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Lizzy Sep 2014
Mommy told me about her dream
I looked like a skeleton
And she was begging me to eat
She really did
Sky Aug 2018
It doesn’t really matter if you’re hungry
You’re not even going to eat
You aren’t a loser, you’ll win this game
It’s a game you have to defeat
It’s hot outside and you’re really cold
Your young, small body is feeling old
You feel so starved down to your soul
Keep it up honey, you’re on a roll
You want to be half but you are whole
You hate this game but you’re in control
To feel in control you must pay the price
It doesn’t cost much, just your life
No matter what, you’re always alone
It’s you and me, it’s written in stone
You’ve lost everything that you love and own
But at least you have your beautiful bones
Your body hates you but that’s okay
Everyone has left, but I’ll always stay
That was my goal all along
To make you feel guilty, to make you feel wrong
Everything I say is helpful, everything I say is the cure
You don’t want to feel disgusting, do you? Don’t you want to be pure?
Tiny, Angelic, Dainty and Delicate
Everything else is completely irrelevant
You’ll never feel shameless, you’ll be the greatest!
Listen to me darling, don’t you want to be weightless?
Tired, gaunt, pointless and twisted
The girl you’ve been talking to never existed
It’s all in your head, but your head is her home
You’ve got nothing left to control, but your brittle little bones ~
Ellie Taylor May 2017
Ana
Hi, nice to meet you,
I'm Me
And this is Ana,
who is also Me
There was a time before Her,
but it was so long ago
that the memories are fuzzy around the edges

She was so quiet,
I didn't even hear Her come in
I turned,
and She was simply there
She was so soft
Her voice a mere whisper
among the surrounding chaos
When I floundered,
drowning in the dark ocean of My reality
She was there
powerful, capable, calm

I am Her, and She is Me
We were powerful, capable, calm

So powerful, so capable, so calm
victory over oneself
Where She was once quiet,
She became thunderous
once soft,
now unyielding
It happened so fast,
I didn't even notice I was no longer steering
That I'd been demoted by a jury of Me

We live together in this prison of Ours;
swimming endlessly
in the turbulent waters that is Our stream of consciousness
like a boiling ***
The vessel that We inherited
through no choice of Our own
is in a constant state of disrepair

And there is One Thing on which She and I can agree:
I am Her, and She is Me, and She and I will die as We.

Et tu, Brute?
Lot May 2017
Every queen must have a throne,
but mine is cheap and flimsy.
A plastic chair made in China,
worth less than a dollar,
swaying under my weight.
To stay from falling,
whenever I sit,
I keep myself light and fit.
I stay perched in reticence,
balancing the paper crown
upon my jaded head.
As tendrils of brown hair,
fall to the floor in plain.
Hands and feet crossed,
bound in leather and chains.
Try not to be your own worst enemy.
Meredith Ann Jan 17
Ana
She's high fashion on a budget,
capturing the world from her own angles.
Watercolor stains on anything she touches,
but vibrancy is not for her.

