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Oct 2016 · 4.5k
Beauty of Thick Thighs
Phim Oct 2016
I am not overweight
Yet I don't love being a size eight
The media criticizing me
Hypnotizing me
Making me feel unimportant
I know you sympathize with me
But I am worth it
Part of Gods eternal purpose
My thick thighs
Are beauty in His eyes
And I don't have to worry about being unworthy
When I'm giving God the glory
he deserves
My self image is perseved
By Genesis 1:27
Or Ecclesiastes 3:11
He is constantly reminding me
That world is full of lies
Hiding behind the guise
That I need to change
Or rearrange myself
to be loved
This is untrue
The God of heaven and earth
Created and loves me
And everyone of you
Sometimes I don't feel great about my body but it's actually wonderfully made. I know I have to remind myself that and I hope this serves as a reminder to you too.
Aug 2016 · 643
God Girl
Phim Aug 2016
She goes to her bedroom and gets down on her knees
Because despite everyone saying that she is an angel
She's not pleased
She knows she can do better
Love harder
Shine brighter
She's desperate to find someway to give as much as she receives
Because she's drowning in forgiveness
So she prays that God will hear her pleas
To use her as his hands and his feet
For love to pour through her like an unquenchable sea
She prays every night, every morning, every day
Hoping someone might tell her that they've found the way
So she knows that she's fulfilled  her purpose
That her life was somehow worth it
Because she spent it loving
Instead of loitering around
Lazy and selfish
With happiness unfound
This was for an assignment where I had to write about the biggest part of my identity.
Aug 2016 · 1.7k
Limited and Angry
Phim Aug 2016
I'm angry
I'm angry that this is the world we live in
I'm angry that I can't walk down the street without being harassed
I'm angry that I constantly have to think about how people will react to what I wear
I'm angry about the everyday inconveniences this world has made for me
But more than anything I'm angry that I have to think twice about helping an elderly man into his car
I'm angry that today there was a disabled man slowly pushing his wheelchair across the parking lot and I didn't help him
Because that's the world we have created
A world where we are consistently aware that even by being good we can be punished
I am so angry that I sat there and watched that man for ten minutes
And didn't move because how could I know that he wasn't another Ted Bundy
How could I know
We have created a world with such a deep chasm of distrust that I can't even believe that this poor man was truly disabled
As a woman I have to be afraid of a man in a wheelchair
A man who seemingly cannot walk still has the ability to terrify me
I am so angry
That I am limited
Not only by the things that I wear and the places in which I can go alone
But I am limited in my ability to make the world a better place
I am limited
And I am angry
Aug 2016 · 617
Panic Attack Mantra
Phim Aug 2016
Deep breaths and it will all be ok in the morning
It's ok to feel
It's ok to cry
But don't think
Just breathe
Draw
Doodle out simple things
Flowers and bunnies
Don't think
Don't connect
Breathe and draw
Until the your breathing is no longer staggered
And your body stops shaking
Then crawl into bed
Wrap yourself up
Like an Eskimo
Go blank
Don't think
Just feel
Feel until your insides are dead
And you drift off to sleep
Aug 2016 · 415
Nothing
Phim Aug 2016
I'm over reacting
It was nothing
Nothing but fear
Powerless fear
Please laugh
Ask me why I hate him
Because you don't understand
I hate him because he taught me the realist lesson I've ever had to learn
I hate him because I believed in good
I saw the best
I overlooked
But he taught me
He taught me that people are not good
People are not pure
I was unaware
He's nice
He's kind
I told myself
I'm just a kid there's no way he's looking at me like that
Danger wasn't real before him
The men my parents warned me about were distant
Not family friends
Not under my nose
I believed that his eyes were looking at my shirt
I believed that the slips of his hands were accidents
I believed that the lingering hugs,
the midnight phone calls, and the constant stares meant nothing
He was the first person to ever look at me like that
I didn't understand
I was young
Whatever weird feeling I got couldn't have been real
It wasn't real I told myself
But his anger was real
When I didn't answer his phone calls
When I squirmed away from his touch
His anger was very real
When he grabbed my arm
When he didn't let me leave
My terror was real
When I finally realized the possibilities that  could occur behind the closed door
My tears were real
When he touched me and I ran
But nothing happened
So my chest shouldn't get tight when he walks into a room
Nothing happened
So I shouldn't care
So yeah laugh
It's nothing
I'm nothing
Aug 2016 · 350
Survivors Win
Phim Aug 2016
Everything's crashing down
He's leaving
She's crying
He's lying
She's drinking
He's dying
She's growing
Times moving forward
Stress builds up to the brim
Only the survivors win
leaving crying drinking dying growing time forward survivor
Aug 2016 · 939
Self Aware
Phim Aug 2016
When did it become instinct to **** in my stomach when I speak
As if my words were something that needed to be contained
And my body ashamed
When did I start believing that being curvaceous
Meant I couldn't be vivacious
That I needed to hide
And lose my pride
As if my weight defined
Who I could be
And my tummy would remind
That that everyone could see
My imperfections
These are my confessions
I am self aware
I care
About others judgements
And the way that I am perceived
So I try to make adjustments
Yet I never succeed
Aug 2016 · 1.1k
Monkey Bars
Phim Aug 2016
I want to be the monkey bars
Not the fingers
The fingers grasp and clutch
But the monkey bars don't care much
The monkey bars stand tall
An object of awe
But the fingers are scared
Of dropping in the lava below
Burning from the blisters they give
Unable to let go
They hold
Trying to be strong
Letting the monkey bars make them rough
Terrified of being alone
Stuck in the lava with no home
The fingers are weak
They don't understand the true power they seek
Is happiness without pain
Which they could obtain of they just let go and fall into the lava below
Because it's a myth
It doesn't burn
To be alone
It's absolute bliss
Though the monkey bars they will miss
The lava burns away the pain
Leaving only happiness to gain
I mean I hope you get it
Aug 2016 · 366
Untitled
Aug 2016 · 515
Crying
Phim Aug 2016
Crying
I bully myself
No tears
No weakness
Suffer in silence
I will not hear your sobs
Do not cry out from pain
Breathe in
Breathe out
Feel your anger
Not your sorrow
Feel your bitterness
There's no tomorrow
Do not be weak
Do not cry
Do not let them see
Stop being stupid
Stop being worthless
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
No one cares
Stop caring
It doesn't matter
Nothing matters
You look so ugly when you cry
You're so ugly
Why are you so awful
Why am I so awful
Why am I so mean to myself
