I accepted to myself that I'm in love with you
it might be a little late,
and I don't want to date,
but it's all there,
I swear
and I got drunk one night and got *******
at the same person I held hands with
because whiskey makes me emotional
they told me they wanted me to love myself
and I said no
I said "I will never care about myself
or find myself beautiful
I'll always hate me
but that's okay, I've figure out how to live with it."
I've crying over the shame my blades hold
and how I sliced my skin the same night
I told you everything
I just wish I could accept the smaller things
the ones I cannot control

Egos are false, they fail you, let you down.
Kick you over, leave you thinking you're better than someone else
Egos are not true, we are all equals, all equally important

Low self esteem is the same in many ways, it lets you down.
Kicks you while you're down, leaves you thinking someone else is better
Your insecurities are not true, we are all important, as well as you.

The only thing left is to be self aware and to know who you are
Become comfortable with yourself, and love yourself
And love everyone around you, including your enemies

there's circles written around my eyes
people see it as something for them to solve,
like a riddle they can't even read.
but the clearer they see, the less they like.

they tell me i'm too much too handle,
they leave when they tell me i snap too easy
they leave when they realize they can't play with my head
they leave when i don't change my ways

and all i have to say is
i live for myself, not you.
so their defensive minds deem it selfish
they leave

we could respect those around us,
while respecting ourselves.
we could love each other with trust,
but not until we fall in love with ourselves
do you trust yourself?
because self love is more than bubble baths and buying things
take a walk with yourself, and have long conversations
ponder on the meaning of life and slow dance with yourself
fall in love with you & let's be truthful
because before anyone else can wrap their arms around you
before anyone else can call you beautiful
you have to learn it before they do

Stay up for a good few hours just to talk
Smoke cigarettes and wonder if you even remember me the next day
Or am I like that girl in your phone that sent you a text
And you closed your eyes and tried your best
But nothing came to you.
Is this all the same to you?
Either way, your past didn't give you depth.
its way too easy for me to forget you.

i said it over and over again.
You're too innocent and you don't understand
I'm trying to be patient,
But everything is torn in half
You need to know how people work
When someone returns your things nicely,
Please don't throw their little bit of belongings in the middle of the road
You have friends struggling to find food,
But yet you keep eating all of theirs

You find places to complain in small spaces
Put put faux respect in empty minds.
You're doing it all wrong when someone can see right through.

Sing until your lungs collapse
Let the smoke in the air surround you
Because baby, tonight, you're surrounded by maps
Your eyes are seeing everything in a different hue,
but it's alright
Now darling, music makes it all better
Sing until your head hurts
keep singing,
Keep running,
and now you'll know how it feels
to make reality a nice place to be

Dear friend,
The Earth divided in two and there was much preparation
There was trenches built by humans, hollowing out the underground
Somehow, there were others that were sure they would not live through it
In which preparation was minor for them
Humans that traveled for days and days, just to live out their dream
Gathering around the fire from the core of the earth,
Only to capture the beauty with their camera and canvas
Strange it was to see everyone singing in millions of different twos
With a string of words from all the other ways we speak,
All buzzing around, with no two the same
These were, in fact, the ones who were not afraid to die
Right before they burned, they all held hands and smiled
United in the ways they loved,
While the others died in fear, these were the ones who died
happy
and
surrounded by the ones they loved.
As if humans are very emotionally complicated
Striving too hard to survive
It's very beautiful around Earth's falling apart
Don't bother writing back
sincerely,
Lover of all things

Today I didn't want to see
All the bad things or the good things
I just needed to rest.

You are an empty parking lot at night
You are the inside of an abandoned store
You are my room at 4:30 AM,
Left over heat,
cold taking over.
I'm sorry I wasn't the picture you painted of me
I'm sorry I couldn't complete you.
We were walking in the streets at midnight
I was breathless and my skin was cold.
You were that night
When we stared at the sky and kept me warm
I'm sorry I believed that's who you were.

I started breathing like a dragon more
when my throat feels like it’s on fire,
my demons voices become tired
So when my mind is unaltered I try to carry this state on more

Self therapy and self medication is terrifying
when you never know if you’re moving in the right direction
And have a nagging feeling you’ll never afford mental correction
there’s still many days that are too paralyzing

So
The moon told me
The clocks told me
The sun and his siblings all told me
“I promise you’ll be okay.”

