All Day
I could stay by the window
Listening and watching
Clear gray skies
And the fall of the rain
On a Summer's day.

Like a child who drew
Rain and Clouds
On a dusty window
On a clear and sunny day.

Sometimes, I'm just like
"Is the fan even on?
I feel the vibrations of its movement
In my ears
But I don't feel it".
Does the fan even work?
Does fan even exist?

I remember when we were One,
Me and you.
Together, us, inseperable
Before it all.

Catastrophe.
War, that killed,
Emotions, people, our love.
That split us into one,
Two, three, four
All the same
We are no more.

No longer is our love,
My love.
We are individuals.
We are many.

We have lost us.
And we've lost ourselves.
Before we became
Ourselves.

"I don't know", I always say.
" Do you know ANYTHING??"
"Yes. I don't remember the sound of my mother's voice".
This is truth.

I love being free.
To be no longer bound
By the Rail is freedom.
To be slowed down no longer
By protection.

But to be free.
No longer bound by the rail.
Openly prone to harm and danger.
Is to be no longer bound
By the Rail.

I seriously think I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure I know why.
Yet it feels like I don't know.
I'm so confused.
I've left a place of joy prematurely.
(For a perfectly valid and understandable reason)
To return to a place of stress and *******.
Back to memories and the same sights.
Oh how I miss the place of wonder.
Peace. Freedom. Pure happiness.
To this place.
"Everybody says that when they leave" you may say.
"Everybody has their problems at home".
But it's deeper than that.
My problems are more legitimate than you think.
What I have to return to is nothing happy.
Nothing feels the same.
I'mstarting to see life with a different pair of eyes.
I'm so confused.
I'm not sure of anything.
Except I want to go back forever.
Or until things are better.
I know for sure
I don't want to be here.

I lost you.
(All my own fault)

You left me.
(All my own fault)

I tried to get you back.
(I failed)

I thought you would forgive me
And come back.
(You didn't).

You hate me now.
Or probably I'm simply not worth remembering.

Now I bleed.
Now I bleed.
Now I bleed...

Me, Myself and I
The Starving Boy
The Lacking Boy
The Alone Boy
The Melancholy Boy
The Misunderstood Boy
The Demented Boy
The Clueless Boy
The Intelligent Boy
The Loathed Boy
The Provoked Boy
The Ignored Boy
The Aggravated Boy
The Livid Boy
The Cowardly Boy

The Rather Miserable Epic Failure of a Boy and maybe as a human being.

"Sometimes, there are questions that I have, That bother me", She says.
Where are these questions from?
Up above,
Or All Around us?
I already know what questions they are.
Or to be more precise, the type.
They are questions,
That only others
Have the answers to.
Questions,
That will change the way I
Interact
With
You and me
You and he
She and me.
Questions
That can only be answered
Not by the Genuine answer,
But only by LIES
Meant to satisfy
The Deluded Ones.

Pain, pain.
Shame, shame.
Why can't we all be friends?
Sorrow, sorrow.
Fear, fear.
Why am I so afraid?
A people hating its own
So much hate, pain, fear.
Why?
Why can't we just be at peace?
You can never truly win.
Your negatives will always outweigh
The positives.
True happiness is nonexistent.
Why? Why?
Why can't  we reason together?
Sit and drink tea together?
Why all the schisms and hypocrisy
And hatred? Bias?
Why am I here?
What is my purpose?
What is my existence?
Do I mean anything to anyone?
What?
Why?

Trying to find my way.
Summer nights.
It is still not the same.

Is this The End?
Because if so,
I'm sorry.
That Paradise
Was Lost.





The End to all
Our Hopes
And Dreams.
The End
To all Our
Faith.
We've Lost
Heaven.
So I'm sorry.