1) Wake up one day, make myself a steaming hot cup of coffee, go to the balcony and say good morning to New York City

2) Have pancakes and coffee at a cool diner and tell someone my life story

3) Write a song just for myself and not release it / share it

4) Dedicate a day to just spending time with my mum, no phone distractions or anything!

5) Stand up for myself.

6) Stand up for myself again (I reckon I'm gonna have to keep doing this as I get older, and as I interact with more strangers who think they know me)

7) Help out a charity - either a Cancer charity or a mental illness foundation

8) learn how to drive and blast out Taylor swift through the speakers

9) grow up and occasionally look back

10) become more confident

11) dye my hair at least one other colour before going back to basic black

12) dream big but not too big, don't want to lose sight of reality...

Friendships take time.
I gave you my time, and then some..
And during my hardest nights, I would give you my piece of the sky..

But I didn't mind.
No I'd do it again, and then some..
I'd gift wrap those stars for you and present them in a candle jar
just for your eyes

And I loved you in three part poetry..
And you loved the way that allowed you to see most of me,
Oh there was my opinion on your ring of Saturn,
And you were my beautiful constellation,
And every other fascination showed on New Year's Eve..

Oh in the space of five months,
I found myself humming along, to your heart beat as you inspired, my songs,
Cause every time that we hugged I felt butterflies dance between my lungs,
And that just never scared you off..
'Tell me your stories, I love your voice notes'

And in the space of 2 school terms,
Your existence in itself taught me that some you'll win, and some you'll learn..
And how life can't imitate art if it was life that came first
And when it comes to us, there'll always be a page, a chapter, a poem
But loving you was a story of it's own..

Friendships take trust.
And I'll trust you for all my life
But maybe that's far too long, as
I don't feel too good these days, to keep up the fight..

But you loved me enough to compile the perfect playlist,
And I loved you enough to stay alive for this 3 part gift
Oh and I have screen shots from when we first spoke, When you told me how my words broke,
Through the walls, that you so greatly built..

But in the next few weeks,
I wonder what it'll take for me to hear you speak,
Like how you used to before cause we'd speak more, usually..
I wonder if everything will get resolved,
Cause I'll be there for you,
That's probably all I could do,
But this I swear to you..
That there'll be no one else who can love you at 17, in the same way i do..
But I know there will always be someone, who you love too

So maybe it's time to give up
Or maybe we'll call it 'moving on'..
Well maybe we've done nothing wrong,
but my heart's too weak to hold a love that's this strong.. Oh my love..

There's a drawing of you, an anime drawing tucked away in my room
And there's emergency cigarettes in a box I hid for you..
Just give me a shout and there'll be yours..
And right now I deeply need, a piece of your sky, a piece of your heart, oh something to anchor me.
Oh when I'm writing you letters I'll need you to answer me?!
I can't believe I'm missing you like this..

Well let's try again..
Meet me outside the gate near your bus stop at around 5pm
And I'll push away my terrible thoughts of never breathing this air again,
Oh let's just walk down all roads,
til one leads us home..

Loving you was the greatest novel I've known.

If my dad was here
There would be no heartbreak, no hard ship
no heart ache, no 'I quits' no I can'ts' and no church candles to be lit
No fear of the dark or fear of the end
No tears to be shed on August 27th
If my dad was here
We'd build our own treehouse
I'd pass my exams cause there's no one else I'd want to help me out
He'd help me get on with my mother, and we'd always go out with my brother
We'd do family things together and not cry about past lovers
If my dad was here I'd be a princess no longer searching for a crown
I wouldn't need counselling for all the times a man's laid me down
If my dad was here maybe I wouldn't try to fill any voids
I'm not saying everything would've been perfect but, if I could go back that would be my choice
I'd make it me instead, seeing as the prophecy said one must die in 97,
So then I'd be my dad's own angel, writing poetry from Heaven
But I can't undo the past and I can't change a future that's unseen yet
All I have are these photographs of my mum and dad oh how my face should be between theirs
My dad wore a dark grey suit with a blue tie on his wedding day,
My mum still never told me the exact date but
If I were to ever find out that'd be my second birthday
If my dad was here,
I'd finally have a permanent reason to stay..
But seeing as he's no longer here
I'd best be on my way,
Travelling and writing,
Sharing these exact words..
Singing and smiling,
Celebrating my self worth
Dancing and rocking out,
I'm pretty sure he would've liked Elvis and also the Beatles
I'm pretty sure he would have liked anyone who touched the lives of ordinary people..

Oh how my dad was not an ordinary person.

Who am I?
Am I a bird or a plane?
No.. I'm Superman!
considers gender
Okay, Lois Lane..
Am I a roadblock in your way?
Or a lucky penny in a well
A grain of sand in your shoe
That great story you tell
A song for the broken
Face of innocence,
Head of dreams
Am I young and sweet only seventee-
considers age
Okay, just turned 18^
Am I happy am I sad
Am I the best you everr had
A lyric to sing again and again
When lost in a tunnel,
The light at the end
Am I over confident
Do I believe in the possible
Am i an actress for putting on a show throughout this entire poem
Dramatic maybe?
Yes, dramatic but harmless
An artist I guess.. A star left in darkness?
Am I worthy of romance?
God I need to know..
When you go through life being kissed by beasts and frogs,
You eventually believe you'll never be someone's rose.
Am I wrong Am I right,
Who knows?
& Am I as okay as I say I am?

....* Curtains close

Let's dance on a New York Rooftop,
Since this is the closest to Heaven we've ever been,
The sky changed it's tone for us...
We live in an endless reel of film.

Can I feel you on my moon kissed skin?
Since this is the closest we've ever been..
Eyes meeting, but never stay
Hearts beating but never at the same pace.

