean eyes beginning to pool with salty tears. As she blinked, a torrent of them rolled down her cheek, leaving a faint line where the makeup came off – a scar, if you will. I think she half-expected me to apologize for the harshness of my voice, the way I always used to after I realized the effect of my tone on her fragile composure. I didn’t falter - this time, I had no remorse. Good.

“Jake, please,” was all she could manage to say. She pushed her jet black hair away from her face – strands had begun to stick to her cheeks from her tears. Even in her seemingly delicate state, she still held her nose to the sky, as if her dignity and precious reputation were resting on the tip of it – an invisible string connecting it to whatever ******* aristocracy she liked to think she was a part of.

Thinking of this and then back to the entire situation at hand, I couldn’t help but laugh. Hoarsely at first, but then louder and more pronounced – I was completely taken over with maniacal happiness. Scare her. Do it, Jacob.

Glancing up, I could see the look of bewilderment encased within her eyes. You're doing so well. She had been sitting a few feet away from me the entire time and upon seeing her fear, I leaned in until I was close enough to taste her cinnamon gum and whispered, “boo.” She jumped. I guess it did work like that, the way you’d see in the movies – push someone to the edge of their mental cliff and a simple syllable could force them off. Don't let her off the hook.

The rest of the act came easily.  I had performed my part too many times for it to go awry and had scared her too badly to even move, let alone run. You know the drill from here. I watched as bewilderment turned to fear and fear to desperation and I swear, if I could have taken a picture at the exact moment that her eyes begged for me not to, I would have. It was in that moment I realized it wasn’t me she wanted to run from, but herself, and that was exactly the way I wanted it to be. It makes the guilt easier, something I knew from experience. It's just a play, Jacob, that's all it is. Play your part. I did. I played it well.

It didn’t look like she would be speaking again anytime soon, so I repeated, “give her my ******* regards” and winked, a smile creeping across my lips as I walked away.

A couple feet from the door, I looked back at the lifeless figure laying under a single blood-stained sheet in our bed. *It was supposed to be our bed.

Words in my head. Unspoken Unsaid...but they slip and they slide ride out and deride bringing untamed desires to the fore. Words are the core. They are all that remain after heartache and pain when the world and its eyes and its peoples despise the lives that they live. Only words can forgive. But words in the head are impotent..they're dead. You can feed words to the starving but they cannot be force fed and thus words left unread.I've said it before..words are the core. Silent words are no good..never could be if no one ever could see what you're trying to say. Hiding words away behind a curtain is certain to obscure any meaning so when you have the leaning and you're ready to fall you have words that can call the words into a book to be read. Not unsaid but out loud to the crowd..to the throng. Is it so wrong to hear words that have love. Sweet Jesus above how could it be when words and their meanings mean so much to me.Do you see where this is leading..down the road of constant reading, with words and what they bring as they sing into today for each and everyone, until the day when words are gone. And that'll be a long time coming.

Musings at Giza
by Michael R. Burch

In deepening pools of shadows lies
the Sphinx, and men still fear his eyes.
Though centuries have passed, he waits.
Egyptians gather at the gates.

Great pyramids, the looted tombs
—how still and desolate their wombs!—
await sarcophagi of kings.
From eons past, a hammer rings.

Was Cleopatra's litter borne
along these streets now bleak, forlorn?
Did Pharaohs clad in purple ride
fierce stallions through a human tide?

Did Bocchoris here mete his law
from distant Kush to Saqqarah?
or Tutankhamen here once smile
upon the children of the Nile?

or Nefertiti ever rise
with wild abandon in her eyes
to gaze across this arid plain
and cry, “Great Isis, live again!”

Published by Golden Isis and The Eclectic Muse

Keywords/Tags: Ancient, Egypt, Giza, Sphinx, pyramids, tombs, sarcophagi, Cleopatra, pharaohs, Bocchoris, Kush, Saqqarah, Tutankhamen, Nile, Nefertiti, Isis



ANCIENT EGYPTIAN POETRY TRANSLATIONS

These are my modern English translations of ancient Egyptian poems, love lyrics and Harper's songs.

An Ancient Egyptian Love Lyric (circa 1085-570 BC)
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Is there anything sweeter than these hours of love,
when we're together, and my heart races?
For what is better than embracing and fondling
when you visit me and we surrender to delights?

If you reach to caress my thigh,
I will offer you my breast also —
it's soft; it won't jab you or ****** you away!

Will you leave me because you're hungry?
Are you ruled by your belly?
Will you leave me because you need something to wear?
I have chests full of fine linen!
Will you leave me because you're thirsty?
Here, **** my *******! They're full to overflowing, and all for you!

I glory in the hours of our embracings;
my joy is incalculable!

The thrill of your love spreads through my body
like honey in water,
like a drug mixed with spices,
like wine mingled with water.

Oh, that you would speed to see your sister
like a stallion in heat, like a bull to his heifer!
For the heavens have granted us love like flames igniting straw,
desire like the falcon's free-falling frenzy!



Egyptian Love Song
(circa the 13th or 14th century BC)
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Lover, let’s slip down to the pond;
I’ll bathe while you watch me from the nearest bank.
I’ll wear my sexiest swimsuit, just for you,
made of sheer linen, fit for a princess!
Come, see how it looks when it’s wet!
Can I coax you to wade in with me?
To let the cool water surround us?
Then I’ll dive way down deep, just for you,
and come up dripping,
letting you feast your eyes
on the little pink fish I’ve found.
Then I’ll say, standing there in the shallows:
"Look at my little pink fish, love,
as I hold it in my hand.
See how my fingers caress it,
slipping down its sides, then inside!
See how it wiggles?"
But then I’ll giggle softly and sigh,
my eyes bright with your seeing:
It’s a gift, my love, no more words!
Come closer and see ...
it’s all me!



Ancient Egyptian Harper’s Songs

The first carpe diem or "seize the day" poems may be the various versions of the ancient Egyptian "Harper's Song" (or "Song of the Harper"). These may also be the oldest "ubi sunt" or "where are they now" poems. Such poems were inscribed in Egyptian tombs along with the image of a blind man playing a harp. Thus it is believed these were songs performed during funeral services for the deceased. Versions of the "Harper's Song" found in tombs of the Old Kingdom (c. 2686-2181 BC) tend to be short and traditional in regard to the afterlife (i.e., affirmative). Middle Kingdom (c. 2055-1786 BC) and New Kingdom (1539-1075 BC) versions tend to be longer and sometimes encourage listeners to "seize the day" while rejecting the more traditional Egyptian view of eternity (for instance, satirizing large funerary monuments and saying possessions cannot be taken into the afterlife). Such updated versions of the "Harper's Song" include "Harper's Song: Tomb of Neferhotep" and " Harper's Song: Tomb of Inherkhawy." These are my personal favorites of both genres ...

