True nightmares aren't in color
True nightmares are in black and white
True nightmares don't end when you wake up

a feeble word
weak
in the liars mouth
false
is the promise
called "trust"
so easily broken

but

it can be strong
it can be wonderful,
I'm the protecter's mouth
loyal
promises
meant to be kept

sadly,
i have known both
and false truth is burrowing under my flesh

white
and red
blood
and snow
clouds
and her
red
converse.

tired
and weary
eyes
bleary
fire
yearned
lessons
never learned.

world
of cold
freezing her soul
frost covering her skin.
she doesn't want
to let the shadows in

darkness threatens
red pouring
from her calves
staining her red converse
with red
redder than
her
frostbitten face

scream

Ugh

Walls I've never seen
Floors I've never touched
Slight hostility and indifference
Dance like steam in the air
Blue eyes
Refuse to look at me
My only anchor
Abandoning me
Scared
And confused
I need you here
But you've forgotten
The truth we made

Everything
That comes out my pen
My brain
And my wrists
Unsatisfying
Just simply
Not enough
It hard
To feel proud
When its nothing
But trash

you keep breaking
your unspoken promises
the ones you make with your eyes
every time you smile

i truly hope your feeling better
darling you are all that matters

i need you
but
you're not

h
e
r
e

you don't love me
and it should be easy to accept
but when you love someone for so long
and when you've been through so much with someone
and then they just
forget it
it really
really
hurts.
even with all the ****** things you've said
i still love you
i shouldn't
but i do
i just want things to go back to the way they used to be
but they won't
i don't think they can
everything about you
is just perfect
except
the part where
i'm never going to be good enough for you

please go away
i don't want you here
please

go

i thought i was immune
from hurting anymore
but i remembered again
and it hurt like before
i'll cry my way to heaven
i hope i don't fall down
my heart's a little heavy
i almost wish i could stay around
i loved you a while
as long as i could
it's taken its toll
like i knew it would
i'll leave you my legacy
for everyone to read
tell my story
plant the seed
i'll miss you forever
i promise you i tried
maybe i'll see you again
but for now this is goodbye

I want you to say
I love you

i'm sorry for trusting her.
you're so beautiful.
i love you.
i'm sorry.

i was there for you
when your tears took over
but now your not here
while my fears take over
my head
my heart
and it's tearing me apart

set it on fire
the way i feel
burst into flames
so i dont feel anymore
set me on fire
i want to feel
something other than this
blisters and charred skin
this is what i want

your gone and im sick
someones gonna start throwing fists
******* people off is all i do
all i ******* want is you
so hard to be someone real
i hate these things i feel
stupid sentimentals
romance
and im depressed
how am i supposed to be good enough for you
i miss you so much
im craving everything
i miss your touch
coloring on you skin
i wanna let you in
in heart
to see my soul
look in my eyes
and
idk
i just miss you

and it hurts
and i dont know what i did wrong
did i do anything wrong?
of course i did
because im stupid
and selfish
and
stop
stop
stop
you're not
i mean
im not
but neither are you
im sorry
i want you to be happy

what i have i done

am i
really different
from everyone else?

i work hard,
but nothing ever happens

i try really hard
for nothing

It's new,
This
Self harm thing
But I feel like I've done it forever
It feels like
An old friend
Filling me with p o I s o n

i keep wasting time
i never asked for so much

what happened
to all the people who cared about me?

sometimes
i get tired of writing the same thing
but writing the same thing
is the only thing people seem to care about

Should I open my eyes?
Should I face reality?
The reality that I'll always have this feeling?
This unstoppable, overwhelming, consuming, sickening feeling of being alone?

Maybe I should just
Accept it.
I know
I know I'm gonna be alone.
That no one's gonna love me.
That I'm never gonna be good enough for anyone.

I want
To breathe
To understand
What's wrong with me
I feel like this is temporary
This
newness
But I know it's permanent
The loneliness
I keep going
but I don't want to

he says somebody will love you
but i don't somebody
i want him

rip into me
im just a vessel
a vessel for pain
so rip into me
with the pretty shards
of my broken heart
cut me with the tips
of my feathers from my wings
that you tore from my back
no longer seraphim
no longer yours

I want
To feel nothing


But I want to FEEL something

I mean nothing to you, do I?
Wait
I might be overreacting
Maybe?
I don't even love you like that
So why do I want you to hold me
Doesn't matter I guess
Cause I don't mean **** to you
I can try
But I'll never be good enough
Not for me
Not for you
Not for anyone
I'm never going to be happy

i wish i meant something
to you
you know,
like how i used to

It hurts
But I gotta do it
I don't know why
But hurting myself
Is
Inevitable

with a heavy heart he said:
"i never meant for it to go this way"

I feel like
I'll never be enough
I'm tired of being nothing
But maybe something
Is overrated

I'm not going to lie to you
I love you
But
I know that's not enough
And it hurts
So bad
Im sorry

