I loved him
   He loved me
        But love wasn't enough

Silly one,
   your flaws
      only make me
          love you more

Too many people
Have lost the art of
Writing

And I'm not talking about
Texting or
Messaging or
Emailing

No.

I'm talking about
Grabbing a pen
And taking a paper
And pouring your soul
Through hard labor of fingers
And thoughts
And taking that piece
Of great effort
And sending it to someone
Who's holding your heart

I tell you it’s dark inside 

You say turn on a light

I say it hurts my eyes

I’ve gotten use to the dark 

I can feel my way to my heart 

And lay down on its surface

I can tiptoe my way

Around hopelessness 

Slip on a few things 

But not fall

But you’re still new to it 

You still trip on my

Newly discovered fears

Still drown in my overwhelming 

Sea of sadness 

You've gotten bruises

From slipping on my silence 

You have fallen on my weariness

And I’m sorry 
I never meant for it 

To swallow you too 

Loving you makes a difference 

But you can't fix a ****
With nothing but a twig 

You can take a horse to a spring 

But you can't make it drink 

You can love me all you want 

But I have to learn 

To love myself 

Enough to turn on the light 

I will try to ease my eyes
to the light 
But fire eventually burns out
Even candles know that

I’m sorry I’m not okay 

I wish I was

If only it were 

To be well enough 

To look into your eyes 

And not feel like I’m drowning

To be able to feel 

The trace of your hands on mine

And not wish you didn’t have to

Feel the scars 

I’m sorry I’m not okay 

I really wish I was 

If only to be able to tell you
How much I love you 

Enough to not die for you

Enough to live with you

I sleep
But I don't rest
I eat
But I'm not fulfilled
I love
But I'm guarded
I'm free
But I'm haunted
I'm alive
But I'm not living

Dolor, o gran dolor
Cuán irresistible te viste
Aquella anochecer
Me atrajiste, me seduciste
A una dulce oscurana
En cuál yo me perdí
Cubriste mis ojos
Callaste mi sentir
Y de pronto, sin aviso
Te tragaste mi vivir
Tan lenta tu muerte
Tan grande tu esplendor
Enamoraste mi alma
Sólo a ti veo en mi alrededor
Mi amante secreto
Mi valiente salvador
Tanta pérdida me causaste
Y aunque se la salida
Me sigo perdiendo en ti
Mi amado dolor.

New Year’s Resolutions
1. Learn to love myself.
2. Learn to accept.
3. Learn to forgive.
4. Learn to forget.
5. Forget him.
6. Forget him.
7. Forget him.
8. Forget him.
9. Forget him.
10. Forget him.

Ocean blue
Our hands fit
Like mine were made for you
We danced on rooftops
Just us two
As clueless lovers
Often do
You promised me you'd be back
But it's been 5 years
And I can't even keep track
Of the different states you've seen
You forgot to mention something
That you got a girl
And she got the ring
Some nights I remember you
And I wonder if
You think of me too

Querido corazón,
No te ilusiones.

When I first admitted
To loving you
A seed was planted in my being
It grew with every rain of love
It somehow became a part of me
And when you left
My body ached
You are like
A phantom limb
My body cannot
Accept your absence
Some nights
I feel it all again
I relive the moment
I did not give consent for
Such great a amputation
Though I knew the risks
Of keeping a dying limb
You cut yourself off
And months later I'm stuck
With my phantom pain
They took me to psych
Told me I'd gone insane
But after the sunshine of our love
what's there to expect
But cold weather and rain?

I wrote you poems
On pretty papers
With pens
So that when the rain came
It wouldn't wash them away
You tattooed your words
On the walls of my heart
So that when the pain came
The letters would stay
My ink was bright blue
And yours was black
I'm left with your tattoo
And you're left with a stack
Of papers with poetry
That will only serve
For mockery
I will always wonder
If you meant what you said
And you will always know
I meant what you read

Quien soy?
          La pregunta
              que flota
          en mis labios
                 Sin descanso
           sin respuesta

You were like
the first word in a poem
The first note in a symphony
the first beam of sunlight
in the morning
and the first star
in the night sky
I loved you more than
the moon loves the sun
the ocean loves the shore
my lungs love the air I breathe
but what if we were
the dark before a dawn
the rain before a rainbow
the calm before the crash
what if all we were was prologue