Her voice is the texture of heavy-duty paper,
and something about her seems littered in floral,
But she is too industrial for that to make sense,
as the city breaths her in and out.
Bri Aug 2017
The obsession you have with the size of your hips.
They should be smaller,
Don't you think?
Oh, and be sure to do whatever it takes to have that thigh gap.
It's so worth it.
That thigh gap.
The more space the better.
The emptiness of your body.
The jutting collar bones.
Feeling dizzy.
Feeling depressed.
Worth every inch lost off your waist.
It is worth your once full and lushious hair now falling out like dead leaves.
Because you're dying.
You are killing yourself.
But it's all fine.
You're obsessed with telling yourself that it's all under control.
Isn't it?
Theres no sleep at night.
Not when your anxiety is this intense.
Not when your up planning how to skip the rest of the weeks meals.
Use that time to be productive.
Like right now.
Lying awake... obsessing.
Obsessing.
Obsessing.
But it's s all fine, right?
Because that thigh gap.
And bony fingers.
You're deliriously falling over every **** time you stand, and you think it's all still fine now?
You think it's still worth it?
Isn't it?
nuggz Oct 2018
whenever i'm not eating
she whispers softly in my ear
sweet encouragements
when i'm finally happy
eating and starting to look healthy
i can see my bones starting
to be covered with soft fat
her screams start to get louder
i try hard to ignore her
"you look disgusting"
"look at all that extra skin
hanging off of you"
"you're so fat lose it all again"
you can tell me i'm beautiful
but i can't hear you over
her deafening shrieks
convincing me that i've lost again
I wish I never met you ana.
I wish I didn't fall for your trap.
You call me fat
And make me breakdown.
You pulled me in,
With hands of barbed wire
And tore me into pieces,
When I didn't listen
To your screams
Of "DON'T EAT, YOU FAT PIG."
You hurt me so much
That I began to hurt myself.
I so badly wanted to get you out of my head
That I took a blade to my legs
And burned my skin.
You made my life a living nightmare
And world full of regrets.
Even 1 calorie over my limit
Sent me into a whirlpool of guilt
And shame.
You promised me coinfidence I didn't have,
Nor will ever receive.
I know you're not real,
And I know you're a fragment of my own psychological pain,
But,
You made me become a victim of my own mind.
Trust me, it sounds much more dramatic and powerful when you're hysterically crying
aaron Jan 16
good enough
two words little words
they grab hold of my thoughts
this body is now on autopilot controlled by them
they knitpick at this casing
"it is unfitting and disgusting"
is what this dictator screams
what once was so painful to hear
is now a symphony to my ears
nodding my head to the beat
the fingers move on their own
they trail up to my mouth and past my teeth
they tickle the back of my throat and grip hard and pull and pull
they rip out every bit of joy from the inside until i am an empty well
next the needle dances along my face
it twirls around my lips and pulls in tight
it's as if this is a romantic waltz
that is until my stomach yells
i realize the true purpose of the pretty ribbons sealing me shut
"this is how to be like them"
it echos for a short moment and i question it until she repeats him
"you weren't good enough"
once the door opens they all poor out
a flood of every whisper and shout
"you'll never be good enough"
"not pretty enough"
"not smart enough"
"not thin enough"
"not enough"
and the battle begins again
to be hallow is to be beautiful
to be beautiful is to be small
to be small is to be fragile
to be fragile is to be empty
to be empty is to be killing yourself
to be killing yourself is to be good enough
Sky Apr 20
Am I beautiful or am I sick?
   Am I disgusting, do my eyes play tricks?
I grab my skin with a **** and a pinch
       I feel my body with every nitpick
Thousands of things that I need to fix

Shaking, I open my eyes to face the mirror
There is so much pain, there is so much fear.
There’s nothing but porcelain glass
         with maybe a smudge
And a girl staring back with a body to judge
My vision is blurry, as my eyes well with tears
As flashes of all of the wasted years
Run through my mind, and inside I find,
That maybe I’m the one who can’t see
Maybe I’m the one who is blind
Softly, I touch the glass, and I continue to stare
And a feeling overcomes me, a feeling so rare
That my body doesn’t look the way I thought
The desire of self-love, I viciously sought
I don’t see fat, I don’t see skinny,
I see ache, I see empty, I see hurt, I see fake
I see insatiable hunger,
but I don’t see a number
I see tears, I see bone, I see fear, I see alone.
The mirror doesn’t show a monster
It shows a ravenous daughter
Hungry for love and hungry for affection
Connection and affection achieved through perfection
Maybe some attention
Sobbing mother, angry father, hurting girl
Melancholy, resentment, crashing world

The thinner isn’t the winner,
To heal is to finally feel real
Smiling mother, affectionate father, healing girl.  
Numbers slowly disappear, and blossoms a colourful world
I try to feign disgust but I cannot fool myself
So I begin to trust the light inside of myself

