I am scared.
I am scared that the people that have been there for me in the past will not be there for me when I need them most.
I am scared that maybe I won't graduate.
That I won't go to college.
I'm scared that I might actually go to college but then I won't know what to do.
I'm scared that I am not aiming for the right degree.
I'm scared that I will get the right degree and get my dream job but then I won't like it.
I'm scared that I am too focused on my future that I will look back on my past and realize that I didn't do anything with it.
I'm scared that I am wasting my time trying to become something for the possibly that I might become nothing.
I am scared to move.
I am scared to get out of this town and get lost in a big city with no one to run to.
I am scared to stay here and this be the only place I will ever know.
I am scared of my genetics.
I am scared to have kids and have them suffer because they will have some hereditary disease that I can't watch them live through.
I am scared that I will never become a mother because of my fear of being a failure.
I am scared that these fears mean nothing but I am obsessing over them anyways.
I am scared of having a reason to be scared...
And that scares me.
I know that I over think every possible situation and analyze everything before finally making a decision but please don't tell me to "relax".
My future is in my hand right out in front of me, I keep holding it up no matter how tired my arm gets because I am determined.
I am so determined to make something of it and then you just tell me to drop it.
Telling me to relax is like telling me to drop my future, like I can just pick it up off of the floor when it is time for me to do something with it.
Like I can just start from where I left off.
Relaxing is like dropping my future and just when it is time for me to get it started, it is already ruined because I broke it when I "relaxed".
I have come so far from not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and where I want to go and who I want to be so NO I am not going to "relax".
I am not going to let go of all the progress I have made just so I can not be ready when I have to fend for myself.
I am going to be ready.
I will relax when I succeed.
I don't care who you are, if you judge people for a living then I recommend that you take a long good look at your life because if you are taking that time out of your life to criticize other people for being someone that they want to be then you need to fix yourself. Fix your mind set. Fix the way you see the world because who ever taught you that being yourself is wrong did not teach you right. I will not judge you for wanting to be a different gender. I will not judge you for your beliefs and religions. I will not judge you for the clothes you wear or the music you listen too so why the fuck should you be able to judge me? I as so sick of being looked at and automatically labeled. If I wanted to be labeled then I would label myself.