Hanna Kelley Jun 2016

I think I'm done with poetry guys, I'll see you around.

Hanna Kelley Jun 2016

How can everyone love her when she can't love herself?

  Jun 2016 Hanna Kelley

I've never been in love with anything
but the concept of love itself.
I swore that I wouldn't let myself get consumed in it.
But now when I see your face
I turn into that sappy love writer I always make fun of.
Karma sucks.

Hanna Kelley Jun 2016

I am scared.
Of everything.
I am scared that the people that have been there for me in the past will not be there for me when I need them most.
I am scared that maybe I won't graduate.
That I won't go to college.
I'm scared that I might actually go to college but then I won't know what to do.
I'm scared that I am not aiming for the right degree.
I'm scared that I will get the right degree and get my dream job but then I won't like it.
I'm scared that I am too focused on my future that I will look back on my past and realize that I didn't do anything with it.
I'm scared that I am wasting my time trying to become something for the possibly that I might become nothing.
I am scared to move.
I am scared to get out of this town and get lost in a big city with no one to run to.
I am scared to stay here and this be the only place I will ever know.
I am scared of my genetics.
I am scared to have kids and have them suffer because they will have some hereditary disease that I can't watch them live through.
I am scared that I will never become a mother because of my fear of being a failure.
I am scared that these fears mean nothing but I am obsessing over them anyways.
I am scared of having a reason to be scared...
And that scares me.

Hanna Kelley Jun 2016

I know that I over think every possible situation and analyze everything before finally making a decision but please don't tell me to "relax".

My future is in my hand right out in front of me, I keep holding it up no matter how tired my arm gets because I am determined.
I am so determined to make something of it and then you just tell me to drop it.

Telling me to relax is like telling me to drop my future, like I can just pick it up off of the floor when it is time for me to do something with it.
Like I can just start from where I left off.

Relaxing is like dropping my future and just when it is time for me to get it started, it is already ruined because I broke it when I "relaxed".

I have come so far from not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and where I want to go and who I want to be so NO I am not going to "relax".

I am not going to let go of all the progress I have made just so I can not be ready when I have to fend for myself.
I am going to be ready.

I will relax when I succeed.

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