Too messy
I don't want my blood and guts all over the concrete
It's also too public but maybe I want it public
Maybe that's the way
Right in front of everyone
Maybe then they will understand
But jumping is not the way
Way too messy

I’m worried that there’s something more than just depression and ADHD
I think I’m bipolar
But whoa hold up did a doctor tell me this
No
Oh so it’s not true
I have to wait for some high and mighty doctor to tell me what’s going on in MY OWN BRAIN
That totally makes sense
So I’ll go and get a doctor to tell me what I already know
Then I’m bipolar
That makes sense

You're gone and I'm sure many people appreciate that

I'll never be good enough
Might as well end it.

I fight in this same battle every day
I'm losing this same battle every time I fight in it
Yet I'm still fighting
Why am I still fighting even though I know I will lose every time?

Stop looking at your phone
Look up at me, I won't leave you alone
Stop talking to her
You'll just get hurt
As if she cares
And if she dares
To break your heart
You'll know I was right from the start
And I will give her a piece of my mind
And I won't be kind
I don't want to worry about you
But unfortunately, I do
I want to be free
But that's not my cup of tea
I'm done for now
I'll be free somehow
I have some time
To spend with my mind
I would like if you were not there
Because I'm tired of you, I swear

I'm honestly better without you
I hope this is the last poem I write about you
I feel that I have wasted all of my words on you
And I thought you were the only one who could make me truly happy
But that's not true
Because I met someone new
So much better than you
And I will not write about you anymore
Because she is the one that I adore
She is the one who deserves my words
Not you

Too much work
I don’t wanna work that hard for peace
It’s too painful too
I want to feel something but not anything that extreme
Not the right way

I'm crying
You see tears of weakness
I see tears of abandonment
I just want love
That's all I ask for
You can't even give me that
Can anyone give me that?

I'll give you my jacket when you're cold
I'll comfort you when you're down
I'll hold your hand at the mall and make all the other girls jealous
I'll send you a "Good morning beautiful" text every morning
I'll kiss you and hug you in front of my friends
I'll remind you everyday how much I love you
I'll call you at 12 in the morning on your birthday and tell you that I never want to lose you
I'll love you for who you are
I'll be your best friend and never break your heart
I'll always make you smile

I'm mad at you
You smile
I love you
I want to yell at you
You smile
I forgot what I wanted to say
I need a break
You smile
I need you
I need to run away
You smile
I'm running to you now
Your smile always makes me forget about the reasons that I'm ****** at you

I can be crazy
I can be mean
I can be clingy
And caught in between
But I am there
For you
I swear
I'll try to be better everyday
But please don't get up run away
You make me smile
You make me laugh
You're worth my while
My other half
I hope you feel the same about me
I hope loving me is easy

You say it's for attention
You say we should stop being so dramatic
You say we shouldn't be so sad
We're hurt
You would never understand the pain

If I decide to leave this world
I want to say a few things first
Number one: All I wanted was love
Love, the only thing I wanted
I fought so hard for it
But never got it
You think you're doing the right thing, you're not
I'm not okay
I'm broken and love can heal me but I don't have it
I'm exhausted
I need to sleep
But I have a few more things to say before I make my final decision

**** me now, just take me away
**** me now, right here, today
**** me now, I swear I'm done
**** me now, I've had enough fun
**** me now, no one will know
**** me now, just let me go

I've been told one thing my entire life
Grow a pair
I've been tossed around from house to house
I've been abused and mistreated
I've been hurt a lot
I've never been taught
And I never ever retreated
But they still tell me
Grow a pair
I've seen some things
I can't unsee
And I've been told some things
That really hurt me
And I act okay on the outside
But on the inside I'm not alright
I stay up all night
Cause I can't sleep
All the memories
Are surrounding me
And suddenly
I find myself
I'm a position
Where I'm helpless
And I remember what they used to say
Grow a pair
And yet again
I'm stuck thinking
About the things I been through
And yet again
I'm wondering
If what they said was really true
Do I still need to
Grow a pair
And yea I let them not me
But it's not because I'm a *****
It's because I don't really give a ****
And that **** don't really bother me
Now words are different
Cause they sink in deep
And torture the **** outta me
Till I can't sleep
And now I'm stuck crying in my pillow
Worrying about tomorrow
And now through all these tears
I'm realizing that I still need to
Grow a pair

I'm caught in the middle
I'm trapped in between
This is always happening
I'm constantly surrounded by emotions
Mine your his hers
I'm constantly giving my devotion
To both sides
Can't tell which one is right
I'm caught in the middle of both things I like
Caught in the middle of friends in a fight
I want a break I want an answer
Lord, please give me the answer
Which one should I choose
I have so much to lose
Is it just an excuse?

I’m thinking about you again.
I told myself I would stop.
I can’t stop thinking about you.
Your smile is stuck in my head.
I miss you.
I want to run to you and hug you for a very long time and tell you
I love you.
I want you to be here next to me.
I want you to tell me
everything is going to be okay.

