"hellscape" poems
She is beautiful, with her hair in disarray. She sets man against man, woman against woman, and both against each other
She whispers into the ear of sleeping children, who awake as adults in her service.
All fear her, for she cannot be known.
She masquerades as order, enticing humanity; the fire that huddled neanderthals gaped at in thanks become the flames that consume.
To fight against her is futile, but it is in our nature.
She has never left us; she will continue without us when we are dead and gone.
All the monuments in the world bow to her in worship or are crushed in submission to time and war.
She played gods and men alike.
She is both the catalyst and the conclusion.
Some marvel as the fires of her destruction dance reflected in their eyes; others weep.
To say that she is coming would imply that she has ever left.
How could we impermanent things ever hope to banish something so primordial.
She breeds hate, mistrust, and strife in those that capitulate; those that resist her only magnify her power.
She bore Hardship and Ruin, Quarrels and Disputes, Lies and Oaths, Anarchy and Starvation, Forgetfulness and Pain. Manslaughter and ****** were her giggling toddlers. War and Battle took after her brother, their uncle's favorites.
She brings inedible food that is coveted by all who encounter it.
She has bathed in the blood of civil wars, her most decadent vice.
She renders man's efforts futile, to fight or submit is destruction.
She will reduce the universe to an ever expanding hellscape of fire.
She is the secret joy of many.
Nothing will escape her.
She is everywhere.
Oct 13, 2018
Oct 13, 2018 at 1:24 PM UTC
This frozen hellscape
Where winter cries forever
A glacier of tears
Jul 6, 2021
Jul 6, 2021 at 12:45 AM UTC
"I want to go home"
I think
As I sit in a school cafeteria
Clouds above and below my head
Sinking down into my own personal hellscape
My mire
My endless pit of open ended thoughts
"Am I good enough?"
I think that I surely am not
I've never been good enough for just about anyone
Feb 24, 2020
Feb 24, 2020 at 3:33 PM UTC
dear doctor crombie
rhymes with cranberry remember
that’s what you told me so that i
would remember your name
and you chuckled like that was
the most clever thing in the world
but all i cared about was getting the hell
out of the **** psychiatric ward because being
in that place made me want to try
and **** myself all over again
which is totally the opposite of
what i was hoping for when i agreed to be
admitted but i digress
because what stuck
with me more than the dismal room
i was put in that was either
as hot as hell-fire or freezing cold
to the point where i decided that i’d rather
be able to see my breath than be soaked in sweat
and your shitty-ass joke
was the fact that on our first meeting
you told me that you thought my
coming out as transgender was
nothing more
than a diversion tactic
now dr. crombie
i want you to put yourself in my place
i was 16 years old
stimming and shaking as you stared me down
and then labeled me as nothing more than
a diversion tactic
and that crushed me
it had only been a few days since
i swallowed 40 trazodone and accepted
the fact that i would not be waking up again
and that was all you had to say to me
a diversion tactic
you pulled down the very core
of what i was in two words
and my god i hated you so much
in that moment
because dr. crombie
i had known i was not a girl
since i was 7 years old
and i held that inside me for 9 long years
that almost killed me
because *********
i knew that i wasn’t a girl for longer
than i had lived as a girl
and you just didn’t care
you took what i had given to you
laying myself out before you
because i was a scared
mentally ill teenager
that had just survived a
******* suicide attempt
and all you had to say
that my being transgender
was a diversion tactic
and even now
three years later
that still haunts me
the fact that you
a heterosexual cisgender male
born with a ***** and a flat chest
decided to chalk up my
9 years of hell to nothing more than
a diversion tactic
so dr. crombie
tell me what do you think
i was diverting from exactly
when i had willingly been admitted
to a sterile-smelling hellscape
where i was forced to relive
how i tried to forcibly end my life
every day in the ******** little therapy groups
that made me feel so much older and hollowed out
tell me doctor
what exactly was i diverting from
what was i trying to hide from and behind
by putting myself through the hell
of being near constantly dead-named
and misgendered and having to pay
up into the double digits just to change
my legal my deadname
and gender marker from an F to an M
