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Desperate thoughts cloud a claggy mind, should I take the crystal happiness or keep drinking the liquid depression in a can?

'do both ' they say.
but its ok.

captain Jeremy admired his new desk
the softest mahogany he had ever seen.
Deep brown and racist, just like he fancied.
He beckoned forth his maid servant, diamond precious, whom he'd **** every week on a tuesday.
make me my dinner ****.
and bring me the weeks sales, ****.
He really enjoyed shooting her former husband in the face.
EEP
He is ready
and prepared for butchery.
he will cut the man down through the  sternum and allow his internal organs to tumble forth to the dirt.
The first man he stood opposed to shot him in the head.
staggered, slanted, one eye protein jelly he ran forward.
He ran sideways and slow, adrenaline charge pushing his heart onward through chaos.
collapsing against a mound of black corpses he stared forward.
delirious, dementia, dissolution in his mind. missing an eye he smiled at the mustache holding a pistol as the lead shot penetrated his frontal lobe and out through his spine.
cakey, his eyes wondered to the dirt.
brown, filthy.

pistol holstered captain Jeremy wondered if his wife in Manchester got his last postcard. Maybe she's having her duck fat potatoes for tea tonight?
Cubic Zirconia promise. Primrotten.
Shiny to the core. wearing tarnished cloth.
slaves don't wash for days.
But diamonds bless their hands..
They are thankful for queer quartz.
blacks begging for nutrition, their hands full of currency.
monetary magic dancing about their ears.
black magic, white trickery.
Lord Mortimer counts his pennies and counts them well..
The wife will smile this season at his takings, maybe she'll afford that ***** leather bag she always wanted
meanwhile
mother Zanagrabe was buried today
the whole community is devastated
No diamonds will be dug up today.
A diamond has been buried.
Lord Mortimer's golden rocks cover her face and she is restful.
Seems silly to me.
Truth is a sycophantic nightmare.
The most Craven hearts stumble over the boldest moves.
Everyones OK
Nobody's crippled by despair.
Everyone swims in the same shallow puddle.
Of desperation
And then I ask you how you are.
And you regurgitate the same putrid line.
I'm alright.
DESGUSTENG.
Seems silly to me.
The wax congeals pointlessly.
Purpose burned in flame.
Scent ecstatic.
The Man is pleased through waste
Plasticy. Poison.
Cheesy grins all round.
As the red life pumps away down the drain, and the knife tears the artery open. The shocking pain is subsided. Knowing I will never suffer this misery again.
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