Keeping careful distance, I uphold the illusion of safety
Capable of Destruction
Prone to Obsession
Let us close this window of opportunity
Even so, there is no hope for my own distractions
I've mastered the Indulgence of You
Each button pressed
Each obsessive dive
You immerse. You crack. You crumble.
I can't always expect people to be as delusional as I am
Explaining would seem redundant
But let's discover your more vapid, swanky, decaying quirks
I'll use them to write stories about you
I like how you evaporate into the atmosphere
Hard lines become soft
My head falls back
and I laugh
Reminds me of grade school,
Falling asleep in class
And when my eyes fall on you,
I like how the yellow glow snakes around
the outline of your body
Like a trail of fairy dust
or neon toxic waste
as I dug deep into the frozen ground,
I found a little memory that we buried
back when we were in love
as I stare at your face, I can't help but question it
it seems too impractical, even to ask
but have you always looked that way, or do my eyes deceive me?
have those eyes, so vibrant and bright, always held such looks,
like you are a blink and a half away from insanity...
tell me if I'm crazy, but
those dark spots on your skin, have you always had them? or did they suddenly appear the moment you rose from the grave?
a romantic conspiracy, blinded by the passionate longing
I'm sorry I never noticed the smaller parts of you
and my sincerest apologies for harping on and on...
simply, even the newest parts of you are buried in my memories.
fell apart too early for my little heart
lost in you, I let go of the dream to understand myself
or maybe I was simply misguided
either way, the black sun will shine on
the green grass will still keep on growing
and music stopped sounding good to me
so I resorted to spoken words
is that me? I don't think that's me. but was THAT me?
here's a consolation, dear friend
I am everything, just as I used to be
and I will always be everything, forever
and nothing I've done can take away from the Self
nothing that has been done to me can dampen the truest nature.
rest easy, don't scream
and keep on growing, still
jan. 26, '22
believe him when he says
I will always take care of you
because even if he fails you
at least you'll be devastated
at least you'll feel something
jan. 26, '22
abrupt in her silences
hesitant in the important moments in life
he fell apart at the sight of her
she cried and ran the other way
fueled by fire, stigmatized
carrying her to the sidelines
we all need something,
sometimes we take what was never meant for us.
where do I draw the line between
surface level, go-with-the-flow, blind acceptance and
deep, deep pain and resentment with the past?
push forward, become a better version of you,
turn my head back and remember where I came from
all the souls who have guided me on this symbolic journey
instilling the values and preferences today I hold dear
who to confront, when life gets too low, the days
I wished I could run from myself and go
how do I differentiate past misery from present contentment?
the joy I feel in my life, like it's all finally coming together
exactly... the way... I always expected it to.
the passion and the hunger for more, the idea that the future awaited me in all walks of my life
the brutal romance, all of those satisfying dichotomies.
I am a creature of contradictory sorts,
and when I remember just this,
it's a hurt like no other.
can you recall who I used to be? asking for a friend