and being told that i was technically still a girl
and being asked why i couldn’t just be a tomboy
a lesbian
a ****
a butch
why couldn’t i just be a girl huh
why did i have to be a boy
so tell me
dr. crombie
rhymes with cranberry
just what exactly was i
******* diverting from
Dec 25, 2016
Dec 25, 2016 at 11:29 PM UTC
my hair
is stuck down in the drain
wetting my dress
and drying my veins
my skull
it grew in too late
making me spin
in a hellscape of hate
nothing's the same
and everything's great
my hands
are shedding their nails
waving goodbye
to blood on the trails
my legs
cannot hold their weight
my bones look the same
as the ones on my plate
nothings's the same
and everything's great
my chest
it knocks and it shakes
pinning me down
how low can it take
my corpse
should rot in a case
inside of the flesh
where I used to be safe
nothings the same
i'm going to faint
Jun 23, 2020
Jun 23, 2020 at 3:12 PM UTC
Life intolerable
Death inevitable
Desires insatiable
Things unreal
Words unspoken
Evil awoken
Vows art broken
Pain, thou feel
Fearless leaders shamefully hiding
Within cowards, still confiding
Helpless people slowly dying
Horrors thou hast never seen
Demons unleashed from their cages
Hellish, endless fire rages
Now unto the end of ages
Sins of all the world run free
Acts unthinkable
Power unimaginable
Disease incurable
Rots our souls
Gates of Wrath
Flank Satan’s path
Splitting in half
All he controls
Bowing to our God eternal
Pray to leave this world infernal
Careful not to wake nocturnal
Monsters of abysmal night
No response art thou receiving
Being led by hope deceiving
Finally, art thou perceiving
No escape, for all wilt die
Torture endless
Methods boundless
Leave thou breathless
Still afraid
Pain unending
Death descending
Hand extending
But betrayed
In this hellscape, thou art living
Only in the flesh existing
Forever art souls suffering
The carnage surrounding thee
Abominations now released
To feed on fear and the deceased
Destruction shalt never be ceased
Souls ****** for all eternity
Jul 9, 2019
Jul 9, 2019 at 1:35 PM UTC
-
‘you’re the only hell that I’m gonna know’
i pledge this with spears/
i greet me
goodbye of you
and approach my new interaction
with life-path,
a heaven in preproduction...
but a few steps on the road
i’ve a bone to discover...
...i recover and cultivate
a little hellscape
that travelled within me all this time/
in some form or another
it seems i owe you
an apology/
i also harbour an imp and
without the dominance of your
raging villain
my brute loosened from it's domesticity
/that said
you still remain
my significant
past tense
abuser
Jul 2, 2019
Jul 2, 2019 at 2:25 PM UTC
Forceful thoughts fall from the seams
Like the nightmarish steeds
Of a hellscape dream
So carved into rock are the thoughts at hand
That I can not escape
Who truly I am
A monster inside
With a colorful broach
And just enough care
To help you approach
When the fear you should have
I help wipe away
To disguise the danger
That will always stay
Run as you should
But you never can
Because I glove my ugly with a caring hand
So take my hand and come with me
To a world of fantasy and make believe
So carefully painted with a velvety sheen
So as to not let it show this is all a dream
But the paint does chip
And so you will wake
To an external hell
With no escape
Apr 24, 2018
Apr 24, 2018 at 3:58 PM UTC
I am from stories
Stories and fantasies woven by my cousins and I
With characters we built on ourselves
In worlds of our own, the only rules of our making
I am from hurt
From chronic depression and panic attacks
Too scared to be open or to not be alone
With parents who cared, but didn't know what was wrong
I am from care
From a therapist after four years of needing one
From connecting to people as lost as me, holding their hands
Being an anchor in the hellscape we share
I am from being queer
Having a crush on my best friend and not knowing where to go
Not feeling the label of "woman" fit
Scared to be hated for being myself
Hating myself, but knowing I shouldn't
I am from acceptance
Accepting myself as I am
And leaving those who could not accept me
Making way for the person I want to become for myself
Rising to be my own
I am from stars
From looking up with wonder every clear night
From never seeing a sky that wasn't beautiful
And if the sky can be so open and free
Then maybe so can I
I am from myself, and the story I write
Hoping one day to be healed in mind
Hoping to someday find the sky and stars in someone else
Regardless of gender, or anything else
I will be okay and I will be happy
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 1:27 PM UTC
they sighed
The 5 o'clock mass of late winter apathy
