I love the oppritunity that comes with a blank canvas
White
Blank
And then I have all these colors to choose from to bring it to life!

Which ones will I choose?

Dripping ice hangs overhead
I look up and freezing water hits my head
This is why I so quickly jumped out of bed
To see the beautiful white spread

As I walk around careful not to cause destruction
To the beauty of nature's Winter construction
I smile at the Earth's induction
Of the white powder that comes to make an introduction.

I was told today that I can't be both a Feminist and a Christian
"Really Lexi, this again
Why can't you just pick one of them
You don't know whay you're saying."

"No you are not" is what they say
to me again and again everyday
"Why don't you just go away
be normal and go and play."

But I'm trying to tell you who I am
I don't expect you to understand
but why do you make me feel as small as sand
instead of just listening

You act as if I've commited a crime
as if these words can't be mine
as if my mouth should have a bedtime
you shut me down

What is wrong with people today
we're so divided in every single way
all I want to do is say
Please end this destructive fray

But I'm "just a kid"
people didn't act how I did
that sat still and pretty and hid
if they ever did something that was forbid

As much as I hate it when people are mad
maybe don't try to make others feel bad
then we can all be in harmony and glad
and we can all gad
together

but this wonderful sounding universe
where all of us live without having to curse
cannot become properly versed
until we stop judging others first

I am a feminist
I am a Christian
I am proud of both
So hear me and listen

Nothing you say or do
will convince me I'm not
because hunny let me tell you
I am tougher than you thought.

Looking at the star
I heard him wisper
"You'll shine as bright as me someday."

You were a red flag
all by yourself
trying to convince me you loved me
while still putting me on the shelf

don't know why I ignored the sirens
or you running from the lights
I guess I never noticed
Or maybe I was blined by my wanting for
Mr. Right.

My skin
Her face
My legs
Her waist

All so different
how will ever I match up

I'm different
and I should love what I am
Dark hair and eyes
Beautiful caramel colored skin
I wish I didn't have to lie
Do I really want to be where they've been?

But they're all so perfect
Her long legs thin
Her flat stomach
Why can't I be them?

My curvy waist
My strange smile
My weird laugh
I always look vile

I want to talk to them
but i'm not plastic
I need to go hit the gym
before I do something drastic

Not only do they see me ******* up out here
they don't see any bit of my heart
but what I constantly fear
is that they wont think i'm a work of art

I never stop crying
trying to stop my pronounced fate
I'm so tired of trying
to let go of this internal hate

I'm a woman of color
A woman judged by her skin
I look at my self and think i'm duller
because everyone knows you can only be beautiful
when you look just like them
so simialr

You become a involuntary twin.

There comes a point and time
where you just have to stop.

Stop loving them
Stop worrying about it
Stop trying so hard.

I'm not the girl who thrives on being in a relationship
I'm not the girl who moves around like a ship
I'm not the girl who just "takes a dip"
just for the sake of trying.

I'm not the girl who will kneel and bow
I'm not the girl who will wipe the sweat off his brow
I'm not the girl who will just let him plow
right on over me

I'm the girl who will drive you mad
I'm the girl who isn't "bad"
I'm the girl who makes the fads
I'm the goody-goody

I'm the girl who is still a ******
I'm the girl who will continue to burgeon
I'm the girl who will never go to a surgeon
just so I can be the same

I'm the girl who will give you all my heart
I'm the girl who been broken from the start

so love me if you can
I don't expect you to understand
That I don't need you to be "grand"
I just need you to be mine.

I have been shot.
Not by a flying arrow
Not by a steel bullet
but by the overwhelming sensation
that I'm in love.
I am penetrated by your love.

Your eyes are the ammunition
Your lips are the gun
Your hand pulls the trigger
Now I am done.

Oh beautiful people,
take a deep breath.

The funny thing about you is
when you flirt
you don't really want me
all you want is a relationship
and my body
and ***, that's not me
let me help you to see

Put yourself is this scenario
it's you and me and I tell you I have to go
but you can't except that I don't want you as my beau
because you've always been a lothario

"You know that's the funny thing about decisions,
you never seem to have to talk yourself into the right ones."

Positivity
                   is
                       key
                               or
                                      so
                                             they
                                                      say
      ­                                                       but
                                                       has
                                                 the
                                         they
                                  that
                           say
                   ever
experienced
                                      
                         ­                                                                 ­                         pain?

You look at my body
And tell me i'm pretty
I turn away and you say
"Dang what a hottie"

Why is it that every time i hear
a catcall or whistle
instead of feeling good  
I turn in anger and I bristle

I wish when you saw my curves
you wouldn't gawk
instead walk over to me
and let's talk

I feel nasty in my own skin
I shrink out of embarrassment
uncomfortable in the only place I've ever been
wishing more than anything that I had no body

I fear that the only reason you like me
is not for my heart
wish that wasn't how it has to be
but that's how it's been from the start

So I will ask now
how
when
who
will love me, for me?