'Cause you have different goals
And I have all these ambitions
You deserve more than you know
And i'm working towards more recognition
You can swim, i'll just take a boat
And i'll meet you at a location
Where it's possible,
For us to be us..

'Love' is such a complicated word to use here
I kinda fell in 'love' with someone last new year's
But things have changed since you got here,
Things changed, I changed & now my story has a new exciting page
But ****... What if losing you is part of the universe's plan?
What if fate never really gave a crap?
If the world's intentions were to suddenly change,
No doubt, I'll still 'like like' you anyway

An hour ride on the 121,
I kinda hoped for a one to one..
'cause I had to be sure if I was right
But now that ship has gone and sailed,
your heart belongs to someone else
but I wanna know if he'll treat you right..

So maybe we should stay on this bus
No don't get off
We'll listen to all those songs you love and recommend
Oh God..
I've got this song in my head and you're the words I won't forget
The time could pass,
but a friendship like ours should always last
so let's rewind..

'Cause when the sun sets,
you're my blue moon..
in the neon sky
And you're the safety net I've fallen into,
I've fallen for your eyes
So can I hug you tighter?
And for longer if you don't mind
'Cause until that sun rises,
you're the prettiest star in the sky

&Yesterday; you got that text,
thinking 'What do I do next?'
Well give yourself a break
before he does that to your heart..

See you don't know what you deserve
'cause you don't know just what you're worth
and I don't know where this could go, oh no but woah-oh-ohh

Stay on this bus, til I get off,
I'll turn the music up so it's enough for us..
I've got my head in the clouds,
and all these roads they lead to you
and now I'm writing this song,
but don't be alarmed,
it's part of this journey that I'm always on,
the road to heartbreak again..

But now I'm thinking about you,
as the sun sets in the sky
'cause you're the safety net I fell into,
I've fallen for your eyes
And I just hugged you tighter,
you laughed and said my hugs were nice,
well that's funny seeing as you are,
the most unreachable star in the sky

Keep Holding On,
'Cause you know we'll make it through
we'll make it through..
and Don't Stop Believin'..
'Cause you know I'm here for you,
I'm here for you..
so come on Raise Your Glass,
We're stronger from every scar,
brighter than any star..
we're the outcast!
and we're gonna make it through..
we'll make it through..

Anything could happen,
when you're standing in the hall of fame
So hold on to that feeling,
take that 'midnight train going anywhere'
You have more friends than you know,
so hey now, hey now..
Don't dream it's over
Everybody hurts, and everybody talks
but tonight we are young.
So hold on to that feeling,
and keep holding on..
(please) don't stop believing.

Will all these roads lead to you?
If I just keep walking on, head strong
Even though my heart's wrong..
Will all these poems lead me to your love?
If i just keep writing on, eyes locked,
On your heart, but that's locked too..
Should I keep talking, or maybe I'll shut up and sing
Since you like my voice better when I'm not crying

Will all these moments we shared, remain in your galaxy,
Or will better ones take over,
And then you forget me?

Will all these stars still spell out your name?
Even if prettier names appear in my atmosphere,
Even then,
Will I still love you?

I wonder..

Even then...
Will I still want to?

I'm not exactly broken, just a little torn..
See i'm just as perfect as a rose thorn
I'm not exactly in love but I love you
And I know a fraction of you,
Loves too

It's just this Life thing, gets in the way
Of everything I want to, convey
So if you'll listen,
Here's a list of, reasons why
I'm willing to give my book,
A rewrite..

Some days, i'll get it wrong
And i'll come on way too strong..
Everyone's a fool, with words
Though my actions may be weak
I'll now listen when you speak
Everyone's a child, until 18..

And when your 18th birthday comes
You'll spend it with that someone..
In my eyes, everyone resembles an Ed Sheeran song..
So you'll always be my favourite 'Photograph',
Whenever I look back..
Everybody feels your warmth..

...Someday we'll meet again
With new loves and new best friends
Life can't help it, if our souls were meant to part..
But i'll hold on 'til the end
And learn to make amends..
Every now and then,
We'll have to break a heart.

Hey you,
Why are you so down?
You think your life is over
But baby look around..

You think that no one gets it,
And maybe that's true
But if you're blocking people out
Looks like we'll never have a clue..

Hey you,
Why are you so scared?
You're ready for it to be over
But i'll stop you getting there
It's not the only way,
No self harm would never help
'Cause though you're letting go of pain
You're still damaging yourself

So tell me why you are hurting
And then tell me if it's worth it..

'Cause you think that no one cares,
And you think no one will listen
But what you think and what is true
Are two things totally different..
So open up don't bottle up
It's never good to feel not good enough
And what you feel and what i think
Are two things totally different..

I think you're strong
'Cause you're still living
You're still fighting
You're still trying

And you'd be wrong
If you think different
So stay strong,
Don't ever give in

I think you're strong
'Cause you're still going
You're still coping
You're still growing
You're far from weak
So don't you give in,
The water's deep..
Just keep on swimming..

'Cause you think that no one cares,
But darling i always will.

Here's the thing;
Usually,
I'm not this shy or giggly
But when you speak
It sets off wild butterflies in, me..

So maybe in person,
I'm not that poetic
I might push away
And be dramatic
Well just pull me close
And i'll let you know..

I'll let you know
All the things that are running, running round in circles
through my mind..
Oh if you close your eyes

Its been a while,
Since i've let my hair down
But then on snapchat;
When i saw you smile
I knew then, i wanted to get to you
I just didn't know how to
So now that, the stars are all out i'll
Sit here and be your friend now
But oh gosh, i must confess
There's this Taylor Swift song that makes me think about you
Well now that it's obvious,
What more girl can I do?..
Woah oh oh..
I've got a crush on you :')

Dear.. Friend,
Well it's been a while since
I was the reason behind your smile
&It;'s been months since
That supposedly 'last song' i wrote you
It's been lonely nights and scary flashback rides,
Since our.. 'Supposedly' last goodbye
It's been weeks since
I found the courage to speak
Such truth from my... pen.
Yeah i froze when your eyes were there, in front of mine, so sweet.
Oh.. friend.
It's been years since
I felt any type of love and here
I found it, in your touch and in your grace
Forget me not, for all our days
They add up to an infinity +1
And my heart still lights up
When i see your face,
Even if it's being cherished by another's..