This song comes from a tomb which contains an image of Djehutiemheb and Hedjmetmut seated at an offering table while their son, dressed as a priest, pours libations and burning incense before them. It seems the song may be a blessing being voiced by the son, as the text appears before his representation.

Harper's Song: Tomb of Djehutiemheb
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

... The sky is opened for you,
the earth opened for you,
for you the good path leads into the Necropolis.
You enter and exit like Re.
You stride unhindered like the Lords of Eternity ...



This song from the funerary stela of Iki depicts the deceased sitting at an offering table with his wife, with the rotund harpist Neferhotep sitting on the other side of the table. Neferhotep was one of the earliest known Egyptian singer/harpists. His portrait and his song were included on the stela of a man named Iki.

Harper's Song: Tomb of Iki
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

O tomb, you were prepared for a festival,
your foundations anchored in happiness!
The harpist Neferhotep, son of Henu.

*

The stela of Nebankh from Abydos contains a Harper's Song with the deceased depicted sitting at an offering table with the harpist squatting before him:

Harper's Song: Tomb of Nebankh
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Tjeniaa the singer says:
Now you are seated securely in eternity,
in your eternal monument!
Your tomb is filled with food-offerings
and complete with every fitting thing.
Your soul is with you
and will never desert you,
Royal Treasurer and Seal-Bearer, Nebankh!
The sweet north wind is now your breath!
So says the honorable singer Tjeniaa,
whom he loved and who keeps his name alive
by singing to his soul every day.



Interestingly, the three Harper's songs found in the tomb of the priest Neferhotep seem to display very different viewpoints about the afterlife, if we can take the first two to be saying that death is peaceful because no one is doing anything ...

Harper's Song: Tomb of Neferhotep
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

I.
I have heard songs inscribed in ancient tombs,
extolling earth-life while belittling the Beyond ...
but why condemn the kingdom of Eternity,
the just and the fair,
which holds no terrors?

II.
Death abhors violence: no man there arms himself against his brother.
No one rebels in that peaceful kingdom.
All our ancestors rest there, since man’s earliest days;
the multitudes assemble there, every one,
for none may tarry overlong in the land of Egypt.
There is no one who will not cross over.

III.
Earth-life is no more than the span of a dream,
but fair welcomes are given when one reaches the West.



Harper's Song: Tomb of Intef
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

(from the tomb of the Pharaoh Intef)

Here lies a happy prince
because death is the kindest fate.

One generation passes, another remains:
so it has been since our eldest ancestors.

Now those who were once "gods" rest in their sepulchers
along with other nobles
and those who built their tombs.

Their palaces are gone,
and what has become of them?

What of the words of Imhotep and Hardedef,
whose sayings are still recited entire?

What of their palaces?
Their walls have collapsed into ruins,
their halls have vanished
as if they never existed!

And no one returns from that realm
to inform us of their state
or to calm our fears.
We remain in the dark until we join them ...

Hence, rejoice with happy hearts!
It is best to forget: heedlessness is happiness!
Humor your hearts as long as you live!

Perfume your hair with myrrh,
adorn yourself in your finest linens,
anoint yourself with the costliest oils, fit for a god,
heap up your treasures here on earth!

Let your heart remain buoyant! Don't let it sink!
Humor your heart and find happiness!
Here on earth, do as your heart demands!

What use is mourning,
when weary-hearted Osiris pays tears no heed?

Weeping and wailing spares no man from the grave,
so make every day your holiday. Never tire of joy's pursuits!
Because no one is allowed to take his possessions with him
and none who departs ever returns!

This song, also known as “The Lay of the Harper,” appears in the tomb of Paatenemheb, where the introductory line says it was copied from the tomb of a King Intef (a name used by several kings from 11th and 17th dynasties). The poem is also preserved in the Ramesside New Kingdom Harris 500 papyrus. These works are accepted by scholars as being a copy of a genuine Middle Kingdom text.

Keywords/Tags: Egypt, Egyptian, poem, poems, poetry, translation, translations, English, harper, harpers songs, love poems, love songs, love lyrics

Even though my wounded pride
May wish to shower its havoc
And share its discontent
Spreading battles over many dark lands
Seeking its vengeance
As the sweet taste of the enemies pain
Would serve as the greatest aspirin
As breaking the smile of my
Gloating enemy , for my failure
Would quench the hatred in my heart
Like a thousand harsh winter
For that is where I stand
In a frozen land

Dare I melt the sea's of my frozen heart
As i sit in such silent peace
Though I may incline not to enter
The harsh world of relating
Where ego's smash against my heart
Alpha's roaring over my meek self
Leaving splinters in my bleeding heart
As they trample over me
Dispel yourself
For i seek the silent blissful path
Worthy yourself greatly , you may do
But I am a weary soul
Who grows tired of daily battle
And bored of your disrespect
Come only if you rest

Rest I must in Gods heart
And seek his help
Melt my heart Oh LORD
And cushion me in this world
As God you may be my parachute
And drain my vengeance
For its toxins , poison my blood
And spill me into darkness
A warming heart brings new remorse
To my violent soul
Shining a new light on all my errors
I seek forgiveness in the Lords presence
As I seek the new

Melting sea's renew memory's
Of broken hearts
The flow of new loving essence
Caress my many forgotten parts
Like a wet kiss from lost Love
Bringing tears and joy
In the same breath
Keep Away Keep Away
For I bath in the Love
Of lost nostalgia
Though the Love of lost lovers
Had raised me
That the stars were sprinkled
And sparkled in my heart
They felled me Like the giant Red Woods
Of California
Though I lived in the shadows
Of such heights
I seek the new
As I thank all the love of all lost love
With all the grace I can humbly offer
For their heights will become
My Stepping Stones

Dizzy and uncontrolled, I open my eyes to see the smoke crowding the air.
For, my body has just become a safe haven for your hands.
Temptation has won tonight.
Moonlight is dancing upon our bare bodies and I am immersed in pure satisfaction.
Our lips have synced with the circadian rhythm we possess and the fire has started to erupt.
As the flames get more and more intense, so does the love we pretend to have for each other.
It continues to grow until we convince ourselves it’s real.
The bedsheets serve as our common ground for our broken hearts to rest on.
As we are climbing and pretending; pretending and climbing,
The fire is getting hotter, the love is getting cloudier, and our bodies are getting heavier against on another’s.
Faint whispers of phrases we dare not say otherwise fill the room.
Finally, the fire is extinguished and we are left to lay with nothing but reality.
Clutching each other for protection from yet another fire, we doze off hoping to wake up in love with each other.

Closed like confessionals, they thread
Loud noons of cities, giving back
None of the glances they absorb.
Light glossy grey, arms on a plaque,
They come to rest at any kerb:
All streets in time are visited.