Borne ceaseless to and from and back again
To Salt Lakes to frozen sky to unfeeling supermarket self checkout lane
To the dawn that brought life and the dusk that killed again
From sea to shining sea to burning bush
and a grand halo for all the art majors,
scathing editorial for the industry people
On the freeway passed out stone black sinners under veil of Southern sky
And narcotics agents circling up and down the block
Cancer dependent martyrs all,
The Saint, the Wolf, and his ****** Lover
Trash can fires turn to frozen hellscape
To Babylon out West past the Rockies and North of the Gulf
Mother of ghosts slaving away at an impotent family supper
And she let a single tear fall and whispered,
"This one will bring me luck,
It may not be much now, but just wait
There's gonna be a ********* riot when the Wolf comes home"
Jan 23, 2015
Jan 23, 2015 at 3:56 PM UTC
Silence, the ship's sails have halted
The sea whales have ceased
Singing their lamentations, as the beach shore sanguines a murky horizon
Red fades to black, as shimmers of wavering hope speckle a once pure....Once, pure hellscape carved by tainted talons
Blood drips from the heavens, tears mix into a toxic vile
The mirror's ink lighter upon my trace,as the siren's wails sound increasingly feint, feinter
Now whispers reverberating in the Guilded chambers of my rotting shame and guilt
Dec 16, 2021
Dec 16, 2021 at 6:03 PM UTC
To think of death
Whether of a paradise
Or of a hellscape
Or of bleak nothing
Is to have a mere elementary debate with oneself
To experience death
Is a multitude of expereinces
Once, we will experience our own
Many times we will expereince
The deaths of others
Of those we love
Of those we hate
Of those we barely know
And face our own mortality
To watch death
Is to watch as a body
Withers
Shrinks
Sickens
And to know that ultimately
There is no stopping it
To welcome death
Is not to give up
But is to have the maturity to know
That eventually we all must face it
And to make peace
With our limitedness
And to continue
To know death
Is to know life
Is to know sorrow
And suffering
And joy
And jubilation
It is to know our greatest openent
And our most beloved friend
It is to know fear
And confidence
And doubt
It is to look upon life and know it will end
And be okay
May 27, 2015
May 27, 2015 at 11:10 PM UTC
Innocence becomes more innocent once it is ruined
Once the fragile and immaculate has broken into a million pieces, is it truly recognized
As a limbo that was as beautiful as it was terrifying
Something so perfect it seemed as though all things were destined to break before it
A moment when the ground of the earth becomes the villain
Why would you do this to me? You ask
As the density of gaea stares back at you, poignant and all knowing
And when you have finally found solace in the bottom
When it seems all but impossible that you should fall further
The curse of time seems to swallow you whole
Bringing your shattered form to a hollow peace
Still; complacent in your new found pain
Surrounded by a void that lacks compassion
There are no victims here
Immediately the denial of truth
Denial of the fact that feeling overtakes reason
Replacing the knowledge that nature had put in you
About how very small and temporary everything is
Your broken biology still wrecked across identifiable anguish
And yet, you yearn for everything that hurts
Within the abyss, filled with both ending and infinite beginning
Only one constant remains; nothing
I want everything, here and now
I want everything so that I may never be fed this hurt again
Gluttonously we consume any and all remaining sensation
So that our new form, our new self, maybe be satiated
As it arrives, unwelcome, into this world
Eat, and fill
So that you may find normalcy in this new forsaken world
There is no me, there is no you
There is only the endless murderous maelstrom
Of life becoming unlife, and crawling its way back to the surface
Undermining and crusading all that has never felt pain
And as the innocent falls anew into the ever lasting caverns of hellscape
We are born anew
Destined to live and die a thousand deaths before our end truly comes
Predetermined to live by the inevitable
Tactfully designed to deceive, by any means, for as long as possible
Only then, having faced the grimness of truth
Are we completely human
Mar 25, 2016
Mar 25, 2016 at 12:43 AM UTC
Heroic horses hammering holy heaven,
Hooves hounding, horseshoes howling,
Hot heads hurtling headlong on the horizon,
Handsomest horses hacking habitually,
Hugely-hung hoses hanging out hellishly,
Hardy and hardening, heartily heartening,
Harping at heartstrings, harmonious harkening.