I don't deserve this
I do deserve this
I deserve to cry
I deserve to die
I'm kind of mean to myself when i cry :/
Aug 2016 · 785
Purple Laffy Taffy
Phim Aug 2016
She's a purple laffy taffy
Just a tiny bit snazzy
But not in the least bit ******
She's always got a joke
To lighten the mood
And maybe share a Coke
Though sometimes she's a difficult brand to be chewed
she's blunt
And doesn't bother putting up a front
Her wrapper makes you laugh
But her insides are just like a gaff
She's a rock in the cold light of day
But an ocean in the warm breeze of May
She is a mystery
With a long history
She doesn't always feel good enough
Because the other taffys are saying that's she's rough
But she's got her own thing going
Even without the other taffys knowing
So you can keep on throwing rocks
But one day
she's gonna knock off your socks
I love this girl.
Aug 2016 · 149
Untitled
Phim Aug 2016
Hit me.
Don't hurt me.
Apr 2016 · 988
Ode to Ode
Phim Apr 2016
Ode to the belt
And how nice it never felt
Ode to the fist
That knew just how to make my stomach twist
Ode to the bruises
Which left no excuses
Ode to my jaw
For that punch it never quite saw
Ode to my ears
All those nights when I could hear my brothers' tears
Ode to my dad
And every time he's ever gotten mad
Ode to the world
And every obstacle its hurled
Ode to ode
And how well it never quite bode
Mar 2016 · 3.9k
Game
Phim Mar 2016
Good girl
*** hair
No way
Not fair
Fat thighs
Nice ***
Acne face
Hourglass
Wonder if that's all they see
No way to know
Is that me?
Chubby cheeks
Button nose
Perfect lips
Hairy toes
Good enough?
All the same
Picture perfect
That's the game
Mar 2016 · 811
Don't Sign the Lease
Phim Mar 2016
Punching a wall
Not the best decision to make
Yet here we are with fate
Consequences for trust
Anger is a must
Not going to cry
Simply let out a sigh
I knew the risk
I played the cards
I made a fist
Because tears don’t solve anything
They just sting
I'm angry with myself
For being a fool
So I’ll put my emotion on a shelf
Forget that they are there
Simply to prepare
For my new rule
Don’t let anyone in
Open a bottle of gin
Forget the world around
And please don’t make a sound
Then maybe they’ll forget us too
Just let me slip through the cracks
Because I can’t face the facts
Of everyone who could hurt me
I never imagined you
I trusted
And my heart got busted
But at least it’s mine
You can’t have a single piece
Because I’m fine
I never signed that lease
I got dumped. I punched a wall. I wrote a poem.
Mar 2016 · 2.6k
Pink Boys Blue Girls
Phim Mar 2016
Blue is for boys
Pink is for girls
What about purple,red, and orange?
Where do those fit in our gender norms?
Is there a place where we can just be?
A human
No forms
Not quietly
But loud
Where boys can wear dresses and girls can make messes
Being proud
That they are free
Not being told
Who they are
So that they fold
Into societies messes
Why can't they wear dresses or cut their hair short?
We need to abort
These silly notions of what it is to be a man or a woman and just be human
I went to a baby shower
Mar 2016 · 471
"Trust Me"
Phim Mar 2016
You say trust me
It's ok
I won't let you fall
And yeah
Maybe right then
I won't fall
But what about two weeks from then?
Or three months?
I'm always going to fall
And you won't always catch me
So stop telling me to trust you
You say it and two months later you're gone
You got bored of me
Found something better
You got mad
I hurt you
I wasn't good enough for you
But you hurt me too
Still I don't leave
I never leave
It's always you
All of you
Not too many repeats
Different one each time
You break down however many walls you can
Then you take
And run
I give
And I give
And you,
You take
I'm tired of trusting
You're all convinced you're different
Which in turn convinces me
But you're not
So I put up more walls
Still you get stronger
I get weaker
I'm desperate for your love
So I trust
And you
You leave
I'm just tired of everything that's all I got
Mar 2016 · 865
People Leave
Phim Mar 2016
People leave
It's not a new thing
Not being worth it
Just kinda ***** to have your insecurities confirmed
Like everything bad I ever thought about myself you were thinking too
And eventually you gave up
So why don't I
If so many people give up on me why can’t I
Because...
I don't want to die
Though I beg for it everyday
There's something keeping me a live
There's something keeping the pill bottle closed
And my feet on the ledge
It's my hope
My hope that everything's going to get better
That it'll all be ok
That my life isn't meaningless
But it's hard to believe
That I'm not being deceived
Because if they don't think
That I'm worth something
Then why do I
Isn't it majority rules?
And if I asked them they'd all beg me to live
But why
Why when yesterday they told me I wasn't worth the trouble
Why
people **** what do you do
Jan 2016 · 356
Untitled
Phim Jan 2016
It's a desolate kind of living yet still she keeps on giving
Depressed as she may be
She'll never let you see
She's happy
She's fun
The party has just begun
But she's ready to go home
She is tired to the bone
Still sleep doesn't give her peace
Her dreams are filled with beasts
She wakes up screaming
Then cries herself to sleep
The cycle then repeating
You'll see her Sunday morning
Thanking God for the life he has given
All while wondering if it's even worth living
Jan 2016 · 515
Replay
Phim Jan 2016
Pink puppies and yellow cats don't really match
But sometimes you find that in the right space in time
They can bond
Just from playing in the lawn
It all happens so fast
Still it feels like it will last
Because pink puppies love to cuddle and snuggle
And yellow cats are adventurous and can teach them how to juggle
So they warm each other in the night and plan adventures in the light
Pink puppy loved this arrangement
But the yellow cat wanted something with more sentiment
So they hurt each other
With their claws and their teeth
Because while a pink puppy and yellow cat can love each other
They don't communicate
One of them is straight
So eventually they desert each other
There's no more warmth in the night or plans of adventure in the light
Just an awkward space when their eyes meet across the market place
And they know they didn't want the same things
But still their regrets ring and ring
Because pink puppies and yellow cats do love each other just not in the same way
So they go for the remote but they don't have opposable thumbs to press replay
Um yeah
Jan 2016 · 764
Little Fishy
Phim Jan 2016
Swim swim little fishy
Aren’t you having dinner with the little missy?
Better hurry to your date
Don’t want to be late
Oops you got stuck!
Get out! GET OUT!
You’ve got to run from the duck
He’s coming your way
I can’t I’m stuck in a soda can!
cried the fish
Oh don’t I just wish
That my water was clean
Without trash or waste
The ocean use to be a nice place
But now I can’t even swim without
Getting stuck in a can
That was put there by man
And now I’ll die like the rest  
Because my natural habitat was distressed
And I’ll miss my date
But it’s all too late
Jan 2016 · 2.3k
"Excuses"
Phim Jan 2016
You want to be pretty but not too pretty