You see, forgetting you
is not a one time thing
it's a constant daily battle
stop thinking about him
remember the times
he stood you up
remember the times
he broke your heart
remember the things
he said in his anger
remember the way
he left you all alone
remember how
he gave no explanation
oh but remember
the roses he brought you
remember the late night conversations
remember the first time
he told you he loved you
remember the secrets
he confided in you
no, stop
stop
remember what's good for you
remember he's not good for you
remember what you deserve
forget him every day
every morning when you wake up
and your brain wants to bring him up
remember the nights you spent
crying on your bed
remember your best friend
cursing his name
remember your mother
cursing herself for not stopping you
remember your brother
cursing himself for not protecting you
remember the days at the hospital
the pills, the drops, the shots
remember what is best for you
he is not best for you
remember that
and forget him
every year
every month
every week
every day
every second
if that's what it takes

Every I love you I said 

sounded a little more

like a goodbye

but it was only because

your heart is a restless ocean 

and I never was good
with learning 
the tide cycles

Ring around the rosy
Pockets full of posies
Ashes, ashes
We all fall down

Ring around the rosy
Pockets full of posies
Ashes, ashes
My pants go down

My pants go down
And I am pushed against a tree
No one is around
It's only you and me

It's only you and me
And I can't find my voice
I struggle to get free
But I am only a little girl

I am only a little girl
In a white little dress
Your hungry eyes watch me twirl
Your hungry eyes my body undress

Your hungry eyes my body undress
Until your hands are on me
I am afraid to confess
These crimes committed to me

These crimes committed to me
In the dark and in the light
But how can it be
That I still see your face at night

I still see your face at night
As I pass through the hidden alley
I try to run at the speed of light
Those places are my death valley

Those places are my death valley
Gravestone of memories
Of pain I cannot describe verbally
Of times I was in misery

Of times I was in misery
That would follow me for years
I'm not asking for sympathy
Just for you to understand my tears

The tears of a little girl
Whose eyes were bright brown
Innocence white as a pearl
Before you tore her gown

Before you tore her gown
When they trusted you
When no one was around
When I trusted you, too

You caused me to hate
Every place that I loved
To be home as early at eight
Even to fear the darkness I loved

You are the fear in my eyes
When a man stares too long
You are all of the guys
I am afraid to let tag along

You are the shudders
When they touch me
You are the years
Spent in therapy

You are the crack
In my voice
You are the solitude
In which I rejoice

I am no longer a little girl
And now I can speak
My lips I let curl
Into a smile, though it is weak

I am no longer weak
I have learned to ****
It is because of you
I have mastered this skill

I will skin
Any man who dares touch
Who dares put anything in
Any little girl or such

I no longer fear you
It is you who will learn to fear me
For, believe me, I am through
Letting pigs like you run free

To the little girls out there
I solemnly swear
To protect your life
With tooth, nail and knife

You made my scars
Bloom into flowers
But soon your affections
Grew sour
You breathed out your love
Through late night phone calls
Quiet whispers
Willing me to fall
That you'd be there
Through it all
But is it love
If your actions left me
Breathlessly broken
Begging to be set free?
Is it love
When you painted
Purple bruises on my heart
And slowly, but surely
Tore me apart?
2 years down
Your games continue
And I'm still around
My skin is thicker
Than when we met
My heart is wiser
And that is why
I took the decision
To finally say goodbye

She is
     sunshine
        shattering
         shadows
      shunning
      fears in
         my
    heart

He hides a small birthmark that has the shape of a whale on his upper thigh that he treasures. I think that's why he's always loved the ocean.

2. He is like winter: cold and distant for a while but then slowly melts away. He'll be silent for days, but don't worry...he will come back in time.

3. He'll say "I miss you" in the dead of night, in the cold of winter, in the break of dawn or in the heat of the summer. He will drop it like a bomb and it'll shatter your bones but remember he's not yours  to hold forever.

4. He will want you to hug him and he will want it so bad that he will ask you to do it. Please don't ever turn this opportunity down, you will never want to know the pain of not feeling his warmth.

