'Tis fierce mild out, said he to himself at 01:37
walking home from a close friend's
on a calm February night, the breeze
barely there and the atmosphere as cool as the air.
At a later date he went east, to the Big Smoke to go out
on the town for a night. The next day he thought to himself:
What a pleasant languishing the coke has left in me, though it has
tenderized the 'auld cardiac muscle some.
I woke another day, some time after noon,
And thought of how I dreamed again
during those couple months with her. Now my nightly travels
had settled back into an unremarkable and immemorable mush
of fading oneiric sensations, of hazy sleep, it'd
returned to that somnolent jumble, but
I did dream again, brief as it was,
And now that vitality is gone. This clue,
That I'd notice what has been missing from that
mental life of mine. It is a strange tiding,
I had not realized how it had gone so awry.
Isn't it gas, all the pills and trips there are
that'd help draw those things to the fore.
I know well this is the wrong attitude, the wrong tact, but sure
I know too well the ways which captivate
and have held me spellbound since youth.
Aye, there's other ways to regain what I've lost,
To recover what's missing. Our interactions in the world
should be the cause of dreams, their form and content.
It worries me some to suppose other than that. If it was
some other world or part of the soul that imbued our dreams
with meaning, that would imply something has cut me off, or out.
Even were this not the case I think the implication still stands.
I mean to say that the presence of those who are known to us
in waking life may carry over in dreaming, forms transmuted
and content apparent only as metaphor. I should think there are
too many coincidental symbols for it to be post-hoc interpretation.
The presence of persons weighs heavy
on the scales of horn and ivory.
How much of my mind have I been missing,
How much life, how much meaning,
How many people?
As we get older it's easy to become less vulnerable, yet more broken.
We must learn to do the opposite, to know when it's the right time
to be vulnerable, to heal in a way that can only relieve everyone.