I find my smile with the lights turned off...
Where I don't have to pretend to love what I don't
With strangers in my mouth
That taste like nothing;
They fill dimmed rooms
To hide painted-on faces,
And they fill their bodies with spirits
Until they forget their own names...
and slowly the darkness begins to fade:
The walls unravel and there they are left
With their colors bleeding out into the
Unrest they succumb to...
they find their smiles with the lights turned off.

Only clear are my thoughts
When the sun fails to shine
With memories so vivid
And often sublime;
A voice traveled somewhere that
Was not my mind

beneath each shriek my mind belted
were the words I held true;
if only these words were not uttered from
you . .

love is a word
love is a verb
love is not outspoken afterthoughts
it is laughs
and your hair in the wind
the flowers grazing the
tip of my nose
as I breathe you in;
it is not a melancholy vibration
overtaking my entire being
as if I am not worthy
of the word of love..
but this body made of decaying wood
and rusty bolts is no longer
the home for this lingering hopelessness
I once called home
love is a verb
that could only beg to describe your active
presence.
love is an adjective for the way I feel when you laugh over nothing and our endless sorries.
love is a noun because it is who you are
to me.

your body is the heavenly host
to the only love I've ever known
and I am home as the embrace
of your supple skin encompasses mine.
I kiss your face even if
your five o'clock shadow is peeking through
and scratching against my the tip of my chin
because no one's lips could ever taste just like yours.
and I do not love you merely for these physical encounters;  
your mind is a glorious entity full of
ideas, thoughts, and aspirations
that I hold dearly to my soul.
I remain in fear yet am fearless
in your presence because
another touch could never feel like yours
and another voice could never sound like yours
and no one’s lips could ever taste just like yours
because your body is the heavenly host
to the only love
I've ever known.

from a world of shadows
there once was a girl
with tulips for eyes
and dandelion curls -
when crowds softly wept
her colors unfurled;
for she held onto strength,
not onto the world.

If only I could
Radiate as the sky,
I’d express this
Inexpressible adoration
Welling inside.
But I am not the sky,
I am every crevice in between;
For behind my fragile frame, I
Am most often unseen.

When words become ablation
And hands are merely frame,
I stand in hesitation
Avoiding vapid flame.
With lack of motivation
I stride with grueling step
To **** sordid crustaceans
Consuming my own head.

i locked my heart in a safe and
i left it at an unknown perch
for the universe to devour and when
i went to retrieve it i found
it half full,
and so it remained. but
as i grew
and smiled
and tremored
and lived,
i found my half-filled heart
full.  
i do not know the time and
i do not know the place
but i know my mind and that is all
that really matters.
as i lay masked in a vulnerable darkness i
feel a lightness in my chest because
no longer do i cloak myself in darkness, i
merely embrace it, and
i merely conquer myself.
my hair falls how it pleases and my
face wrinkles as i live as i please
and i find melodies in his words and
the earth and the trees and i
feel this life is meant to be as he paints
circles in my palms that constitute
certainty.
i feel so much and i see so much
and i write
so much
when the world goes
dark..

drown me in
the ways I wished to feel
for so very long.
drown me with lyrics
and cadenced melodies to
strange love songs that
so simply define us.
drown me with the thoughts in your
head; pour them out into my head,
and dowse me in the way
you feel about the universe,
and immerse me in a sea of every feeling you
have felt, and describe to me why
you are how you are because that is
all you really know. and all I know is that I
am here, and my fear of drowning is slim
to none because I
am
drowning
in
you

In sullen stride of affirmation,
I felt no dream of destination;
But in drowning deceit of sick starvation,
I sighed in hopes of constellations.
In worlds between of deprivation,
I surrendered my frame to degradation.
Out of full eyed, absent minded generations
Came my continuous reformation.