It's going to take a while,
Maybe weeks, months
Or if i'm lucky just days..
Not to forget you
But to let you
Be the happiest you can be,
Dancing in such a broken place

&In; an infinity -1 total of days,
You fell in love,
With someone who i hope;
Will always be the reason behind the smile on your face,
inspire your r'n'b driven songs
And will give you comfort so you'll never have lonely nights,

And when you close your eyes before you dream and flashback to how it used to be,
I hope you remember soft whispers;
'please don't give up, for me'

'Cause i never did, you see
You saved me.. from me.

In an infinity +1 total of days,
I fell in love with moments,
And this is 'supposedly' the last one i'll crave from you, ever
...Though that's a promise made to be broken :')
'Cause i want you forever.

I love you, forever

I love you
I love you

* Whispers * I'm so in love with you,
if only we could be
But hopefully 'forever' will pass
Just like our tiny infinity.. :(

You were beautiful from the moment you stood out and said 'hi'
And I was nothing but a truck load of sad October nights,
but then I met you and I wanted to move on, yet freeze time...

I loved the way that you listed all your favourite bands,
and helped me see a side of music that I didn't understand
Though Taylor Swift will never be on your most recently played,
I know you'd still keep an open mind

And my mind will always be grateful enough to rewind..

Back to the first week when I was still a mess,
a dreamer with no drive,
writing a book for no one to impress
but I wrote thinking things would someday be different,

And i was right..

Cause in those November nights,
those long and tiring bus rides
you were the checkpoint every time I almost died
and now we're in December,
and I don't know how long is left of this ride..

I'd never thought that you would slowly start hating yourself,
just because I always swore you knew yourself better than anyone else
but it turns out that you are just another puzzle to unlock, to solve..

and in the second week of November we just sat there in a shop and read,
and in the third week I remember, sitting in a coffee shop, writing with passion again
oh what a wonderful way to be of use, as my muse and best friend

But feelings change, as hearts over think..
And sometimes all it takes, is just a blink back to November..

Oh, those insightful talks, about the impact of long walks
i held onto your every word and thought
but that was in November,
and those meaningful hugs and that early morning rush..
you caught me busted, running from the bus'
and now I'm sentimental

Oh I know you'll find someone maybe in a month or two,
but I hope you'll always love me as much as i love you
'cause all I seem to remember last month
is that for all of November,
you were the reason why I couldn't give up

We go through life thinking
"Oh what if?" And about all that should have been..
Comparisons are poison, oh how it leaves me wondering;
Am I not as beautiful as the flower you have picked up today?
Is that because you didn't notice that flower yesterday, and I started to shy away?
Am I not as kind as the Sun, who lets the Moon shine in your darkest moments?..
Am I just a sad song, the same broken record stuck on repeat?
& Is that why you'd rather listen to something else more uplifting than me?

We go through life, growing, and changing.
I am not the same as I used to be,
And everyday I'm getting closer to who I will be.
So why does it bother me, if you think about me differently?
Surely this life of mine is my life alone; and I'm the one in control you see..

But I'm not..
No, not really.
Because I care...
I care so much.

I wonder who I am to you,
And if I'll ever be enough
I wonder about the parts you don't love about yourself
And how those parts are just petals and you, the flower, you're still gorgeous regardless

Tell me you'll never give up
Tell me you'll reach for the stars.
Cause who you are to me,
Is not a secret..
Darling, you're my heart.

When my counsellors asked me if i'll be okay without seeing them,
I said yes i'll be okay and i was excited to be okay because saying goodbye is like 'Doctor Who' And in Doctor Who,
People have to say Goodbye at some point for new faces to come along for the adventure..

And they smiled and said
Yes thats correct,
And i guess that's the best goodbye i'll ever get

You say that i don't know you,
Or know of anything you're going through..

You say that i don't really love you
Or care about you
Because i say really sad things about myself and can't seem to be truthfully happy for you
But i've never loved anyone to the point where they became all i cared about, and though i can't be happy for you, i care enough to try to

You say that i don't know what the real world is like, or how harsh life can be
But I'm the one with the dark past and depression, forever catching up to me
I'm the one who lost a father in a war that could not possibly have been won
I know what it's like to lose people who mean everything,
Because i've been losing you and that's as harsh as anything

You say you're not pretty, you think sometimes i'm beautiful
Well let me tell you if you weren't in any way, as thought provoking and as breath taking as you are,
Would i really waste my time on all these poems for you?

You say that i don't know you..
But last year your favourite colour was turquoise, you wanted orchids at your future wedding, (which i may un-invite myself to) your favourite animal was the great panda bear,
Your secret talent was impersonating perry the platypus and you took 27 showers a day and drank posh tea, oh and you loved long hair.

Okay so now i don't know you so well
But i knew you,
I knew you more than time could tell

But now you're just a stranger.
The pretty girl with short hair

Oh Mama.. Please
Just admit that you are wrong for once and i'll tell you that i'm sorry

'Cause Mama... we
are going head to head
But not heart to heart
So can I introduce you to the real me properly?..