I am a soul
Riddled with trust issues
I am a soul
That my brain has poisoned

I don't mind
being all alone
and not going out over the weekend
I don't care
about all my friends
that go out to play each day
All I need
is to be at the bottom of the food chain
because that's how I spent my childhood
Until I found my place
So now, in a spot of interacting every day
I shouldn't hope
to go back to being alone.
and I don't need your **** social ladder
or your desperation of feeling liked
because I never ever once wanted
to live to please others,
because living on the rooftop
doesn't mean feeling alive

It's so strange,
How I get so happy with
hundreds of people that I don't know
seeing the core of my thoughts
It's so very strange, because I'm so very shy
and if it was to be in the flesh
or on a stage
I'd be shaking
and trying to not let it show
but I don't see what's wrong when
about a thousand people see my thoughts

I don't know if you know what sadness feels like
When it lasts for years, and you never catch a break
until you go numb and learn when you need to laugh
I don't know if you know what constantly changing is like,
when you can't find steady ground and
you're not sure if you can love, or if you're even capable
of feeling that way
I know you know greed, impatience, and anger
I don't know if you know that I have tried with all my strength,
to be the exact opposite of those things
I waited to feel alive, and tried to catch it,
but the people that brought me up showed me the news
instead of cartoons
they sighed at the slightest annoyance instead of giving me patience
and they told me about the horrors
and I saw all the bad in all the people

lets be eighteen forever
It never stops.
We live the life the good kids
Wish they could contribute to
They'll try But
We can't wait on the other side
Of jumping fences
The Suns in my eyes but the lights are still low.
And we have to own every little moment
We are far brighter than the darkness we left
And we have our own fire.

Skate board down the rainy road
cameras flashing
shadows cast behind us,
doing their own little dance
windy night, can't light the sparklers too well
and if the lightning strikes the power out,
we could enjoy the stars peeking out behind the clouds
when the daylight comes, we'll steal the coffee
just to stay up a little longer,
and we don't eat, and sleep our Sunday away

I couldn't slow down if I wanted to.
I have two jobs, school, and a social life
It's 2 AM and my thoughts don't stop.
Sometimes I wish it all could
Stop.
Most people can't keep up,
But if you relax for a second
You fall apart and
i run off energy drinks and melatonin
But I still can't sleep and my eyes are burning

I don't have time to think sometimes.
I learned how to live off a total of 6 hours of sleep
For an entire two weeks.

I couldn't live any faster than this.

I don't know about you,
but I love watching the sunrise

washing my sheets
changing them, and watching the puppy
search for the old smell,
roll around in the new one

I adore seeing orange and blue
intertwine in the sky

I think it's funny,
listening to my mother scream
over fries, because I know I can
make her laugh again if I'm patient

I think hair is beautiful,
when it's wild and free
not held down by the millions of chemicals

I take in the moments when there is a hurricane
no one drives past my house during these times
so I lay in the road until I hear trees begin to crack
and sit under the carport, letting the rain brush me

I love spending all day,
writing quotes down in a notebook
reading poems and thinking
about inspiration, why they chose
the words they did

I love the bonfires on summer nights
because no matter how far you get from the fire,
you stay warm

I am grateful I can walk through the forest
jump over streams
and climb the trees

I admire the way smoothies taste
when you have a bad hangover
(or at any other time too)

I love to run until my feet turn red
because I love to watch the world
fly by me, and know that it is endless

I could probably list and list
go on forever
because I think they're all wonderful

Fall asleep while you have the time.
All my thoughts are dissipating
I have this major problem: I can't decide
Should I wish the best or the worse
For all the people who are cut out of the picture
Frame my state of mind,
Maybe someday I'll figure out
How my tranquility could cause turmoil

all that we see, and all that we want
will be written down in a history book in 20 years
so we cannot and will not ever be unimportant,
one after another, you may inspire, to inspire another
and you are not unimportant
no matter how small you may feel, or how much you want to drop
you are keeping someone alive
the puppy or kitten or bunny or even snake you save
feed, nurture, revive
may leave impact so big on you
and the pebble you kicked, that stubbed your toe,
made others laugh and laugh and laugh
so you had a story to be spread
who knows about the future,
perhaps I'm wasting my time,
but all I'm trying to say is, with every fiber of my being,
I know everyone matters
including you

Hours moved to minutes
Time froze again
Then seconds turned to hours
and you're feeling trapped again
right down to your bones, in constricting skin
you never know what you're gonna do
you barely manage to roll words off your tongue anymore
running out of time
you pick up your feet and
it's all over for you

The corners held more promise than I knew,
Around the other side, there was a nightmare or a dream
A dream is my received
I do not wish to leave, because
For once as I stay up past the night time usual
I am able to know I made it through a sadness
The strongest could not handle,
I am proud of myself
For I am the one who made it through
The corners of last night,
Where everything was so broken
I am alive, there’s something better for me tomorrow.