Watching you cry yesterday was like drowning in a pool of your tears
I hated seeing you happy
But now, I wish I could take all those tears and see you smile again
But what were you thinking?
Did you think that you could get away with that?
You weren't in love
You were just entertained
By the idea of someone new
Someone different
But you broke the code
And that's hard to repair
I have to side with her this time
I'm sorry

You say what you want
I'm right here
You don't see what you want
I'm right here
You think you know what you want
I'm right here
But you don't see me

It's funny how things happen
Always at the perfect moment
Whether you think it's perfect or not
Soon you see why that happened
And why that happened when it happened
You might hate that it happened
But it happened for reason
Just like the weather
And all of the seasons

This whole time,
The devil thought
He was playing with my head
But his whole plan backfired

When you walk in a room, everyone looks at you
When you don't come to school, everyone asks for you
When you smile, everyone bows down for you
When you laugh, everyone laughs too
When you talk, everyone listens
But I know that you don't want that
I know you just want to be everyone else
And although they all act like you're their queen
They will never see you the way I see you
Because when you look at me, it feels like you're the only girl in the world

I'm finding joy
I learned that the only way to find joy,
Is to think about all the good things
Yes there's bad things
But the good things are there to
It's the perfect time and the perfect place
To start finding joy

I won't go just yet
Thanks to a stranger I just met

I can't be away from you this long
I want to hear your beautiful voice again
I long to see warming smile again
I dreamt about you last night for the 30th time in a row
I'm crazy about you and can't wait four more days to see you

I loved who I was when I was with you
I was confident
Strong
Happy
For the first time in my life I felt like somebody
And not just anybody
I was your body
My heart finally had a purpose
And that purpose was to beat for you
My hands finally hands finally had something to hold
And that something was you
And for the first time in my life I didn’t care what people thought
I woke up every morning knowing that I was loved by you
I was the best me I could ever be
And that me I will never see
Ever again

We were what everyone wanted to be
We were the stars
We were the moon
We were the world in human form
Two separate halves of the earth
Collide beautifully and become whole
We were so powerful
Our love was so strong
We were the king and queen of passion
The god and goddess of love
We were the fuel to every fire
We were everyone's deepest desire
We were beautiful
But the beauty always ends in disaster
We became separated once more
And the universe has brought us far apart
We will never be whole again
But I will never forget that
We were beautiful

I know how it feels
I understand
I've been in your shoes
So trust me when I tell you
It's not worth it
Your life is worth living
There are things that you are probably going through
That no one on this earth could ever understand
But things always get better
And I know that sounds cliche
But trust me I mean it
You're hurting I see it
I see the pain
I see the insecurity
I see the heartache
But I also see strength
I see love
I see beauty
I see potential
And there is someone on this earth
Who will help you see all the good things
But you have to be patient
Please be patient
Good things come to those who wait
I know it's hard
But love will find you and it will all be worth it
Endure the pain because you will be healed once love finds you
Please live.

You hurt her.
You are still hurting her.
I'll hurt you.
If you're not careful.

Why do I make the same mistakes
over
and
over
and
over
again?
Why can't I just be normal?
Why can't I just do things right the first time?
Or at least the second time?
What the hell is wrong with me?

I knew that the happiness wouldn't last
I knew that I would do something to ***** it up
What I didn't know was how fast things would change
One moment I couldn't wipe that stupid smile off my face
I was laughing, having fun
The next moment I lost everything
Crying nonstop
All because of the stupid mistakes I made
No one realizes how much I hate myself

I'm weak
So why do you think that I can hold all this weight?
My legs are giving out
I'm falling to the ground
I'm surrounded by pain
I'm here but who's here for me
I give up
I need someone to save me
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of holding on to all this weight
I must let go

Let me hold you tonight
Let me tell you it'll be alright
Let me listen
Let me see
Let me in
I won't let you be
Let me keep you warm
Let me calm down the storm
Let me hold your hand
Let me understand
Let me in
I'll ask again and again
Just let me in

Stop pushing me away
Stop saying you're okay
Stop trying to be brave
I know you're scared
It's okay cause I care
I'll always be there
And you don't believe me
Well soon you will see me
And soon you will be free
To love me and be loved
To trust me enough
And soon you'll dispose of
That voice in your head
Telling you that you should be dead
Telling you that nothings ahead
There's no need to worry
Although things can get blurry
I love you, I'm sorry

I long for it
I need it
Is it wrong that I can't move on without
those clean swipes across my wrist?
Is it wrong that I enjoy watching
the blood run down my arm?
Is it wrong that the only way I can calm my anger
is by punching a brick wall until I'm lying on the floor holding my hand waiting for the pain to go away?
Not the pain in my hands but the pain in my heart
Is it wrong that when I'm done, I cover it up and go out and act like everything is fine?
I'm tired of acting
Tell me.
Is it wrong that pain is my best friend?