But does it really change anything?

They **** you if you if you have on too little clothes

They **** you if you have on too much

There are so many excuses

She was asking for it

I was doing her a favor

I’m the victim here

Is there any way to be safe?

Is there any way to know that this isn’t the day that your entire life could change?
They whistle, they shout, they holler at you like you are an animal

But you can’t fight back
Three against one
So you keep walking
Praying they don’t follow you, grab you

Or even stab you because you didn’t return their crude remarks with a thank you
Society says that

We should accept ****** harassment as a compliment

But I don’t need your opinion on my body

I don’t want you looking at me like I am a piece of meat

I am not a ****** object made to please you

I want to live in a world where I don’t have to be afraid of men

Worried that smiling at them is interpreted as an invitation

Or by not means I need to be taught a lesson

I want my son to look at women as what they really are

Beautiful, brilliant creatures

And not by what society tells him they are

Objects, available for your pleasing

I want to be able to watch my daughter walk out of the house and

Not worry that she might never come back because a
 MAN decided that she was there for the taking

But we don’t educate

We don’t teach in our schools how common ****** harassment is

Or the effect that **** has on a woman because a man’s perogative is to get what he wants
Or how every woman is terrified that her body, her self will be taken from her

Why?
Because we’re uncomfortable

We don’t speak out because we don’t want to disrupt

I’m tired

I’m tired of these excuses
Inspired by catcalling pretty self explanatory

— The End —