"benzos" poems
We're in hell
Can't you tell?
No you can't
You only listen to the teller
All other voices are drowned
Because he's a yeller
For the useless things we're bound
That fill up our cellar
And our living room turns into a dying room
When the seller is the jailer
And salvation comes from tailors
Who can cover up the pain inside
With all the comfy clothes we buy
Money is the blood of our society
It's circulation provides oxygen
But we spill money into spilling blood
And we're funneled into killing love
So we can concern ourselves
With people not getting things they don't deserve
Rather than people getting what they need
Our blood starts clotting
In the fortunate arteries
As the rest of our body goes numb
It seeks medicine for healing
And drugs become our autoimmune disease
Redistributing blood to the suffocated areas
An unfortunate recompensing for injustice
When the persecutors
Become the prosecuted
Lives are exploded
Like Afghan villages
Lives can grow back
Like poppy fields
That's the score
And it makes me want to score
Until ****** drips from every pore
And ******* fills me to the core
I could just live at the liquor store
Where benzos are my father
And **** my mother
So I can ignore the death of my brother
My family is in trouble
Our society is in rubble
Aug 23, 2017
Aug 23, 2017 at 8:14 AM UTC
I'm numb so numb and I would like to ask you something
Can you please..
**** the pain out of me , fill me with pills so i can stay numb forever
Fill me with opiates and watch me die inside
Don't worry i will feel no pain
Look at me in my eyes and tell me you love me then leave me
So i can feel pain again
Then fill me with benzos make me dreamy and love my life
So you can hurt me again
Choke me hurt me and belittle me
Make me walk around with bruises
Heal my wounds , buy me pills
opiates , oplïods and benzos
Make me happy for a week or less
then leave me behind wondering why you left me
so i will feel pain and then I need to crawl back to pills
or to you
May 17, 2014
May 17, 2014 at 7:06 AM UTC
Last class:
Muddled mind and bleary eyed
Concentration took a fall
Find a hollow - crawl inside
Lost the pills to Now-Tow Hall
Benzos - always second choice
Wear my Kpen like a shawl
Want to whine with all my voice
GIVE ME BACK MY ADDERALL
This class:
**Iris in on what's inside
Orange bottle of enthrall
Guidance, I will not abide
my true love - oh adderall
Tweaking out with pupils wide
Shrink my presence, oh so small,
Temptations I will all abide
Personified a mere rag doll.**
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 8:31 AM UTC
Another Sunday, time to recover
From all the drugs, my only lover
Take my B vitamins to start the circulation
With some fish oils to reduce inflammation
Most importantly, are my amino acids
Because of that I've been flushed
So now I replenish these masses
The benzos are the only drugs that get touched
So addicted to them, so I know it's a must
If a doctor read this, he'd understand my logic
But if a doctor read this, he'd command me to stop it
As I continue my day with my normal acting mind
I realize I'm a slave to drugs, all the time
But I'm financially flourished
The whole family I nourish
And after reading these poems, I feel some people get jealous
Who would follow me? They know my soul I had sold it
I always follow back, I'm not a bad guy
Now sit on top of that, I'm not living a lie
I could really care less about it
It's just an alias, and a therapeutic outlet
Just another Sunday
Glad you read about it
Aug 3, 2014
Aug 3, 2014 at 1:28 PM UTC
I've always thought of you
But the thought of loosing you,
Has driven me to pharmaceuticals.
Quit, I know I oughta to,
But I just feel the benzos pulling through,
What the Hell shall I do?
So I try to play it down,
Even though its only opie
It still aint half as bad as brown.
Lets lighten it up,
Don't wanna be no dope fiend
But like a pent up bull to red
I head straight for the shop bought codeine
Oh cody, you don't make me swell,
If anything man, you make my being well,
For that small amount of time
I feel I can take on the world
Until I get to tomorrow and I feel I've created Hell!