"A 5."

I'm a 5?
Is that really what I want
                    Don’t care about what they think you’re beautiful
Wow. I thought at least a 6 or a 7
But a 5?
                     You are perfect. Their opinion doesn’t define you.
I should do it again.
                     No. Please. You know how bad for you that is.
I’m going to do it.
I have been gaining recently.
What’s it going to hurt?
                      Me and you. Please don’t
…..
         …..
I feel better now.
                      I wish you would listen to me.
He said I look good.
He said I’ve gotten skinny.
He said I’m better now.
                      Don’t do this love, please.
She said I look good.
She said I’ve gotten skinny.
She asked me how i’m better now.
                     You are more than enough to me,
                                             You have always been and will always be.
This is working well i’m happy again
Can’t you see i’m now a 10?
                     Oh lovely daughter you are so much more than
                                             words can tell you
                     One day someone will love you just like this, like
                                             I do.
I’ll keep going it’s doing nothing wrong.
                     I know you can’t yet see
                     But the pain you are feeling is just hiding
                                             underneath
…..
                     Please.
He said I look unhealthy.
He said i’ve gotten ugly.
He told me i’m a 5.
                     I promise you my love you are not a rating on a
                                             scale
                    You are smart, kind, more stunning than I can
                                            explain.
She said I look unhealthy.
She said i’ve gotten ugly.
She told me i’m a 5.

cries
                   If you can hear then listen close.
           You are Lovable.
           You are Valuable
           You are Capable.
           You are Redeemable.
I don’t know.
           Love, I created the stars.
           The shining light from above that meets you in the
                                           morning.
           I created you.
          Why would you doubt me?
          The very one who created beautiful?
Society has made me fear it the most.

For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

Just when I almost gave up
Just when I was done
Just when I was not going to feel
I started to for you

I thought I would never get over him
I thought that I would always be stuck
But then I met you
And now there's no turning back

I am not right now in love with you
But I know that I am in like
I am proud to say that I fell
And you caught me on my way.

I'm over you
just like Jennifer Garner is over Ben Affleck.

I hate her because you said you loved her
And I don't even know her.

We live in a world full of everything
we have the happy
we have the sad
we have the angry
we have the glad
we have food
we have houses
we have feuds
we have spouses
we have the glowing
we have defeat
we have the outgoing
we have those who retreat

As we go through life
with our eyes pressed forward
we never stop to look at the ones who "don't have"
those who are hurting
those who are sad
those who are crying
those who are mad
those who have no houses
those who have no food
those who have no spouses
those who live in a constant fued
those who are covered in strife
those who are broke
those who are done with life
and willing to choke

So my challenge to you is next time you walk outside
next time you start to ignore
instead of worrying of only yourself
help someone through the door
stop putting them on the shelf
help them off the floor
and think of something other than yourself
a lot more

If you really know me you should know that I love the stars
I love sitting outside at night no matter what season
Whether i'm on a pile of flowers,grass,leaves, or snow
And i love for you to know
That to me you are a star

no matter how mad I am at you
for all that you put me through
I will forever think of you
as a star

who, you may ask is this star you speak of
they shine so bright
they fly higher than a dove
sit tight
I will tell you my love

I love that he keeps me smiling
I love that no matter where you are
the thought of you seems to warm me
because he is the closest thing to astral
that there ever will be

Despite all the hurting
Despite all the bad
Despite all the leaving
Despite all the sad

There is still healing
There is still good
There is still staying
There is still those who would

rather stay weak
when they could be strong
those who chose right
when they could chose wrong

there are two kinds of people in this world
those who do
and those who don't.

Hands shaking
heart broken
not by a lover
but by someone other

so lost
so hurting
i'm tired of feeling
i'm tired of thinking

I will just go to sleep
and it'll all be gone
if I close my eyes I can escape
but not fast enough

I wake up and cry
because right before my eyes
there he is
haunting me

and my heart finally broke for the very last time.

Give me my Romeo. And when I shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.

So often we sit and wait
we cry ourselves to sleep
hope for the best
we are fake being happy
till we are really put to the test

we sob violently
under the sheets
afraid that someone may hear
because God only knows
that we as humans may shed a tear

so often we are just okay
afraid to speak up
to stay and say

we whine and trash talk
about our sisters alike
saying if only she was prettier
she wouldn't just be riding her bike

we call each other ***** and ******
teaching our daughters to grow up
thinking being a women is more of a chore

so often boys are treated like monsters
told they are nasty
til finally they match up
and get told they are ghastly
till finally they just give up

they say, "we don't want to be part of the standard anymore
we just want to be enough
why does my gender have to define me as all these things
I wish I wouldn't have grown up."

we treat them like trash
we throw everyone into last
don't you think
they may not all be the same

So often we see people walk past us
we never stop to ask what
we never even think maybe they had a rough day
we just keep walking,pushing
to stuck in our own ways

So next time you see someone
small and frail
nice,mean
female or male
short,tall
nasty,clean
not some but all
to look at them and say

"You my friend are beautiful in every single way."

