A smile so fair,
And a laugh that shows
How little you care
Of all the insecurities,
And all the impurities.

You'll just sit and soak
In the heat of the sun.
Leaning over my face,
Your eyes following
Every trace,
To summon a smile.

That's all you ever want,
To see the glistening light
In some other person's eye.
So little effort
You've never had to try.

You're simply
One of a kind

Your tears are like flash floods;
Sudden and no warnings in sight.

They catch me off guard
In the silence of the night.

A perpetual rain
Still pours in the moments

Between my thoughts
And my afternoon walks.

It's like I awake from a dream
With no recollection in mind,

Only sadness is left in my eyes
To glisten in the morning sunlight.

I'm living in a
Static state-of-mind.
You're the antagonist
In this story
That has become
My strife.

A story told
Through different eyes.
If only I could say that
I wouldn't cry,
But it's like walking through
A room with a broken light,
Looking for the shrouded switch
Hoping that I won't
Break the stitch
Which is holding me together.

Light a beacon
And shine it on the path
That I am supposed to take.

I'm trying to gather my bearings,
But it feels like
I'm already too lost.

I've been wearing a mask
Cuz a smile is not all it takes;
This image is a portrait of a fake.

I'm too exhausted to run.
I've gotten as far as I can toss.
Hopefully up to now
It was worth the cost.
- A&G

I'm speaking to you,
My hero,
Won't you answer my questions?
Why must I keep
A silent voice
And do as the world pleases?
I do not have it in me
To hear another preach
Or another speech.

Why am I caught in between
The good and evil
in me?
Is it because
you were never a hero to me
From the start?
Or maybe I never needed
You in my heart.

A mass delusion
Is all I see
While I'm fighting the demons
I have hiding inside me.
The savior I need
Has drowned in an epic sea.
- A&G

You'll run away,
But all your things are here to stay.
I'm tapping on the glass,
Won't you give me one last glance?

I'm fighting to give our love
One last chance.

Reach into your heart
And find the words so hard to spill.
Don't leave to find your next fill.
Love isn't just another pill.

You're breaking my heart—
chiseling it away with your tongue.
If only it could've been my tongue
cause i'm tired of the taste
of false hope and love.

I'm trying to break out
From underneath the leaves
That fall on top of me
From the tree next to where I sleep

But then I remember
You're no longer there
To help me crawl my way back out
So that I can finally sleep

I'll try to pretend
That this isn't the end
And fill my thoughts with memories
Of your heart across my hands

I just wish I would've been more gentle
And not have held it to hard
And too close to my own
Because now I don't feel at home.

Have I lost the words
Or am I just trapped?
You'll hear me scream,
Yet not a sound will pour out.

The floor board creaks,
The thumps on the wall,
The shadows at the corner of my eyes,
The faint whispers
I think I heard-

Every little sense has drowned.
Every thought floats around.
I'm running in circles
Trying to decode your last goodbye,
But I think I'm starting to fail.
My own heart has become my jail.
- A&G

I'm connecting the dots
In a dream so faint.
The lines are so blurred
I can no longer tell
If they're really even there.

You used to be the heroine
In fairy tales
That relayed on movies screens
In my dreams.
They never did have
Happing endings.

But now you've disappeared.
Right before my eyes
Lies the truth my inner demons
Could never admit were true:
The heroine is no longer you.
- A&G

You're like the sea-
Unexplored is your mind,
Just like the world you see.

You try to hide
The secrets you hope to keep,
But I'm here for you.

That's something
I hope you BELIEVE.

I've come to the realization that
Loss is all around.
It's the down the street.
In another city.
In another state.
Or in a different country.
Or across the oceans
To a place so unfamiliar.

But not too unfamiliar,
Not unlike death.
The mysterious endings
To a person's
Being,
Seeing,
Feeling,
Dreaming.

The point at which
You stop breathing;
The final cries you hear
From your closest
Friends and family.
A permanent state of trance,
Never to take another glance.
You were one in 7.2 billion,
But now it's time for you
To float away like helium.

The sea has always
Put me at ease;
The midnight light shining
On the sea
As the memories forgotten
Glisten as they do in dreams.

