money,
love,
power,
fame

everybody is looking
for something

it's said if you ain't first, you're last,
so I keep going 'til I crash
then wake the morning with a grin
to burn through all that **** again

I never wake up feeling good
but reason why is understood
although I know it brings me pain
i'm not complete if I don't train

but I don't know how to
in a world where
not having money
is just another way to be dead

try to be productive, but it's
hard to come up with the energy when
the only gift I may possess, my
words cut like a razor's edge and
leave me bleeding

with every negative thought,
another laceration


worthless,

lazy

(my ears are ringing)

"but wait, there's more!"

now comes the replays,

all the times I wasn't there

when I was really needed

(legs feeling weak)

all the people that have left this world

their faces

( I want to curl up in a little ball)

the last time I saw them, and my

mind struggles with that, incessantly

(I no longer want to exist)

until i'm too shattered, too
weak
to drag my *** out of this
bed

by candlelight, I'm warmly dressed

my demons finally at rest

the trick, I guess, to get them ******

and they leave me the **** alone

no feeling less, not good enough

or what-ifs am I thinking of

so good to finally be at peace

i'm simply resting in my seat

anxiety and ADD

don't get the chance to **** with me

the waking hours can be chaotic,

like being in the eye of the storm

I see the destruction around me,

hear the deafening sounds of the winds,

and i'm not sure which way to go,

if I was to run away

but after it dissipates, the days return

to a peaceful, harmonious state

and nights with her are calm and tranquil

speeding round the curves

flying over the hills

my ***** went in my stomach,

I spilled some beer,

when we had to slow down

for that tractor

with a plow attachment

interrupted

was about to take a ****

be it half full

or half empty,

fill it with

whatever

makes you happy


or pour some out

for whoever makes

you

h a p p y


just be sure to save

a little for yourself

spark the fire, and with each inhale,
I begin to drift further
in and out
of consciousness

deeper in,
further down
and somewhere between
exists inspiration

coming through
in waves

so I jot down what I can
because I don't remember dreams so well

but other times,

I just enjoy the vibrations
as they pass through every cell of my body

she ignites a compassion
in me that burns
like the literal sun
as I do in her

but this is only
Supernova on the surface
the union runs deeper
than the furthest reaches
of the blue dark

and as it ebbs and flows
with the moon
a lot of its' secrets
remain yet uncovered

sometimes, I'll still smoke
out of a **** soda can
just to remind me

God is the rabbit
the dogs chase, and when they stop,
Satan, the excuse

your age, your title
all these cease to matter when
we shed the casing

The Arctic Monkeys rattle my brain
nearly into a trance
while the lyrics cut
into my subconscious,
leaving me just a hint of sober

while she's sleeping, I slave
bleed my brain into this blank screen,
into this ******* machine,
so my feelings can be made public,
yet for the most part, unseen

it's odd, you know, I feel
further isolated, yet somehow,
part of something bigger, something,
I don't know, eternal,
when I feed this dysfunctional family

mid-day reveries
leave me many miles away
in another time

if I only worked
like I tried to avoid work
the world would be impressed

"just do the dishes!"
I tell myself, but I can't
seem to get focused

"why can't you be normal?"
I ask myself
in reply, I scream internally

I'm blessed with a curse
that leaves me dreaming
and drifting away

I'm sorry, love
I don't mean to ignore you, it's just
so nice over here on my little cloud

I've learned a little
that was enough to make me
appreciate dogs

my dog has manners
unlike what I've found in friends
and intelligence

now I lay me down to sleep
I gave my heart, it's yours to keep
if I should die before I wake
just what difference would it make?

but then I look into your eyes
and suddenly, I realize
that someone cares if I exist
that you and Shadow would be ******

slice into my subconscious
to bleed nonsense
onto the page
for everyone to scoff at
as I doggypaddle the waters
that many have drowned in

nobody wants to hear
how your life's so bad
and how you just can't take it

I know that life
is rarely nice, but
it's only what you make it

it's not like we're
all here by choice, but what else
can you do?
the way you feel about it
is entirely up to you

my life went smoother
when I reached the conclusion
that it's all *******

I don't train so hard
because I hate myself, but
rather out of love

startin' early
gettin' *****
it's gotta be done

life is hell, so
might as well
make it a little fun

her eyes plucked chords

on my heartstrings

and my soul sang the chorus,

but I never bothered to write the words down

if I have to chase
the object of my desire
I lost my desire

I don't get in a hurry,
but I don't take breaks

i'm basically either homicidally happy,
or suicidally sad

but sometimes, i'm a bit of both

get mad if you like
sometimes I need a minute
sorry, not sorry

you might get something
if you put a price on it
but it won't be love

when i'm broken
she will take me, let me feast
in her sacred hall

I learned my limits
now I'm learning how to bend
so I can break them

when maturity
is learning how not to hate
someone who's wronged you

it's been a strange trip
trying to get to the point
where I know myself

I feel just like a bucket

full of **** this Friday morn

i'm feeling old, my feet are cold,

my muscles badly torn



but if I take a break, a day to stop,

and just recoup

that all the work I've done this year

will turn back into ****

I think

I've

spilled enough

blood

to last

a while

our birth came as the shadows

of everything loomed

where the leaves would bleed colors

of the life they once knew

what defines its worth?
because personally, I've seen a lot
of lazy, shiftless excuses for a statement
get the highest honors,
while my precious children
starve alone in the cold

your poems
in my floor
the dog
hopped off the bed
to recreate them
sometime last night

hey, do ya
think ya
could break me
off a piece
of that

Kit-Kat?

real quick

first you have to learn
to love
the
****
out of yourself

go somewhere quiet
and get yourself

u n ******* e d

n o t  s u r e

if I should take

another  t o k e ,

or if I have

a r r i v e d

at that point

I

had

to

do

a

double-take,

and I still

don't know which way to go

I

enjoy

a

good

feast

now

and then,

but it's gotta be

quality

...

no gas station sushi for me

took a lot

of searching,

but

I

think

I

finally found

myself

losing layers

shedding skin

I'm

dying to be born again

guess it all started
exactly a year ago
with my Instagram

I faked what I saw
just the simple asanas
like handstands and planks

but before too long
I realized the potential
for getting stronger

went from there to apps
High-Intensity workouts
designed for building

I was skeptical,
but in a few weeks I saw
a bit of a change

found new appetite
and a lot more energy
in every morning

but I soon got sore
so it was back to the 'gram
for a solution

found meditation
along with a bunch of quotes
that got me started

and next thing I knew,
it all became natural
headphones really helped

fully invested
I went all in, went *****-deep
and got rewarded

and I stopped posting
didn't matter anymore
I was addicted

work once avoided
became opportunities
to become stronger

for an hour a day
at the very least, I trained
even on off-days

for 20 minutes
I also meditated
to relax myself

I found contentment
and although i'm sore as hell,
I'm way happier

at twenty seven,
I have reached the very peak
and i'm still climbing