I used to have an issue with my body.
Three years ago. 2015. The year of horrors.
My weight was 60 kilograms and I don’t remember if I had a few grams more, but it doesn’t a matter. The issues is that I was a bit fat. I have never been fat. I was sad about it and I had a lot of problems more in that year.
My principal problem was that when all of my girlfriends developed their body, I had a little girl body. My body begins to develop and that was when I turned fat, I didn’t like myself, personal problems, more issues. I increased 15 kilograms. I was really depressed. I started hating me more.
Between 2016 and 2017, my body started changing. I lost weight, I hadn’t got issues with me anymore. That was really amazing.
End of 2017 and this year (2018), my body changed completely. I don’t have the body that I used to own in 2015. I am thin and happy, but sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, unconsciously I see myself as I was in 2015, fat.
That kills me.
Kills me more knowing that I couldn’t talk with my mother about it, because she didn’t understand it. But I could talk with my best friend and with my auntie because they understand it. I’m thankful about it.
What more kills me is the fact that I know that my body it’s thin but my mind shows me another thing, which I hate and makes me sad.
But today, July 25, 2018. My weight is 48 kilograms. I see the real me. I see myself thin. Now my unconscious accepts that I’m thin again. I’m really happy now because that is the body that I had all my entire life, that is the body that I want and which I’m in love with. I’m glad that I got back what I always wanted.

Gemini are notorious for having “split” personalities, and I am no different. I have two sides of me that are always at war within me.

Both the Devil and the Angel within me are trying to influence me, in the form of thoughts running through my head that makes it seem like i'm talking to myself.

I emphasizes on the fact that my character is composed into two parts, the ‘angel,’ the one that wants to do good not only for myself but also for others, and also the ‘devil,’ the selfish, more arrogant division in my persona that drives me to do things that’ll make me stray off the path of righteousness.

Elena and Katerina, which again connotes the incredible duality and polarity of my character. Even though it seems like they’re almost two different people, they’re most definitely one whole character.

My inner good realized what I am doing is dangerous, but my inner demons insist on coming out at night. When I say “not closing the curtains”, im showing the real dark half of myself.

“If you are mean with me, I’ll be meaner with you”
When you do something “wrong” or the evilest thing towards someone, they take revenge of that
Instead of take advantage of that situation and person and trying to be better than those, than them.
They need, they have the desire to be more devilish.

It’s pathetic. Mediocre.

People seem to be angels, the purest souls. Even the ones who are good human beings.
But we all have a demon burning inside of us, yelling to escape, to be free.
But that chaos which people have is major.
They sell you an angelical aura, the best moral, and the darkness inside of them is unexpected.
Even the one who can be “an angel” is and could be the malevolent ******.

Fury running through all my veins.
Fire goes through every part and centimeter of my body.

Fury and fire sweep through my whole being, soul and spirit. They destroy everything in their path, as if they were a hurricane.

They consume me. They take over me. They take control over me because I can not control them, they are stronger than a thousand demons.

I feel like I become a beast while fire and fury grow inside me.

A beast thirsting for hatred, revenge, with a huge pleasure to destroy everything around her.

They can not break free and I lose control.
Because of that, fire and fury are trapped in my skin and in my bones

oh darling...
whenever you feel down, out of yourself, or even, if you feel that you can't with the situation, because you are not feeling strong enough...

use your Wildcard.

you don't have different personalities for nothing, don't you know?
when you are feeling negative, we are the replacement.
you didn't build another you for nothing, too.

don't be fooled, love. we are the devil in disguise.
reminder: use your Wildcard.

I was twelve
I was sad and depressed
She gone
I was sitting on her bed
Remembering her
I opened her wardrobe
I found a long black dress with white flowers on it
I smelled it
The smell of her
Tears where running down my cheeks
I was missing her. I miss her
I used to feel lost without her
Years later, I found my way back to reality, to the world, to all.
Because I get back to her
I can see death people
Now the world is complete
I am thankful of the gift that God, Life, She gave me
I’m with her again. She’s again with me. My family is again with her
Death is not so bad
Because I have this gift and I can see it all
And I’ve got all in my hands now
And today I’m the happiest person in this ******* world, I’ve got everything that I’ve ever wanted: especially her, again.