Then children strewn on steps or road,
Or women coming from the shops
Past smells of different dinners, see
A wild white face that overtops
Red stretcher-blankets momently
As it is carried in and stowed,

And sense the solving emptiness
That lies just under all we do,
And for a second get it whole,
So permanent and blank and true.
The fastened doors recede. Poor soul,
They whisper at their own distress;

For borne away in deadened air
May go the sudden shut of loss
Round something nearly at an end,
And what cohered in it across
The years, the unique random blend
Of families and fashions, there

At last begin to loosen. Far
From the exchange of love to lie
Unreachable insided a room
The trafic parts to let go by
Brings closer what is left to come,
And dulls to distance all we are.

.




Count the stars in a moonless sky
as Borealis dances alone.
Reminds me of a cold, distant fire--
or childhood memories churning.
                  *
Making their bed on the cooling sand,
a new lovers' fire consumes.
Embers crackle and the night rages on
while the rest of the world's slowly burning.
                  *
Borealis, twists and turns and
sings,"How sweet the sound,"
as a sleepy ocean lullaby
comes crashing to the ground.
                 *
You've got comets and Cupid's
arrows falling all about
as dolphins race through
an electric atmosphere.
                 *
Where time and man
co-exist as thought,
when you choose the right door
you're outta here.
                 *
Count the stars in a moonless sky
as Borealis dances alone.
Reminds me of a cold, distant fire--
or childhood memories churning.
                  *
Making their bed on the cooling sand,
a new lovers' fire consumes.
Embers crackle and the night rages on
while the rest of the world's slowly burning.
                  *
Borealis, twists and turns and
sings,"How sweet the sound,"
as a sleepy ocean lullaby
comes crashing to the ground.






.

I didn't sleep again last night
my yesterday is still taking place
as my fingers gently press these keys
so as to not wake my brother
restless,
I realized,
I've seen a sunset
but never a sunrise

the streets were still asleep
the only ones about
only the down and out
the poor black folk
the aimless hipsters
the homeless
the single mothers with three jobs
who wait alone
under a flickering street light
for the bus which will take them
to their deadpan jobs
the puddles from last night's storm
rest with not a ripple
and the pretty little birdies
start finding their voice
restless,
I realized,
after the sunsets
the world opens up her eyes

periwinkle horizons
blend easily with the grey skyline
and the line between man and God blurs
the sky is tropical mango cocktails
and pillows of white Caribbean sand
the smell is left -
like a residue -
chasing after the tail of a storm
but the air is wet to the touch
hinting at repeat of the downpour
and I would've sat on the arm of that denim sofa
hour after hour
until the world was ready to wake up
giving me a chance to sleep off their insecurities,
only,
I felt like writing this poem
only,
I felt like a sunrise
or maybe a sunset?
or just maybe
a ******* supernova
I felt good
brimming with peace in my gut
like a warm fire
restless,
I realized,
that after all is set
I will still love the sunrise

It was a pretty standard bench;
the same one in the catalogs
with golden lillies
engraved right into the plaque
on the back rest

But Oh, how I loved
to sit there for hours
just kicking my feet back
and forth
watching the cars go by

He sat there once too
beneath the moon
and under the oak trees
in all his galant glory
I was ashamed;
but he was beautiful

Hoarfrost lipstick
Touches not-dead-enough lips.
She's limp and entangled in branches.

Unfeeling fingers
Snap newly-formed buds
Breath puffing and gasping, he glances.

"Pretty...
...my pretty...my pretty cold doll!
See how the snow on her dances?

Almost...almost finished.
Just need the rest...
That last one got covered in scratches..."

Bone-numbing cuffs,
Can't scream from the gag.
She's trembling and sobbing in snatches.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh...

I just need your arms...
such pretty white limbs!.."
He picks up his shears, and advances.

The world breaks down,
into a cacophony of voices.

A symphony of strength,
a melody of choices.

The sum of our decisions and thoughts within,
give rise to a personality and character wherein:
Choices are made, and the path is sealed,
leaving no room except for one to yield.

To one's past decisions,
the actions which have wrought.
A series of consequences,
and what of it, a thought.

Of a better result than what has been seen,
Of a whole slew of decisions, however bad it may seem.
What we once chose,
become shackles that bind,
our very future,
into a dime.

We chase after shadows, figments of truth,
Of happiness and fulfilment, for good or for ill.
We choose a path, based on choices which shape,
whatever we become, for our happiness' sake.

Yet the pursuit of wealth, of money or success,
defined by others, and not by one's zest.
Will only lead to failure, a complete mess.

Of one's very own mind,
a confused wreck.
Not knowing the difference between what's good or bad.
The unending pursuit of one's own dream,
leads to an ending, that few have rarely seen.

For most seek power, and others seek wealth,
Few seek happiness, above all else.
The result of all these, what very few can see,
is the transformation of mind, from pure to unclean.

What is happiness, in truth,
but chemicals and flukes?
Based on this, people chase what's abstruse.

To succeed in society where happiness exists,
only at the top, while the rest subsist.
On scraps and inklings of what they deem to be,
a happiness that is perfect, worry-free and complete.

Thus they are trapped,
they don't begin to see,
the trappings of society,
so thorough and complete.

They don't see the happiness that lies in relief,
Or the pointlessness of striving toward what has yet to be.

Yet this very cessation,
of striving towards things,
is the very happiness that all wish to see.
Absolute freedom, an endless expanse.
Available right here, where we may truly rest.

Shaped by society to be narrow-minded and cold,
Let us break free, to be joyous and bold.
To enjoy the ecstasy that does not depend,
on cause and condition, or any expense.
Let us strive forth, to cease all attempts,
at seeking a happiness that requires us to attend.

May all of us enjoy, an eternity of rest.

A very friendly young man who wasn't shy to start a conversation with you.
'Was my first and last conversation we shared
Til an equally painless force took him from his loved ones.
And from people like me,
Who were for some reason or another,
Meant to have known of him.
Rest In Peace.
Rest in the friendly Earth's soil.
Rest with memories of you
In conversations shared between your loved ones
And people like me.

The heart is weak now, It's shameful of seeing your face
It's screaming out loud, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME? DON'T YOU THINK I NEED A REST TOO?"
The smokes and flames bursting out through its pores shows the horrible mid-condition that the heart was in
It's poor soul trying to express its feelings with the gasp of its last breathe
So weak now, so feeble now, so alone now, so rejected now
Why have you treated me so badly, the heart was humbly and meekly portraying
As I take my mandatory and needful rest now I want no goodbyes, and no "I should have treated my heart with love and tender cares"
I just want to be alone now as I bleed and melt up to the point of my last breathe and then will you see and feel me no longer

I can tell you what it is, that feeling
but before, I must let you know I have dusty corners that need to be fixed from floor to ceiling

now in this room there is no use in stealing
its not gradual, look in my eyes in one second if i allow it, you will know the meaning

in my hands, beneath my palms there is a pounding
as water embraces the ocean, can you feel yourself drowning

trembling I hold it out of my chest
my hands are dripping in blood, and right now I cannot tell you the rest
here we don't use words, because there is no use for them

once they told me .....
but I refuse to believe that,
although I find trouble convincing myself - no they are lies
a lingering whisper that comes to me occasionally tells me otherwise

that little girl that lingered in the open spaces
with her nerves she traces
symbolic memoirs of something fading
I went downtown just to go downtown, no reason in particular
, days like those I cherish the beauty of solitude and city lights

after I got to the mountains I blushed to myself
when they came to say hi
this isn't were I belong
do I seem like an open book
I am an open book

but only the right eyes can read its invisible words
that were written with the happiness of few things
--
and the pain of many many things

behind my words there is a calling
read between the lines, can you feel yourself falling

slowly now I feel your wounds healing
I can show you what it is, that feeling

but before I must let you know, I have dusty corners that must be fixed from floor to ceiling.

