I put a smile on
till I faked it true.
In a world of weeds,
I’m a flower
with sun in my leaves,
rays of joy to give away,
I have abundance.
My stalk has grown thick
fed on the peace of rain,
warmth of sun,
and freedom of air.
I have grown strong.

There’s a heat in my bones,
a driving force within. My soul
is relentless, untethered by the music
Bodies clash and the lights flash,
disorienting.
The bitter bite of ***** scorches
my throat.
I see your face in the crowd, then
step left and you are gone,
an illusion of my heart and mind,
accelerated by the night.
Step right,
into regret and fatigue.
The heaviness in my legs,
my heart. The music rushes,
picks me up,
Spin once and I remember,
this is the time to be free.

His touch, forced and hungry,
still echoes on my skin.
I’d hoped to tattoo that space
with your name,
your warmth to drive away the pain
and claim my skin again.
But now I’m left to stare
at the empty space
where the traces of his name
sit on top of yours.

There are three freckles on my bottom lip,
cute spots of originality,
tiny, almost nonexistent.
I wanted you to notice them,
to look closely at me, see me uncloaked.
A scar rings my wrist,
a token of love from a too enthusiastic dog,
did your lips ever find it?
A ragged line splits my knee in two,
screaming a story, one of laughter and life,
your fingers never paused there, you don’t know that scar.
Tattoos yes, you’ve familiarized yourself,
Bold and black, splotches of scattered color,
you’ve seen them all.
My skin maps experience, moments of light and sorrow
the key lies in my mind, my eyes, my smile.
It’s not a puzzle fit for all,
but here I am, words on my lips and love in my mind

you brought the sticks and i packed the flint.
we lit the fire,
stood by and watched it burn.
The smoke curled over our heads,
but we didn’t choke,
too in love to see it
burn away the freshness, leave its
dark ash on the green roots.
my lungs were clear,
eyes still bright.
your hand was warm in mine
as we stared up at the night.
it was beautiful until
we were drawn back to earth.
We brought the fire
then didn’t understand when the
world burned down
around us.

Sponge away dark thoughts,
stow them behind ***** dishes,
hidden from guests
Dark thoughts aren’t for pretty girls,
with easy lives and paved roads
to success.
Depression is unbecoming,
lacking in fashion,
and difficult to match.
Bring in spring colors to brighten the mood,
a new palette to lighten thoughts
long gone grim.
A quick coat of color,
a patched-up job to stave off suspicion
that things have gone wrong.
Depression isn’t a thing
happy girls have,
so flash a quick smile
and pass along the mantra,
“I’m fine”

I’ve eaten all of the sweets here
to help me forget that you’re not near.
My cup’s never empty these days,
block you out in all of the ways.
I’ve torn up my favorite letter,
shred your love to make it better,
but the tears still come down for me,
while you walk away from me free.

You’re gone, I’m unsure once more.
From when you walked out that door,
I started doing dumb ****,
to stop from wanting you more.

I’ve taken our old life apart,
torn it up just like my poor heart.
I’ll burn all of your clothes so nice,
you won’t care, your heart’s made of ice.
I need new sheets without your smell,
I miss you more than you can tell.
You’re online doing so **** fine,
the world knows you’re no longer mine.

You’re gone, I’m unsure once more.
From when you walked out that door,
I started doing dumb ****,
to stop from wanting you more.
You’ve robbed my heart of its love,
my heart cries, a mourning dove.
Alone now without your sharp eyes,
to watch over me, tall and wise.

I’ll tip over your full trash can,
making a mess is my main plan.
If you want to leave me, that’s fine,
I realize now you’re not divine.

You’re gone, I’m unsure once more.
From when you walked out that door,
I started doing dumb ****,
to stop from wanting you more.

Sometimes I feel poetic
when I’m really just in pain.
I write to get it out,
like a soothing fall of rain.
My words have been my safety
a way to keep things clear
to work through dark emotions
and drive away the fear.
Here is where I’m safe
where I can move through it all
and that’s how I make progress
no matter how small.