In my heart
I know that I shouldn't love you.











I guess I don't know enough.

Everything, everything
is waiting for you.

Love is like smoke
I take it in
and blow it back.

So many times I am tried
and I have a reason to cry
but yet I don't
I stay afloat

I am honestly fine
I have you as mine
I have so much time
to feel happy

You bring me joy
I no longer have to be coy
because I feel happy when I'm with you

I am lost
I am tired
I have finally
lost the fire

I am done of feeling so blue
I feel I have lost me
and I feel I have lost you

I wish that you could understand
How lost and tired I truly am

Why bother?
He's not worth all the fuss.

I'd love for you to notice me
I'd love for you to care
I'd love for you to laugh with me
To compliment my hair

I don't need you to complete me
I just wish you could see
the light I see inside of you
the way you pull me through and through

I love your eyes and how they look
like you never stopped to frown
but all I seem to see of you now
is you hanging your head down

I'm really trying to stop caring for you
I'm trying to give up
but if I stopped doing this
It would be like growing up

Because I feel your always there
standing in peripheral view
but
keeping you
loving you
is like no longer allowing yourself
to see hue

There are so many things
I'd like to say
but not all of them shall come
at least not today

I met you while I was young
and I had soon begun
to realize that we would always be friends
until the death of the sun

This poem may not be the daily
It may not even be read
but at least I know that
when i'm with you
i'll never fail to be fed

that last line was random
quite like you and me
but oh Han I love us
to the bottom of the sea

we play in the snow
we dance in the rain
we laugh at our jokes
and we love each other all the same

you cry in movies
you love to read books
you are always yourself
even if you may get looks

you love like no other
I have ever seen
you show off you Faith
even when others are mean

I look up to you
in so many ways
I am in a constant state
of an unintentional daze

we laugh
and we have cried
we have lived
and we have bide

I have known you since I was young
but oh best friend hang tight
because our story hasn't even begun

They fall like bullets
They hit like rain
They feel like defeat
They cause me pain

They aren't angry
They aren't sad
They aren't happy
They just make me feel bad

You make me feel like crap
You call me a ****
I'm tired of feeling worthless
Because your mouth will not shut

I am just tired of crying
I’m tired of life
I have things going on
But telling you would cause nothing but strife

I'm done listening to you lie
I'm done listening to you speak
Because anytime you do
You are just making me feel bleak

I guess i'll finally listen to you
To what you said when I was young
For you spoke nothing but true
when you said to me

No one can make you cry
If you tell them goodbye.

We chew on words
We chew on thoughts
We chew them like curds
We chew a lot.

We chew on gum
We chew on emotions
We are so dumb
We just go through the motions.

We chew on our fingers
We chew on rubber bands
We start to linger
We honestly just don't understand

That chew means to think
and think means to chew
I know before I even blink
That I will always love you.

Broken heart
Means a brand new start
But this heart is not wanting to restart

I'm trying so hard to mend
I'm trying not to allow a bend
I'm trying to start a new trend
The trend of you and me

Now I lay alone
Like a dog with no bone
Like a trail but no home
I am lost with out you to call as my own

I wish you could see
The you and the me
That I always wanted there to be
But you have always wanted to be free of me

I guess the last line may not be true
That may not really be you
But if it's not true
Than how come I'm so blue?

"I wish I had a boy."
She said.
"I wish that someone loved me more than the crashing waters of the ocean.
More than Art and the beautiful music.
More than the stars in the sky that twinkle like diamonds at night.

More than life itself."

Then a voice that seemed to come from the sky said these two words,


                                            "I do."

So you think it's okay
to  cause her pain
does it give you something to gain
to see her insane

she tries to not cry
she tries to get by
she tries to stop feeling regret
for all of her lies

she lays awake
trying to shake
the deep feeling inside her
that caused her to break

she feels all alone
she no longer has a home
she tries screams out
why couldn't he have just left me alone

but instead she is blue
for no one will want you
if you have
something to rue

You being gone
made me fear the dawn
I was scared to wake and find you back once more
but you never did I guess I was a bore

I'm sick of having to sit back and think
being forced to take gulps of you poisonous drink
I want to be wanted by you like I should have been
I guess I wasn't good enough
please try again

I was swimming in the dark
treading water knowing there was no spark
I was all alone

until I was showed home

Ever since that day
I have been remade
I have been showed there is another way
To fill the void that you had made

So carry on to your rock
I don't want to make you stop
I don't care if you here or there
I have a new daddy who lives up stairs.

Try, Try
try to say hi
to the people who just pass me by.
Cry, cry
time to cry
I cry so much my throat goes dry.
Lie, lie
all I do is lie
they say that I should just go and die.
So bye, bye
It's time to say bye
I guess you can't always be on that high.