I'm a girl whose still in love with another's daughter
She said 'Don't give up' and 'i'll stay strong' is what i told her
See you think that shes the reason why I'm so bad
But i promise theres more to it than just that

Oh life, is not exciting until you see it through the camera lens,
And heartbreak's inspiring until yours is broken by your best friend
And families aren't perfect, but we try to be again and again
Oh but am i really so bad?
Or just struggling to leave behind a legacy from dad..

Oh Mama please,
Don't be ******* me
I know i cry a lot
But you did too when you were 16

And mama please
Let me cry and scream
Cause inspiration comes
From pain,
According to me

So i'll go out tonight and
I'll take the long way home,
'give you time to stop being angry
Cause all the shouting and the doubting won't help you understand me..

Oh life, its such a mystery
When it takes love to know what really is misery
And friends, my friends all know me
Even better than i know myself
And that means something
'Cause in this life we all need help

But can i pay for happiness with just my music..
Throw all the money and the greed and self loathing pities of the world,
Into a bonfire and lose it..

Oh mama sometimes i just like to lose myself.

https://soundcloud.com/sbdragonslayer/doubt-for-christina-grimmie

Please take a moment to hear my little cover for her.

Whether you knew her personally or just heard of her, whether you were a fan or just thought she was a sweet girl....

Give it a listen, take a few moments to also realise that...

Life is **** short, and often unfair.

Someday, someone's gonna paint the entire galaxy into the palm of your very hand so that you can always remember, even in your darkest moments.. you still hold something so breathtakingly beautiful within you

Someone's gonna be able to make life so thrilling and exciting for you, your heart will beat so fast for all the right reasons and when someone asks you what will make you happy you'll finally know the answer

Someone's gonna do more than just words, just charm and just being there.

..Not that you'd need anyone really.
Not that any of that would really be enough.
Only you know what you need,
And when you find that out,
I hope i'll still be around to see you live those greater days...
"Those days where you wake up and its warm and cosy, and you look outside and its still dark but you know the sun's coming"

Yes I am that someone who is just full of words, charm and is just.. There.
But I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, I am not an artist of that kind, to paint you such a picture that would make you see the beauty in this life, but God, If our problems were pieces of rock, I'd slingslot them to the Moon, even further perhaps for you.

I can't make life exciting, I also can't slow down time.. But i do love you i think thats the one thing that i do, effortlessly you know? it just happens and whether its wrong or right its still happening, when life starts to fail, that is when love needs to happen. I love you i love you i love you

I've waited days weeks months to say it
If my thoughts right now were pieces of rock i'd slingshot them all at you, in fact I am, metaphorically..
Sorry.

I just want you to get better so that you see what i see,
The world is a beautiful place with you in it, happy.

Lying in your arms dear,
I feel much more calm here..
It wouldn't be the worst thing,
If the sky changed right now..

Just whistle if you can't sing
And whisper if you can't speak
Hold me as the stars blink
And kiss me gently on the cheek

I'm a child always wanting more
Like wild waves crashing on the shore
I'll find my way, always.. This I'm sure,
To land right at your door..

Dreaming of my past life,
I was crying last night
So it wouldn't be the worst thing
If the grey clouds did the same

Just promise me I'll be okay
and be here when the sun wakes,
Will I live to see a Sunday,
Where I don't have to worry about the stresses of Monday?

Growing older but I'm still the same
I'm learning new things but I'm still insane
Just promise me that life is worth the pain,
And kiss me gently on the cheek

I'm still a Child, just less free.

How can you ever find the right words to write
the last song
the last letter
the last poem

... for a first love?

How can you ever learn to trust again
when all your promises were broken,
all your future plans were crushed..

... by a first love.

How can you ever think that you deserve any better
once you let the best thing ever,
slip away from your fingers..

..The bar's set pretty high,
for the next girl or guy
and though my first love,
will never be my true love
she will always be,
the one I'll always love.

Sometimes I look at my sister, Alex
And can't help but worry that someday
She'll lose her true love in the same way that i lost you.
I got you back just to lose you again
And i mean, i know that they say if you love someone you have to let them go, but where do i go, where can i go without hearing your name and seeing your face everywhere? .. It's you in all the coffee shops, it's you in the subway shop, it's you on all the trains that lead nowhere and it's you i hear telling me that i'll move on, i'll get there. But the truth is, i don't think i can.. You are the most beautiful and most amazing girl I've had the privilege to love, and you're the most beautiful and amazing thing I've had to lose. I didn't know you for 300 years, actually, i knew you for just the one year but what we had felt like it could've lasted an entire life time. I'm writing this letter in hope that it reaches you in another life some way or another because i..  i need you, i miss you.. i love you
..But i can't have you can i?

....Well, there's nothing 'magical' about heartbreak is there?.. Not even for a wizard.

I said i wouldn't write another poem,
But everyone could see this coming
I'm just a heart with no home
Yet home is where i'm always running
I couldn't deal with the pain
I thought you of all people would understand
I tried to run away
But had to run right back to dive into my plans..
Its 2months til October,
2 months til it's over
It's gonna be my 17th birthday
And i was gonna disappear like
A gutless soldier
But i'm sitting here now in my cold lonely room
Staring out of the window, wandering
What happened to you,
Cause when you changed i changed with you well at least i tried
I tried to be more suited for you
And be more easy on the eye
But its not enough
And every night i remember prom
And when i come on this site
For reassurance i just feel much worse
Yeah all the hate in other's words
They're like venom to me
And we both know that if i were to become so famous, you wouldn't be jealous of me
Because i'd break and i'd cry when the pressure's getting to me
You said you loved me once so why are you forgetting me?
It's not fair for me to be broken by my soulmate and,
A bunch of people who never knew me at all just knew my voice and face
And i'd rewind the whole year if i could
Or at least the past 24 days,
Cause thats the last time when we spoke properly and when you put me in my place