Dearest of them all
the light of my life,
without you there is darkness

The love of my life,

I do not find you in the pearl
or in the rest of the world
Like you said i will
I do not go to the "market"
Yes all day i sit still
And to live i have managed

It's not been long till you said
"Hold on to me love,
For in moments i am dead"
And moments later you left me
now watching us from above
And tales i tell my grandson
and he listens so keenly
Love like ours has done
immeasurable healing to him

Bask in your wisdom, the whole village
now comes to me for justice
They're rights taken and land pillaged
How much do they miss their king!

Yes for nine times i thought no
we cannot be so,
The time was seventy years ago
I was young and never imagined
You'll see in me what i hadnt

But i lost now the will to live
im old and not beautiful anymore
you at all the wonderful things at store
To tell me and to make me smile
Why? why couldnt you stay a while

But ill be there, my king
wherever you are our love will bring
Yes ill continue to live
But i'll see you soon i believe
I'll see you soon i believe

how many children have stood on these same stairs
and looked up at that bleeding jesus, afraid?

let them never burn your books
let them never move that chair
away from the cabinet where you rest your drinks

let them never teach me

that there is nothing of value

in god

In this castle where I lay,
With the angels and queens,
As they bow down
To pray.
And in these dreams,
Of which I sleep,
My tormented soul,
The demons shall keep.
And with these thoughts,
My pen does bleed,
Onto parchment composed
Of guilt and greed.
And in this hell,
Of which I dread,
Upon a rock,
I rest my head.
And with these hopes,
My wings spread high,
In dreams of returning,
To that castle in the sky

Dear 10 year old me.

You have the prettiest pigtails, and glowing brown eyes.
You're so sweet, and you care about everyone, they all bully you because you're different.
They think you're "too happy"

Eventually you'll start to fwel lonely.
And you'll sink into depression, you'll feel worthless, and you're just 10 and a half.
You'll start hating your own reflection.
At 11 you'll go on a diet, and at 12 you'll stop eating anything at all.
And with the starvation comes self mutilation.
You'll make scars, that'll stay for the rest of your life, but you'll learn to look at them as a part of you, and everyone else will too.

Your childhood friend, Emma, whom you never really talked to before, will become a very big part of your life.
She'll help you through your ****.
You'll relate to each other, cause she's in the exact same ****.
She'll find it a bit harder to get out though.
But just keep helping her please, and stay in contact with her for gods sake, please stay in contact with her..

People will stop talking to you, unless they need something, or want to call you ugly.
Don't help them, they'll all leave when they find someone better.
You're 13 years old and so ******* naive.
Two girls will help you through when your classmates lock the door and say that "they don't have room for a *****"
But you'll leave them, just like everyone else left you once.
Don't do that. Those giels are the kind of people you want to hold onto, the kind of people who pick you up when you're down.
You'll be diagnosed with social anxiety and schizoid personality disorder.
Hell.. Even bipolar disorder and anorexia..
You'll wanna die at points
But it'll be ok, i promise you.

You're 14 years old, and you've never had a boyfriend, but it doesn't matter, cause the one you get will be bad for you.
He'll tell you that you're ugly, and he'll try to touch you places you don't wanna be touched, even though you push him away.

Your weight is dangerously low. 40 kg, it'll get a bit lower, but please get better soon, cause your body will still not be stable when you're 15 and a half.
You'll say to yourself that you'll stop cutting, but you can't keep that, you'll be clean for 10 months, but you'll break it, but a good thing is, that you'll stop again.

Leave Kathrine alone, she'll try to ruin your life.
And even though you get in a new class, they'll still all think that you're a *****, a **** up, a ******.
People will still bully you, and stare at you in disgust.
People will still ask you for favors, and then just leave you.

That Ike guy.. Don't trust him, he'll leave you just like wveryone else, he'll ask for favors just like everyone else did, but he won't fight for you when he needs to.
And don't make that instagram, your parents will find out.
And you'll miss the friends you had on there.
You'll miss your 2K followers.

Jp.. I warn you, don't even talk to him.. He's a violent **** up..
He might seem nice for the first couple of weeks, but it'll change.. Drastically, he'll hit you, kick you, call you stuff.

On the other hand, you make a really good friend when you quit choir, and start japanese lessons instead.
He'll treat you like a princess. His princess.
He'll be one of the people you should keep around, and i really hope you do.
Cause now you're a lot smarter than you were back then.
He can even convince you that you actually do look alright.
He can make you want to recover by just saying three words "i love you"
Date him, and trust him.
It won't do you wrong.

And i promise, that everything might look dark right now, you're just a lonely 10 year old girl afterall, things will get worse.
A lot worse.
But they'll get better, and you'll feel loved.
I promise you.

carry me through lands of dreams
sleepy shamans oaths perceived
the new humans rewrite their creed
to reconstruct the codes beneath.
as sands of time brush through my lungs,
beneath where silver moons once hung,
the catalyst for earths progressions,
tantric winds of gods procession
are pulled to fuel the fires in our chest.
to fuel the fires in us.

ride the colors of the wind, my friend;
dance with death until your end.
the serpentine son rises to speak eternal truths
and soon his weary eyes will rest upon you.

the deepest shades of blue green hue
from the swoon of palaces
dreamt of once, so long ago
where trees from ancient soils will grow
and we, collect their morning dew.

florence white or better known as mumma rose gets captured in ron’s psych ward



after losing her mate harold stone  in 2011, florence ‘mumma rose’ white started

to show the screws that she is a changed woman but she can’t resist, escaping from the secure

psychiatric unit and then started to search the web to find tasha andrews, so she can have

ella white, who is the chosen one, but this time mumma rose was determined to win, and

mumma rose decided to bring her commune to the web and she would trick everyone who

looks like they can help her into joining the computer generation, which was the name of her

new commune, and florence wanted to find tasha and ells, and she would do anything to get

help to find them.

ron was searching the web and wrote on google after having problems with the web and

