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SoupHands Nov 2023
I think i said I love you
Tens of thousands of times
Knowing full well the end was in sight
Each syllable a rivet in the armor i tried to build for you
Built with paper thin words
Held together with hope
Knowing all too well the end was drawing ever closer
Seeing your golden mask fade to silver
And your little tick tacking steps lose their tempo
I tried every second of every day
To be ready

I knew you werent scared like i was
You got to leave me as you
And i got to be there in the end

Everything hurts
Heart filled to burst
So much love for such a tiny friend
With nowhere to go
A destination left only in memory
Healing the little empty piece that went with you
Tending the last of what was good and sweet and innocent

Everything is okay
You can rest now

Goodbye Babbers, I'll miss you forever
I love you
Im okay, youre okay forever now. Ill see you again some day.
SoupHands Oct 2023
I don't envy women
I'm glad to be this, but it feels like a prison
Four men, haven't met in years
Four entire lives come together
What could they say
Maybe they'll talk about today
How the world seems to be closing in
You think they have dreams?
Four men who trust each other
Maybe they will find a way to reconnect
Who knows, maybe they'll talk about ***** and *****
Maybe they'll talk about the past
There's so much chance
*****, dragons, death, victory, dreams, family, dogs, cats
****** woodworking, eclectic collections, gas ******* engines
Combat juggling, indie movies, super hero theories
Today then way back when
What could four men talk about after so long ago
Maybe one healed from heartache
And he's ready to tell the others
Maybe one met his new daughter
And he's finally ready to tell the others
Maybe one of them reached a fitness milestone
And he's finally ready to tell the others
Maybe, just maybe, four men are ready to destroy the ******* that's kept them from connecting for decades
I overheard the question, here goes the talk!

Finances.
I don't envy women.
Everyday I am more disappointed
SoupHands Oct 2021
Smile no matter what, right?
A positive attitude reflects in your body and mind
So I've been told, about twenty years too many
If I had payment for a time I believe that, I'd have one Penny-
Wise men don't trust happiness
They know it's carelessness
A painted face is such a perfect thing
A physical temporary symbol-
For any Bozo too scared to be caught crying
I found a frown in the smile of a clown so profound the only correction
Was to stick hooks to his cheeks and apply some tension
Laugh clown laugh! Don't you ever frown again!
Let's see those chewing chunks, and lower your ears
Easy now, the grease paint isn't water proof, no tears
Rip through that sadness, pull harder
The cables will sing the sad song of a martyr
Welcome all the laughing God
Now smile meat, there's a show going on

The taxing toll of a Joker, always discarded
No games to play, always disregarded
But don't you ever frown, it's the lines not drawn that make clown funny
Don't ruin the show with your temerity
The cable, taught with your turmoil, so sentinel, so unknowable, so Sweet-
Tooth to toenail, wrought with agony
Don't dare frown, but be in pain, that's the duality
A prompt I was given by a poet friend of mine
SoupHands Dec 2018
I try my hardest not to think of you
To keep you from my mind
Cause you're not here
Swooning is my religion, faithful in my remembrance
Inside i think you're angelic
A terrible machine of destruction
That gets inside, looks at me, wings outstretched
Light pouring out of you
Leaving me bathed in the divine grace of fear
Be not a afraid
Knowing full well you every word obliterates me
Nearby, awash in the warmth of a higher being
Manically enlightened to the extent of myself
You are perfect, horrendous, immaculate, and untamed
Can do no wrong to me, or anyone else
When in fact I die
Because Ive made you a god in the pantheon of my mind

But youre a person
With a life, and flaws, and fears
You exist in the same way I do
Sick to your stomach
About a person you think of
Stuck on the thought of being
So overwhelmingly alone
Without them
Nearby
Amazing, and awesome
Your prayers landing on deaf, omnipotent ears
Saying time and time again
Be not afraid
SoupHands Aug 2018
Im a breathing duality
One thing tells me something
Something tells me one thing
I think of embarassing things
When I was a kid and didnt know any better
Mitakes stick in my mouth like some kind of copper flavored
Self medication prescribed by the  PhD I got
From a university of Be Productive, this is the way to succeed
Each selfish thought and memory illicits a litany of procedures