It started with a hint upon the air,
the telltale heaviness of anticipation.
A few brave drops fall,
testing their reception on this earth.
Then the drops fall in earnest,
surging down on she who is uncloaked,
embracing the coolness on her skin,
each drop a sweet lingering kiss.
The thunder roars, both terrifying and exhilarating.
The lighting flashes, the wind picks up,
tangling her hair with earnest.
Yet still she stands, embolden by the chaos,
finding peace and comfort in it all.
Your love is a summer storm,
earth-shattering,
deafening,
irresistibly beautiful.

simplicity of mind seems so sweet
the ideal diet,
but I can’t help but cheat.
Gorge on anger and sip at pain,
ignore the guilt and stuff my face.
tomorrow is new,
a fresh start of hope and peace,
perfect portions to keep me pure,
though my mind dreams of more,
fingers curled in
to resist.

I said I love you,
you, I love you more.
But what you don’t get is that there’s
nothing more
than loving the one that you adore,
even as they tease their skin with the
sharp points of a blade.
I will always love you more,
more than reason, more than is safe.
You’ve captured my heart, soul, mind
and I could never walk out that door,
no matter how many
tracks cross your skin,
no matter how many broken promises
of newfound strength float into the air.
I love you more.

Without the sun
the flower fails to bloom,
curled in with her sadness and gloom.
With no flowers out
the sun fails to rise,
to spread his rays across the sky
and bring his warmth and cheer,
Two beings on different times
leading to each of their demise,
stars lined up solemnly
as the moon bears witness
to this tragedy.

Stand underneath falling leaves,
timid rain,
let the breezes brush my face
again
to cool off the thoughts
of you.

I thought him the sun,
warm to the touch,
a fiery force of strength
shining brighter than anyone.

I realize now he was a mirror,
a reflection of me,
the glint of sun on water,
beautiful bursts of color,
a rainbow, grown from
rain and pain,
sun and fun.
I am the one shining true
breaking up the sky,
slicing through the blue,
with all of the colors
in my soul,
glowing from the center out
to welcome the world
and set me free.

The familiar whirlwind of emotion rises up again,
a never-ending cycle of heavy, dark clothes,
a few light delicates throw in, barely visible  
and fading
     fast.
This weekly ritual, the pauses, the tone,
memorized down to the digit.
I grow weary, carrying out the motions and
Dreaming of the end, hanging it all out to dry
to be embraced by the ever-welcoming sun and its
loving, warm rays.

The empty locket of my heart
Beats useless in my chest.
the gold has faded,
weathered by time and trial.
I could pawn it,
sell it to the highest bidder with
a sickly sweet smile
and the empty promise of tomorrow.
Still I trace it,
mind full of fanciful dreams
of far-off places and a
partner-in-crime.
A romantic at heart
beaten down by hardships of time,
place a ribbon on me now,
blue to match my eyes,
and I’m good as new.

We’re twins, you and I.
Matching lines and hurting hearts,
the overwhelming waves that crash down on me,
thundering in my ears and making white noise.
My lines are black, just like my words
scribbled, forceful, and raw.
Yours are red,
vibrant and striking against your pale skin.
Your thoughts are just as red, just as intense,
vulnerable.
Our hearts are one piece, fitted together,
we are twins now,
You and I.

There should be a word,
for when you read poetry,
or when you write it,
and the feeling that follows,
or leads.
Sadness tinged with longing,
shot through with love,
trailing fatigue, and
overhung with a rawness of true
emotion,
I want a word for that.