‘what is wrong with the computer generation, and surprise surprise, he came across mumma rose’s

website, but it was secure, because florence didn’t want no irene roberts to stop her plan, but

ron was unsure about whether this was a lead, so he searched for any way of finding a date of when

this website was found, but he couldn’t find it, but ron forwarded the websie over to the police and

then ron was called in, with the police saying, where did you find this site and ron said, i was searching

for something i like and i then accidentally googled what is wrong with the computer generation and

this was on the top, and the police said, yeah well, this site was built in 2012 in the hope of capturing

tasha and ella once more, and it looks like she is off her medication as well.


ron left the police station and went to his usual place and there was one of mumma rose’s computer generation

buddy’s having a cup of coffee and a cake, and he said, my friend mumma rose wants me to bring ella white home to her

after that evil tasha andrews and irene roberts took her away from her, and ron said, listen, do you know where she lives

and mumma rose’s buddy said nothing, not even his name because he can’t see the evil in mumma rose but ron wanted

to trial a new medication on her because the one she was on wasn’t working and the man said, why the **** are you doctors

trying to shove good people on drugs, and she is a good person, you know who the real villain is.    it is that evil irene roberts and

tasha andrews, or she wants is to have her baby brought back to her.

ron said, she has manipulated so many people, and she is dangerous and the man said, ‘dangerous’  a wild dog can be dangerous

a tiger can be dangerous.  better still a knife reeling bandit is dangerous, but mumma rose is ever so gentle, and the computer generation

are protecting her from you quacks and cops.

ron sat there and took a photo of the guy with his phone and sent it to the police and then went to his HDU and the inmates were getting restless

and charlie chaplin said did you hear the news, they caught mumma rose, and she should be back in her psych ward soon and ron

said, when did this happen and before he can say anything else, mumma rose was walking into his HDU, and florence said, hi, my name is

florence white, and i was arrested for having a website, just imagination in this day and age, getting arrested for having a website.

ron asked mumma rose, you were a NSW lady, what brings you here, and mumma rose said, i had a sure plan to get my daughter back

from those evil so called family people irene roberts and tasha andrews, i was ready to pounce till i got a visit from the police, and ron asked her

did you have a lead, and mumma rose said yeah, there was this little 9 year old girl really got hooked on this website and i thought, ella, this is ella

i know it, she is my daughter who has been taken away by irene and tasha and i am ever so determined to reach out, and when the police came

i lost all hope of ever seeing her again, so are you happy mr ron cooper, and mumma rose added i am not taking any medication, because there is

nothing wrong with me, give tasha and irene medication and send them in here, and let me go, i have my new found friends to look after

and ron said, ‘NO’, you are staying here and while you have still got thoughts in harming that child, you will stay here as i prescribe largactil to you

with a dash of serenace and mumma rose walked away saying, i am not participating in any childish games until i get out of here, i will take your

wonder drug, to get me better so i can be with my daughter again and ron bought out the lunches and mumma rose had nothing and charlie said

eat this, it’s great and mumma rose said, if i wasn’t missing my daughter, i would punch you and patty roe went up to florence and said i am

george washington and florence said ‘SHUT UP’, and went over to the television yelling at every word said on the television, and that meant a

lot of yelling and ron tried to settle her down and brought her medication to her, and mumma rose said, my daughter is out there with evil

and ron bought out the sandwiches as well as the rest of the medications and mumma rose went up to charlie chaplin and grabbed him

and said to ron, i will **** him if you go home now, ron said, no you haven’t got any weapons so ron went home, but when ron went home,

mumma rose continued with her threat to **** someone and she killed george washington, saying go back to the USA in a coffin and the nursing

staff rang ron up and ron came straight away and went into mumma rose’s room and said, you ain’t going to see your daughter if you **** everyone

in here, ok and after yelling at florence ron went to his office and put a do not disturb sign on his door while mumma rose was pumped full of drugs/

I never asked you for the things you gave me
I never asked
But you didn't even care

If I had asked,
would you have shut me out?
Or would you have given more?
Of your overflowing wine
of life or love or energy
( or whatever it was
  that you folded into my hands
  like the most secret-sacred treasure map )

You would sometimes catch me
In a gaze like a doe
Ask me things
That took time to sink in
Because I was being distracted
By my urge to count your eyelashes

We could never go outside in the cold
Because you were terrified
That your breath would crystallize  and twist inside your lungs
But you loved to see how long you could hold your breath for
Underwater

There would be pauses
As time stilled to take a look at us
To check that we really were still there
And everything around us swirled
Like autumn leaves or glitter stars
Our glances would solidify
And memory struck out to capture snapshots

Everly, I never asked
Not even once, but you still gave
Everly, I can't quite grasp

I see you sometimes
When the sunshine's wounding bright
Yellow, cheerful, heavenly
And I look into the shadows
To find rest for my eyes
I can never keep straight the present and the past
So when I look in the shade
I see ghosts of you sprawled out, laughing, head tilted back, hands splayed

Your sighs were soft
But you only ever sighed them
When your face shone
With a lovely glow of indulgence

We watched Hitchcock religiously
We wouldn't give them up
You said that you liked Vertigo the best
But you never told me why

I'll hold your friendship
In the cup of my hands
While wonder fills up slowly
Where my thoughts should be
I'll peer over my thumbs
To steal a peek at the clear blue crystalline
Effervescent memories

I will remember you foreverly
My word

i love you.
i love you.
i love you.

you prepared me for this
and i can't decide whether
it's ok for me to feel as relieved
as I do when I am not crying

i've never felt so much instant pain
and relief all at once
so confusing-- my ****** lady
who walks like a trucker

piebald nightcaps
tree terrace
800+ hours
miles upon miles of cigarettes

dengue.
my heart.
my heart.
you brought me to Christ

you showed that God is love
you've left such a huge rainbow
in the earth's clay
i miss you
i want you

but I don't need you now
you know that
we know that
my heart.

you dreamt me and robbie
will one day meet
we will
and it won't be incredibly soon

--but it doesnt matter.

promise brothers
promise sister
Ngariy.
please hug Tithinfal for me

i'm glad you are with him now
im trying to go to Yap on Tuesday
for a week to see Ray and Celine
and the kids

to see Tingin
our spots the island wide
the tunnel behind peace corps
i inadequatley described to you

but that you can now see
and feel
with ****** yapese local music
blaring in the background

i'll be fine
you know I will
with heart on fire
I reach out to you tonight

all nights.

i'll find Zeyto
i'll hug him
those eyes

i'll sit in Gilin's kitchen and chainsmoke
i'll make you proud
i'll spread your word
i'll spread your message

i'll spread your love
i'll make it to Africa
and ill see you again
before we both know it

i love you.
and i'm good
ill learn to dance with a limp

rug baadagem ni odig, tinmad
gu baadagem.

forever
forever
forever

go rest

Another night, another song, another legion showcase

Some friendly folk just out for fun, an acoustic disgrace.