Watch a night
With memories like stones in my stomach
Flashing lights
Of a police car as I leave
Stars dimmed
By ink-soaked clouds
You're different
Than before
Better
Confusion
Sinking into my brain
Is it you?
Or someone
Greater?
Infinite impossibilities
Stretch across my head
Blood
Drips across my lips
From biting too hard
Miles to go
Before I get home

What did I see
Was it you looking at me
Or am I lying to myself
And storing up pretty lies on a shelf
Were you really smiling at me
Or are you lying to me
Am I thinking to much
Desperate for a touch
Is there something wrong with my mind
Or could you really take your time
To stay and lie with me
Stars and velvet and dark trees
Is this real
How I feel
Memories of how we used to be
Every single one is killing me
Ink on skin on skin
It was so easy to let you in
I miss you
The way you used to be
I miss the old words
Us and we

We sat on the railing, high above the building, like we were on the edge of the world.
The moon breathed our names, and they soaked into the purple sea.
Raindrops land on my hands, softly pattering against my palms.
The candles, fizzle out, bathing the world in darkness.
But the raindrops on my hands turn into stars, and suddenly, I realized that you were the brightest thing I could ever see.
I wanted to show you, but you were gone. I looked down, to see you fall.
I close my eyes when you hit the ground, but that doesn’t stop me from crying.
I get to the ground as soon as I can.
The neon violet light shines against your skin, making you shine more than I had ever seen you.
You’re right there, blinding me, yet no one sees you.
They’re so sharp, the shards of your broken heart.
They surround you, glinting and sparkling as the starlight rain falls on your face.
I pick up a piece and draw one last picture for you.

And there she was
A rough scab on a smooth perfect knee
With a chalky cigarette between bony fingers
Chipped red painted nails
Matching crimson accenting glossy white walls
She knew she was dreaming
Because of the ****** sun in the middle of the room
Chapped lips crack with scarlet, staining teeth
Surgical gloves reaching out from her beating heart
Held in by pale marked skin
Needles pricking gums, calling upon beads of ruby
Incisors and canines fall out one by one
Heavy tongue tastes gory wine
Indifference and apathy sistering one another
Stitches hold right-handed fingers in permanent crosses
Though an opal ring falls through
The shattering crystal lights the room ablaze
Intangible flames lick the ceiling as it rises and the floor sinks
An ever-expanding room flashing over and over in endless continuity
Like a repeating reel of film catching on fire
And then she was gone

And there she was
A rough scab on a smooth perfect knee
With a chalky cigarette between bony fingers
Chipped red painted nails
Matching crimson accenting glossy white walls
She knew she was dreaming
Because of the ****** sun in the middle of the room
Chapped lips crack with scarlet, staining teeth
Surgical gloves reaching out from her beating heart
Held in by pale marked skin
Needles pricking gums, calling upon beads of ruby
Incisors and canines fall out one by one
Heavy tongue tastes gory wine
Indifference and apathy sistering one another
Stitches hold right-handed fingers in permanent crosses
Though an opal ring falls through
The shattering crystal lights the room ablaze
Intangible flames lick the ceiling as it rises and the floor sinks
An ever-expanding room flashing over and over in endless continuity
Like a repeating reel of film catching on fire
And then she was gone

Volatile (Adjective)
Seeming to change without reason; unstable and unpredictable

Synonyms: Me, Love, Emotions, McDonald's ice cream machines

in waking nightmare
she screams while awake

the color
of her eyes
bleeds out
with her tears

your skin is warm, beneath your shirt.
i like making you laugh.
your laugh fills me with joy
leaving me craving for more when you stop
i like walking beside you,
our hands touching sometimes
telling stories
of a better life
dandelions
in my hair
collecting in my brush
and floating away
when i shake my head
walking to your house
to eat strawberries
and still taste them on my lips
after i leave.

the sky is golden blue
your cheeks a pinkish hue
walking through the snowy woods
all i want right here with you
time is slow
your hand in mine
falling snow
clouds align
the softest kiss
upon my nose
arms around you
wind softly blows
it's cold
but i can't tell
deep i my heart
my love will dwell
boots are crunching
soft white snow
i love you more
than you will know

Talking next to you for hours
Turning cigarettes into flowers
Listening to the cricket's song
Can't sleep, awake all night long
Thinking of your, your voice, your heart
Being away from you tore me apart
Dancing by the lake
Moon's reflections shattered
Darling, I will wait,
You are all that matters
Found a plastic bag,
filled it up with violets
Listen to the sound
Of forgetting the violence
Streetlights
And store lights
Wandering with you
Darling how
I wish I knew
What I mean to you

Talking next to you for hours
Turning cigarettes into flowers
Listening to the cricket's song
Can't sleep, awake all night long
Thinking of your, your voice, your heart
Being away from you tore me apart
Dancing by the lake
Moon's reflections shattered
Darling, I will wait,
You are all that matters
Found a plastic bag,
filled it up with violets
Listen to the sound
Of forgetting the violence
Streetlights
And store lights
Wandering with you
Darling how
I wish I knew
What I mean to you