But i'm gonna do great things down the line,
And i'm not gonna give up no not this time
You all hurt me too much for me to write such nice things and quotes
And i'll be either dead or maybe famous 5 years down the line i should hope

So let's just get this back to you
This doesn't feel like a poem more like a rap for you
And i'm sure you knew,
That when things got tough
I always took the wrap for you
And i hate how we're so distant,
You won't give my songs another listen cause you know they're all for you
But don't you think we've both pushed eachother enough?
Cause if i never said 'i love you'
I'd still have you in the way that i want

I'm just a dreamer..
And i think i always will be
I dream of you beside me
When the black hole's 'bout to **** me
Do you feel me?..
Cause i just wanna see you so much
So you can tell me it'll be okay
Even if we're both not
I miss you friend
But friends don't wanna kiss other friends
And friends would wanna go to weddings and be happy for them

I'm just a dreamer,
And maybe someday an achiever
But not a believer
No i don't believe in unrequited love,
Or maybe any kind of love,
No i don't..

Come back and stay please
I know you're wide awake
The city lights aren't changing,
No they're still the same..

oh you could read a new poem
from where my heart got torn..
and we could talk 'till
New Year's Morn...
as I think of,
how to want...
you as just a friend

oh play those records,
replay that first slow song
and tell me what's right
when I get it wrong
and if your chest hurts
we could just...
press. Pause.

No, won't you type back?
with those words i seek
You're my midnight coffee
break, when i'm writing songs,
so to speak...
and I'm singing,
"Oh aren't we just; so,
bittersweet?"

Come back and stay,
please.

When you're up,
I never want to sleep.

I'm not brilliant, I'm just winging it'
'Cause life is a song with black and white notes,
So I'll write you my song without singing it

I'm not beautiful,
though I'm flattered you think that,
And though the feeling could be mutual,
I'm not sure I could say the same back..

It's not that I don't think you're beautiful..
I've never really called a guy that before?
But your poetry helps me get through it all,
and for that I know one thing for sure,

You're a risk taker,
not a ****
nor a heartbreaking piece of work

You're a poet finding his muse,
but unfortunately this muse is bad news

I'm a mess of a dreamer,
a heartbroken fool
and my mentality could drive you to the brink of insanity,
and though you say I can't drive you there 'cause you're pretty mad yourself,
Maybe we just need time to learn how to love ourselves..

She liked a poem I wrote,
From some months ago..
She said she's all about the imagery and metaphors so;
I drank some magic potion..
'bottled a drop from the ocean,
Then spent a night studying the stars
After tearing the moon's heart open

She's just one of those girls,
Who aren't like most other girls..
She said the best people are born in October
I think she's the best person in the world.
Man I wish I went with her,
To that concert last year,
She said her favourite tracks
Are 'follow you' & 'avalanche'
Man i wish she was here

Oh she talks so pretty
I could listen all day
And she talks so smart
I miss the things she would say
She talks so pretty
But she doesn't like her voice recorded
She said she used to skate at night when the rest of the city were snoring

She's like 5 foot something
And shes a 12 out of 10,
And on the 12th of the 10th,
She said happy birthday at 1am,

Well she talks so pretty
And what a beautiful name
What a beautiful soul,
And what a wonderful friend she made,

To me.

*i miss her

I know that you deserve someone more beautiful now..
But I've got a pretty little song in my pocket we can rinse out..

My heart is on the edge again
I'm at a crossroad; it's right or left again..
And I don't know which way to go..
Are we at the end of what we know as 'just friends'?
Cause everything good, and too good must surely end
But I love you and that's one thing I'm sure

I don't want life to interrupt us,
No, not yet..
And I don't want to be that person, in 5 years you'll want to forget
I don't want to reach the ending, of this particular story
Cause everyday there's just something new, everyday you paint the universe for me

So I don't want to let go,
Even if my mind says so..
Even if the clocks won't move slow
Even if the rest of the world turns it's back on me

No just my heart, on the edge all alone again
2 weeks apart and I'm afraid it won't beat again,
But then you'd message me and reassure me that you'll still be here, whenever I need

Well is it okay if I need you a lot?
Is it okay if tonight I saved you a spot?
Right on the edge, with a view that overlooks the city..
The lights are great but it's you, you're the most pretty;

I've got a song in the back of my pocket,
A little rinsed out, but i hope you'll still love it...
Oh I'm in love with you,
I love you,
I love.. This.

I seem to find new ways to love you,
Everyday we're apart...
I used to carve your name into poems,
Into the depths of my heart...

See darling right now I'm terribly sad
But it's not really all your fault...
It's just a feeling I've grown to know.

I may be missing you but darling
I miss myself too
I miss the spontaneous free spirited soul I was whenever
I was with you
I miss the clouds when it's too hot
I miss seeing your face so clear in my mind
I miss that feeling I used to get when
I saw that you were online

I'm not okay,
No... I feel down.
'Wish you were around to stay
But there's just no ******* way
Oh what a ****** maze we're in
Lost for the right words to say, it seems...
See there's no poetry
That could bring you back to me, so lovingly
But I'm gonna write til the end of my days,
anyway...

I've got one half of a ying yang bracelet wrapped around my neck
And that "photograph" song in my back pocket has been playing since you left
I'm trying to find myself and fix myself
But I don't know what tools to use?
I'm trying to let other people see
That I too, can look quite beautiful

But I'm not okay
I'm overwhelmed
So let's just simplify this poem..
And break it down into
Less metaphors
And similes
cause this sadness is slowly
Killing me, more and more
And there's just no poetry
That could make this sound sweet
Cause it's just not...

I'm just a different kinda sad
And I don't know how not to be.

Even sleeping hurts,
Cause my thoughts they still can't rest
And my eyes are still bright red
From all the crying,
You'd think i woke up already like this..
A mess.