It's little cash, but lots of fun spinning discs on weekends

I play a few and sit and watch the wanna be's and girlfriends

In between I play some songs on the old piano

It's fun to hear them sing along, and see what songs they do know

I've been doing this for twenty years, to take away the boredom

I used to tour, I was big time, in rock and rolls great whoredom

I had a hit, but only one way back in the gloaming

We never had another one, and since then I've been roaming

The song we had, it hit the charts and stayed there for a while

I hear it every now and then, and still it makes me smile

The guys and I had formed a band, way back in high school

We played a bunch of cover songs, we thought that we were so cool

We wrote a few, some pretty bad but one got attention

It wasn't great, the title was one I can't mention

Apparently another group had sung a song just like it

We had to change the words around in order to make it fit

We cut the disc, it found a niche on a country station

We were not a country band , but our song had hit the nation

"My Pretty Little City Girl" was now out on the airwaves

We'd wait and see if she survived and how the country behave

Nashville grabbed it first and ran, the song went up to twenty

In only two weeks on the air, the **** thing got played plenty

Another week, up twelve more spots..things were going great

We'd shot on up from twentieth, now we're were in eighth

Two more weeks, this was such fun...the song just kept on climbing

So we tried to write another one, and off we started rhyming

We made it up to number three, and there we sat for two weeks

We'd have a fantastic run, but there was where we would peak

We tried for years to make a go and tried to write another

But, we were done, we'd had our shot, we're back to singing covers

So, here I sit spinning discs at Legions and at fall fairs

They send us out to do our song, but, there's no one who cares

We're just a band of has beens now, of wanna be's from history

Even when you google us, there's nothing there...a mystery

You see it happened so **** fast, we only had the one song

We made the chart for two whole months, not for very **** long

Of all us five, two are gone, the rest we get together

We jam a bit, and play fall fairs, although we hate the weather

The song you know, it's in your head, and when we get to sing it

It's funny how most everyone, knows all the words and bring it

We used to play to thousands when they tried to get us started

But now we play to hundreds who weren't born when we all parted

So here I am, just spining discs and playing songs in legions

I travel all around the states, I've played in every region

But, when I play that song for them, and sing on the piano

"My pretty little city girl" is one I find that they know

I never say  I wrote it, just it's one I like to do

But, every time I play it, it sounds as if it's new

And after I go back and play requests left by my side

Like "Penny Lane", 'The Gambler" and "Magic Carpet Ride"

I play what people ask for and sometimes I give a twirl

I play an old scratched version Of "My Pretty..do dah girl"

I sit back and I smile as I watch them dance along

Not knowing that I'm sitting here, the writer of the song

I'm a one hit wonder superman, riding off into the mist

Thinking of the songs I could have wrote and all the girls I kissed

My past,it still surrounds me ....I can't imagine what I'd do

Just think about it people....what if we reached number two?

so, another night, another song, an empty legion hall

My life is full of music and yes....my life has been a ball !!!

you could never take a compliment
they're buried with the rest of 'em

my mind is prone to atrophy
rewind your body next to me

no lies in our comfort zone
take this time turn off the phone

we are not an accident
don't be so incredulous

  it's getting dimmer, swimming in a shoal...
  dinner bells resound like white fog around a light pole...

heaven cannot face us
not to be complacent

devil wears my shoulder
your angel is adjacent

seven years of chances
still drowning in a basement

you could never take a compliment
they're buried with the rest of 'em

O were my Love yon lilac fair,
  Wi’ purple blossoms to the spring,
And I a bird to shelter there,
  When wearied on my little wing;
How I *** mourn when it was torn
  By autumn wild and winter rude!
But I *** sing on wanton wing
  When youthfu’ May its bloom renew’d.

O gin my Love were yon red rose
  That grows upon the castle wa’,
And I mysel a drap o’ dew,
  Into her bonnie breast to fa’;
O there, beyond expression blest,
  I’d feast on beauty a’ the night;
Seal’d on her silk-saft faulds to rest,
  Till fley’d awa’ by Phoebus’ light.

Do you ever get frustrated?
Tired of the fight.
You're sick of wobbling at the edge,
with nothing going right.
The moon is tugging you once more
and you feel you must take flight.
Even if it means your fall to
doom.

Oh God, let me find freedom soon.

The freedom to scream, as loud and as
pained as blood,
dripping freely from the chest,
the successive scratch marks of my mind
free to air their wounds at last.

There you go everyone, there
is my real past.

It's disgusting and it's vile,
and still has the ability
to rip the smile from my face.
I feel like I'm in
a constant race.

Who can reach her brain first?

Can she really keep reign the bad,
when we provoke the beasts
of her destruction?
Can we quicken her heartbeat
and limit her air?
How about, if we tie her hair to
spiders?
Watch them scuttle closer in,
wriggling and spinning,
trying to reach inside her.

Let's watch her play "find the sin"

The sins we hid within,
which are not hers
but others.
We know she won't want to
cause a bother,
she won't dob us in.

She'll hide them like she
does her soul.
Honestly, she sometimes wonders if it's
worth it after all.

She feels enclosed, compressed,
constricted,
a claustrophobic who finds
solace in small spaces
fears suppression of emotion,
the heavy tread of life,
can sometimes be quite weary.

But it'll be alright, she'll always
find the energy to do that
which is right.

She'll once more start to fight
She'll find solace where she can,
and cradle ***** of light,
she'll find a way to free herself
by flying like a kite;
string holding her down,
but wind taking her high.

She'll dance
and laugh
and twist
and turn
and dive
high up in the sky

Free as a bird, but secret silent as a sigh,
not the least offended, if people
pass her by.

If they can't accept her,
she'll happily flip them off
with a cry of contentment,
that she can finally be free of living
with resentment.

Her Girl, Lady, Woman
firmly by her side,
together they will glide
and ride the
tides of life.

"We're flying!"

They will cry, laugh and love
forever eternally.

Their quirks in constant harmony

And when they lie to rest together,
the girl will whisper:
"We will never die
I'll live so safe in your heart
and you will be in mine"

"I promise, and I know,
our love can only grow"

So I'll never give up.

Ever

*Because, I love you so.

She accidentally looked back into eternity and it is telling her things. Constantly questioning whether it could have been on purpose. She wishes it had told her about the day that she went missing for too long. She is still missing. Missing so many things that happen and those as close as possible. She is missing them too.

She existed to be this close to missing everyone forever. Everyone missing her forever. Missing her orange kisses and purple thoughts. He left messages in blue in her thoughts. To see if it could make a shady spot in the bright yellow sun.  This is where they would sit and possibly lay down. There were so many shimmering waves in the grass that loose clothing rippled. Her dress was waving to clouds being emptied by the sunshine.

If they were to lay in bent grass blades could it be the last time. The last time the blades bent back and the feeling of beauty penetrating hearts couldn’t let go. The last thing they could ever want. No turning back. Time is bending the blanket.

Time decided to take some space to itself. To get back to nature and living with things we cannot stop. Life kept being left in the street with holes made in it by fear and hatred that is white. Life kept being told by whiteness that is was not real.