Hades the hell-spawn harnessing hedonism,
Heckling horses, harassing the harmony,
Hot-blooded horses, huffy and hungrily,
Hearken the hell-dog, hail him and hallow him,
Hellbent and heinous, horse hearts are harvested,
Hundreds of horses haemorrhage helplessly,
Harrowing Hellscape, hostile humidity,
Haggardly horses hunching haphazardly,
Half-dead and hateful, harshly and hardily,
Hardhearted horses hurting and hurtling,
Heroes of history, humbled in hopelessness,
Holiest horses, howling and hollering -
Heeding honor! Hailing Hell!
Jun 25, 2025
Jun 25, 2025 at 1:25 PM UTC
with the battle joined and my intimacy jaded and clack froth
i merge my pavilions with my valleys, gliding on a ragged stallion
with a wreath in it’s withers… a’gallop in the arbitrary dawn
of my hellscape. relentless as Hope.
like juniper and venison, we intertwine in the hillocks of our faraway eyes
like two marbles adjusting to the stride of an elephant
hoisting the world into all charm and calamity
without a care in the World
On Its Back.
Sep 2, 2022
Sep 2, 2022 at 11:24 PM UTC
We ask our lord today
“We ask our lord today”
To forgive those we lost
“To forgive those we lost”
Why? Why ask forgiveness
For those who sought to destroy
Render our world fictitious
Burned our world like Troy
They promised us utopia
Left us with dystopia
Burning rage sparks our collective will
Render unto the gallant dead
They merrily rushed to the battlefield
We ask our lord today
“We ask our lord today”
To forgive the sins of the unborn
“To forgive the sins of the unborn”
Help! Help those in need
Will our children see the deed?
Passed on to us by virtue
Now we pass it on to you
Bone heaps and dallied dead
Fragrance spoilt roses
Left for a faceless grave
Dystopian hellscape
We ask our lord today
“We ask our lord today”
To guide our hands from strife
“To guide our hands from strife”
Prevent us from repeating
What our ancestors failed preventing
Oct 20, 2017
Oct 20, 2017 at 6:10 AM UTC
this is an endless hellscape
housed by demons mocking my torture
blood rains from my fingertips
clotting in the gaping mouths
of the spectators' bellow
my bones snap and mend at crooked angles
set by my captor
injecting formaldehyde to freeze my body
poisoned by exposure
May 10, 2018
May 10, 2018 at 1:09 AM UTC
Blood lashes in the rain as the wind buffeted the Plains of Detritus.
Fetid smells plagued the air in torrents of swirling effluence.
The red moon shone beyond the bending and bowing trees slashing the horizon.
A lone figure stood awash in the downpour yet firmly unaffected by the gale.
"Stay" said the statue.
Unmoving in his conviction that all trespassers be swept away with the storm.
White lighting struck the ground mere feet from his outstretched palm.
The explosion reaping a cacophony of destruction resulting in smoldering craters.
Glare obstructed the morosity but did little to extinguish the rotten fumes of death.
As sight regained clarity another flash lit the scene to reveal a writhing mass
Emerging from the rent earth like the oscillating arms of a millipede.
"Come closer" said the Devil.
In a blink a thousand wails descended on the land.
Baring teeth and grabbing hands.
Reaching...
Reaching...
To grab hold of the light of the last soul holding claim to its life.
Stubborn, it resists the touch of darkness by force of will alone.
Until even the last spark of hope became entangled within the putrid hellscape,
Winking out of existence and forgotten;
Consumed by evil.
"Such is the price of the blood moon" cackled the fallen angel.
Feb 12, 2017
Feb 12, 2017 at 9:16 PM UTC
as I laid down in the dim corner of the nurses office at 15, heating pad clutched and secured on my stomach by all my limbs, I had thought about how badly I wished for this flame to engulf me and everything in my wake. life wasn't the hellscape I had wished for.
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 12:50 PM UTC
(Longish Read)
------------------------
Coming home to a face I don't recognize
She always has a way of coming back to me
Her home is my butterfly garden
The one place nobody else has ever seen
She's poisoned my butterflies
But I've wilted my own Rose
I'm stuck in my own creations of hell;
Captivating thoughts of what could've been
Captivating dreams where she visits me
Some would say "Why're you stressing? Everything you're experiencing is a part of a blessing." But that's wrong, because this "blessing" is what keeps me constantly stressing
She left her mark and I solidified it
She gave me scars that I deepened
She told me things that have consumed me
And now...
From these scars, her mark, and her words
I'm trying to piece together an some sort of an escape from my own personal creation...