And now my coffee just isn't the same  
Though i know what i'd prefer to taste..
And all these stars have lost their meaning
Cause when i lost you i stopped believing
In wishing with eyes closed just for a hopeless reason

See you just changed
Everything by changing
one small thing
But still my heart's with you
Though my hands trembling..

I need you.

I need you to stay with me
In the darkest of sky-falls,
Spend the night with me
Tell me your favourite thing 'bout life
And where you'd like to be
Please tell me there'll always be a space for me..
In your life

And then lie down but don't sleep
Tell me stars still have meaning
Make me believe in dreams
Point at shooting stars,
And close your eyes to make me see
That there's nothing more perfect than this..
Oh there'll always be a space where you fit

Cause it's coming together.. Now
Every moment with you
Is making me better, somehow
So spend another moment
With me and i'll make it
Last forever.. I'll,
Give you the world for just a kiss

And when you push me
Don't you know i'll push harder
To make this worth it?
Under the church roof
Is where you're most perfect
Though the stars might run
And coffee may spill
I promise my love won't burn out,
Cause this is real

And when i die, dare i leave..
I'd want the whole world to know
How much you mean to me..
How i still spoke your name when it hurt to breathe

You're the one that got me off those trains,
But (un)fortunately,
Love is still a beautiful pain

Enter the night
into that forbidden park..
We're sitting on swings;
With drunken hearts
We almost speak..
But I turn away.

Under the Moon,
There is also beauty..
In your energy
The way you stumble into me
We almost kiss..
Just keep it on the cheek

There's just something about you
I'll say it in the only way i know how to.. Oh let's put it into a poem..
And i know it's still dark out
But can we talk it out now?
Oh and i'll walk you home..

Tell me,
Who's gonna break my heart in two?
It could be them, or her.. Or even you
Who's gonna take me in to make me feel better,
To tell me it's dark now but won't stay stormy forever
let's just agree to stay this close now forever
cause i want it to be you..

The one who tapes my heart back together.

Let's talk about starlight
And Ed Sheerany lyrics
And how in the daytime
We can't be bothered for college
Let's talk about:
TV
KFC
LGBT
Let's just talk til I'm fine..

Who's gonna break my heart in two?
Sometimes i forget, that dear..
You are heartbroken too..
So who's gonna be there when the world falls apart right in front of us
Would you still answer the phone,
When everything we love's turning into rust
Oh can we both try,
To stop this heart breaking in two..

I'll always remember that night..
(17th December)
When this fragile heart met you.

I think you're wonderful

Don't worry about a thing,
because it will all be fine,
In the morning the birds will sing,
And the sun will shine
Life goes on, that's how time flies by..
So you might as well move on,
And leave your bad place behind

Don't cry over someone who,
Isn't even worth it..
It's their loss if they can't see
you're perfect
Don't cry yourself to sleep
Dream a dream for me
And then wake up next morning
Bright and early..

Oh when you're feeling down,
I'll be there to make you strong again
So pick your heart up off the ground,
Be strong don't ever pretend again

Okay one more verse,
Let's see if i can put this into words..
Don't over think the situation
Cause that will make things worse, oh
Just relax and let it go
I know it's easier said than done
But if we both never try,
We might never see that sun

It's a big sized classroom
And I'm out of place
I think a camera's like a microscope
Once it's in my way
I emailed my teacher
'Said I don't like my face
I don't like my mind
I just don't like myself these days
I like to write in bed,
It gets this anxiety off my chest
Its only 11 in the morning
And i'm tired and stressed
I'm balancing,
All my hopes and doubts
And all my friends have worries too
But they speak theirs out loud
I'm not a baker,
But a.. Decorator
I like to decorate messy thoughts with fairy lights, rhymes and paper
I'm not a counsellor
But a.. Listener
Oh could you listen to my new song whenever it'll suit ya...

Well tell me something, what do you like to do?
Where's your favourite spot,
In this world where I favourite you
In this lonely town, where i only want to be next to you
Oh did this just turn into a love poem as i turned down 5th avenue..

I like train rides too,
I'm overcoming my fear of that
I used to worry i'd get lost
But I always seem to get back on track.
Follow my heart, follow the paths..
Follow the stars, as they spell your name in CAP'S..

Is this really a heartbreak,
Or just a sharp paper cut?
Sometimes the only way to get through to me is by ripping the bandaid right off
You did nothing to hurt me
I'm just a writer so paper cuts..
They happen often,
But its not the blood that's the loss..
Are you in love?..
Wait, Should I really know?
Well all I can do is go on
Obliviously so..
Um, are you okay?
I think that's the better question..

It's such a big sized classroom,
Filled with such important lessons,
Now.

Welcome to Cathytown where the grass is always pinker.
Where the moon and the sun fall in love and where everything's better when everyones together.
I had a heart to heart with my mum today, I was angry that.. She didn't understand me, I was afraid that she didn't love me and that it was my own fault.
She told me I couldn't be anymore wrong, that she shouts at me so I can grow, she's ******* me because...
Well, no one else is..
Not in Cathytown.

She said I have to grow up eventually, and see that the world isn't as sensitive as I'm going to be.
She said she loves me so much her heart hurts every time I stay out til midnight after every row and argument but she can't reach out because I'm too hurt to let her in.
She said I was born perfect, two eyes, two hands, two legs, perfectly healthy. So it hurts her when I say I'm not beautiful, not good enough.

Cathytown... Where dreams come true in a blink of an eye,
Cathytown, where friendship is forever
And true love can blossom and *** isn't as important as intimate conversations.

Please let me stay in Cathytown...
Where I can watch disneychannel and drink tea and make others happy by just being me..
I know I get sad sometimes,
But staying strong is my anthem
I know I get dramatic and weird and over emotional
... But hey, that's just me.