All the things we do,
Just so we can feel the warmth,
Finding our little cliques,
Just by the way we talk.
Have you tried this,
This ones hit and miss,
Mix it in with this,
For eternal bliss.
Now I've heard it all before
Nothing improves and nothing changes,
But there's something in the brain
That promises you can catch that Dragon once again.
The Dragon flies high
With the fire in his belly,
But you haven't any,
So why you trying to catch him.
(So why do you even try).
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 7:19 AM UTC
i'm counting every sin
and trying to drown my pain in
benzos and cocktails
and it never really fails.
no one else has noticed i'm
never on time.
i'm always alone
or on my phone.
my speech a little slurred
and the roads a little blurred.
i cover up what i'm feeling
with meds meant for healing.
my intentions are clear
but the end's kinda near.
all 'cause i ended us.
it's cool af though.
i swear.
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 1:06 AM UTC
Klonopin Clonazepam Sintonal Diazepam
Refill my Rivotril Don't spill my Risolid
Alprazolam Bretazenil Bromazepam Lexotanil
Dadumir Olcadil Nobrium Stilny
Halcion Hypnovel Tavor! Tavor! Tavor!
Gimme gamma-aminos but only if they're butyric
With Xanax as my hand ax; Anxiety, This is War!
Nov 20, 2012
Nov 20, 2012 at 8:50 AM UTC
Turns out the King of the Projects
couldn’t even tie his shoes.
Couldn’t draw or make love.
Hell could barely even read
and definitely didn’t know how to sing the blues.
Turns out the King got his crown
after two and half games of basketball
on the weedy court at sundown
the day before his tenth birthday.
Turns out the King was the roughest,
toughest, scabbiest fourth grader
in the whole **** grade, raised
from good Somalian stock and
willing to sucker punch kids
darker than he.
Turns out the 4 ft 5 King of the Projects
stood mighty tall over the
class pet ferret, ephemeral
creature of habit,
watched the
rodent with eyes peeled as if the two
shared the same beating
heart boombox.
As it turns out,
every day at noon we had music
but the drums were always
taken by the King who
pounded a steady beat to the
shake shake shake of
the music teacher's 'script
of benzos, eyes still glued
to the ferret, seeking a ritualized dance.
Turns out the class pet escaped last week.
Turns out the King stopped coming too.
Shame really. As the teacher, I felt I had
to have something to say to him.
Turns out I was just as scared as he.
May 28, 2013
May 28, 2013 at 11:23 PM UTC
here comes number two
this time I didn’t want to be through
this is the second overdose
at least I’m not comatose
first I had this headache
but then I felt my back ache
my hands were kinda trembling
my legs wouldn’t stop bending
my head began to tighten
my mom needed to be enlightened
I tried to talk with her
all my words were blurred
they asked if they could help in a way
I just needed to keep my body at bay
it was hard to breathe
I knew I needed to leave
in the car came more spasms
I don’t think she even fathomed
this is what happens you see
when you need meds to be
they ask me how much I took
to overdose on lithium
I just gave an astonishing look
I didn’t do this for fun
I’m here because I’m seizing
on a dose that was wrote
by my doctor you see
so I could finally be
normal to me.
you just lay me here to quiver
and you’re in here faking
this alarm is awakening
BP one forty three over ninety four
I’m convulsing, almost to the floor
my heart rate is up to one fifty
this could not be anymore ******
you wanna give me ativan
after I tell you they said no benzos
plus I’m on this other,
atypical antipsychotic
oh, I forgot to mention that other overdose.
I don’t need to frolic
in a white pill sea
that’s now beneath me
I just want this to stop.
this constant convulsing
the unwanted tightening
it goes from bottom to top
over an hour later
it finally chose to stop
when the blood work was fine
my heart was on a normal line
May 22, 2015
May 22, 2015 at 9:27 AM UTC
I'm on one
Been trapped in a buzz for four or six months
Since that I've pulled a few stunts
My mind, opposite judgement of a nun's
So I tend to act rugged when it comes
I'm on one
Zapped down by these side effects
Trapped now, take benzos to alleviate
More and more as the effects depreciate
Good for a few hours
But I need to finish this report, so I give myself powers
Amphetamines by all means
I had a dream once, but now I cant sleep
Don't use guns, to do this damage to myself
Going through funds to do this damage to myself
I'm on one
Is it worth it in the long run?