When you're around, it opens old wounds
but our words always seem to find each other
You make me feel sad, happy, angry, and alive
all at once
and my tongue gets so *******
tell me, tell me, tell me,
is the riot worth the both of us

I will not burden you with my sadness,
I will write it down, and burn the bottle
I will watch the circles repeat, and
I will carry the freedom of happiness
I am. you are. every is. so much greater
than emotions, you are a breath of fresh air
you are a soul, born to fly,
to disappoint
to impact
and no one is nothing
Do not watch the stars with envy,
but with the knowledge you are
children of the stars,
they are the ones who crafted you

Watch us decay, watch us as we forget who we were
When we were younger, we had real bright futures,
Yeah, we were gonna grow up to be doctors and lawyers, something like that
But we sat outside too long, held hands and watched it collapse.

She said 'The Earth has a lot of nerve, to fall apart on us like this."
We didn't know we were to blame, so we only let it happen
Spent the summer with no hope left to our name,
Left the winter with enough coffee and liquor to **** anyone's brain

The walls closed in around us,
Where the hell were we supposed to go?
We have a lot to be okay with now, don't you think?

I settle in &
watch cars pass my house
for three straight hours.
it’s the summer,
I’ve lost the battle with my mind today.
and I remember,
That’s it. That’s all it is. Just a battle,
I have a whole war to fight.

i settle in tomorrow,
smile at myself in the mirror,
feel the feeling of absurdity and acceptance-
Well, it never stays too well.
I lose the battle once again.

when the night sets in & im all alone
To my thoughts waging on
I’ll be exhausted in the morning and throughout the day
maybe i can lay my head down somewhere
That’s not my car.
but now my car is stuck in the road for three straight hours.
It’s a lump of plastic and metal,
But I feel myself losing against the chemicals in my brain with odds fighting me.

in less than a week,
A home finds me.
My weary soul finds a place to go.
I find structure in modern soulmates-
Maybe I’ll be less hopeless.
I’ll settle in & forget about the past 6 months.
& I’ll win many more battles.

the fog looked like smoked this morning
and i thought the city would burn down.
no one was rushing to save the burning buildings
because it's only fog that encased this town.

the air smelled like fire, falling debris
and i knew i wanted to escape this town to feel free
everyone had a dead look in their eyes,
but i drove towards the exit to escape everything

I was told that these people were what was painted
There's hope in this blood and fine lines
And there's pain in the hope that's draped
Over the woodlands,
This future will never be what you wanted.
Over the skyline,
This life is bought and pay for,
And you sold the hours in between.
Sometimes they move too fast to understand.
This is all so slow compared to what I knew...
My eyes are rested,
And I can see they take this all for granted.

he withdraws himself from me
because his actions hurt me in the first place
I’ve angered him with my own sadness
but he tells me he could’ve just set me free
I’m lucky he’s stuck by my side.

He says things to other girls
That he refuses to say to me
My thoughts are in a blur
And my mind soaks in jealousy

But it’s my fault I feel this way
I have to take claim for my actions and pay
And hope he’ll want to touch me again.
And hope he’ll forgive me again

I hope he forgives me for making him angry.
I hope he forgives me for acting so crazy
I just love him so much
And I would give any part of myself to make him happy.

I'm so tired of listening to the same track
of everyone's voice
The clouds look like fire on waves
right as the sun sets
I'm all alone, thinking of you
when the stars roar their light,
and the moon hugs onto the thread of
the darkness
I cannot help but contemplate tragedy
because it seems as if it follows me around

We all have to move along,
let go and let live seems so sad to me
because the only time I could ever do that
is when I'm dizzy and ditzy.
I never quite saved myself,
I only left myself behind

Maybe I'll be okay in the end.
I broke a lot of rules to feel alive,
Built my walls up high, just to wish for love
I'm still so fragile, but I was never molded from stone
Perhaps this is only the beginning, and maybe
I'm only learning how to stand
Still, I can hope that in the end,
it all gets strung together.
I need something to make sense, for once.

****, if my mental illness isn't torture enough
then life keeps swinging her punches
i feel weak all the time.

Lately. It's been easier to keep things to myself.
I don't want your advice.
All I wanted to do was vent
It's so much easier if I don't speak
So I won't have to answer your questions.

