I would like to paint my life with your love
So that everything looks as beautiful
I want to delve into a pool of your scent
To find the origin of the wonderful intoxication
I need the passion you demonstrate to me
Be injected and course through my veins
So I can boast that your fire burns within me
Allow for your smile to reside in my visual cortex
That way, your happiness is all I will ever see
I desire for you to become the essence of faith
So I can say I am fully inspired by you
Enlighten and extricate this encaged heart
Just like the day liberates us from darkness
I will keep your presence in my chest
And say you are the ***** that keeps me alive
With every beat and every pump
I gain more will to live and to love

Actions speak louder than words
You’re 80 miles away
And all I have is your absence
Speaking volumes over my love

I was so in love with love
That I stopped loving myself
And refused to see you
For who you really are
Vile, arrogant and manipulative
But all I wanted to see in you was
Love, confidence and intelligence
I was wrong but I will learn

I feel a pain in my stomach in the form of you
And hear the rumbling of our future memories
I want to expel you from the void inside of me
And wish to see the beauty of us becoming
I taste the longing of you upon my tongue
And feel the growling of my ***** anticipating it

I am an island
Like Alcatraz
Abandoned and haunted
People rarely visit
No one ever stays
My conditions are changing
I thrive life and beauty
No longer just to survive
I am an island
Maybe someone will visit
Maybe even stay

I try to remember how the trail looked the day we took the long way up Griffith Park
But I can't and it hurts
I try to remember the movie we watched every Thursday night and why it was so intriguing
But I can't and it hurts
I try to remember how the apartment looked when you began packing
But I can't and it hurts
I try to remember the design of the door that I focused on for hours after you left
But I can't and it hurts
It hurts
Because all I can remember is the smile that caressed your lips after you whispered 'I love you'
But that hurts too
Because all I can remember is the journey of the lines etched on the palms of your hands in the dark
But that hurts too
Because all I can remember is the exact shade of your eyes as the tears streamed mercilessly down your cheeks before you closed the door
But that hurts too
I fall back in my seat and try to regret all the things I missed in this world while I stared at you
But I can't and that hurts the most

I am the queen of what ifs
Sitting on a throne of could've beens

My fears are my loyal subjects
Escorting my dreams to the gallows

My ambitions are now prisoners
To my court of procrastination

I, the queen
Reign over all of this regret

I could draw parallels
Between you and nature
In your beauty and grace
But it's hurricane season
And your anger grows
Threatening to sweep through
Destroying every fragile piece
That I have glued back together
So I'll hide from you
Because I fear I won't recover
From your beautiful wrath

I'll never have the chance
To tell you that
Your favorite poem of mine
I wrote it for you

I want the sun to kiss me upon my forehead
To comfort the cold that stings inside of me
The one that overwhelms me with darkness
I want the wind to blow fresh air into my lungs
Since those are the ones to be tiring the fastest
Leaving me breathless like almost-lovers before

Enslave me for I wish not be free
Do what you wish and ravage me

Relinquish my freedom my only treasure
I'll trade it all to drown in this pleasure

I succumb to all of your fantasies
Create art from lust with our anatomies

Remember
Not all improvements that matter
Are necessarily visible
The most important start inside
A seed planted
Now rooting within us
Becoming a permanent change

You think you're too serious
Too shy
Complain about being too curious
Too sly

You say you're too independent
Too whimsical
Question why you're too impatient
Too analytical

I need you to realize and stop whining
You're the right amount of everything
With the most impeccable timing

I'm here dealing with the memory of our love every day
It feels like a pinch begging to be caressed until the pain is eased
But there is no physical area to be relieved
The ache is deep within and you left it behind when you walked away

Little inexperienced girl
Wanted to eat the world
But it swallowed her whole
It won't return her
Until she's nothing but bones

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

She often times scared away her nightly slumber  
Her thoughts grew louder and more chaotic with every tick of the clock
She let her past mistakes consume her
Rummaged internally for answers to her actions that led her here
Lying on a mattress which sat on the carpet of a rundown apartment
Alone

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

She kept eyes open all night looking and thinking and drinking
A lot of drinking to seize the thoughts that drowned her
She traveled back in her dormant state to find events she wished had happened differently Dreamt up memories where she never walked away
Or where she refrained from saying something in an outburst of anger
She was haunted by
Everything

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

Her thoughts had begun to agitate her being Transforming her mind into a whirlwind of anger and helplessness
She sat up at the edge of her mattress with the palms pressed tightly against her eyes, shaking her head in a frenzy
Her hands migrated to her hair, gathering a hand full and pulling
Eyes stung with the tears that began to surface  She took hasty steps toward her counter in search of a bottle to console her for the night
The only thing that put an end to the chaos was
Alcohol

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

I have gone on days
Stumbling down alleyways
Rummaging the ground to find
Any footprints you have left behind
To illuminate this path I've taken
And ease the pain of a love forsaken

I
I loved you whole heartedly once
Under your bedsheets under the silence
Or any place covered in darkness
Where no one could see the way
Your flesh melded into​ mine
I suffered a year drowning in grief
You lived a life never committing
We met by chance and latched on
I loved how free your memories were
How wild your plans could be
I loved the life i found in your eyes
I enjoyed the rasp in your voice
Heavy with love, heavy with lust