Abandon the habit of starving out of spite
Climb out of the darkness and into the light
There is nothing that I cannot try to write
The hands around your neck in a chokehold
                 tries to squeeze tight
             But the fingers, they loosen,
          and your body begs you to try.  
    Looking at my food, I think that I might
               Lips aquiver, I take a bite.  
           Everything is going to be okay
              One bite at a time, slowly,
                   each and every day.
aaron Dec 2018
they said
"you'd be jealous"
they lost 42 pounds
in only four months
quickly doing the math
that's 10.5 pounds per month
2.625 pounds per week
i laughed a bit
realizing their monthly rate
was how much i had lost
within only two weeks
then i asked myself
"why would i be jealous
when i can be better
and lose that 42 pounds
in half the time took them?"
vel Jul 2018
you don't get it
you don't understand
i'm not enough for you
i know where i stand
i'm trying my best to love you; to provide
but i know i'm not enough for you

i’m not even good enough for myself
i don’t know what to do
i struggle to keep myself afloat
to find a way to carry you too
i know i’m not strong enough
i know i can’t do anything right
all the wrongs i’ve done
were from things i thought were bright

but please don’t leave me ana
please don’t leave me again
i’m barely living while with you
when you leave i would be dead
am not as good as I used to be..
sara Dec 2018
no one notices
it’s a blessing and a curse i suppose
i’m glad that no one’s trying to stop me
but i wish that someone cared enough to try
i wish someone would notice
but that would ruin everything we’ve worked for
i’m wasting away to nothing
and even so
no one notices
this just means i have to try harder, right?
at least, that’s what ana tells me
so we go from 800 to 600 to 400
and we work so hard
but still
no one notices
ana’s all i can think about
and she tells me
“just a little more”
“people will start to care when they need to”
“you’re just not sick enough”
sometimes, in my darkest hours, i voice these thoughts aloud
and even after all of that
no one notices
Muzaffer Feb 16
tilki
sıyrılıverdi
monoton yuvasından
poligam soludu göğün rengi
lanetledi uçan bulutlar
ve günah aktı oluk oluk
bin şükür mezrasından...
tilki
hemcinsine gebe kaldı
çakal’ın yürüdüğü izden
izler ve remizlerdi
temizdi
kaçak eti gizleyen
halde
pele'ydi günlerden
aylardan şubat..

çekildi gözden sürme
gerildi foseptik kokular

ve
ve
ve!

bir tilki
bir tilkiyi doğurdu
ana kız birlik olup
bir çakalı doyurdu...
Neeraj katta Jan 13
Judai
~~♥~~
Suno jaana
Mujhse kai logo ne pucha hai.
judai kaisi hoti hai.
judai kaisi hoti hai.
Me kehta hu
Zara thehro batata hu.
judai kaisi hoti hai.
judai aisi hoti hai.
bhari mehfil me bhi
kahi tanhai me kho jana.
Kirchi kirchi kanch ke
tukdo sa bikhar jana.
Or un tukdo me ek hi bas
ek hi chehere ka nazar ana.
Judai aisi hoti hai.
Simatna chah kar bhi
khud se na simat pana.
Har kisi ke samne
muskan chehre par le ana.
Dard saare chupane ki
ek nakaam si be-matlab
koshish kiye jaana.
khud apne aap se us
lamhat me nafrat si ** jana.
Judai aisi hoti hai.
Mulakato ke naam pe
milna u to kai logo se
har chehre me usi bas Usi chehre ko dhundte jaana.
Naam uska apne
lab pe saja lena.
Us ki kahi koi baat
yaad ane par rote hue thahake mar ke hans dena.
Or hans kar ke ek dam se khamosh ** jaana.
Naam uska le kar gir padna.
kai raato tak aansuo se
takiyo ko bigo dena.
Duao me usi ke liye
haatho ko failana.
khwabo or khayalo me
usi se wasta rakhna.
na mil pane ka ghum
is dil ko satana.
Or fir tut kar bikhar jaana.
Judai aisi hoti hai.  
Jhukaye gardan fir kabro me apni lout aa jaana.
Jise ham ghar bhi kehte hai.
Use Suna sa dekh kar kadmo ka theher jaana.
fir na utha pana.
Ye sab kya hai
judai ki nishani hai.
Na mil pana, satana, or har kadam har moud par tut'te bas tut'te jana.
Judai aisi hoti hai.
Jaise andheri si gufao me  talash roshni ki ** jaana.
jaise kisi apne ke haatho se haatho ka bichad jana.
Fir na mil pana.
kisi apne ko jata dekh kar
Dur se aawaze laga kar rokna.
Apne haatho ko jhatak na or diwaro pe patak dena.
Or bas kuch na kar pana.
bhari aankho se use
dur hote dekhte jana.
Palkey tak na jhapkana.
Fir aansuo ka jaise
sailab aa jana.
judai ki aag me
jalna,jhulasna
or zinda reh jana.
judai aisi hoti hai.
Judai aisi hoti hai.
Nk Sairam :)
anu Feb 9
A New born baby of me
Blooms by seeing my God with His Goddess
For the first time as we