I've Seen what happens and it isn't fun
But how can I do this job without them
Be out of water, desperate as a trout, man
Aches and pains I think I have the gout man
Take pain killers, the real brain killers
I'm on one
Tipping over while typing these words
Tripping over how I got this net worth
Incognito, reputation with the best first
Wish I could reveal, but I'd have no appeal
They'd think I went bananas
See I no longer have the fun that I had before hand
Gleam in the Rover like the sweat against my forehead
Blasting AC on max, thinking about paying tax
But I already am, my kidneys show the facts
Because I'm on one
Aug 20, 2014
Aug 20, 2014 at 1:49 AM UTC
You stupid, amazing *****
Your Mad heart vilifies Deceit,
Mashing Xanax and ******
Benzos for the price of flight.
Yet there you stand
Idyllic and idolised,
The chemicals and pheromones
clash and dance magnificently.
The Moshpit of Deceit
Is your tragic sanctuary.
Oct 12, 2013
Oct 12, 2013 at 7:23 AM UTC
it's just the creature that goes bump in the night when the lights go out,
so please reconstruct my mind to create a type of innovated frankenstein.
it's not just about the longing and the crave for change but
it's also about the emotions and fingerprints i'll supply for your testing range.
so don't worry smoke another bowl and it's like your whole life will unfold.
but you won't even need that thc to realize your thoughts aren't completely free.
so let the dopamine soak in until you become the fiend
pop your benzos and snort that line, parachute that powder until you reach cloud nine.
is that what you need to survive your recreated scene?
at least before your whole body morphs into benzene.
what is it about becoming a monster, is it you who creates the tragedy or is it your creator?
i wish you could tell me where we go when we die, but you can't open up your subliminal mind.
now you're nothing but a sweet smelling liquid, so drip your thoughts onto my own canvas and lay it out for me.
Mar 22, 2012
Mar 22, 2012 at 4:28 AM UTC
How ****** is it I experiment with sobriety,
Deceive others to believe I’m functioning in society,
Feel relieved only when drugs are inside of me,
**** molly, benzos, oxy, LSD, DMT, ketamine,
Feel more at peace in my dreams than reality,
Its hard to believe others dramatize that part of me,
Traumatized yet still I abuse losing my vitality,
I’m a fool to use to cope with the stress of my adolescence morality,
That’s an excuse from my poor mentality,
I should be a young lady, but I don’t see it at present, am I an abnormality?
Actually, It wasn’t my plan to neglect the lesson that might stand in place of this confession,
Showing symptoms of depression, but all hopes is not lost, I can buy happiness I gave it a cost,
my discretion I tossed aside I'm exhausted and losing my mind,
I'm inclined to combine refined lines designed to unwind my kind,
Remind myself I wont find the dragon,
My life will end with a magnum,
a drug induced tantrum,
mental phantom hold me for ransom,
I hope you can handle this rancid anthem i grant you,
but I hope you can't relate because no mother ****** should have this fate,
moving weight through their plate is no way to spend consecutive days,
still So much hate,
Irate till I escape,
pills will sedate me, and I wait..
But remember..I wanted it this way.