I grew up with trees,
The orchard filled with light and the soft breeze
which came by daily
My trees had strong roots, unfurled deep into the soil,
rooted in humanity and beautiful for it.
I loved my trees, strong as they were,
a guide to a girl lost in the night.
My trees.
Then they came for my trees, when I was away
Tore at their bark and lashed at their roots,
peeling away the moss.
My trees, the branches of hope given to me,
the support and shade, dependably there.
Hurt, but not broken,
my trees do grow tall,
healing as the seasons go.
The scars still remain, etched deep and cruel.
My trees fight
Push away with sharp branches and unforgiving bark,
resisting the rough whispers of the night,
the ugly grabbing hands, the yielded axes, biting words
unjustified, entranced by our bursts of bloom,
our heavenly perfume. Why must we fight them off?

Hope has the sweetest taste,
the drug you’ll **** for,
it seeps into your veins.
Euphoria, promise, it has many names,
with its potent kiss and surge of power,
you’ll want to take on the world,
ride that high until the end.
Bold and unwavering you go,
until the trip ends
and you’re brought back down,
what reality will you find there?

I won’t get your name tattooed on me,
just in case

I want to cauterize my feelings,
walk on broken glass un-pained,
at least that would stop me from calling out
your name.

Kiss my insecurity,
erase the doubt beneath.
Hug me close, chase away the chill of fear.
Murmur words of comfort,
the rhythm of your voice will carry me away.

I’m feeling dangerous tonight
fire in my eyes, and you know you’ll
have to fight,
or fall down before me.

I won’t lose any sleep
over the people I can’t keep.
No tossing through the night,
staying up till the morning light.
Instead, my hair lays in a halo,
I’m not waiting for your say so,
a tangle-free bundle of peace,
a joy that may never cease,
I breathe easy now alone,
a queen upon my own throne.

What is wrong with you?
Hold this little book close,
the best of friends
and you’ll know why I’ll reach
         the breaking point

sometimes i wonder how my poetry would sound coming off
your lips.
you’d pair it with the strum of a guitar,
slung low, like your voice.
i want your mouth to hold each word close,
tongue tracing the emotion,
and releasing it all to the world.

Kiss me with your iron lips,
cold, unyielding, rigid as your mind.
Your smoke curls down,
caresses my hips.
I smell of rain and trees
and fragrant flowers,
but when we join,
your scent is all that matters.
Harsh, coppery, it weighs on
my tongue,
harassing my senses,
and pushing me down.
We move together,
a torrid of steps,
I try to be flexible,
sway around your form.
You’re stubborn,
push me away,
make me bend to you.
I shed tears,
rivers deep enough for fish.
My cries are that of an eagle,
an owl, a hawk,
--take your pick.
Hands shaking,
broken trees never replaced.
My world is dying,
stuck under
your heavy boot,
one of rubber,
the dominance of men,
of industry and
selfish civilization
which grind away at me until
I am hurt,
beyond repair.
I am nature and you are man.

I climbed high for restoration,
for the rebirth of emotions,
for the cleansing of my soul
amid the chirp of birds,
the hum of water,
the freshness of the air.
I climbed high for strength,
to find myself again,
a me without you.
I climbed high for relief
from the smiles of the everyday,
I climbed high for me,
but still,
I thought of you.

my soul is branded,
your name etched in.
The iron cools in the corner,
name partially fading.
I’m no blacksmith,
but I know better than to
let the iron cool before our business
is finished.

You show up in my dreams,
walk through them with ease,
and I fall in love all over again.

Sing to me our song again,
promise and love in the refrain,
the melody speaks of memories,
laughing, tears, sunshine, rain.
Chords clamor to be heard,
the strong undertones to carry us through.
Sing to me from across the ocean,
sing until your lungs hurt, your throat burns,
sing until I hear,
your love.

I didn’t know stubborn until I saw it
in the lines of my face,
reflected in the mirror.
The dark smudges under my eyes
boast of restless nights spent
chasing you,
always waking before the moment when
our hands touch.