                          II
I loved how you helped me heal once
Never had I loved in others
The parts I loved in you
You joked that you were my first
I'll never forget your bucket list
Give birth to life, love intensely,
Save a life, kiss a ******
You said you'd name your first child
Washington, where your heart belonged
You had fond childhood memories there
I remember making similar plans
Before life made its own plans for me
My thoughts were lingering on him
We argued about that some times
Screaming with lust, screaming in anger

                          III
I didn't know how to love you once
I was full of tantalizing words
Sizzling on the tip of my tongue
Waiting to tell you how I felt
But his name was the only thing
That could escape from my lips
You'd shout and cry and break things
You said my heart was an enigmas
Full of love for things that didn't exist
Full of love for people that no longer lived
I loved him imensely, I loved you intensely

                        IV
I love how you moved on once
You deserved better than to be
Someone's ***** little secret
You were anything but that to me
I didn't want you to fight ghosts
Because of my inability to let go
It was better off that way
Your mother called me one day
Five years after you walked away
I wore your favorite color as asked
Finally met your family years too late
I'm sure you checked off every item
From your bucket list right before
Your brother handed me your baby
He weeped as he told me that
She was named after where
Your heart really belonged
She carries your love, she carries my name

I could have
          sworn we were
                             meant to be

We argued
             so perfectly
                             together

I was happy being a mountain range
Admired by those wishing to explore
One day I caught sight of quite a beauty
This mountain range made me eager
To explore peaks and run down slopes
Feel every dip and groove of rough terrain
And find my way through every cave
I want these plates beneath me to quake
So that my range can be with your range
Let me be the snow that covers you whole
To feel myself melt in your warmth
Say you'll have me and give into desire
Allow my prints on your wonderful earth
For the future explorers to envy
Maybe then my yearning for you will cease
Or maybe I'll stay exploring forever

I think about my past
In how I wanted you
I burn on the inside
To get rid of you
The flames cease
My ashes come into view
Spelling your name

Arriving in a lonely dark room
In which my misery loom
Unpacking a suitcase of doubt
No windows nor any way out
I take off the coat that protects me
It was made of your laughter and glee
Now I settle atop of this bed
Supported by things that I dread
I took the path that lead me here
For love and joy was all that I fear
I will forever live in a room full of sad
When I ran away from the good that I had

There are little worlds inside of me
Orbiting around my brain constantly
These worlds collide with eachother
Many tiny worlds exploding within me
Their remnants drape my fibers
Course within a stream of blood and ideas
Sometimes these collisions hurt
Sometimes these collisions bring joy
There are little world inside of me
They make me feel so alive
I hope they never die

I walked away from the coldest part of the world
To have the chance to live under the sun
And feel happiness for once
But when I saw you I knew
I buried a thousand suns in my chest
Held your hand in mine
Because I never thought
I’d get to hold the moon
And get to be her warmth
All I want is for you to feel this too
To have you never be alone again

Do you feel the once calm flames buried beneath your skin
Rapidly raging with the urgency of my nail?

Will the loneliness caged in the dip above your collarbone
Latch onto my lips with anticipation to be freed?

Can you sense the warmth of your love between your *****
Pulsating and growing with every movement?

To the world you're just a rose
To me you're my one and only
You weep because you don't feel loved
You ask to be held so I hold you tightly
Your thorns cause my blood to spill
I try not to think of the pain it causes
I hold tighter and you cry louder
And nothing seems to make you blossom
And this may not be worth it for me
But you still ask to be loved and held
But I do it and you can't recognize it

You're like the harmony in my sad song
Tapping my feet while my melancholy sings
I hold your name at the tip of my tongue
Savoring it like my new favorite dish
Your eyes are the ones I get lost in
Finding the peace to guide me home at last
The best thing I have ever done in my life
Was to let you to course and pulse within me
I was the bit of darkness in your bright room
But i want to be the log that feeds your fire
The one that keeps you well lit year round

My heart skips a beat at the sound of your heavenly moan
As my lips attach to the particular spot on your neck that I own

Your warm breath, tinged on my ear through our conversation
Causing in the pit of my stomach, a deep and fluterry sensation

The rhythm of our bodies set by the rise and fall of your breathing
In this moment, an immense amount of love for you I am feeling

Oh the sweet scent of your being clouded my senses as i breathe you in deep
It all felt so real, it aroused me from my sleep

The cold that seeped from reality, the warmth of my dream it broke
Regreting the moment I ever awoke

With your white silky sheets, my face I cover
Squeeze my eyes shut, in hopes that the dream I may recover
And regain the presence of the only one who will ever truly matter

If only I were lonely
Maybe then you could hold me
Never looking for forever
Let us never lay together

Your lips are the match
Engulf me with desire
This flame is our lust

You covered your lies
I covered my scars
We washed​ up on the shore
Of the land where fools
And cowards go
I know it's not home
But we're royalty here
I dig my feet in the sand
Everything hurts less now