May 13, 2014
May 13, 2014 at 2:41 PM UTC
I worry that the only reason I have to write is because no one will listen to me
I can't leak my thoughts to my psychologist or psychiatrist or parent because I know that my words aren't safe and that legality triumphs anything I say
I know that I'm like lava at its boiling point, about to erupt
I know that I'm self destructive and that things are only getting worse
I have so much to say, maybe if I told the entirety of the truth, I could be helped
But I fear the corrupt system too much
And I don't want to say anything to my parents because they have watched my prolonged mental distress and they have seen my breakdowns and hysterical fits and they've heard my screams
I've been medicated
SSRIs and Xanax and Ativan and Prozac and Klonopin and Lexapro
I've spent hours in a therapist's office, only to censor my life and hear a psychology major regurgitate everything I already know
I can't stand it anymore
I want to be high on **** forever and laugh at nothingness
I want to be drunk to the point where I forget that life is even a thing
I want to kiss his lips and touch him every moment of the day because I'd feel loved even if I wasn't
I hate what has happened
I hate what is happening
I hate that I've changed
I hate how hard I try because the payoff never seems to pay off
And that I try to keep changing but everything isn't enough and everything won't ever cut it
I don't know what to do
I need endorphins and serotonin and beta-blockers and benzos
I need to know that this isn't a never ending cycle
I need to know that what I'm feeling is temporary and that this isn't what my life will be like
I need to tell my therapist and my doctor and my psychiatrist that I don't know what to do anymore and that the thoughts that control me are no longer bearable because I know that I want to live
I know however, that if I say the wrong thing, my words will be reported to DCFS and I could be baker acted and I don't want that to happen
So all I have in the end are my thoughts, killing me inside every moment of everyday
Tearing me apart like my lungs can no longer expand
Like my heart can no longer pump
Because my mind controls everything, and everything is in flames
Aug 13, 2013
Aug 13, 2013 at 6:45 PM UTC
You're back and I've only been asking four years and two days. My passion never left, it only paved your way. Outside it's gotten colder than the weatherman will even say. The skies may stay clear but everything is gray. I wait for you on the tarmac with bouquets, four years yesterday it was to be my grave.
Everything and its nothingnesses made me black and blue, I was just ink blotter on a finger's noose, nonsense and writer's gloom. Some of me was hexed by my work, some of my flesh became unglued. My eyes may have resurrected a figure, but I can't be sure it's you. I'm at the Bay Bridge with weights tied to my shoes, where even the water can't judge my moves.
People lie to keep themselves as far away from their truth. Many can't even talk to you unless they have a drink or two. ****** and benzos too. Skinny vexed spirits accrue, walking into the waves until their skins turn blue.
Nov 11, 2015
Nov 11, 2015 at 12:50 PM UTC
"One for the pain,
two to make it go away."
He says as he washes
his benzos down
with whiskey.
He doesn't want to
wake up the next day,
'cause ever since twenty-seven
life's gone downhill.
A tall Japanese woman
stands beside him,
and takes the plunge, too.
Follows it with whiskey.
Always follow with whiskey.
Her marriage is
falling apart,
and ever since twenty-seven
life's gone downhill.
He tried to leave, once,
with a ****** overdose:
"That **** ***** of
a girlfriend had
to save my life."
He tattooed DNR on
both wrists
because of that *****
He tugs on the
Japanese gal's skirt;
even looming suicide
doesn't slake his piggish lust.
She slaps his hand
and stands on the
other side of the
room, arms crossed.
"Ya know,
standing like that
makes yer ****
look bigger."
She walks into the
kitchen and drinks
more whiskey;
that bastard's the reason
for her life's steady decline.
They drive, fully hammered,
to a beach blanketed with fog.
They build, fully hammered,
a bonfire; gotta burn it all!
They sit, fully hammered,
waiting for sleep to hit;
that final slip into oblivion
with a heavy sinking lull.
He can't speak without a slur;
she can't see without a blur.
He can't stand without a wobble;
she can't stand without a topple.
His eyelids grow heavy;
his breath starts to slow.
Her breath isn't steady;
her lungs hardly grow.
Good-night, old friends.
Good-bye.
Jan 20, 2013
Jan 20, 2013 at 11:32 PM UTC
It feels like a thousand knifes
cutting through my veins
watching the blood stain
crimson crystals of life
all problems fade away
I feel alive!