Ana and Anni ....
Never seen
An heaven
But today lived even

A palace
Where I merged with
Pure love and care

A lonesome girl
Merged in
Heavily smiles
Of God and Goddess


No thanks
But a
Hapy tears !
.....
A beautiful day with my brother and his wife ( Myyy anaaa and aniii )
Sue Venir loved Hugh Biquitous, but he was unreliable, so she confided this to her friend, Di Namic who confirmed he’d been seen with Penny Farthing and Miss Chevous. Then she ran into Ken Tucky, who’d just broken up with Jen Erator, and was known to hang with Mel N. Choly. Together, they and Dan Ube went to a party thrown by Perry Winkle at the house of Dana Point.

Con Valescence introduced Sue to Marine Layer who asked Mr. Tucky to join the conversation, and they’ve been conversing ever since. Lou Kemia couldn’t make the party as he was ill. This was confirmed by Nick Knack who’d been informed by Conrad Alert.

Penny Saver left early, heading over to the home of I. Stan Bul, who was throwing a celebration in honor of Hazel Nuts and Grant N. Aid, who were to be married by Will Power, though Miss Givings, his former girlfriend, did not approve. Celebrants included Buzz Saw, Ma Larkey, Ben E. Diction, ***** Pack and of course Ann I. Versary, who deemed it worthy of being remembered. Tom Foolery was always good for a laugh, which was appreciated by Art I. Face, Dee Vice and Tess Osterone.

Some chose to dine alfresco, notably Flora Fauna, Heidi **, and Ed U. Cate. Barb Ituate was a downer, though Ma Larkey tried to cheer her up, watched by Cliff Hanger who wanted to see what happened, until a dispute arose between Ana Conda and Ann Ticipation, who’d both been vying for the attention of Billy Goat.

Meanwhile, in another part of town, Terry Dactyl was in a dispute with Billy Club over Lilly White because of something Miss Conception had reported after hearing from that duo, Caesar Salad and Reuben Sandwich.

Junior Mints tried to mollify the situation with sugary statements, but was interrupted by Yuri Nal, who said he had to go, and then left with Jay Walking and they were off to congregate with Diane Tomeetya.

At the next table General Jive held court in a warlike mood,  that Cary Cature tried to lighten.  With them were Tex Arcana, whose accent was amusing to Bill Collector, Al Gorhythm, Tim Buktu and Marv E. Lous, who always had a great time wherever he went.

By then, Bobby Pin, the luscious seamstress, had given up on Peter D. Out, after seeing him clowning around with Butch Wax and Slim N. None, all of them malcontents and disrupters.