My experience doesn’t matter,
it’s cookie cutter, the typical growing-up story.
Fending off boys and snapping bra straps,
Pushing off voices pressing in,
a pair of earmuffs I can’t peel away.
My eyes know to dart around,
To look behind that bush, find the most direct, most lit path
The casual-not-so-accidental grab at parties,
too strong arms reaching for a hug that I can’t break out of,
crushing me in, sweat and too much cologne muffling my breaths
and then, thankfully they come, my friends swoop in,
fierce warriors, my sworn protectors.
I find safety in their arms.
We are bonded by shared experience,
multiplying daily in number.
Stand up, brush off your jeans, and put your hands to work,
find your voice.
I am not unique in my experience.
Those strong arms dripping sweat and cologne will reach for someone else,
a lesson must be learned and we will teach them
Put our voices proud, project them to the sky,
let them fall as comets, spreading fire,
and bringing us warmth and light

with promises of forever,
I touched the love locks,
lit up by city sights and ocean views,
metal hearts hung, with faded names.
I touched the locks to bring some luck,
touched them with the promise of us.
That lock long since broken,
falls pathetic to the ground,
empty promises spill forth,
but no one is around
to see it fall.
I looked for love and found it lacking,
and you left, got to packing,
leaving broken metal on the ground,
the last mark of love,
of us,
underneath the bridge of locks,
forgotten tributes of love.

it’s a blatant lie,
deception in the smoothness of its texture,
empty of flavor,
a “substitute” for chocolate,
though it doesn’t come close.
It’s the cake of choice for romantics,
the red of passion
encased in sweetness.
red and white,
passion and purity,
a walking contradiction,
done up with sprinkles.

I write as if my heart still lies heavy within;
the words pour as the music flows and I fall
into the sense of calm it brings me. The fresh
way I see the world after; the beauty of each
moment, the murmuring of my fellow souls,
as our words rise up to the stars above,
safe in this world of anonymity.

I write as if my heart still lies heavy within;
but I have not held it for some time.
It’s been ripped and shared. Each little letter
a piece of my heart and soul.

I write as if my heart still lies heavy within;
it’s too scattered now for me to see,
But you,
    you hold the largest piece of all.

I place the unpolished prose
on blank paper again.
Normally I’d suit it up,
ready it for the debut,
replay it in my head
to find the words,
perfect in their row,
but these days I’m all out
and this is what I have to show.

“professional editing” sounds so pretentious, I know
I’ve heard the jokes before, you aren’t my latest comedian
few would call me pretentious,
weird maybe, goofy probably, energetic definitely
my major is a map to my life,
everything makes more sense to me when it’s written down
“English major” is too broad of a window,
I need the tight tunnel of editing to get me to the end,
to lead me to the light.

I am heartless,
watch my hips sway, calling you closer,
upturned eyes blue seas that can pull you in
then turn to gray storms.
Drown in my warmth, my embrace.
Let my siren’s voice beckon you
closer to the waterfall,
let you crash among the rocks and spray
as you fall in love
with me.

the gauntlet is thrown down, eyes focused on the field
the weight of expectation hangs,
my mind begins to reel
Your hesitation is palpable
Muscles tensed, nerves singing, hands shaking
will you take the chance and fight,
rage against the dark above,
the one that lays on your mind,
extinguishing the light?
your decision, our future, all intertwined
and all I can do is sit and wait and slowly lose my mind

You steal from me,
laughter from my throat,
the smile in my eyes
you’ve stolen memories
I can’t escape the irony,
gentle rain falling,
replacing tears I could have wept
but you’ve stolen them all away
all shed for you until
I had nothing left,
my eyes dry and destitute
The silence is heavy, shrouding my ears,
settling on my shoulders
I have nothing left to give,
you’ve taken it all
over-hungry, overreaching
the scraps you yanked from the table and devoured
I have nothing left to give, no warmth or love
My heart is wrung dry, hung outside,
battered by the unwavering elements
You’d think the rain would replenish it, lend me strength
but instead I sit on the ledge
with only lingering thoughts of you to keep me warm.