I am scared.
I am scared that the people that have been there for me in the past will not be there for me when I need them most.
I am scared that maybe I won't graduate.
That I won't go to college.
I'm scared that I might actually go to college but then I won't know what to do.
I'm scared that I am not aiming for the right degree.
I'm scared that I will get the right degree and get my dream job but then I won't like it.
I'm scared that I am too focused on my future that I will look back on my past and realize that I didn't do anything with it.
I'm scared that I am wasting my time trying to become something for the possibly that I might become nothing.
I am scared to move.
I am scared to get out of this town and get lost in a big city with no one to run to.
I am scared to stay here and this be the only place I will ever know.
I am scared of my genetics.
I am scared to have kids and have them suffer because they will have some hereditary disease that I can't watch them live through.
I am scared that I will never become a mother because of my fear of being a failure.
I am scared that these fears mean nothing but I am obsessing over them anyways.
I am scared of having a reason to be scared...
And that scares me.
I know that I over think every possible situation and analyze everything before finally making a decision but please don't tell me to "relax".
My future is in my hand right out in front of me, I keep holding it up no matter how tired my arm gets because I am determined.
I am so determined to make something of it and then you just tell me to drop it.
Telling me to relax is like telling me to drop my future, like I can just pick it up off of the floor when it is time for me to do something with it.
Like I can just start from where I left off.
Relaxing is like dropping my future and just when it is time for me to get it started, it is already ruined because I broke it when I "relaxed".
I have come so far from not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and where I want to go and who I want to be so NO I am not going to "relax".
I am not going to let go of all the progress I have made just so I can not be ready when I have to fend for myself.
I am going to be ready.
I will relax when I succeed.