In this space that time took to itself the institution of white needed to become colorful like rainbows and hadn’t documented in its constitution that it needs to become different shapes and sounds that may be hard for it to resonate with while investing in such militant social systems of oppression overflowed from slavery in order to become a space other than time allows for a short duration yet brutally eternal and ending now as today unfolds and life proves it is real as time rips it apart openly and its institution of white judges itself into the panic of being so insensitive that vengeance has no other shapes, colors or sounds to choose other than violet revolt.

Violet made handprints in clay as a small child while reserving words for family that were taken from her. She smiled into the abyss of pleading that is too late for forgiveness. A silence of the white institution that could no longer be a burden in space for time to want anything to do with it ever again. Violet was intimate with the space that time took to itself. She nourished it with colors, intelligence, senses, shapes, love, merciless unforgiving power and purple thoughts were always encouraged.

Violet’s orange kisses burned into the early morning making the institution of whiteness a kind of blue. All that was left of it was confused and squinting at the colors of its new shape. It was demanding to know how long the spell had been on them and what to do now. Violent explained in senses and climate changing shapes of darkness and bright red lava and flashing pink clouds that there is no now.

part 2

I hope you like my shape of communication. I hope you can appreciate the brutality of the beauty in decomposing the unnecessary manifestation of apocalypse. The writer wants you to know its him. The narrator wants you to know its her. The sentence is time taking space to itself. Grammar is more of a blue than purple. The shape is the sense of confusion which is also the ****** of realizing eternity. The details are up to your imagination not mine or the author or writer or {[(black/white)[(black women/white women) + during slavery and after] + (Americans) (to make the *** trade of slavery possible) (political intellectually engineered institution)] [(mixed race) (native)(black African) (the rest of the world not isolating themselves in the social construction of whiteness)]} = having to create my own language because I don’t exist like I need to in the institution of whiteness (I have to feel it more than it feels me) that has a completely different meaning and purpose of imagined structure or patterns or symbols that outnumbers mathematics that are statistical boundaries invested in with the language that power is behind it somewhere that can only be found by using it.

Its uncomfortable for me to write the things I feel without feeling the need to prove their value to you. To build a relationship and undo it before we get to comfortable with each other. I know that you will never forget this during all your desperate imagination of reading and life. A thread that is undeniable through shapes colors and sounds but grammarless rhythm with more sensual texture than colonial organization and its friend decolonization making love instead of war most of the time.

So this again is why time has taken space to itself. The shapes of objectification in our solar system layering our consciousness with objectifying existence in space unimaginably vast and then gone all of the sudden. Actually assumptions are our specialty so we are intimate with them and emotive beyond anything real.

Vibrations sound like waves and look like shapes. She surfed on the shape of waves. She lives on the shape of waves balancing them with focus and intent. Of course she is going to use the most obscene language of the oppressor to react and demand the same brutal trauma is being redirected by her with exponential adaptivity as aggressively as colonialism on the institution of whiteness that changes little details of its shape to suit its foundation as the need for free labor based on her skin color and also the genes of her skin color to by association allow enslavement of light skin hims.  

Section 3

The flowers sat at the drum set to communicate spring. Some felt uncomfortable and decided to advocate for the drums.

“The drums are symbolic not just the symbols. Why should the symbols get the credit as being symbolic?”

As a gesture of listening, acceptance, and understanding. Guns turned to hyacinth flowers with jasmine bullets. The fragrance took violence over with a brutal ferociousness no one knew flowers had.

That same sunny day I became 6 shades darker in the growing power of the sun. That morning the same perspectives of my identity changed twice. In the morning the institution of whiteness (IOW) declared a false sense of solidarity with how I looked to them. That evening they ignored me like that never happened. They were squinting with confusion and nodding at each other.

The IOW was making a habit out of black identity. Settling with the concept that being black is having holes from their police and being silenced on streets or in the passenger seats of cars with their families. The IOW was making it a custom to advertise being black as dying.

A Rwandan orchid blossomed right at that moment. The IOW abruptly spit out their coffee and stood up together in disbelief. The sheer unexpected beauty became an unbearable pressure on their hearts.

The heart? Since this Orchid blossomed the shape of the IOS did not allow anyone but themselves to have a heart. This realization that the others had hearts was a serious need for a group huddle.

“These others with hearts we must assimilate with them as soon as possible!”

It might have been the deep fragrance of hyacinth and Jasmine, she thought aloud, or maybe the purple thoughts, but then again Violet played a huge part in paving the way for the blossoming Orchid. Cushioned by bent grass blades and a timeless blanket they intertwined in the shade of the bright yellow sun.

Girt in dark growths, yet glimmering with one star,
O night desirous as the nights of youth!
Why should my heart within thy spell, forsooth,
Now beat, as the bride’s finger-pulses are
Quickened within the girdling golden bar?
What wings are these that fan my pillow smooth?
And why does Sleep, waved back by Joy and Ruth,
Tread softly round and gaze at me from far?

Nay, night deep-leaved! And would Love feign in thee
Some shadowy palpitating grove that bears
Rest for man’s eyes and music for his ears?
O lonely night! art thou not known to me,
A thicket hung with masks of mockery
And watered with the wasteful warmth of tears?

Blustering beats as her feet pound on the pavement
Racing against the world in what feels like a single heartbeat.

She’s been running for miles, losing herself in a world that can no longer decipher which way is up and which way is down.

He’s been running for eternity, seeking the girl who has always been nothing more than the whimsical melody that the birds carry throughout the wind.

Running and running and running some more.
But what do you do when your feet start to get sore?
When you’re tired of running and running some more?

----<3----

She’s gotten up only to fall again.
He’s been dragged as if by an invisible hand.
The chains bound both prisoners in unending journeys.

But they created a fire that burned brighter then hell, broke free and ran fast
until daylight fell.

Swallowed in darkness with paths intertwined.
They ran and kept running with no source of guide.

She ran too fast.
She lost him.
He’s gone.
Her heart’s screaming “No!” but her mind’s saying “Move on”.

Getting lost ain’t so bad if you block out the pain.
Run.
Run.
Run.
You’ll be okay.

She stood still for a moment and took a deep breath.
Her heart racing,
Her limbs shaking,
She was scared half to death.

There she stood like a rose, hiding behind thorns to contain herself in an unbreaking barrier.  

He fought and he fought and he fought to get in.
But her barriers held strong and his fight against them left him ridden with scars.
----<3----
Determined.  
Devoted.
Desperation.
Desire.
He fought, is still fighting to overcome her exterior.

The thorns might hold strong as a natural defense,
But hidden within is a rose that is wilting.

She wants to give up,
To fly high in the sky
Like the three little birds that are passing her by.

They’re tweeting and chirping without a care in the world.
Oh how she’d give to get lost like that.

Ha, how absurd!

----<3----

It’s so dark.
She can’t see.
The moonlight is hidden.

