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Phim Oct 2016
I am not overweight
Yet I don't love being a size eight
The media criticizing me
Hypnotizing me
Making me feel unimportant
I know you sympathize with me
But I am worth it
Part of Gods eternal purpose
My thick thighs
Are beauty in His eyes
And I don't have to worry about being unworthy
When I'm giving God the glory
he deserves
My self image is perseved
By Genesis 1:27
Or Ecclesiastes 3:11
He is constantly reminding me
That world is full of lies
Hiding behind the guise
That I need to change
Or rearrange myself
to be loved
This is untrue
The God of heaven and earth
Created and loves me
And everyone of you
Sometimes I don't feel great about my body but it's actually wonderfully made. I know I have to remind myself that and I hope this serves as a reminder to you too.
Phim Aug 2016
She goes to her bedroom and gets down on her knees
Because despite everyone saying that she is an angel
She's not pleased
She knows she can do better
Love harder
Shine brighter
She's desperate to find someway to give as much as she receives
Because she's drowning in forgiveness
So she prays that God will hear her pleas
To use her as his hands and his feet
For love to pour through her like an unquenchable sea
She prays every night, every morning, every day
Hoping someone might tell her that they've found the way
So she knows that she's fulfilled  her purpose
That her life was somehow worth it
Because she spent it loving
Instead of loitering around
Lazy and selfish
With happiness unfound
This was for an assignment where I had to write about the biggest part of my identity.
Phim Aug 2016
I'm angry
I'm angry that this is the world we live in
I'm angry that I can't walk down the street without being harassed
I'm angry that I constantly have to think about how people will react to what I wear
I'm angry about the everyday inconveniences this world has made for me
But more than anything I'm angry that I have to think twice about helping an elderly man into his car
I'm angry that today there was a disabled man slowly pushing his wheelchair across the parking lot and I didn't help him
Because that's the world we have created
A world where we are consistently aware that even by being good we can be punished
I am so angry that I sat there and watched that man for ten minutes
And didn't move because how could I know that he wasn't another Ted Bundy
How could I know
We have created a world with such a deep chasm of distrust that I can't even believe that this poor man was truly disabled
As a woman I have to be afraid of a man in a wheelchair
A man who seemingly cannot walk still has the ability to terrify me
I am so angry
That I am limited
Not only by the things that I wear and the places in which I can go alone
But I am limited in my ability to make the world a better place
I am limited
And I am angry
  Aug 2016 Phim
ochuko blaze
Four candles slowly burned
The ambiance was so soft,one could almost hear them talking........
The first candle said:
“I am peace"
"The world is full of anger and fighting.
Nobody can keep me"
Then the flame of peace went out completely
The second candle said:
"I am faith"
"I am no longer indispensable. It doesn't make sense that I stay another moment"
Just then a breeze softly blew faith's flame.
Sadly the third candle began to speak:
"I am love"
"People don't understand my importance so they simply put me aside. They even forget to love those who are nearest to them"
And waiting no longer love flame went out.
Suddenly........ a child entered the room and saw the three unlit candles.
"Why aren't you burning? You're supposed to stay lit till the end"
Saying this the child began to cry.
Then the fourth candle answered
"Don't be afraid, I am hope"
"While I am still burning we can re light the other candle"
With shining eyes the child took the candle of hope and lit the other candles.
The greatest of these is love...... but the flame of hope should never go out of your life!
With hope each of us can live with peace,faith, and love.
Phim Aug 2016
Deep breaths and it will all be ok in the morning
It's ok to feel
It's ok to cry
But don't think
Just breathe
Doodle out simple things
Flowers and bunnies
Don't think
Don't connect
Breathe and draw
Until the your breathing is no longer staggered
And your body stops shaking
Then crawl into bed
Wrap yourself up
Like an Eskimo
Go blank
Don't think
Just feel
Feel until your insides are dead
And you drift off to sleep
Phim Aug 2016
I'm over reacting
It was nothing
Nothing but fear
Powerless fear
Please laugh
Ask me why I hate him
Because you don't understand
I hate him because he taught me the realist lesson I've ever had to learn
I hate him because I believed in good
I saw the best
I overlooked
But he taught me
He taught me that people are not good
People are not pure
I was unaware
He's nice
He's kind
I told myself
I'm just a kid there's no way he's looking at me like that
Danger wasn't real before him
The men my parents warned me about were distant
Not family friends
Not under my nose
I believed that his eyes were looking at my shirt
I believed that the slips of his hands were accidents
I believed that the lingering hugs,
the midnight phone calls, and the constant stares meant nothing
He was the first person to ever look at me like that
I didn't understand
I was young
Whatever weird feeling I got couldn't have been real
It wasn't real I told myself
But his anger was real
When I didn't answer his phone calls
When I squirmed away from his touch
His anger was very real
When he grabbed my arm
When he didn't let me leave
My terror was real
When I finally realized the possibilities that  could occur behind the closed door
My tears were real
When he touched me and I ran
But nothing happened
So my chest shouldn't get tight when he walks into a room
Nothing happened
So I shouldn't care
So yeah laugh
It's nothing
I'm nothing
Phim Aug 2016
Everything's crashing down
He's leaving
She's crying
He's lying
She's drinking
He's dying
She's growing
Times moving forward
Stress builds up to the brim
Only the survivors win
leaving crying drinking dying growing time forward survivor
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