I like tall boys
With huge hands
Large fingers
With rings on it
Marked veins  
Hands choking my neck
Calling me “baby girl”
With the thumb touching my lower lip
His nose touching mine
His lips next to mine
And lustful eyes

your eyes and heart say that you love me
your mouth say that you don’t

he asked me once “why don’t you hate them?”
I said “first of all, I don’t feel hate and secondly, life is too short for hate someone and waste my precious time thinking negative thing and talk **** about someone. I just ignore and when someone do to me something that I don’t like I just delete them from my life”

He is always saying beautiful words
And I know that he is true about it
But sometimes I feel that he is lying
Or I feel that he doesn’t feel that love at me again
And I don’t want to admit it, but that makes me sad
Sometimes I feel that I really need him, and I don’t want to let him go
Or... Am I afraid of let him go?
I don’t know. I need thousand answers to my thousand questions

we are like yin and yang
he is an angel and im a devil
he is light, I’m dark
he is white, I’m black
he is good, I’m bad
he is like the sun, I’m like the moon
he is demonstrative and I don’t like showing positive human feeling
he is generous, I’m a *****
he is a match, I’m fire
we complement each other
this is the way that we work
we are perfectly imperfect
but we love that
and we are gonna ride till someone of us will die
king and queen, conquering the world
that’s what we are
but, who said that an angel and a demon can not go hand in hand?

At 05:26am, you sent me drunk texts.
You said that you still loving me, you miss me like a crazy and you need me, you told me all that things that you used to tell me.

Then, we started to talk.
It was beautiful, like before.
You said that the next day, you’ll come to my home to talk about us and try to fix things and be what we were.

We did it.
Yesterday, you came to my home.
We talked about us.
You said that you want to fix things with me, you said that you want me back, you said that you want us back. Me too.

And now, we are trying to be what we were.
We are back together.

I got everything that I had before.
You. Specially, you.
My life is perfect, complete.
I have my other two best friends.
I got you back.
My family is doing good.
Everything is as before. Everything is perfect again.
We are back, together again.

if you are going to stay, good, do it, stay by my side but if you are going to be by my side just few times  and when you want, go away, let me move on completely and don’t promise silly promises. if you are gonna stay, do it and if you’re not, fly away.

I remember that I have deleted all of our memories.
Now, the one that I want it back is that picture, of you and me, just to remember how happily we were with each other and I’m afraid of talk to you just to say “hey do you still have that picture? we were at school, you were kissing my head and you posted it for my birthday”
If you read this, if you have the picture, can you send it to me?

he perfectly knew when my body was possessed by the twins.
he could identified them in an magnificent way.
he said “your eyes are darker when you are K, you change. you are savage, manipulator, dangerous, careless. the devil”
he also said “your eyes are brighter when you are E, you are another person. you are care-loving, sweet. an angel”

I had a best friend, his name is Luke. We used to have a really beautiful, special and unique friendship.
But I lost him. He lost me. We lost each other.
I don’t know what was the problem. Either what was going on.
I just know that I feel that something is missing in my soul and heart. Is him.
I cry about him. He cries about me. We cry about each other.
Sometimes I feel sad about all this mess.
And sometimes I don’t know what to feel.
I just know that losing a best friend is ******* painful.
Yes, we had a lot of ups and downs. But there was a lot of love too.
Luke, best friend, I just want you to know that I am never going to forget you.
With love, A.

I found God
I found him in a lover
With his warm arms when he hugs me
And those sweet words that come out of his mouth
When I spend time with him
Specially when we are alone
Together  
Side by side
I feel like home
And he transmits me peace

In your arms I feel safe
In your arms I feel no pain, no suffer
In your arms I feel warm
In your arms I feel no insecurities
In your arms I feel loved
In your arms I feel no fear
In your arms I feel that everything’s is okay
When I am in your arms I feel that you are like a magic pill because you can vanish all the pain, all the suffer, all my fears, all my demons, all my insecurities.
You are magical.