In walked Daisy Chain, newly arrived  from the Southern Hemisphere, along with Sydney Australia. Klaus Trophobic had initially agreed to travel with the two of them, but said he had to stay at home. Frank O’Phile overhead this and confided to Phil O’Sophically that there is sometimes merit to such position.

The restaurant was owned by Ty ****, managed by Chuck Wagon, with the food delivered by waiters Clay *** and Terry Aki , assisted by busboyTara Misou.

The next morning, everyone gathered at the home of Dawn Patrol, who was there with her new husband, Earnest Money, after divorcing Perry Mutual. Deb Enture was her maid of honor.  Nick O’Time was nearly late to the party, driving in with Stu Debaker, via a shaky Uber driver named Manuel Shifting.

Al Acrity was his usual sunny self, but not when Den O’Thieves interrupted his conversation, which was shut down by Kay O.

Sherman Oaks and Van Nuys were late, having gotten mixed up on the location. Cliff Hanger was worried about the falling stock market, and as a result was getting drunk with Jack Daniels. Stan Dup was his usually assertive self, but was overshadowed by the always munificent Cy Pres.

Claude Hopper was dressed in yesterdays’ styles, but that didn’t matter to Dov Tail who  was going into business with Matt Chabox, known for his incendiary personality. They had two other partners to round the group out, **** Ular and Ben E. Fit.

Gar Gantuan loomed large, and was unstable when paired with Mo Mentum, who said in such situations, they needed to involve Otto Matic.

Terry Cloth was wrapped around Jan U. Ary, ogled by Barbie Queue and Coleman Lantern.
anu Jul 2018
Amma
Appa
Ana
Friendu

Learn to say from ur mouth

Because everybody can't hear from their heart

Including God

But I can't call
Esapa !
Amma - Mother
Appa - Father
Anna- Brother
Esapa - Jesus
aaron Aug 2018
I am sick.

My nose is stuffy
My throat is sore
Headaches & fever
Loss of hearing in my right ear

But there's more than that.

My stomach begs for food when I do not feel hungry.
I shiver and curl in on myself and say that it's alright.
Lies spill from my mouth like a waterfall.
This body is home to more darkness than this world has ever seen.
I am unsure how to ask my doctor why this is happening.
When asked before why my dress size went from an 18 to a 14 so quickly, I could not give an answer.

This is my last year of high school and I know what is safe to have.
How much orange juice to have without going over 100.
Where I can sit without my friends finding me.
Who to give my food to that won't ask questions.
Classes to miss because sometimes, it's too much.
I know who keeps an extra jacket all year round.
Which bathrooms are okay for shoving my fingers down my throat.

But I still don't know how to type a report on this illness and explain why I did not have any sources cited.
How to tell a teacher that the quotes are from me and other people that I had gotten tips from.
A group chat full of screaming teenagers who are all just dying to be thinner, to go down just one-two-seven more sizes.
Instagram accounts full of inspirational pictures and advice for the caption, occasionally posting a check of themselves.
Websites that have been deleted by now that I had spent hours looking at and writing rules from.

How am I supposed to tell a teacher that....
My report was so well written because I was my main source of information?
I can't look at foods and drinks without seeing numbers?
I can't look in a mirror without wanting to cry?
I view food as poison to my body?
I sleep in class so often because my body is lacking the nutrients it needs to keep going?
I have been like those screaming teenagers for years and as much as I say that I'm better, I will always be like them?

How do I explain to my teacher I'm slowly killing myself and I can't stop it?

At least my report was turned in on time. That's all that matters to them.
I had to study eating disorders and mental health issues for school and it didn't go so well and I ended up writing this...
Kai Schultz Mar 10
flesh over fat
no muscle built
up and down the stairs
huffing
gasping for breath
after only going up then down twice.
silly girl!
don't quit now!
soon they will all adore
if you just keep away from the kitchen.
now hurry!
mother will be here to pick you up soon
get back on those stairs!
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