5. His love will feel like a forest fire but it'll leave trails of ash when it's gone. Learn to deal with the burn as you enjoy the heat.

6. You will swim oceans for him and reach for the moon but sometimes even that will not be enough.

I drank 4 shots yesterday
Every single one
"in the name of those we lost in love"
Feeling the burn
Down my throat
Tasting your last
Goodbye
And watching it infect
The blood in my veins
I felt the dizziness of
Being lost
The kind you feel when
You've just lost a friend
Or the one you'd fall asleep next to
Or both
I felt the nausea rise up
Like a roaring sea
With the memories we once had
As I stumbled down
To touch the ground
That for once felt like home
Trying to rid myself
Of the thoughts of you
Swimming in my mind
Sober or drunk
It's always you that
My heart remembers

Dulce soledad
Estás donde estoy
Me acompañarás donde iré
Me persigues donde voy
No hay forma que me escaparé
Mi fiel compañera
Mi eterno enamorado
Mi peor pesadilla

Amada soledad
Por ti vivo en terror
El desespero es grande
Me ahorcas, mi amor
Tu hermoso dolor
Me encanta sentir
Pero en tu intoxicación
Ya no puedo vivir

If you look in the corners
Of my heart
You'll find One
One was the first to plant
The small seed of love
In my young heart
From it flourished a red rose
He found it so beautiful
He decided to rip the petals off
Once he held them in his hands
He decided to go find another rose
One was the first
I wanted him to be the last
He was there in the past
He will be there in the future

Two
Was the second to arrive
He found the red rose
And saw that it was dry
His eyes were oceans
And he drowned the Rose in them
He was not satisfied with having
Only one Rose
He found someone else
To be his last
I opened the door for him to leave
So he wrote his name in the past

Three
Was the Christopher Columbus
Of the oceans of my heart
Three rediscovered the dying rose
And nurtured it
til the petals grew back
He wanted to erase the past
So he painted the petals white
And said it represented innocence
He adored the Rose
And admired its' beauty
He sang songs for it
Believing it would
Grow more beautiful
2 months too late
He realized it never would
He loved the idea of the Rose
Not the reality of caring for it
So he ripped it out from the roots
And wrecked it with his hands
He left empty handed
And left me empty hearted
Three was the third
I still dream about him
Being the last
I wish he wasn't
Stuck in the past

Four
Was a gardener
He knew his way around flowers
And had with him many dying roses
I should have known
He planted a rose bush
Fed it love poems and pretty songs
His voice was the only water
The roses would ever need
Once they had bloomed
He ripped them out
And went on his way
Onto some other heart
He was never truly mine
I had always been his
He won't be my last
He left too many scars
I put him in my past

You'll always be my soulmate
you'll always have
a part of my heart
and that scares me
but science says
that after 7 years
every cell in my body will be replaced, so maybe in 7 years
I will be a new person
and you will be someone else
and I will no longer love you
with the undying love that I do

I love him so
   It's killing me though

You were a hell of a swimmer
But my sadness was an ocean
That took you by surprise
I wrote you messages
On sea shells
On day by the shore
"I think I'll love you forever"
"I'm sorry it happened this way"
"I miss you"
I think a part of me wished
The waters would swallow the feeling
You were a hell a swimmer
But my sadness was an ocean
And our loved drowned in it
I'm sorry it happened this way

I don’t regret meeting him because through him I met a lot of nice people and I don’t blame him for how I am and I still don’t know why we went through what we went through and I’m learning to be okay with that but it’s taking me time, like before I would dream of him and I’d wake up with an anxiety attack and I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t love him when I was with him, but later on it grew on me. But I’m slowly growing out of it. I don’t have panic attacks when I think of him anymore and my hands still get cold when I go to places where we use to go but I think I’m understanding what I’m worth more than anything. I read a quote one time that said “you can be with someone 2 years and
Feel nothing and you can be with someone for 2 months and feel everything” and I think that’s what happened so that’s why it’s taking me so long.

You were the one
I wanted most to stay
You were the one
That got away

You were the one
I wanted most to stay
I'm sorry that I
Drove you away