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to be determined Jun 2019
I am trapped
In this life
In this world
By these people
By these clothes
Stereotypes place barriers on who i am
Who i can become
I am afraid
I cannot leave
I am Icarus
Fly too close and
. . .
There i go
Falling into the ocean
All of my ideals
Slipping through my fingers
Where can i go
That is unfamiliar
That scares me
That excites me
That angers me
That brings to light any emotion
Because there is nothing in my heart
I am empty
There is nothing there
An anthill teeming with ghosts of what once was
Perhaps what never was
Was I abandoned
By myself
By others
By my heart
Where has it all gone
The desire
My desire
The only lust for life that possesses me
Is wanderlust
The lust for stardust to seep into my skin
To distract me from every original
To take me to a new world
To make me forget
Then remember to forget
Where has my desire gone
The desire to live
To prosper in this life
To be content
Perhaps nowhere
Perhaps it has hidden inside of me
Fearful of coming out
Rearing its ugly head
And marking its territory in this decrepit place
The hole I call my soul
Oh how it devours
to be determined Dec 2018
my world is bleak
each breath is empty
my limbs are numb

they don't feel your touch
your caress upon my arm
each gentle pat on the hand

life has turned vapid
leached of all usefulness
dead and alone in the corner

my limbs are numb
yet here you are
poking and prodding

for a sliver of hope
that I may feel again
unhindered by life's casual boredom

thanks are many to give
but dry up on my tongue
crack each taste bud

not for pleasure or whimsy
but necessity
for if I were to speak soul truths

the earth would shatter beneath our feet
to be determined Nov 2018
hark! I am greeted by angels
each with devil horns and
spikes in their backs
blackmailing my feet to lead me
away from from the shining seas
twinkling eyes and fluttered eyelashes
fare thee well in these trying times
they screech at me from
their balconies
all I can do is cry
deep in my hands
cracking my nose with my knuckles
to be determined Nov 2018
Are black clouds swirling above my head?
Are birds and butterflies?
Can you tell when I'm angry?
Does smoke spew from my ears?
Wouldn't that be easier?
If we were animations
Alive and fictitious
Right there
Before your eyes
I reflate after every defeat
Arrive safe and clean and unbroken
Back in my bed the next morning
Nothing happened
Wouldn't that be easier?
write everyday or brilliant thoughts will fly from your head.
it'll be an airport, everything passing through never stopping for a quiet conversation about love
to be determined Oct 2018
can they see it
written in my Eyes
Scrawled across my Forehead
In Bold Flashing Letters
Is my loneliness
So blatant on my
Sullen face that
Any passerby who
Happens to glance
At my sunken
Cheeks and bloodshot
Eyes they will see
My empty soul &
Brain brimming with raging
Words screaming to
Get Out
My closed mouth
Shrieking HELP
At anyone who will
Listen and a pleading
Heart that’s never loved
Nor felt its warmth
Hoping with each of its jagged
Fragments that someone
Will notice the
Storm raging behind coffee eyes that see
Parents & infant giggle
While devouring mint ice cream
During a record breaking heat wave
But no one does
So here I stand sit walk
Conjuring a practiced smile with
Every hello that does nothing to
Drown out the screaming
In my head
i wrote this awhile ago
digest with a grain of salt
to be determined Aug 2018
how does one write
without stopping to wash their hands?

a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.
to be determined Jun 2018
He trembles
as he gazes upon
the upturned nostrils of They
that whispers
“Not good enough. Doesn’t fit the mold.”
They is the pestering voice that
jackhammers your skull and
shoves your limbs into broken figures.
“be left”
one screams
roars the other.
Left is contested into silence.
So there he sits with
trembling hands,
raging insides,
and bared teeth.
crows the They we all fear
but shall soon become
views on society
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