I want to get out
if I get woken up by the screams of my mother,
drunk or hungover
one more time,
I'm going to lose my ******* mind!
It's the same thing at 3 A.M, and in the morning
I've got some real ****** friends
She stopped talking to me over the summer
and they all let me fall into feeling worthless
Now they're back in my life, and I could not care less about them
My friends, they're real winners!
They'll **** the love and energy right out of me,
make me feel horrible any time I say what I feel
Like I don't matter? Like I shouldn't be there at all!?
I used to be left behind, but now I drive everyone around.
I had some time to think about how my family could go broke,
but here we are, driving a bunch of ungrateful kids around,
and for what in return?! I get their company?
Ha. Like that's worth anything.
I'm just so tired of this town.
Full of people who will break you,
There's really only one person worth staying here for.
Nope, it's not my best friend.
I'm just so tired of false security.
I want to get out
and
rebuild myself
Oh but I'm much too young,
much too tired from the chaos

my glass puzzle is coming together
I can't help but want to get it over
But this isn't something that can rushed
My hands are already bleeding from all this being forced

The pieces of the pieces have pieces
Oh no, I've still got a long way to go
we have to know the lesson life has to teach us
For now, I'm at a steady pace, and I'm trying not to let go

Aren't you tired of being this way?

Your skin
Could use lotion.

In a few years, most of these people you won't know.
They move away, you get in arguments, and life moves on.
In a few years, you'll finally get a job and get out of that house.
Stop hurting yourself.
Stop poisoning your body.
Things are not hopeless.
For the first time, you'll get a tattoo
Your best friend is going do it
You won't stop there.
Things are not hopeless.
You'll snap a few times,
And try to find an escape.
It's going to be okay, and it's going to work out.
Thing are not hopeless because
In a few more years you'll open your eyes
And you'll shed the social anxiety
Someday you'll be able to hold a conversation with strangers.
Someday you're going to be okay.

I’d be better on my own
It breaks my heart to say,
But I don’t think your arms are my home
They’re never open for me anyway

I know you probably tried your best,
We’re just not each other’s person.
So, when I move out west
I won’t be around to be a burden.

I need to feel loved
I need to feel defended
For you I pushed and shoved
But after everything, you couldn’t give me what I needed

Simultaneously, it seems, everyone becomes more aware
I love it this way, but at the same time, I wish I could have
Kept to myself.

I'll be waiting years from now for that explanation
But I won't wait around in a standstill for it.
You'll depict me as crazy for trying to reach out,
Probably define me as toxic if anyone asks.

I am awful, I won't lie.
I've been so tired of the way people treat me lately.
I've been so tired of only getting by.

this is such a scatter.
And the way your mind works is to think
Everything's about you.
But you never reached out.
You never questioned
Or asked for an explanation.


Can't say that I'll lose sleep over this

Roads are running away, they refuse to be my path.
The grass is dead on the ones I meant to take,
What beauty is gone, forever on another universe?
Our paths cross by accident, and I will apologize.
We will never meet again,
I know our strings will be cut.
High above the world is where we belong.
Little time, little anchorage.
I’m sinking so far, just like you said I would.
All I really wanted,
Was your arms around me
Lips to my forehead
You humming softly
My throat running dry
And I can barely swallow


But a smile shines on my chapped lips
I lose my breath, and my heart
It goes out of its usual beat.
And you
you
Pull me closer
My hands grab to your arm
So they stay in place
Please
Don’t let go
Because if you do,
The roads will push me away
Don’t you know?
There’s a casket waiting for me that I want to avoid
You’re my reason to stay,
But you’re slipping away

Let's take the words the devil says,
and rip it out your mouth
when I look in your eyes,
I see the evil that no one has gotten through
your scales beneath your skin are tearing through your flesh
You're always so angry, full of bitterness, please tell me why
you feel you are forced to live like this

i spent my entire life trying to run from myself,
but these days it's so hard to find myself.
i am out of my head,
becoming a blanket of red.
i am surrounded my caution tape.
and i can't distinguish love or hate

for now i'm high and flying well
it's only a matter of time before i walk through hell

my eyes are heavy and watering
But I don't remember the last time I cried
I left my respobilities far too early today
I should feel bad,
But instead I'm staring at a television
With animated figures
All this time I tried to be straight forward
And they called me abstract still

It's not the way the problem is caused,
But rather who caused it
It's not the subject of the problem,
But if you're willing to overlook it depending
"Friend or foe" till you find a finite fiend smiling
May your conflictions rest, and leave yourself to figure out

Is the person you love, still the person you love?
or are you in love with the memories and a shell
of someone you once loved
*Is goodbye a little closer, now?

if i told you to call me when you understand what's going on in my head,
i'd never hear the phone  ring again,
and i would never hear your voice.

and some nights i think it's better than way.

I found peace in a place where
Most people would be terrified.