Duality
Two and also 1
1 but as well as 2
Number Algorithms
Sequences running
At high speeds
But slow enough to keep me in this chair
All these processes come backwards to the origin point
X to Y axis
Linear thinking, Fibonacci
Dual, Duel, Duo, Dichotomy
Two or more pieces provided the edges are sequenced
Come together to form a picture
Lasts for a day
Mutaute
New image, its different now
SoupHands Oct 2017
I didnt even know you existed
Until about two minutes after you escaped this
Your brother screamed your life into the dark
Hoping his words could wake you up, as he came apart
I wonder how long you were there
Before that nurse struggled to find your air

The classic millennial tragedy
Couldnt find work, spent all his money on classes that he
Felt like a failure for taking
Lonely, depressed, saw no life worth making
Mom and dad didnt want you in California
Brother saw new opportunity forya
Hiding behind your youth
You looked tired still, your back on those roots

Josh, I forgive you, really
I dont want you to burn out, this way is easy
The way things are, I get it
40, 50 years of this?
My life, one way, one feeling, from now on?
Man. This whole ****** up place can get ******, Im gone
As a stranger to another, I get it

I need you to know that you're wrong
The decision made sense in your head to move things along
But we could have prevented this ****
You could have waited just ten more minutes
Looking from the bridge down below
Your skin as white as this screen, the only light from a cell phone
Your pain didnt end
Trust and believe, it got a new home to live in
Your brother, mom on the phone, screaming and hepless
The nurse, too small to break your chest
The night jogger who found you hanging there
The cars slowly passing by all those road flares
Your pain got passed around man
This was a bad move, the extremely wrong plan

I met my neighbor that night
What a weird way to say hi
For the very first time
The same moment a young man died

He wanted to be more of an influence
But now hes asking why didnt see what you were doin
I never learned his name, only yours
The creek learned it about 63 times more
The scariest part was that cop
Looking just to the right of your body, and moving his light up
I dont know what you used, but he took a good look at it
Even after that night, I remember
That bridge is right outside my front door
It has an unshakable darkness to it now
The creek has been gentle since then, ushering your memory down
To the place where we all go
Forever silent, following the waters flow
SoupHands Sep 2017
I wish I had some melancholy memory
Of a romance, long since passed
When a sad song comes on
Talking about the way things used to be
My brain goes blank

The memory of being madly in love
Should evoke something sweet like soda
Every particle, touched and tickled
Just cold enough
A bite, on the lip
Enticing the next sip
Feels like drugs, all the way down
Pulling away, pursed and sticky, you know youll remember
The way that pop popped you way back when
And a thirst for it started
Everything goes better with a cola
A cigarette, sickening and deep, made fresh by that sugar
Whisky, rusty and virile, turned young and naive with that fizz
A good meal, made decadent, with a lick and twist of bubbles

It should, but it doesnt
All I seem to recall
Is feeling as each and every bud on my tongue
Where the seed of your taste was firmly planted
Is scorched
Cindered
Conflagrated
Charred
So the only taste is ash

I remember distinctly the three times I was severely burned
One, I was making cup noodles
Two, I was making food for your trifflin ***
Three, when you made me tell myself that you dont love me anymore

So when a sad love song comes on
Instead of that sparky, stingy, sugary stuff
I get that fructose, sucrose, glucose, rhymes with gross, kinda ****
I learned all too late, that **** like that, is the single worst thing you can put in your body

So whenever I crave to recall
The taste of bittersweet memories
Whispered to me through the turn of a cap
I just think to myself
Soda is ****, water is bliss
I write about the feels because I dont yet know how to convey my complete disgust with the social atrocities that have plagued this country over the past year or so
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