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And a woman who held a babe against her ***** said, "Speak to us of
Children."

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you
with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that
is stable.
the familiar feeling of bile rising
from the pits of my stomach
all the way up up up

now at the bottom of my throat

-- i am basically gargling it now

some thoughts and fears never leave
my mind needlessly conjuring up
paranoid scenarios repeatedly

my imagination never failing me

that familiar choking feeling
closing my air passage
and hands shaking
inhaling and exhaling deeply

a panic attack overtaking me
black spots on my vision now
i try to forget the caricatures
drawn in my imagination

heart still racing, flecks on the
sides of my eyes, throat feeling torn

that familiar feeling of helplessness
solitude, loneliness, sadness,
righteous fury, despair, alone,
alone, alone, alone, alone

-- no one around

my walls are whispering,
my memories are ripped apart
every relationship, conversation
overanalyzed, brought to the forefront
of my mind's eye and every worst-case

brought up and the walls that
once seemed sturdy enough to hold
out against the world in my isolation
don't feel thick away anymore

my dreams, miles away, seem like the
worthless struggles of a coward
who can only run away, helpless
clueless child in some adult body

has not read the book everyone
in the room already read-  left
without pretense and a mask

cannot read the cues, hardly
knows when to move on and no good
at drawing lines or forgetting

my heart is pounding, numbness
falls over-- everyone leave,
leave, leave, leave, leave
winter spring summer glazes
taste the same when the cake is isolation

spending time mindlessly in dark caverns
emerging only for sustenance
i barely had time to note the time i wasted

pressure rests heavy on my heart
as i struggle to breathe through it

years go by and then a thought-
                        what if this is just an extension of maybes?
                        is not just more of the same?


regrets sweep away, the moonlight is painted over again and again until it becomes sunlight
failed ambition
reeks of delayed hopes
endless doubts
a subversion of normal
admittedly
but sadness springs
of unrealized dreams

unfounded grandeur
inflated thoughts
and goals

is it a failure of oneself or a letdown of generations?

gaps between reality and aspirations

bottomless chasms

sitting on the sides
dazed new dreams
falling in
Often at night,
I find myself breathless
Windows wide open
Curtains fluttering

Probably not
A lack of oxygen
Right?

Right
I firmly nod
My heart hurts

Pits scraped from
Empty restaurants
Voided relief bills
No handouts from
Mom or Dad

Chest pounds again
Pang of pain
My ribs feel a little
Brittle this
Late in the eve

Off the pills
No thermometer or
Medication

An island
A world
Alone

I dance with you in my heart
But my breath is staggered

Job really nothing much to
Write home about
find myself screaming into the void
a time of calamity and peril
others say i am so blessed
but i say it's just a matter of time

body so stressed
my spine is taut
shoulders so stiff
their edges so thin
it would cut into your presumptions

you don't know my story how dare
you know how i fare

my breaths are staggered drawn out
suffering im stretched always at a
point of tension. someone just snap
and get me out of this my heart hurts
from mediocrity i am going out there
chasing after a world out of ferocity

i know what it is to burn the edges
of my hands and my fingers and i just
just wanted some time to pay attention
to the quell of my heart my blood stream
weakening to the slow death march of my
genes and i wish you

i wish you would take a second and stop
and this world would just let me figure
it out. i want to figure it all out just
please please can you give me a minute?
my heart has not yet caught up, still
hurting from the blows you had dealt
a minute before

please give me time i beg, i am just a
little slow, walking through sludge
living through silence, enacting some
pantomime of desolation a modern dystopia
i smile in the sun for a beat between the
shadows of two buildings

give me a second and a minute, i truly
want to care but my heart and breaths
feel choked up. i just want to perform
better and do more for you. i want to be
more you know. wish i could be brave and
say it out loud.

you know what i say to myself and the walls
the hum of my fridge as it taunts me with
my anxiety-- my fear is not something you
paid for. you did not pay the high price
of defeating me into a ******* corner
ya you risk me and my life.
ya you risk my career and my dreams.
ya you risk everything i love about my life.
ya ya you do.

so come for me *******. come at me world economy.
bring my life crashing down if you must.

i will face you and everyone and everything.

my voice might be small, i might be trembling.
i am definitely crying. if anything happens,
there will be no one left, and no one will be
able to help, but there are wide oceans and rivers,
wider paths, and wilder roads. who knows what
will happen next? life is for the living.

life is for the living.

at least, i will be living.
Social isolation is a must folks but it's taking a toll on my mental health. I was doing so much better, I promise.
i burnt
in
time
with the staccato
of the rain
howling
against
bars round
my room

i burnt
in
twisted words
an
unsaid
anger
and
riffing
nerves

i burnt
in
sanctuary
ice
cold
air soothing
frayed
hair

i burnt
in
whispers
echoing
in my
ears

i burnt
to
the ground
in the
heat
ed
words
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