Puede ser hiriente y mucho, conoce instintivamente los puntos débiles de los demás y su facilidad de palabra unida a su lengua viperina será suficiente para conseguir lo que quiere.


Ella adoraba jugar con la mente de los demás. Se mete en tu mente y juega con ella, saca lo mejor y lo peor de ti.


Ella es una gran maipuladora secreta, obtiene lo que quiere sin hacer una gran escena.


She is Katerina, my dark side.

Pain.
Hate.
Fire.
Fury.
For a tiny soul.

She felt the need of run away from him. But she couldn’t. Couldn’t scape. She couldn’t run away from her creator.

A lion with his prey.
A prey with her lion.

A rabbit with a lion. That’s how she felt. Cornered by him. Controlled. Invaded. Repressed.

Years passed and the rabbit became a wolf. But not when she was close to the creator. She  became small. A rabbit, again.

I found the Devil
I found him in a lover
With his tongue so poisonous
His hands are so big that they grab my neck lustfully
With his eyes black as coal and his devilish smile that say ¨don’t be afraid, lets do it, it will be fun¨

“oh baby girl, as in the beginning, as everything has started. turn off your emotions, your feelings, everything. all over again. so you are not going to feel pain, love, sadness like a fool again. do it and we are going to be just the three of us together like the old times. do it and everything is going to be all right, again.”

K said to me.

we were laying at the office couch
he came to me
with one hand he grab my wrists
and with the other hand he grab my hip
he brought his body to mine
and said “I want you and me to get laid tonight, baby girl”

I think that I’m doing all wrong.
I feel that I’m losing people who I love.
I hate that feeling.
Sometimes I feel lost and I want to put a gun in my head or inside my mouth.
What will happen if I lose that people?
What will happen with me?
What will happen with my heart?
And with my feelings?
My heart, what will happen with it? Is it going to be broke? Lost?

10/7/2020
today. I just discovered that my personalities can manipulate me on my dreams.

they tell me what to do and I obey them. without complain, saying (nothing). I just act.

and they like that. K enjoys it.

they can talk to me on those dreams, is like a lot of voices in my mind

I don’t remember exactly what day it was.
It was a weekday, the only thing that I remembered.
The day you left.
There was grief, sadness, pain and suffering.
Those feelings reigned in the living room of my house.
Tears were running down my cheeks from my reddened eyes.
Your soul wandered through the apartment.
Your smell, impregnated inside my nose.
Take years to accept your death.
My memories of you were all sad, even the happiest.
Today, what I cried in the past, became happy moments and smiles.

In memory of my Grandmother.

He told me once: “I would like to enter your mind”.
Darling, you don’t know what you’re saying.
The first time you enter, you will never be able to leave again. It’s a labyrinth with no way out.
Also, you are going to be afraid about all of my darkest secrets.
You will want to run away but you can not.

she was so pure
she was a little ray of sunshine
she was bright

but she was broke
she cry  
she is so desperate in that sea of tears
she shouted for help, but nobody could hear her
she couldn’t deal with all of her demons
she wanted to tear off her skin

but no

she has to deal with her demons, including her three personalities

and that's when she knew that she is going to burn in hell

I am like fire, destroys everything in my path, but also do beautiful things with it and above all it looks beautiful and great.

I remember that when I was a little girl, specifically 7 years old, my thoughts were “I am never going to grow up” “Time passes so slow to be older/teenager/adult” “I’m kinda going to be a kid forever” but i knew that “forever” doesn’t exists.
Now, I am 17 years old, next year I’m going to go to the university, I’m going to study the career that really passionate me, psychology.
Right now, my thoughts are “I grew up, I made it” “Luckily, I am not a kid forever” “Time passes pretty fast”.
And I can’t describe the happiness that I have inside of my small body.

you hate what the other people done to you, right? so, stop ******* doing it to the people that you love because they don't deserve that bad treatments that the others has given to you

somebody pray for me before it’s too late for me
these demons still chasing me
but angels, they stay with me
they wait for me faithfully
when I fall into the dark, they awaken me
they view ****** as beauty mistakenly