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Chaise May 2015
there i was
about coming home
to an empty space
filled with two cats
and memories i can’t erase.

i made it home
i was benzo’d out.

i did the dishes
catching myself
from the ***** soap water
repeating the things
distract and relax
that's what the crazies said

here i am, in my head
saying it too
am i crazy
or am i just living dead

so i vacuum
and say it again
i can cope,
panic doesn’t ****

does this make me crazy
that i say these things
to keep me calm
to distract and relax
my mind knowing that
**i’m all alone
Chaise May 2015
i would say i’m okay
but in all reality
it’s these nine pills i take a day
four for anxiety
three for a stable shiny mind
and two mg to keep me low

all of these downers
i’m still above
i’m still above that line
that line of feeling fine

all of these downers
that are supposed to keep me stable
and there are still moments
when i feel so unable
to take on the day

all of these downers
would have some on their ***
and i’m here still finding
that my *** is playing in grass
Chaise May 2015
if you really want to see
what you've done to me
just look inside of this
this notebook you see

I'm petrified of your kiss
yet its the one thing I miss
when i'm laying on my couch
all benzo'd out

its the thing I desperately crave
when i'm alone in an ice cave
then I remember our bout
the one before you kicked me out
the one where I said ouch

you had me on your bed
your hands suffocating my head
all I thought was I love you tons
but then I saw your guns

I believed me a *****
a pathetic daddy issue girl
because of what you said
it burned me to the core

this is it you see
how I don'twant to be
how you thought me to be
that is what you've done to me
Chaise May 2015
I’m not sure
but sometimes
I’d rather be zoned,
just to feel like an ice cream cone
cold, down to the bone,
chill to the taste.
Ice cream isn’t a waste.
Doll May 2014
I'm numb so numb and I would like to ask you something
Can you please..
**** the pain out of me  , fill me with pills so i can stay numb forever  
Fill me with opiates and watch me die inside
Don't worry i will feel no pain

Look at me in my eyes and tell me you love me then leave me
So i can feel pain again
Then fill me with benzos make me dreamy  and love my life
So you can hurt me again
Choke me hurt me and belittle me
Make me walk around with bruises

Heal my wounds , buy me pills
opiates , oplïods and benzos
Make me happy for a week or less
then leave me behind wondering why you left me
so i will feel pain and then I need to crawl back to pills
or to you

— The End —