But I can't forget
The dreams about you.
The love we had,
washed away like the sand,
Make my heavy heart
Weigh me down like an anchor.

But at least
I'll drown at ease
Beneath our midnight dreams.

I've called it my home,
A place I can call my own.
I keep the door locked,
But not for outsiders.
Rather to keep myself in.

The windows are still shut,
But I don't need fresh air.
I've already suffocated myself
With this blanket over me
Keeping me away from the truth.

I'm losing the people closest to me
And I'm afraid I'll be alone.
Left with no visits I n hospital wards.
I'm afraid I'll be the one
To pull the chord.

Poor me a cup
Of my own disaster.
I'll choke on it,
Yet I'll drink faster.
I'm trying to gasp for air
as my lungs fill
And you're there standing
With a blank stare.

Why won't you help me?
Do you like me at your feet?
The vulnerability
Glistening in my eyes
Is all you ever loved to see
As I'm drowning on the floor,
Or should I say
The sea.

Remember when it meant the world to you?

When
          We were one in a million
          And out of 7 billion, you chose me

When
          Everyone tried to tear us down,
          But we’d pack up our things and leave town

When
          We would stay up late at night
          To keep each other warm and wrap each other tight

When
          We would whisper secrets in our ears
          Just tell each other things we already knew

When
          You’d tell me you loved me
          And I would tell you that I loved you too

You may have forgotten, but I still remember—
I still remember when I thought love was true.

I can't face you.
Not because I'm over you
Or because I hate you,
But because I'm afraid
That the next time you see me
You'll realize that I was never
Worth the world
Like you thought I was
When you would've given it all up
To keep my hand to hold.

I'm pulled in by the tide;
It's fragrant scent on my mind.
It reminded me of a kind of release,
The kind I felt when you were next to me.
I knew I was free
To not be afraid of love and its ways.

I could've been there my whole life.
At least to not lose the sound of the sea
As it crashed in a sort of treacherous grace.
Much like the way you made heart grow
To a faster and faster pace.

Yet only one thought was imprinted in my mind that night-
The drowning sense of your heart against mine.
What I'd give to be lost in that time.

Like the changes in the sky,
From day to day,
I find my seasons shift
From loving to pain.

From the warmest of hearts,
To the light of your day,
The warmth on your skin-
I am touching every part of your being.

To the frost that bites your frame,
The shivers you get
When you pay too much attention,
The thing you can’t escape
Even when you find warmth again-
I will still be the coldest little ******.

Today I saw a couple kissing each other,
Lovingly, in an unbreakable embrace.
It was as though a wildfire was raging
In front of my eyes.
The scolding heat could burn my heart
And ignite my thoughts.

I could only walk by and long for the same kind of touch,
Long for the same kind of love.
Envy replaced my sight
And I was left with nothing but fright
And the lies about the prize
Promised by childhood tales
Written only to raise their sales.

Even if you're not insane
you'll still see shadows out of the corner of your eyes.
you'll still feel the breathless night cast moonlight on your neck.
but you may not feel the touch that there could've been
if you had stayed awake long enough to say my name.

it's not my fault that i haunt your brain
with nightmares of heartless cages trapping you
instead of my arms wrapping you in warmth and love.
what do we do now? do we walk away?

no, we sit down and wait for the swings to sway.
we spell out each other's name during our late night games.
we unlock the cage that keeps us frozen
like a picture that holds one perfectly still frame.
yet at the end of the day, we'll still scream from the pain.

I swear
I could've drawn
Angles on your cheeks—
Tracing your freckles
With the tips of my fingers.

You'd laugh
And start to cry.
From the warmth
In our touch, I suppose.

You'd try
To brush my hand away.
But I know you're sensitive
To the spark in our love.

It's too late though
When I realize what I've sone.
Now only Angels fly away
From the demons on your face.
My hands are cursed.

I swear, I didn't know.

Your insecurities,
they burn a scar across your skin
(where i once kissed),
and leave ashes on the ground
(where i slept when i missed you)

You're like the sea-
Unexplored is your mind,
Just like the world you see.

You try to hide
The secrets you hope to keep,
But I'm here for you.

That's something
I hope you BELIEVE.