I feel as if I'm going insane,
Yet do nothing to hinder
mind's many reigns.
Perhaps the stars shone
One star to bright,
To belittle the sun
Made it shudder in fright.
Concocted whims
And wants never achieved,
Trickery of myself
Left my mind deceived.
In lost I suppose
We are most often not found,
But meandering feet
Crave solid ground.

love is artificial;
a synthetic drug everyone
craves, although it seems to
always be out of reach.
love is bland;
where are the sparks?
I feel this immutable nothing
with hands laced
in the hands of others,
containing nothing but time between.
I am uninspired
and unexplainably tired
as I mutter each soft spoken breath,
time is slipping through  
as each fictitious word is withdrew,
and I stand alone
uninspired
and inevitably
out of use.

At the break of silence
I hear unnatural buzzes
And man-made whims,
Bystanders making their human sound.
Earth seems to be constantly
Screaming belts of agony
And subsiding tender yelps
Of baby, systematic shrieks.
Simply, the world is still
And tender
And subconsciously
Silent.
It is not but the
Humans and man-made
Everything corrupting the earth,
Disrupting the silent, peaceful
Realm.
There are moments of pure silence
That make the bustling humans wonder
If anyone, or anything is among them.
It is not until shattering sounds
Break the natural sweetness
And leave us
Begging for silence
That we realize the earth
Is fragile
And utterly shy.

Somewhere slightly over yonder
I have a new man, Only fonder.
Apathetic and appropriately somber,
Hands that hold mine, only longer.

Crowds of faces calling encore
To sullen faces sometimes pondered;
I see this place over yonder and
It is there I wish to wander.

Ephemeral my sleep
My mind: obsolete
So sad my sorrow,
So soft my weep.
Roof-top sitting
Absorbed in heavens lid,
Constellations screamed but
I failed to hear what they said.
My heart so bleak,
So gentle the sweep
Of earth's tender beat
Beneath my feet.
Shackled down I hide
Face's frown
Beneath eyes
With dubious, thin hands
That eternally
Lie.

Morose skies dripped with agony
As dawn beckoned closer.
I peered through the rim of the earth
And found utter nothingness.
Not a sound peeped, not a soul weeped
As I fell into the oblivion
Of the earths shallow shores.
Eyes cannot see what this world truly holds
Discomforted hearts longing
And weary eyes falling,
I cannot see through the surface
As my skin is crawling.
Skies shatter and life is amidst,
Entities full of bitterness.
My heart mourns for the emptiness,
But I cannot see the color of the earth.

I have not looked at myself
In a matter of weeks
Comfort filled drops placed
Between the grit of my teeth
Corrosion of the mind followed
By a shattered heart
I lost myself
In a matter of weeks

My eyes have not met hers
In a matter of weeks
Closed eyed conversing
Leading to deceit
Clotted thoughts crushing
Into the surface of my pate
I lost the woman of my memories
In a matter of weeks

My lips have not muttered
In a matter of weeks
Words of clarity or
Something to defeat
Strung out souls waiting for
A transport never to come
I lost my love
In a matter of weeks

I remember a time when light did not fade
before my eyes in flashes
of never ending time.
I remember a time when days were
as colorful as nights
and lies were not lies.
I remember a time when my eyes
saw the surface rather than
everything but that.
I remember these times but now
they are merely rhymes that
have disintegrated into nothing.
I remember the constellation of
thoughts marked on blue-  
lined paper, inscribed
to tell of every whim
and want.  
I remember the bitterness of
my frame and it’s
inabilities,
and it's defiance
overtaking sense.
I remember when dusk
marked night rather than
restless eyes and
i did not have to try to
come back again,
i just came back.
I remember a time when
my name was not merely the sum
of numbers and papers
and unworthy accomplishments
compared to moral worth.
I remember when passion filled
every bone of my being and
i didn’t have this
morose, lingering
abundant mass of thoughts
i do not care to hear

Combatted weaknesses persist as
Weary souls claim to be forever bright,
Yet the omnipresent setting sun
Claims a forthcoming night.
The inescapable cycle of the sky
From color unto ingenious fright,
Prove that with the sun's endless rays
There does not always come light.