SNAP.
CRUNCH.
A breaking twig.

He found her!
He’s here!
Go!
Run away!

Her mind tried to warn her.
But her heart said to stay.
Who is to say which knows the right way?

Running and running and running some more.
But what do you do when your feet start to get sore?
When you’re tired of running and running some more?

----<3----

Blindly she ran.
The trees were a blur.
The vines and the leaves,
The whole world behind her.

Faster and faster and faster she went.

She might not be happy, but she’s safe at last.
Her heart is safe from the pain of the past.

Her defenses are back, no more being afraid
Of the man who was stealing her heart day by day.

He searched every tree in his mission to reach her,
But she’s no longer in sight.

He’s lost her.

----<3----

She ran like the wind.
Faster and faster and faster than…
…slower?

She fell to the floor.
The vines grabbed at her leg.

Too fast.
Too fast.
She should have slowed down.
She’s so tired of fleeing.
She just wants to be found.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I wanted to stay.
I miss you.
I want you.
God, why am I always running away?”

----<3----

Sobbing and sobbing and sobbing some more.
Her ankle is stuck.
She’s sprawled on the floor.

It looks like it’s broken.
But it will be fine.
Her heart is the problem.
Because it’s no longer “mine”.

She wants him.
She ran.
It’s always the same.
The insecurities convince her she must run away.

She’s always abandoned.  
Always forgotten.
The best of the best can quickly turn rotten.

He stopped running to find her.
He’s not giving up.
He’s just tired, so tired.
Like, “What the ****?!”

Why did she leave?
“Come back! ******* a!
I miss you.
I love you.
Why couldn’t you stay?”

Two souls that are broken are breaking again.
They’re both lost, they’re both losing.
It looks like the end.

She’s curled up with leaves on the cold forest floor.
He’s gripping his head pacing like a caged dog.

His thoughts are so loud.  
He just wants her back.
But her crying is louder,
Her heart’s out of whack.

The darkness is welcomed.
The cold is refreshing.
He’s starting to cry just out of frustration.

Dismembered.
Forsaken.
Defeated.
Distressed.
Two souls that are lost among all the rest.

----<3----

He couldn’t stay there.  
He needed to move.
So he walked and he walked and he walked on some more,
Only stopping to rest when his feet began to feel sore.

Propping himself against a tree, he tried to understand why,
Why she left when his heart was beginning to fly.

The birds sang for them.
The stars knew their story.
Every heartbeat felt right, every day a new journey.

And now, it’s so empty.
The seconds tick by.
The world’s in slow motion.
All because of goodbye.

He closes his eyes and leans his head back.
Only then does he hear it,
A soft little crack

----<3----

The leaves are rustling.
A twig just broke.

A lizard?
A squirrel?
Some sick twisted joke?

Whatever it is, the sound gave him hope.
Maybe it’s her?
He could hardly cope.

Climbing to his feet, he sought out the noise.
The sounds grew louder to his surprise.

He first heard a muffled groan from below.
But the closer he got, the sobs seemed to grow.
He knew that voice.
It was her!
Up ahead.
God, he couldn’t wait to see her again.

He ran and kept running with one goal in mind.
He’d find her.
She’s here.
She can no longer hide.

----<3----

She tried to get up but her ankle gave out,
So she yelped and then quickly, she covered her mouth.

Who knew what was out there?
The night was still black.
She was tired of fighting,
She wanted him back.

Her sobbing grew louder as she laid there like that.
She felt helpless.
Alone.
She wanted him back.

Her heart began to pound when she heard a noise behind her.
He’s here.
It’s him.
He actually found her.

Her mind screamed to keep running,
But her heart begged to stay.
Lord, she was tired of running away.

Her ankle was injured,
So there she sat trapped,
With leaves in her hair and tears in her lap.

Waiting and waiting and waiting some more.
Today is the day her whole body is sore.

She’s tired of running from the things she wants most.
So she looks up and searches for her handsome ghost.

He’s hidden nearby.
She senses him there.
Her body is tingling from his secret stare.

----<3----
He catches her eyes seeking him in the dark,
But he’s nervous she’ll run so he stays behind bark.

Watching and watching and watching some more,
Until he sees tears running down her sweet face.

Her agony kills him, his heart won the race.

He’s broken.
She’s breaking.
The waiting must end, so he swoops in and saves her like no other can.

Sinking down to his knees, he wraps up his beauty
As sobs overtake them in a moment of unity.

----<3----

Even though their worlds crashed, the past is the past.
They’re holding each other,
Together at last.

Only when her sobs seize does she begin to see
The tears in his eyes put there by thee.

She broke him by running,
But that’s all she knew.
Oh how she wishes he already knew that she loved him,
Still loves him,
More than the stars
The world’s nonexistent in a place like “ours”.

Their sorrow has eased, for they’re home at last.
The running and running is dead in the past.

The night is still dark, but they both haven’t noticed,
Because they have grasped onto their saving light within all the darkness.

Together they burn brighter than the largest fire ever made.
No words are needed, just the promise to stay.

It screams louder and louder and louder some more,
Until the whole forest is cast with love galore.

----<3----

Moaning.
Sweet kisses.
A song made of gasps.
The forest floor spattered with loves brightest match.

Sweating and trembling from their passionate throws,

“I miss you”s.
“I love you”s.
Their stories unfold, only to be raveled again in a blanket of “happily ever after”s.
----<3----
Soaring through life, she’s as happy can be
Bundled in the arms of only he.

“******* a, I love you.  It’s crazy, I know.  But let’s run away where no one will ever know.”

She looked at him, and then shook her head no.
“I’m tired of running, because with you I’m free.  My heart is safe here, I will no longer flee.
**** running, it *****.  My feet always get sore.  I’m staying, not running, not running no more.”

The look in her eyes made his heart skip a beat,
Their feet may be sore,
But they’re willing to leap.

Flying and flying and flying some more.
This time I’m not tired so baby,
Lets soar.

ill fight for you i swear
ill protect every stand of hair

ill bleed and give you my blood
ill die so you can live life the way you should

ill rest your head on my arm
ill defend you from any kind of harm

ill let you sigh
ill let you cry
ill tell you the truth to every lie

its okay
im here
ill do anything
just dont shed another tear

when it comes to take me away
i want you to run
ill lead it astray
and dont worry
ill come back for you somehow
someday

run!
just go!
you'll be safe
trust me i know

don't be afraid
i'll catch you if you fall
dont falter now
ill let nothing touch you
nothing at all

i already told you you'll be safe
so just go
but as for me
i really dont know

i promised him
i'd bring you back safe
don't you see
my love for you doesn't matter anyway
yours is the only life that matters now
your getting out of here
it doesn't matter how
im gonna die here
but my love for you wont
my love will protect you
dont push it away, please dont

your gonna make it out today
and im gonna stay and die
i wouldn't have it any other way
because any other way i'd have to see you cry