I'm all out of hope, direction too..
I'm not a yellow brick road,
I'm a lost avenue.
Well aren't we just all,
Plots scattered all over the place?
I left a letter in Saturn,
And now I'm sat here staring into space..

Oh how can I, learn to take things slow?
When you gave me just a glimpse of the universe you've hid, I fell harder and now I mentally can't let go..
So how can I, learn to give you more space?
Oh just a poem at a time, or did my voicenote cross the line, I won't know what love is til you're physically close

I'll write it in the stars,
Spell your name out in 'HobbyCraft'
Could I deliver my love,
Through the mailbox?..
I long for your response
The silence leaves me numb
Could I deliver my love?
Through paper planes of heartfelt songs..

Everyday is a battle.
Are the alive even living at all?
It's like we're going through life, just.. Waiting for a life changing call.

And every time I even hear your name
If I close my eyes too long I'll see your face
Well those are life changing things that take place, everyday and you don't even realise..

Cause I find that hope again when I colour your eyes, in a fictional drawing where I can admire you more in real life... I find that love again to be all I can be,
Teach me to be your best friend and maybe someday I'll be..
I know I spill too much on all of the pages,
But who you are to me is someone amazing
And I could sit here, stare into space oh for ages..
But then I wouldn't have the chance to finish this off..

.. I'll love (you) always,
Hope that message came across.

Lay your hand here..
Keep your eyes on mine..
Oh I'm scared of change,
of truth and pain,
And goodbyes..

Keep your hand on my heart,
and listen to it beating hard,
Would you trace the scars,
That no one else will find?

Cause I'm letting you in through the secrets of my life..

Oh i'm always lost,
Always tryna find new ways home
But there's no more running back
Just a distant glance,
at my 6 year old self's broken hope
I've been hurt and shaken
But i hope you'll listen..
Oh just let me say this..
i'm emotionally naked,
In more ways than they'll ever understand..

Cause you, you let me be me
And you set all of my guilt free
So tonight let this heart to heart
Let every word i whisper help you see
my hearts for the taking,
I'm emotionally naked,
saying..
'This is who i really am'

And you're so perfect
Whereas i'm a work in progress
Im vulnerable,
And I've lost it all
So help me start again..

Would you, learn to love me
And try to trust that i
Won't get bad again
I'm in repair
but no tattoos or poetry
Are as effective as you holding me

So save me from my insecurities tonight..

Yeah love's all we've got,
And i'm sure it has no cost
Cause theres no paying back
Its all just giving back
And i'm stripping off all the layers
And putting an end to all this fake behaviour, I'm emotionally naked,
And my heart is yours for the breaking if not for the love making
Just stick around for me to say this
I'm emotionally naked,
Emotionally naked..
But not scared at all.

Everyday is a second chance to begin again,
Oh darling don't you know,
Today you can begin again

..But what about me?
How can you be so quick to leave me behind?
It's like I'm losing myself,
whilst trying to find myself
and it's logical yet completely stupid at the same time because
I ended up lost in a maze I didn't even want to walk into..
It's like getting stuck in the middle..
of a book with no pages
Perhaps I should write myself a route out of all of these mazes.

..Well now we've reached the en-
No. No it's not over yet,
my poetry has no limits,
my words will never just lose their meaning over
time

.. Time.
It may be running out but darling,
never will it
End.

It's a life full of games,
From kicking ***** against your neighbour's walls to fixing heartbreaks and charging mobile phones,
You sit with the populars to feel less alone.

And in this game of life,
You'll sometimes have luck when you roll the dice,
But honestly just keep rolling with whatever may come, cause every blessing in itself is a prize..
You've got friends and family,
Teachers and knowledge that will actually come handy,
And you've got stars in your soul,
& a galaxy of a mind that only you control

So run! Under the summer sun
If you want danger here it comes
Oh I'm no stranger to giving up
But as I grow up,
I've started missing how it felt to be.. wildly young (!)
So i'm gonna use my voice,
As this year I'm turning 19 without a choice
Let's run... If not hand in hand,
run as fast as you can, and leave a trail for me
Oh If you can't fall in love with me
Then I hope you'll fall in love with your life at least,
Cause life's a breeze when you live like you're wildly young

I wonder what my future wife would be like,
If she'd be exactly just like me..
I wonder if she'll be the same height
Thats.. 5ft2/ & on a good day 5 foot 3
I hope i can make her laugh
Make her smile as soon as she wakes up
I would learn some ukulele,
just to serenade her at breakfast
And when the stars come out to play at night, we'll behave pretty wild, young and reckless
And if i ever make it as a star someday,
I'll write songs about all these moments
& I hope she likes how i met your mother and crosswords too
And inspires me like a camera to stay in focus
Oh I just don't want to believe that theres nobody for me
Cause i'm a truly, true romantic..
So universe if you're listening
Find the girl that I keep missing..
& send her a sign from me

I guess you're right, I am a true romantic..
I daydream through the night and through the day I plan things
& these songs I write may help you understand things
I'm not one to talk but with you I'd try dancing

So if you want someone there to sing to you whilst you do the dishes
And someone who can take care of all your hopes and wishes
I'm not one to talk oh for you I'd listen
And we could maybe take a late night walk through the city's division

Oh if you need someone there to help you take the weight off
to tell you, "**** you're beautiful without make up"
To hold flashcards for you whenever you need to stay up
in order to get that A grade
just go at your own pace...

If you need someone to do all of that then guess what?
I've always been,
just right here <3

Him and her..
They're like peanut butter and jelly
And he shows her off on his arm like perfume because deep down he knows he's smelly

But no.. I can't write things like that
'Cause deep down i am happy that she's happy

So hey sweetheart, can i call you at sunrise,
Wake you up for one last time?
Before i see you again in the far future,
Dressed in white

Someday soon i'll forget
How you looked in that dress
And the way he spun you around and around.. (i don't know if this bit actually happened because i tried to look away a lot but it probably did lol!)