My own personal hellscape
Nov 16, 2019
Nov 16, 2019 at 5:07 PM UTC
Prisms casted rainbows
that danced on the walls
from the mirrored doors my uncle installed
onto my bedroom closet.
Just like that,
the old brown wood was discarded
and, in its place,
a heavier, more durable barrier
between my private belongings
and the hellscape outside.
More often than not,
they were a barricade between
what I didn’t want to hear
and the comfort of old dance costumes
and holiday dresses I’d outgrown
all lined up in a row,
soft robes to melt into after a bath
and my fuzzy pink earmuffs.
I paraded around the house in them,
as a symbol of the silence I desired.
I remember when we went to Lake George and didn’t return
and how I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just go home.
I didn’t want to stay on vacation,
I wanted to sleep in my own bed.
I remember smashing my hands
against my ears
to keep out the shouting
and sitting awake at night,
waiting to hear the garage door to go up,
because then I knew you’d be home
and you’d be safe, and we’d be safe
and we could all fall asleep in the same house,
Not sure whether my happily ever after
was based in reality
or a bedtime story I told myself every night
so that I could finally rest my eyes
in hopes that my mind would follow.
Jun 10, 2020
Jun 10, 2020 at 5:29 PM UTC
writhing in
her mind
another hellscape
trapping anyone
who looks in her eyes,
the windows
to the soul
she runs wild through
a forest of
whispering trees
calling out
but never to her
calling for the others
the betters
because she would never
be as good as them
how could they want her?
the trees whisper her name
as a crow flies above
a single feather falls
the train of shadows
moves on
stopping only
for her
she boards it
a single crow feather
as a pass
a boarding ticket
to the end of the world
the ghostly passengers stare
and turn away,
looking out the windows
to the white abyss
of snow
the endless rattling of the train
soothing
but unsettling
a bustling marketplace
when it stops
and she takes a step out the door
here they whisper too
she sees a knife glint
a golden coin falls
the train comes again
this time the pass
a gleaming gold
but now there is no train
only an umbrella
two boots
a raincoat
pouring rain
and a girl
in the middle of it all
the puddles reflecting
who she could've been
and who she was
but never her
Jan 20, 2025
Jan 20, 2025 at 2:35 PM UTC
when did writing start hurting so much
being honest with myself so hard?
my words bled into sunsets, moonsets, dawns, dusks and the like
all my times were marked in some thing written for me to look back on
but when did it become so physically difficult, so heavy
to be honest with myself?
maybe it was when i realized that the mundanity of life is the
gravebed of my soul, having money to myself was not that great?
maybe when i realized that art for art's sake just reeks of desperation
and those younger than me became renowned and my age started to join
the generation meant for engagements, marriages, less social possibilities
and i then realized that i was lying to myself out of sheer desperation
but that i was desperately alone, desperately fighting scared,
flying was no longer a dream come true, and the worldspan measured
across the palm of my hand had already happened and i was an emu
left for extinction, my soul just a joke, an ironical metaphor
for the jaded cynicism that i had condemned and i read more and saw more
realizing i am frog at the bottom of a well and my victim mentality
was maybe a figment of imagination, and the hellscape of my perspective
being skewed drove around, round, round in my mind, such a frightening
possibility that what if?? what if?? i was just insane?? i was crazy??
was anything that happened to me that bad?? is there something wrong with me??
i was almost convinced and then i felt my heart truly shatter
i realized i did not actually matter
Oct 29, 2021
Oct 29, 2021 at 1:53 AM UTC
Someone once told me that the greatest evil in life was to not be able to see all the beauty that it has to offer--
To be eyeless.
But looking around, how could it be so evil ... so wrong to not be able to see?
Glance in any direction, and all that is, is a hellscape.
Violence glorified, the devil incarnate.
Vicariously living through the blood of others--the hate.
Not to mention the soapboxes made of tissue, and the horses so high they could scrape the very sky.
And I'd be remiss to fail to mention all the masks.
A mask for work, a mask for when we're out.
A mask for family?
You need not even ask.
We even have our very own mask to wear when we stare at ourselves in the mirror.
So, I believe this person is wrong.
The greatest evil is not to be eyeless but to have eyes and not see--
Not see the pointlessness of it all.
Dec 12, 2019
Dec 12, 2019 at 6:33 PM UTC