i.
* Blood

I never knew you..
I still don't even know your name to be honest...
All I know is that you're the woman that gave birth to me- my Biological Mother
That's your name to me, and that's how its been my whole life.
Biological Mother.
Throughout my life I've been told I'm more like my father than you.
The soft eyes and his smile.
I never really understood why you did what you did, but according to everyone it was the best possible thing to happen to me.
To be put in an adoption center, waiting for my new family to come and take me out of the country.
For some reason though I still can't fathom what brought you to the decision to give me up, but none of the six children before me...
Is it because you wanted me to have a better life, or was it because you realized that you were incapable of raising another child that you had created?

ii
Second

I'm not even sure what to call you.
The technical term would be Adopted Mother, but you were hardly a mother to me in the six years that you knew me.
Blows to a child's face and body everyday is not something a Mother should be doing to their child.
Maybe it's because I wasn't your biological daughter, or maybe you just never knew how to love in general, either way you are not a mother to me.
For years, I always thought that the reason you used me as a punching bag was because I just wasn't good enough for you.
But then there was that one day that you did it to my best friend, and I realized that it wasn't really me, it was you.
It was you who was incapable of controlling yourself.
It was you who was incapable of being a good person.
Even after that day, I still lied and covered for you, even when Daddy asked me where I got the cuts and bruises from.
Despite him asking me how I had cut my lip and why my back was covered in scars, I still covered for you and lied my *** off.
And yet to this day, you ask me why I don't contact you and why I always make sure to never be alone with you in the same room.

iii
Caretaker**

That's what you are to me, maybe that's too harsh and I'm just a *****, but I am incapable of putting the label mother there.
You, out of all three were the closest thing to a mother for me.
You taught me how to be a lady when I needed to be, you guided me and pushed me more than anyone else.
You were the person that molded me into the person I am today out of all three of you.
I am thankful for that, because if it weren't for you, I would be unable to fight through the things that have been thrown my way.
But at the same time, I am unable to call you mother to this day.
Perhaps its the fact that I can still remember all the words of hatred that left your mouth that you said to me, or maybe its the fact that I still quite clearly remember all the things you did to me throughout the eleven years we've known each other, especially the last thing..
I forgive you though, in some ****** up way it was your way of showing your love for me I guess.
So there, that is the reason why you are the closest thing to a mother for me.
Forgive me Mama.

i.*
This is to you; pretty lady with the long brown hair, shiny brown eyes, and a heart of gold. You don't see the beauty that radiates from you whenever you enter the room, nor the happiness that you bring to people with your awkward sayings and amazing laugh. But everyone else that surrounds you does. Your meaning here on earth is more than what you think it is. You're a gift to all who come in contact with you, like a little present that we get everyday. You could be described as a pearl, something so precious that if one finds one, they should never let go of it nor lose it. That is what you are like. A pearl. Nothing less.

The way you hold yourself after the hand that you have been dealt over the past few years is great. You are a warrior. No matter what anyone ever tells you. These things that are burdening you, you can overcome. Every battle that you have gone through has molded you into this person that you are today, words cannot begin to describe the greatness that is within you, that everyone else sees.

Every time I see you, walking in the halls, coming towards me, brings a smile to my face. Your presence brightens my day, no matter how bad it is going. The way you tell a story, so animated, so full of life and excitement, but yet I still see the sadness that remains in your eyes day after day. However, you still make sure that I laugh each day, no matter how ****** you feel. These things that you do for the people that you care so deeply about, are never ending.

This one is for you pretty lady. Let your wings spread and fly and be free.  Go and travel the world, and let everyone else see everything that we see within you already, so that one day you see it also.

To love someone will only lead to the breakage of a heart. And when that heart breaks..so does the rest of you.
Never fall in love.
Unless you want to be broken afterwards.

Have you ever thought or stopped to consider what a hero is ?
When I was little I always considered a hero someone like superman or superwoman.
Someone like spider-man.
Someone that swoops in and saves people..saves the city.
But that was when I was little.

No longer do I consider a hero that, for they are merely just figments of my imagination.
Now I consider hero's people that that have been here forever.
My hero is not the man with a cap, nor does he have superpowers.
My hero is an everyday person.
My hero works like a dog. Sure he looks a little worn, but you know what I like my hero like that.
My hero is simply a man. A man with a bald spot, crooked smile, greyish blue eyes. He is someone that dresses like a professor but in reality is a truck driver. He is someone that is as tough as an ox, but as gentile as a sheep. He is someone that has dealt with the good and bad times but still lives. He is like the shining knight in armor everyone wants. The one that protects. He has a heart of gold.
My hero is not a musician, nor is he anything less.
My hero is my father. The one I walk around in public with pride. He is the one I look up to, and will stand by and love him until only the memory of him is left. And When that day comes and from there on after I will love him no less.
Why?
Because he is my father and my one true hero. That's why.
There is no need for any other explanation.
It's that simple.

Numbness...
That's all I feel now a days.
January 1st brings the total to four times now.
Four failed times.
I no longer wish to be here, I haven't wished to be here for months.
This is the only way I know out and one day I'll fully succeed.
Haven't you ever wanted something so badly that it possesses you?
The craving.
That's all you're able to think about.
At least that's how it is for me.
Nothing is ever stable enough for me.
I think I'm happy but then I realize that I'm just lying to myself also,
along with everyone else.

At school I'm the so called stable person.
With friends I'm the weird, loud one.
With family I'm the quiet, nose stuck in a book person.
When I'm alone...well, when I'm alone all I want is to be dead. I finally become my true self..;
Depressed,
Suicidal,
Insane,
Unstable,
Self-harmer girl.

The girl that all she wants to do is tie a noose around her neck. Take one to many pills. Jump off the roof. Step in front of a car.

This is all this girl wants to do. But she can't say that to anyone can she. She just wants peace from herself and to sleep forever..to never awake.
That..is her final wish.