The stitch will always break,
That which keeps me sane.
"I need you to walk away,
Please, for my own sake,"
I will always say,
But understand that I need you,
I need you for
You're my sanity's glue.
But it's something
You already knew,
Words I hid from
Becoming the truth.

Don't call me on the telephone
You already know I won't answer
And I'll delete the voicemails
To erase any trails
That lead right back to me.

I don't want to remember,
I want forget
About the days we've spent
Walking and laughing—
We'd always fall.

But I'm done falling—
Falling in love,
Falling in your hands,
Falling through like sand
And not being able to stand.

If you give me time
I won't have to push you away.
I’ll keep your memory in mix-tapes
And replay you and rewind you
To listen to the melancholy

Slowly drifting away from loneliness
Knowing that the pain was pretty good,
Maybe even better than the laughs and walks
And falling in and out of love.

I have always been consumed by the illusion
that you were all I needed.
But every time you pushed harder and harder,
I realized that you were the one thing
I should have needed the least.

Love is not the need for someone
to keep your demons at bay;
love is the exact opposite.

Love is a craving for a feeling
to share experiences with another being.
It is the moments in which you catch each other other’s eyes
and can’t help but smile, indulging in the excitement
of each other’s presence with no expectations or promises.

But to need someone,
that is now beyond me.

You fell in front of me
—Like a leaf from a tree—
And gave me love, unconditionally.
But now I only feel trapped
And I'm trying to break out
From within your chest.

We'll fade away
Together,
In each other's arms.
No one will remember us
Or be alarmed.

So no need for goodbyes
Or see-you-soons
Because it's just us
Lost in one another's heart.

You think I've forgotten our love
But it's never been burned deeper in my thoughts.
I used to be so clouded and only wanted your touch
To know that your smile and heart
Could revive me everyday and night.

I'd fall and rise each morning with only you in mind,
Letting each word I spoke describe your eyes
And how they captured life despite the pain
And the habit they had to cry when I was the one not alright.

I know you've cared for so long and loved so unconditionally,
Even to the point that only you could be mine.
But it's true when they say that all good things come to an end.
It's just a matter of keeping the feeling special
And cherishing a place for it deep in our heart’s cracks.

I feel guilty
For not feeling grief.
The sadness just isn't in me.
How can I feel for a life
I never truly knew?
Yet you seem like the only one
I ever really knew.

A family that's been struck
With the endings of a generation.
The knots of our roots
Are being tied slowly with the years.
All we can do is shed tears,
And hope we won't feel fear.

Sooner or later
The names will be unknown.

I'm the hollow body,
The vessel,
Of a soul and heart
That used to have
A raging fire
Lighting the
Thoughts and talks
With my one and only
Lover.

But now I'm only cold,
Eroding into ruins
Where you'll only find ashes
To continue
To have interactions
With.
I could never be anymore,
Only an empty margin;
A vessel.

You can’t just walk out of our room
And hope to be drenched
In a different kind of rain.
All it is is a different kind of pain
You’ll be drowned by when you think
You’ve found a reason to be sane.

The droplets roll down your face
To tease your lips,
But they’ll soon fall to the ground
And now you won’t feel so in tune with
The life you thought you had found.

I'm trying to block you out;
Erasing your voice from the night.
But I don't even know
What we had fought about.

You scream at me to go,
So I'll turn the other cheek.
But this is a tear
That can't be sown,
You said like a record tape.

Then I'll realize
I can't move my feet.
I guess I know
We'll feel the defeat,
Or maybe I simply hate
The thought
Of retreat.
- A&G

maybe there is a way to love
without the feelings to guide you through—
and although it is not ideal,
It keeps the demons from within keeping you company
instead of a warm body to hold on to you.

It all points to me,
But I still have a hard time
Accepting
The fact that it's my fault
You can't be
The person you wish to be.

Why don't you simply leave
Instead of pointing fingers
In the direction of hell.
Every word you speak
Swells my head
And begs for me to seek

For the best way out.

You take back
Everything you say,
And at the end of the day,
There's no story to be told.
You're all alone
In the person you portray.
You speak without
Looking at my face
So how do I know
You mean what you say?