And maybe you'll read this poem,
Hear my song.. Someday soon
And find that letter left at Prom
Instead of my cinderella shoes..
Yeah someday i might actually stop crying, locked inside my own tower
Wishing i was dying
But in reality wanting to grow
And glow like your favourite flower

... Yeah someday soon, i'll send flowers
But addressed to 'him&her;'
So they could be yours, not ours..

Oh friends and poets
I don't know how to end this
But like how i end most friendships,
I'll say the old 'Cathy classic'


i'm so in love with you
With him or without him.

I'd send you poetry
I'd give you all of me
I'd love you gratefully
I'd buy you err.. A mercedes
I'd sing you m-
Gah
This
Poem
Should've
Ended
By
Now..

(So where do we go from here?)

You were made with all the love..
From the universe, you were blessed by the stars..
Now here we are, 17 years on..
In a universe, where we were given our own minds,
and our own little red hearts
And now with ached words, spilling onto the page, I'll try to explain, why it's okay if I don't fully let go..
Cause I was made, to share with you, a thought from my mind, a little piece of my soul

And you don't have to give it back to me
Oh my love comes with no receipt..
I could spend the rest of my life,
Trying to spell out what you mean to me
But I'm sure you get it now
All it takes is just a moment with you
And suddenly everything turns clear
Everything is beauty somehow

And you don't have to tell me I'll be fine,
I know the universe has someone else for me, in mind
You don't have to tell me that space is a good idea..
I'd still write to you everyday for a year
You don't have to tell me that I meant something
I went to Saturn and I found a ring
But someone else is gonna offer you better
Someone else is gonna do more than write you lame things

.. See you are loved, from every thought you express, to every breath you slowly let out..
So it's okay if we don't meet again, but is it okay if I write a poem, to you every now and then?

.. Cause I was made to make brave choices, and letting go is not the safest thing right now..
Oh I'm in love with every thought you express, and every breath you slowly let out..

P.s you're beautiful too

Pardon me you've got moondust
In your eyes love..
Did you know that?
And darling your smile's my weak spot
You make me feel so much..
When you do that

I think I'm hooked on this feeling that I call love
You got me out on the ceiling praying to God, for your love

I wanna tell you that I love you
Let me shout it from the rooftops now
I laugh my hardest when i'm with you
You take me higher than the clouds oh girl I
I think I'm going insane now
For your love
You got me going insane now for your touch

Babe you look like an angel
I see your halo, its so bright
And I wanna make you feel happy
From the moment you wake up
Feel alive

'Cause you got me hooked on this feeling that I call love
You got me out on the ceiling praying to God for your love

I lose all control for your love
But I don't deserve all your love.


^ guys these are lyrics to my new song I put out a music video for it last week and would really love it if anyone who liked my words, wanted to listen to the actual song: just copy and paste this link here:

https://youtu.be/-4HJcMJNH70

Love,
Cathyy

Now that it's a new year, is it time for a change?
Cause now you're here with a haircut and trees of green on a chain, around your neck..
And you're trying out rings of Saturn for the sole of your nose,
And you've been working out for hours just to slip into new old clothes, oh what next..

Cause I know that people change and people grow over time
But you're the moon, with your phases and at the end of each night
I hope you embrace every part of your being,
Cause you're a beautiful mess, a heartbreak delight

Oh so can you tell me, would you hide your deepest scars from your soulmate?
The one you've given all your heart and your soul to, on your worst days
Even when he's so far away
And tell me, would you keep your darkest thoughts from your best friends?
Cause if you're lost I'd wanna find you again,

And darling I'm a fallen star in the palm of your hand,
Though there's still a million in the sky, they're your fans..
I better show you that I mean something, and my goal this year is just one thing and that's,
to keep you for as long as I can

And I don't care if that's selfish,
God knows i can't help it
I love you, and God too, has felt it
Cause I prayed through all the times you nearly didn't make it,
Even with no faith you made me believe there's a place for guardian angels to do their saving

And I need you as much as I hope you need me too,
Like I said I can't help but go all crazy over you
Cause it's a crazy kinda poetic loving truth
And aren't you glad i wrote this poem,
Just to tell you again!

That I don't care if this is all selfish
I love you and God too has felt it
And if you ever wonder where I am
Just look between the lines in the palm of your hand,
I'm a fallen star and you're the moon,

you're where I wanna land,
I love you.

We're here.. At 06:55 once again..
I like the way that my heart wakes up my mind, just to send you such a.. sappy good morning text
And life.. You say its a beautiful thing
And I think I'd almost believe you if
I didn't have this fear of being so,
Intimate..

But you, how are you so **** lovely?
Sometimes the world can be ugly
With all the unnecessary hurt and all the wars
But you... You make me feel way less lonely...
You turn my love into poetry
And thats why i just write so much..
You make me feel so much for someone who.. can't even be yours

Well look dear, i hope our friendship will last then..
And if it all hurts me too much i'll just play my guitar and then..
Write a song to say,
"hey, you're still so ******* cool"..

And we'll both be on different paths ready to travel the world
Well i'd hope i still cross paths with yours maybe someday when i'm more stable to, love and hug you..
Oh, you beautiful girl.

Oh and I, I like making you cry on the tube,
Won't you tell what you like to do,
And list what you like about yourself too cause..
I'd probably like all of those reasons too

And if you say that your hearts keeping you awake at night then know that mine would be too..
I just wanna talk to you..
Cause i like the way the universe sighs when it sees me being hopelessly romantic again
Oh i can't help it, i like it; what my cracked phone screen looks like, when your name lights up and... colours it in.

Good morning i love you and i hope today you have the best of everything