Deeper and deeper
reaching for soul
deeper and deeper
cutting my throat
no fear of the reaper
my jugular vein.
Razor blades, sleeping pills
bit of methamphetamine
benzos and ketamine
raises the adrenaline
my heart now beats so fast
lets see how long it's gonna last.
Dec 18, 2014
Dec 18, 2014 at 8:02 AM UTC
**** you and **** your face
burn it out of my memory
forget every memory of you I have,
***** like benzos, kisses like heaven
forget every bit of me
every scar i have and the ones you gave me,
go wash your mouth
brush your tongue
forget every vein in my ****
leave a outline in your memory of the boy you killed
Aug 20, 2013
Aug 20, 2013 at 10:12 PM UTC
If you're wondering why there's so many typos? I'm in the hospital,
Benzo'd out and on phenobarbital.
But I guess it's better than hammered drunk at home trying to give the cat a bath.
He doesn't like that band The Allman Brothers which I Blair at the side of the tub and he tends to scratch me
even with the Mr. bubble bath. Now I'll try to watch the Redskin buccaneer game, they'll always be the Redskins to me. But that could just be the benzos talking
Jan 9, 2021
Jan 9, 2021 at 7:32 PM UTC
I'm a "knew it all",
who grew to fall.
Stalling out
when duty calls,
I doodle all
my plans on napkins
then I go and lose them all.
Thats what happens
when I mix jack with,
pills that make me moody y’all.
Benzos and some ***** calls
Calling back, to re do it all.
I'll teach you real mistakes,
it took a couple takes
to make me see
the weight of hate and
and lose it all.
if only…
it’s only..
after we lose everything,
that we’re free to do anything,
and many things sound
better than
the petty things
that I’ve seen
especially,
people with no heart or brains,
just a love for testing me.
My patience is so thin,
that I think it needs some bread to eat.
Waste is such a sin, going for the dough
I'll hold out until the death of me.
I’m hungry to the 10th degree.
Motive fueled by debt that needs,
attention.
I’m like dead at sea,
and set to sink.
So I’ll swim to stay afloat
like a shark, I’m stuck
in motion and the pace of the flow, oh no.
Sep 28, 2015
Sep 28, 2015 at 8:45 PM UTC
age of 15 combusted first greens
age of 16 ****** no dreams
age of 17 started slangin' QP's
age of 18 got busted by police
age of 19 benzos got the best of me
age of 20 an empty shell is the rest of me.
...
May 23, 2017
May 23, 2017 at 2:13 PM UTC
benzos anonymous in my head
cajoling me to stay put in bed
to think is such a dreary blur
and i'd much rather abuse my cure
Oct 28, 2018
Oct 28, 2018 at 5:18 PM UTC
Thank you for all the late-night talks;
Long insightful walks.
For always being the one thing that kept me partially sane;
When my whole world thunders and rains.
I appreciate all the laughs you have brought;
The shenanigans that thankfully weren’t caught.
Thank you for being my rock MaryJane;
Though my love for you may seem bitterly arraign.
Most of all thank you for controlling my anxiety;
And keeping benzos from being a life’s priority.
No matter what you always knew how to make me feel better.
For that I dedicate you this thank you letter.
I value all the friendships you have bestowed in my life past these years;
Especially the ones no longer here…
I am not saying the only good people in my life are because of you;
But **** you have brought good company through.
You introduced me to old souls;
Never drove me from my goals.
Many have stated their opinions of you:
I don’t care though; to me you will always be true.
After all these years;
I am almost in tears.
You have always been by my side;
Always along for the ride.
I temporarily must part my ways;
Because the legal system claims our friendship is not okay.
To me you were more than ***
You were my **** rock.
Thank you MaryJane.
-C. Jackson.
Apr 3, 2020
Apr 3, 2020 at 6:53 AM UTC