You were an actor
Playing the part.
You preached your words
Better than a pastor.
Who was I to believe
Every word you spoke,
When every time you'd say,
"I love you,"
You almost choked.

I stay away every other day,
My mind is gone but
My body still lies with you.
I put you on a pedestal
But it was sure to brake.
Just like the time you take,
You pass by and
Can never be replayed.
The time between you and I
Goes "tic-toc" and then you're gone.

I thought my eyes were blind until I saw you,
But I've never been blinder
Than when I started to live for you—
I may love you—but this love is not for two.

So I'll send it off to the far side of the moon
And maybe hope to one day see the other side.
I just hope I'm not swallowed up by the tide
Before I can see your starlit eyes.

Tic-toc goes the sound of your knock,
While I stand there at the door
And wait for it to stop.
The screaming silence echoed louder
Than the sound of your heart.

I can still hear the tears drop;
Crashing on the pavement,
Much like our expectations
Meeting with reality.

Tic-toc goes the sound of your walk,
While I sit in my corner
And wonder when you'll truly come over.

Let a smile fall upon your face
And be grateful you don't live in a place
So dark and cold, abandoned
By the very people who built it.

What do you have to show
For the cracks and faults in the walls?
I'm sure you won't even take blame for it,
You'll likely place it all on my name.

You'll savage all that you can
Then simply laugh that the place even ran.

I'm only buying time
To build up the courage
To say that I've been broken
And am no longer whole.

It's not okay though,
To give you a reason to smile
When I’ve forgotten what it’s like
To give love and receive it.

But I’m exhausted now
After having had walked
6 miles to your home.
Now I only want to be alone.

I can run
to the far edges of my heart
and hope to escape its gravity,
that which pulls me closer to you
over and over
and over and over
over over over
and over over
and over...

But i can only take so much force
before i begin to collapse
under all of the weight.
so what happens when
the gravity is switched off?

It's over.

The music rings on
Nonsense is all I hear though
As the crowds gather
And I'm left with my fear-
I can't help but wonder
If this is how it'll always be.

I ask you dear
If we might have just a dance,
But what a fool I am
To think I can gather some courage
And overcome the uncalled-for fame.

At this point
It's more than a dance;
It's becoming a fight for balance.
While all I can do is sit and watch
As the night goes on.
All I can think of is
You with another man.

Hand in hand
Alone under the spotlight.
We'll all watch
And I won't even be able to stand
All of this because of a dance.

We'll let the rain fall,
And I'll hear
Your words call
For me
From a place so far.

Just follow my voice
And you'll find me,
Dear.
Come inside,
We'll dry those tears
Away.

What a painful sight
It is to look out of my blinds
Only to see a blackened sky.
It smothers me in a blanket,
So cold that it burns,
Only to stop when I'm about to fold.

I wish you were here
Next to me to hold,
To keep me out of the burning cold.
To kiss the wounds away
Even during the day.
To keep the darkness at bay,
And together we'd  win this fray.

I couldn't imagine myself without your warmth,
but now i guess i'll go cold hoping you'll still come by
on some fall or winter night to hold me close once more.
I know these thoughts only live in dreams, though.
I only wish i could have held you once more.

Will you come over and hold me?
          You asked me
          On a Saturday evening,
It’s cold and I need your warmth…

I don't know what I'm supposed to say,
          I trembled,
I guess I’ve lost my sense of direction,
          I mumbled as I looked down.

Please? Just one more night?
I promise it’ll be the time of your time,
          You beg, yet seem to not get the point
          That not everything will come to you so easily.

I’m sorry,
But you’ve got me all wrong.
I don’t want to feel anymore.
I just want to escape from this storm.

You didn't knock and you didn't leave a note,
And yet I'm supposed to know
What it is I did to make you lose hope?
No,I'm done with these games—
Your constant hate and torrential rains
Have driven me away.

She is the sun,
That which dries
My tears
Away.
Blanketing me
Everyday
In her warmth
Whenever I stray.

Even though
The dark
Will drown out
Her light,
I know
She'll rise
Over the mountains
To evaporate
The night.

She is the sun,
My one
And only.
Whether it was luck
Or the right timing,
I know
This love
Will never be a lie.