I try to resist.
I'm not giving in to the temptation
Of going back to you again.

You're standing there
Arms seemingly open
Warm smile on your face.

But I know I can't.
I'll come off as clingy, needy,
Desperate.

So I repeat to myself
In the head,
"You can live without him."

Why am I doing this?
Because I know
You'll take my heart
And throw it forcefully onto the ground,
Making it shatter
Into a thousand pieces
Irreparably broken.

Satisfied smirk on my face,
I revel
In your misery.

There are times
Like now
When I don't feel like
Spinning poems
Extracted from my
Many thoughts.

Instead
I let my thoughts
Roam free
In my mind.
Of love, of life,
Of heartbreak, of hatred,
They stay as sentence fragments
I repeat to myself
Over and over
Until
They're ready
To be
Written.

I have no secrets
For success.
Only that
Of destruction.

Usually I'm fine
With me not being nice to others
And others not being nice to me
In return.
That's okay.
I don't mind
Living a life
Separate from everyone else.  

But then I see people
Being nice to others
And I think
"Why doesn't anyone do this
To me?"

So I end up feeling
Like an unwanted *******.

Does it make us
Shallow
To read Divergent, Hunger Games
Or The Mortal Instruments?

Does it make us
Shallow
To listen to the latest pop hits,
Whatever's on the radio?

Does it make us
Shallow
To drink Starbucks or Koi,
And post pictures of it?

Does it make us
Shallow
To wear dresses, heels
And girly accessories?

Because I don't think it being shallow means liking popular things.

Her heart shattered
From all the hatred built up
Inside.

It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember, it hurts.

I'm so sorry.

For avoiding you,
Ignoring you.

Feeling jealous
When you talk to other girls.
Yet not bothering
To make the first move.

When I do,
I'm sorry
If I appear clingy.

I'm not good enough for you.

But I wonder,

Does all this matter to you?

Sorry, for disturbing you.

I used to look
At the world
With rose-tinted glasses.
To me,
Everything was beautiful
And innocent, pure
How could anything
Be evil?

But the same world
I admired
With eyes open wide
In awe
Was very cruel.
It splattered blood
And sprayed black paint
Onto my twisted lenses
And the beautiful
Sunset shade of pink
Was covered with
Such horror.

I never saw anything
The same way again.

But I still haven't lost hope.
I continue
Trying my best
To look out these tainted glasses
Hoping that maybe
I'll find someone
Who's willing
To clean the lenses.

The world through her eyes
Was full of objects, events
Half of which she'd never care about
And the other half
Would never care about her.

The world through her eyes was
Monochrome, black and white.
Everyday the same painful,
Torturous routine called life.

The world through her eyes
Was colourful, too.
Filled with a rainbow of personalities and characters
She would never become.

The world through her emerald green eyes.

Everything was beautiful, fascinating,
Other than herself.

Dull eyes
Dark under-eye rings
Dazed look.

She was tired,
But sleep,
Not even a weekend's worth of it,
Could cure her tiredness.

For she felt hopeless,
Driven to desperation.

The world is
Filled to the brim
With
Contradicting information.

Targets shifted,
Arrows fell.
Strings are broken,
Hopes are dashed.
People lead,
They're admired.
We see,
We try.
We fail,
We cry,
We hide.
Tables are turning,
Worlds are changing.
Everything is tumbling down.
Or
Are lies now easier to tell?

Escaping from the cage
That's kept her in so long
She tiptoes cautiously
Feet on the ground
After what seems like forever.

Getting used to it
She starts running
Stiff, creaking joints
Oiled by the fresh air, in a way.
Dancing, prancing,
Flowing gracefully
Like the wind.

She starts
Flying
Free.

I want someone
Who can read my eyes
And communicate with them
So that we can share jokes
From across the room
Or alert each other
During emergencies.

I want someone
Who can differentiate my smiles.
Real ones, fake ones
So that even when everyone else
Is fooled,
You won't be.

I need someone
Who can understand
That I'm a complicated,
Contradictory person.
That I may blow hot and cold
But in the end
I'll still love you.

Maybe one day,
Sometime soon,
I'll be brave enough
To send it to you.
For now,
I'll leave it unsent.

She would
Carefully apply her makeup
Everyday.
Do her best to look good.

People would say she was vain.

But the truth was,
She wasn't.

Neither was she trying to
Be pretty and popular.
Neither was she trying
To attract the jocks.

She wanted
To be noticed
By the loner, the nerd,
Whose face
Was buried in his books.

She would
Build walls around herself,
A thousand feet tall.
"Don't trust,
Don't let anyone near,"
She told herself.

But sometimes
She would soften up.
Tear down the walls
And let others in.  

Only to be left,
To be betrayed.
So she would construct them again,
But destroy it soon after.

It was a cycle,
Building walls and then tearing them down,
Over and over again.

We're spinning webs of
Pretentious words
With poison-laced thread.

Sure,
We don't go into gang fights,
Or drink, do drugs or have ***.
We're the cream of the crop,
Or so they say.

But what's the use of
Intelligent minds
When they're not used?
We waste our life away
(By our parent's standards, anyway)
Doodling in class,
Blasting music, writing poems
Rushing work at the last minute
Study only when we really,
Really need to
(While secretly surfing the net
On our phones, of course.)

We steal money,
Sneak out in the afternoon
Go shopping
To satisfy our miscellaneous whims.
Gossip about the other girls,
Calling them stupid, ******, *****.
Complain about the teachers,
And high-five each other,
Wishing good luck in
Scraping past for exams.

We spill our sorrows
About overbearing parents
About the **** in life
With that angry glint
In our eyes.

How ironic.
I'm the kind of kid
My parents warn me about.

The most mysterious letter
Out of the 26 in the alphabet.

Students rack their brains
To find the value of x in math,
Pirates hunt viciously
For that treasure,
At the place marked "X".

It's such an
Enchanting
Enigmatic
Letter.

A twinkle in its eye,
Playful smirk on it's face,
Never to be found.

I guess
I could liken you
To the letter X.

You

Whose thoughts
I yearned to know back then.

Whose prolonged gaze
Would make me blush, in those days.

You

Whom I never got to say goodbye to.

You

Whose path
I hope to cross again, one day.

I may have moved on,
But I'll never forget you.

Your name
Resides in the crevices of my mind
Like the lyrics
To an old favourite song.
It's sweet, familiar,
And brings back memories.
I'll always enjoy humming its tune,
And smiling a wistful smile
Whenever it plays on the radio.

But just like an old song,
It has been replaced
By the upbeat dance music
I listen to now.
There are some words
I don't quite remember,
Some notes I can't hit anymore.

Most of all,
It lost the passion
I once got lost in.

You scream.

You yell.

You pretend to disappear,
In the hopes someone will notice.

Starving, craving for attention.

No one cares.

But then,

All they have to do is whisper,

And all heads turn.

Fearing
Judgement
Criticism
Mockery,

She zipped her mouth,
Sewn it shut,
And never did she
Utter a word again.